Christmased Out/Over It.

if you've been martyring along for 30 years, why would you think it will ever change?
i've never had a christmas remotely like this. but then, i'd never live with a family dynamic like this.
khairete
S.

I think it's fine to take a year off every so often.
In fact, I'd plan a retreat away from everyone.
Just go someplace nice - even just a hotel with room service - enjoy the pool and weight room - watch what you want on cable - do no cooking or cleaning - just totally RELAX with what ever brings YOU joy - for 2 or 3 days.
Let the rest of the family create what ever THEY want for a holiday and you can stay out of it this go round.

it took you 30 years to be fed up? I would have been by 5. No excuse from a husband to ever be that lazy. Christmas traditions are family traditions. You participate or you leave.

If I were you? I would make a reservation for myself at a nice hotel for Christmas Eve. I would order a nice dinner, sleep in the next morning and enjoy a beautiful Breakfast, Then I would return home and just carry on..

If no one is interested, then you treat yourself.

I just looked up prices for Dec 24th - 26th.. in St Charles, The rates are pretty good right now.. Consider it.

wow.
30 years of anger is A LOT of anger.

I have to pick up my daughter from dance.

I also need to think on this. I will say this, right quick...your kiddos are 'done' 'baking'. IF they have not learned to be grateful at this point (and I include your spouse too)...I suspect they never will. I am thinking you have HUGE life changing choices in front of you.

Got to run! I will edit when I come back!

****ETA****

I am sorry the thought of this holiday season is getting you down. I am sorry you are feeling 'under appreciated' for ALL you do.

It is far enough in advance of x mas to make an announcement to your family that you are not going to be 'doing' x mas this year. Perhaps make a list of all of the things that YOU traditionally 'do', and let THEM sort it out...if they wish to. And then (as others have suggested) maybe book a nice spa for a day or two.

My bigger concern is with regard to what happens to most long term marriages as the kiddos get older and leave the nest...and that is that one often finds them self married to someone they no longer know. This may be the case here. IF it is, I would suggest some individual counseling for you to look at your feelings. You may want to include your hubby at some point as well.

I send ((virtual hugs))...and hope that you can find a way to find joy this holiday season.

Wait, so...you do all these things for yourself cuz, like.....no one else cares? And still you want to reserve the right to complain that...no one else cares?

Easy Peasy. Don't do it.

:)

I think your family sounds awful but then I can't help but think, these are the kids you raised, this is the man you married. It is your choice to say I am not doing anything this year and of course you have a right to feel that way.

I guess I am just feeling this vibe, one I used to get from my mom, the I do everything for you, I deserve..... She could only see what she did for us, for my dad. She could not see or appreciate anything we did do for her.

I guess I am saying their unappreciative nature for what you do for them could have been learned behavior.

No more. Tell your husband that you are taking Christmas off and you will only be giving $100 gift certificates to the kids. That's it. Have food in the frig the day before so that it's Christmas morning eating breakfast in your jammies and dinner in front of the TV.

When the kids ask why, TELL THEM. Before Christmas, if they want a tree, they get to put it up. Once they realize that mom is on hiatus, they will start thinking about why. You need to be blunt.

In a sentence.... I hate Christmas!!! I have since I was about 12.

My birthday is December 24, I can't tell you how many people over the years thought it was perfectly okay to give me one gift for both my birthday and Christmas. When I was a child I asked for only one gift for Christmas and was refused every year. The gift I wanted was a guitar and music lessons.
To answer your question:
Stop jumping oceans for people who won't even step over a puddle for you. Do nothing, no special meal, no gifts, no decorations --- nothing. See what happens. If they complain... tell them to do it themselves you are done.

I think you've heard enough about your family being ungrateful. I'm truly sorry you are in this situation. I don't understand why you have let it go on for so long. I can understand one year, but all this time? NO WAY!

I have to agree, you've taught them how to treat you. You recognize that. Now what are you going to do about it? You are not selfish. You are a martyr. You need to stop doing for your family. This is the biggest problem. You've done it for so long and not complained, that complaining this year would be a shell-shock for them.

You can simply state "I am sorry. I don't know where I went wrong. I'm not complaining. I'm simply stating facts. I've done everything for you for so long, I can't get excited or joyous for Christmas. We are changing things up this year. You (telling your children) will be responsible for putting up decorations and trimming the tree. You (pointing to your husband) will be responsible for the shopping. If there are ANY complaints about the gifts received? They will be returned or donated."

Try explaining what Christmas is all about. Yes, your kids are older. However, there's something fundamentally missing here. Get a dialog going.

There were several Christmas' that Tyler wasn't here and the boys missed him. We would Skype with him. The presents didn't mean anything to our boys. They were excited about them, but what they wanted most, was their dad home safe.

Maybe you can tell them that they need to participate if they want something done. I really like the idea of booking a hotel out of town with a spa treatment for you and leaving menus for carry out.

This barn door is already open. You're going to have a tough time closing it. Just walking out won't solve it nor will it change anything. Deal with this head on. Get it out. Get it discussed and get it fixed.

S.

D. F. Oh my goodness! It makes me so sad to hear about your 30 years experience. I too would want to drop kick my kids and hubby over the goal post...but you need a kick in the pants too.

First..please take a moment to realize you had a hand in this mess. Why would anyone even step in and do anything if you are doing it all?

You are not being selfish. You are tired. You feel unappreciated. You feel like you failed miserably in creating these little monsters. You feel no true joy amid your holiday frenzy. I get it. I would feel the same.

I would not, not do Christmas to teach them a lesson. You have been teaching them for decades how to not do Christmas because YOU do it all. Soooo, this year have a big family pow wow. Sit down and tell them that for Christmas this year, you are going to teach them HOW to do Christmas. ANd...that means that everyone plays a part.

They like the yummy family dinner. Well..they will be helping. Then ask everyone for their input about what contribution they will make. My kids are 14,12,8. They make many of the side dishes.

They like the lights on the house. Well, hubby is going to enlist the kids in helping or there are no lights. My husband gets the kids out there and it is a yearly tradition...a bonding time together.

They like gifts. Well.. this year everyone gets a specific amount of money. Then you all go to a store and they have to buy for each other.( I am talking a discount store with inexpensive things. Don't break the bank)

They like getting gifts yet complain about what they get. Then take each child out one by one. Tell them they have a specific amount and they can buy their own Christmasgifts. This will show them that a specific amount is used and what is chosen determines how many or how few gifts are bought. Then go home and you wrap their gifts and put them under the tree. Now they can't compare and complain because they picked their own gifts out and saw how much money was spent. And..you will not have to take gifts back.

They like nicely wrapped gifts. They can help wrap the gifts they buy for each other. Let them pick out some fun wrapping paper and let them have at it.

Get your family involved. You might get grumbling but stick to your guns. Let them know you are done letting them walk all over you and take you for granted. Your kids are going to become a spouse to someone else. Teach them how to participate in the holidays..and how to help in a family so they don't turn out like your husband :(

Something else that could really help is to take some Christmas cheer to others. Bake some goodies together as a family and take them to widows/widowers or families that might be struggling right now.

Go caroling in your neighborhood. Tell your kids to invite some friends over for caroling and you provide the hot cocoa after.

As for your husband. Stop with the gift buying and card buying for his family. Tell him that it is his job this year or his family receives NOTHING.

I sure hope that you have a nice holiday season this year. I wish I could kidnap you for a couple weeks so you could come enjoy the beautiful season in our home. I'd love to treat you to a delicious turkey dinner where you didn't have to lift a hand but just enjoy the peace and joy. It is such a joyous time and we look forward to it each year. We do a lot of service for others and it is a blessed time.

Please let us know how things turn out for ya! And really, I don't blame you for wanting to tell your family "Bah humbug...Mom's outta here!"

I double dog dare you to NOT: buy one gift for your ungrateful bunch, don't make a feast, don't decorate, don't bake, don't run their lazy asses around. It's time for you to, FOR ONCE, put yourself first.....go to a hotel and order room service.

Hi! May I suggest you are looking at Christmas the wrong way? Christmas isn't about all that stuff, it's about celebrating Christ's birthday. Don't get me wrong, I love the lights and the baking and the decorating, but I don't do the obligatory gift thing. Cool, fun things (no underwear!) to hubby and kids--- yes, everyone else---no.
We celebrate God's gift to us by buying gifts for others. Long before I had kids we bought toys, tons of toys and took them to our church, which had a great food program but no toys for the kids. After we had children we adopted a family and bought them gifts. We had the same family for a number of years. The first year my kids decided we had to give them food as well. As they kept piling things in the cart (at Costco) I told them if they didn't stop I wouldn't have any money for our dinner. They decided we didn't need dinner and kept shopping. We haven't had a special dinner at Christmas in years, the extra money goes into shopping for our Christmas family.
BTW, my kids are 19 and 21 now and if you ask them if they believe in Santa they will tell you yes and that they are his helpers.
Perhaps to give yourself back the joy of Christmas find a different way to spend your time and money. Adopt a family (we get ours from the woman that runs the food bank) or adopt an elderly facility. I have a friend who visits a small home (12) and then makes them all individual packages that Santa delivers. There are a million people out there who would love some attention, why not give it to them this Christmas?

Where is the joy in giving to such selfish, thoughtless, spoiled people?

I don't blame you one bit. I would just stop all of it. Make YOUR favorite meal for Christmas dinner and buy yourself something nice.

What on earth took you so long?

Ouch, I'm sorry. I feel for you. So here's what I suggest:
-only do what you want to do. Decorate very little (few things on the mantle, wreath on the front door, poinsettias flanking either side of the
front door, a C-mas sign stuck into the lawn (Dollar Store). Done.
-Next tell your kids you will buy them each 3 gifts, here's the max $ cap,
& you will NOT be running them around the next day to exchange things. The ones with licenses can drive themselves.
- don't expect much from hubby. Buy your own gift. Treat yourself to
whatever you want.
-Tell your kids NOT to complain about what they get. Period! Tell them
they get what they get, to be appreciative & not act spoiled. Remind
them Xmas is about family w/some fun & good food thrown in.
-watch some Hallmark holiday movies (they're just fun)
-treat yourself to a Christmas cocktail at a pretty & swanky place.
-Every birthday....buy yourself something!!!! You deserve it.
-Every anniversary? Just let it go. No worries. No need to buy hubby a
card or gift. Just say happy anniversary.
-Let him know he'll need to buy his parents gifts. Have a little something
stashed away to give in case he doesn't...which will most likely happen.
-Pare down, don't buy anyone a gift you don't need to buy for.
-Get a thermos of hot cocoa & drive around to look at pretty lights by
yourself.
-Invite a friend to lunch at a decent restaurant.
-Treat yourself to a massage or pedicure because honey you deserve it.
-I do all of these things for myself. Why? Because I make myself happy &
do nice things for myself sometimes.
Also, after years & years of being responsible for kids, holidays, brithdays
etc.....it can get tiring. A lot of people feel this way. Just rejuvenate yourself....the way only you know how. Best wishes to YOU for a happy
holiday!!

Wow - - you are completely under-appreciated. No one helps, no one's grateful, you buy and then take them back to return things? And no one ever gives you a gift at all?

If you can stop without hating yourself, then stop. Tell them all you are done. There are no gifts for people who don't appreciate them even when they tell you what to buy, and you have gotten nothing nothing nothing.

It's not fun. You can have a family meeting to discuss something else to do for a family holiday that everyone participates in, even if it's going to the movies and out for Chinese food.

I'm sure the 2 youngest will feel completely rejected since they will tally up that the older siblings got more gifts by virtue of being on the earth longer, and you will get pushback and attitude.

But everyone has taken advantage of you - with your completely permission and assistance. The hard part is to admit what you have doe to contribute to this - which means what you have permitted, not what you deserve. But you continued over many years to reward people who did not value your wants and wishes. So going cold turkey is going to be tough on you too - be prepared.

It's up to you to be very clear, first with yourself, and then with them.

Honestly, I'd see a counselor to figure out what you want and why you've done it this way for so many years, what need that has met in you. I think there's some soul-searching to do.

Take care of yourself.

Several years ago I seemed to stop decorating the house. The Christmas tree(s) seemed to have become too big for the room and would take up more space. The trees are now in the garage and the decorations are in a closet. This year, I will put some out on the mantel and hang a few garlands around and the wreath on the door.

We usually visit family out of time and no one is home to enjoy the decorations. There are several local organizations the we help or donate our time to so it puts a low key spin on things.

If my children complained about the items they asked for and wanted to exchange them, it would have been one time only as there would be no more gifts given; they might get a gift card and that would be it. As far as your spouse, that it another mountain to work on.

Whatever you do this year, do it for yourself. Let the others fend for themselves for a change. This might be the change that is needed to a wake up call of reality.

Seek counseling and figure out what you need to do for you to feel good about yourself. You know you are responsible for your own happiness and no one else's.

the other S.

Ditto Theresa N. They don't care, and don't appreciate it, so stop already! Buy yourself a ticket to a nice resort/spa and take off for three days.
I have two in college and one in high school and I only do what *I* actually enjoy, basically tree decorating and buying/making gifts for those I know will be thankful and appreciative. Fortunately for me that still includes my husband and kids but we don't ask a lot of each other at Christmas because we are blessed to have pretty much everything we need.
I'm sorry your children never learned the value and joy of giving, that IS sad indeed. My kids don't have much to give but there's always a little something, even just a handwritten card is precious.

I would announce to hubby and kids that now that they are older and know that really you are Santa, you are not doing it anymore. Most adults in a family get to the point where they don't buy each other presents, just the kids. And even my family is talking about doing that. We are going to try to do some kind of outreach with the kids to SHOW them what the holiday is really about. So if I were you, I would get each of your kids a card with cash or a gift card (and not a ton) and the same for hubby and that's it. Buy something fabulous for yourself. Order a meal or go out. Maybe plug in a Santa in the front yard and hang a wreath on the front door and a few decorations on the tables around the house. WHAT A RELIEF THAT WOULD BE!!! Maybe I should take my own advice...hmmmmm

Give each child their Christmas money in an envelope Christmas eve morning and let them get what they want.

Don't put out any stuff... They can if they want to (and put it away after too).

Leave menus on the table of restaurants open on Christmas. They can go.

Book yourself at a 2 day spa and bring along a copy of "Codependent No More" read from cover to cover at the resort. Buy the workbook too!

Start looking for CoDe meetings in your area (Codependents Anonymous).

If you dont take action to stop your role in this then that means you are getting a payoff from the constant martyrdom and just looking for more support to be that way.

May you find peace on your journey.

Take a deep breath and turn the page.

I'd take a vacation and skip it this year just so they can see what you put up with.

I can understand where you are coming from. I feel for you. I do, really.
However, this has gone on for 30 years and you have not put your foot down about before now?? Good luck. You've allowed this for 30 years and expect them to somehow just know and decide to step up their involvement THIS year?
Because.... ?

Maybe you should take stock of who is going to feel the worst when Christmas is over. You, or them? It sounds like to me you did all you did for you as much as them. You tried to make it special for them, because it's how YOU wanted it also.

IF you won't be miserable feeling like you are sulking, and are ok with explaining your change in habits to friends and family... then fine. Tell them you aren't doing it this year. You've had enough. This year you are going on strike. They can bake, shop, wrap, hang lights and shop for/decorate a tree... if they want to have those things. This year you just are going to sit back and relax and listen to Christmas carols and enjoy sipping hot cocoa.

Honestly, I think you'll be more miserable than they will. :/

I haven't been excited by the traditional Christmas for at least three or four years. The kids are all big, there is nothing interesting to buy them that doesn't cost a fortune, and gift-buying isn't cute like it was when they were little.

Finally, everyone is on board for doing a fun activity vs. giving gifts this year. So that's what we're doing.

And if no one ever buys you a gift? This one's easy. Don't do it.

You know, you sound kind of like my mom (who I love to death), but I don't get it. Do what makes you happy and then that's it. Don't make it miserable for everyone by complaining, but don't go overboard for people who are unappreciative. If it's been going on this long, you've allowed it.

If my kids acted that way on Christmas, they would get cash from then on out. No way would I deal with it. My husband and I talk about our expectations (not saying it always works), but often enough it works to communicate.

So tell them what you expect, tell them what you are doing, and do just that. But please don't complain about it. I say that because my mom complains about it year long and I finally told her to stop last month. I don't care if you don't want to decorate, but I don't want to hear you complain about it for a year.

30 yrs is a long time to put up with a bunch of selfish a-holes. Granted, you've had some hand in creating these monsters. Do you never advocate for yourself?

Maybe it's time to focus on what you want for a change. If you want to decorate, do it. If you don't, then don't. Same deal with present buying or baking.

If it were me, I would be planning a vacation at a spa or resort over Christmas. I think you need to do some self-reflection. Why would you put up with such atrocious behavior? Do you not like yourself? Do you not think you're a worthwhile person that deserves love and respect?

Good luck to you.

So skip it.

I stopped getting excited about holidays a long time ago, but continue to participate because it's important to my family. But if your family is a bunch of rude ingrates, screw them.

Oh my gosh, your family sounds awful (sorry to say that). They do not appreciate you and I absolutely cannot believe they do not get you gifts. AND they complain. I would be so mad. Like you, I am also tired of Christmas. My husband does help, but I do most of the work. We have SO many people in our family and no one is interested in doing a gift exchange.I am tired of buying and/or making gifts for 35 + people. It is too much. I don't enjoy the holidays anymore bc it's just so overwhelming. I am determined to keep it simple and try to not be stressed this year. As for advice - I would sit down your family and say to them exactly what you said to us. Then tell them this year you are scaling way back...perhaps one small gift each. Point out to them that they have been so rude to you for 30 years, and you are tired of doing all the work and being taken advantage of. Then spend your time over the holidays doing what makes YOU happy. Go hear live music, see the Nutcracker, do a sleigh ride, volunteer for an organization, go out for lunch and shopping with girlfriends.

Wowee. I agree with going to a nice resort and having a stress-free Christmas! Or do what the Kranks were planning and spend your Christmas on a cruise!

If you're not up for that, definitely sit them down and tell them the jobs that they have to do for Christmas, such as, 'Jane, you're to purchase and prepare the turkey and ham,' 'John, you need to prepare all the salads and buy the cousins' gifts,' 'Husband, you need to put up the lights, decorate the tree and buy the gifts for your parents and one each for the kids.' Spell out clearly what they have to do, because you are not going to do it. Also make it clear to them that in all these years you have not received a gift from them, and ask them to consider how that makes you feel.

Your children are too old to whinge about this stuff, and well old enough to contribute in a real way to Christmas. Give them a wake up call.

Also, don't bother wrapping the presents yourself - that takes so much time and effort. Have a wrapping service at the mall do it.

I'd definitely cut back. And ask for participation! In my family EVERYONE helps. If that hasn't been the requirement in your family, I'm not surprised that you've a bunch of ingrates who treat you like a doormat. You need to speak up for yourself and let your family know that you're not their housekeeper and personal shopper. Family doesn't treat one another this way.

A lot of times, I realize that stress in response to a situation is caused by the choices I've made, so I change my choices.

Sometimes, those choices involve how to deal with other people. You've been putting your all into trying to please people that can't be pleased. Your kids have taken after your husband with the lack of gratitude and rudeness.

STOP.

Do only the Christmas things that you enjoy doing, for your own pleasure. Don't put up with anyone's bullsh*t going forward. If your kids whine, you don't respond by taking them to return things, you tell them to get over themselves and stop being a brat. If your husband can't bother to lift a finger, you don't do his job for him. Send his family members a card.

You're not being selfish, you're simply getting tired of being everyone's doormat and that is a good thing. Catering to everyone for so many years is a big part of the reason your husband and kids behave this way. It is long past time to put an end to it.

I get the whole traditional holiday thing but now that your kids are older you can totally change up the holiday so that it fits what you want. First decide what you want to do and what you don't care about. Are the outside lights important to you? If they are then grab your kids when they are sitting around the house and get them outside to help put them up. If they aren't then put up a wreath or two and call it a day. Same with inside decorations. If you want them then strong arm someone into helping you when they are just sitting on the couch. If you don't care one way or the other then just put up what you want and call it a day.

As far as gifts? I usually get my kids 1 thing like jammie pants and then some money. That way they can get what they want. Since your kids are older I suggest doing the same thing or giving them a specific dollar amount to spend and let them order from amazon. If they aren't happy with something its easy to return and they can do the return since they ordered it.

For other extended family I usually just do restaurant gift cards. Who doesn't enjoy a meal out? I pick up some frames at Target and tape the gift card in the middle so it looks nice.

Every year we haul out the tree and 500000 ornaments Last year I decided no more. After Christmas I left the ornaments out and told the kids and grandkids to pick out the ones they wanted. I kept a few and threw the rest out. This year at Thanksgiving everyone will be folding origami items which will be used as ornaments on my tree this year. On new years day the tree will come down and all the origami will be up for grabs before getting thrown out. Next year's tree will be something else yet to be determined but I won't be storing ornaments any more.

So figure out what you want and let the rest go. If someone mentions it then tell them that they are free to do it if they want. Chances are they won't and life will go on.

Maybe your family just isn't as "into" Christmas as you are. If you are not enjoying the preparations, and they don't seem to be bringing joy to others, then don't bother. Do the things that bring you joy, and skip the rest. I love Christmas and everything I do to prepare is done because I want to do it. If I stop enjoying it, then I will stop doing it.

Last Christmas was a very stressful time for us. My MIL was in palliative care and we had water damage to our kitchen. I scaled back, a lot. I only baked four dozen cookies (as opposed to the sixteen dozen I would normally do). I bought a small table top artificial tree to decorate instead of our big one. We did less activities than usual. We ate dinner at a hotel buffet on Christmas day. I only sent cards to elderly relatives, everyone else got an email. We scaled back on the shopping and did more gift cards and on-line shopping. We really did the bare minimum. We still enjoyed the holiday.

I would recommend that you not put up lights if you don't want to. There is no rule saying you must have lights. If you really want lights then go out an buy a small, lighted porch tree and just plug it in. Do only the amount of decorating you want to do. What makes you happy. Don't do it for anyone else. If everyone dislikes their gifts than either buy them gift cards (wrapped with candy do they have something to open), or provide them with a gift receipt so they can do their own returns/exchanges. Tell your husband he is responsible for his own parents gifts. If you don't feel like cleaning then don't invite anyone over. If you don't want to cook a big meal then go to a restaurant to eat. Christmas is supposed to be fun. If it is not fun then you are doing it wrong!

Hi D., i see you already have lots of input so I'll keep it brief. This year has been a financial disaster for us. I'm grateful we're healthy and gainfully employed but...let me put it this way...if it was working, it broke and we had to completely replace it...like both cars for example. Anyway, I sent out an email and sat my boys down and simply explained we have to scale way back this year, my DH is jewish so we celebrate both. Everyone was completely supportive and understanding. I think I'll focus on us being together rather than gift giving and continue to count my blessings. I hope whatever you decide, you have a lovely holiday season. S.

I would take Christmas off and I would announce that to my ungrateful family.

I would tell hubby and kids that I was not decorating, shopping nor preparing a large meal this year. I am taking the holiday off. In addition, STOP running them around!!! They are old enough to get themselves to where they need to go.

I would have a private conversation with hubby. If he gets mad, so what.

It sounds like they are missing the entire reason for Christmas, and no you aren't being selfish. Tell them exactly what you have told us here, and them inform them that you'll be providing gifts and/or a meal instead for a family in need this Christmas. There are so many people that go without during the holidays that it's a complete waste to spend so much effort on people who just don't care or appreciate it.
As for the inlaws, perhaps you can donate to Toys for Tots or some other charity in their honor. If your husband doesn't like it, then he can go out shopping himself!

You are definitely NOT alone. Like you, I've be at this for 35 years. I now have three children and eight grandchildren yet I only get an xmas gift from my adult daughter. Last year hubby did get me something, but only after I told him to take GD shopping and GET ME SOMETHING!!!

I will say that none of mine ever complain about what they get. They have been taught better than that.

And don't even get me started on the decorations. Every year I do less and less - I'm trying to figure out a way to stop putting up that darned tree.

You are not being selfish by wanting to skip it; they are being selfish by not helping out and by not thinking about you and what you might want/like. If I were you and my two youngest were that age, I would skip it. I would tell them if they want to, they are welcome to decorate and shop, but you don't be doing it this year. Then give each one a gift card in the exact same amount and call it a day. They are old enough that you don't have to keep up with pretenses anymore.

Enjoy your day!!!!

That's terrible I'd say cancel Christmas and you take your hard earned money and go on a nice vacation. I think you deserve it after dealing with that for so long!!
*teach them all a lesson.

I don't know how much you are spending on everyone, but to make it "equal", give those whiners just some cash. They can't say that someone got a better gift, or more gifts that way. (You don't have to give a bunch of stuff... just tell everyone you are simplifying Christmas this year.)

I agree with everyone who said to skip it or only do the decorating that you like/want to do. I am surprised though at how many people said to give them money so they can buy whatever they want. Really? If they are so ungrateful that you get complaints instead of thank-yous when you give gifts, why they hell should you give them anything this year? Just because that's what you're "supposed" to do? That will teach them nothing.

If I were you, I would either take the whole holiday off and buy an easy meal (pizza or something else you enjoy) or take out, have my favorite movies/books ready, and relax that day and NOT buy or do a damn thing for any of the ungrateful family members. Why should you skip all of the holiday cheer but still give into the greedy gift grab with them? They don't deserve it.

OR, I would go visit relatives that DO enjoy/appreciate Christmas in the ways you do. Without my husband or kids. If they want to come too? They can book their own flights, buy their own tickets, make their own sleeping arrangements, etc. But go spend time with family or friends that enjoy the holiday and will appreciate your company and anything you provide will be met with a sincere thank you.

I would never have started buying stuff for my in laws. My husband cares about his family and so he does the shopping for them (sometimes we do it together too). But if he was the kind of guy who didn't? Well, I'm sure his family would know he's lazy and/or not into Christmas and I wouldn't do it for him. The point of a gift is that the giver does the work/thought to do/buy something nice for someone they care about. If he put zero effort into it, his name should not be anywhere on the gift/card saying it was from him. It wasn't. I wouldn't remind him to get anything for them, I wouldn't give him a list of people who needs to shop for. I'm suprised people said that. Because then you are still doing half the work for him. If it cares about getting someone a gift or card, then he can do it ALL on his own.

If there are in laws that YOU want to reconize this holiday? Buy them a gift or card from *you* if you really want to. Otherwise, I wouldn't even bother.

There's a movie on Lifetime during the Christmas holidays that's called "On Strike for Christmas". I would see if I could order it on Amazon earlier & have the whole family watch it. It pretty much describes your situation.

Take care of you for a change!

Blessings!

I'm sorry.
People treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
So stop it.
Decorate to YOUR desired level.
Bake a few goodies.
Shop to the list.
Give your husband a list of people that HE is responsible for providing gifts for. Otherwise? Cash in a card.
Walk away when your kids complain about their gifts.

I would like to advise you to to take a solo holiday vacation, but that may not be realistic.

So, focus on doing what makes YOU happy this year, focus on what beings you joy.

Christmas is a ton of work!! I hear you. You have it even harder, since your family isn't acting grateful at all. Can you start now and meet with the family to talk about the traditions that are most important to all of you. Then you can focus only on those few things. Each person can cook one item at dinner to help you....and if they refuse to help, get a catered meal or go out to eat. Everyone should help clean up after the meal. Don't listen to the complaining about gifts. If they don't like their gifts, they are old enough to return or exchange them. Not your job. Forget about the outside lights unless your family helps you. Order your gifts online and start now. Get your husband to spend some time online deciding on gifts for his family. I vote for doing as much of the work now so you can rest a little during the holidays. Mom's are people too!

The kids are old enough. Dont try to make them happy with gifts, food etc. This year, make it all about celebrating in a totally different way. Would the family enjoy if you took all the money you would spend on gifts and went to a short vacation together? Or would they whine and complain (I'm guessing whine and complain)
SO, go find an organization(soup kitchen, inner city children's center, group home....) that would love, love, love your help decorating for the holidays. Find a church or organization that will hook you up with a needy family and provide them with a food basket and gifts. You can bring so much joy to those who really need it. I think that will bring you joy this year. And if you're really lucky, your kids will notice how it makes you happy and Next yr maybe they will want to join in on making Christmas better for the less fortunate.

I am speechless. As a person who loves Christmas this makes me sad.
That being said if my family acted like that I would be done.
I agree with Laurie A. Treat yourself.
Many blessings to you

Take this Christmas off and let it be a surprise to everyone else. That's your gift to them and yourself.

I feel you pain. While my husband is exactly like yours (no gifts ever, I even have to buy for his mom or it won't happen)...my kids are not quite as ungrateful. However, they are still young. My oldest looked at my computer last year to see what he was getting (high tech peeking) and it so pissed me off. I am just not into this year for all the same reasons....so sorry you are going through this too.

You will have to get strong and decide what you will or will not do. Have a meeting and announce your boundaries and ask others to step up. For example, let them know you will cook Christmas dinner but will not decorate. Who wants to do the decorating or do they want to skip it?

Basically, you ask what is important to them and divide up the tasks. You do what is important to you and be prepared for other things not being done. Stay firm, if you say you are not going to decorate, don't do it. Someone else can do it or it won't get done. That is why it is important for you to still do what you would miss.

This gone on for so many years that you will run into resistance. Be clear and concise. A short statement the Christmas has been exhausting you and you are going to cut back on your tasks this year so you can enjoy the holiday is enough of an explanation.

Sounds like you should have a heart to heart with your husband.

I imagine telling people to give you a gift kind of ruins the moment, but maybe this is what will work.

Your story is not unique. My husband is very loving, but gift giving is not his thing.

you have to be kidding me with this. I would for sure go on strike. Sounds like they have no real interest in the holiday to actually participate in it. Nothing selfish about it, that has gone on way to long and they just take advantage of you. I wouldn't say anything and just not do anything, no decorations, no presents, excetera. If you DH catches on, he can pull it together himself.
I just can't get over the complaining about their gifts, what?!

Holidays can be overwhelming, especially when one is doing all the work.
I think it's time to sit hubby down and have a long talk, kids, too. Don't
be too hard on yourself. Or maybe it's time to stop taking care of things and I'm sure they'll notice. It looks like you have lots of answers here, I hope some will be helpful. Good luck and take a deep breathe.