Spoiled Brat

If this is new behavior for grandma, I'm thinking that something is going on with her mentally.

She doesn't sound right in the head. When was her last doctor's appointment?

Sounds like she's playing serious control games, not to mention being SUPER mean. Who calls their grandchild a spoiled brat? Usually, they DO the spoiling. :( I'm sorry this happened...I guess I wouldn't visit for awhile, or call, or go out of the way to do anything, and wait on her to turn around. Good luck... :)

That would upset me too. She is not a spoiled brat but a normal, precious, inquisitive 2 year old. I'd keep my distance and feel free to tell her why if it comes up. Your children shouldn't have to put up with those comments from their grandma. My husband's family gets angry with my 1 year old for acting like a baby. Apparently, their 1 year olds never cried. I either speak up or keep the distance. Both things seems to help curb the irrational comments. I wish you the best! Good luck!!

I absolutely HATE the term 'spoiled brat'. Especially in reference to a small child. It's mean, rude and usually not true. Kids will be kids. 2 year olds are inquisitive and get into everything. I don't know a 2 year old that doesn't act like that.

Your MIL's kids are grown, so maybe she forgets what its like to have a toddler. Whatever her reason is, that was a horribly rude thing to say about her 2 year old grandchild. I would keep my distance for a while. If she notice's your absence, then feel free to tell her why your staying away.

I'm sorry she said that about your baby. As a mother, I know, nothing gets your blood boiling like someone insulting your baby. Best of luck to you.

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This really isn't making sense. I don't understand it, but if I followed this correctly then your mother in law is a nut and why are you going there?

Does she remember having children? Sounds like a normal toddler to me. You leave something in a toddlers reach, they are going to want to play with it. You did ask her twice to please shut the door. I wouldn't go over there and personally she would have to talk to me about the spoiled brat comment before I visited her. Can you keep visits at your house in the future? The older 2 can do odd-end jobs if y'all have to but it sounds like something isn't right with that thinking. She basically invited the little girl in the room, it was going to happen.

I think your solution (hubs and 2 oldest going and you and the 2 youngest staying home) is a good solution. she has unrealistic expectations of a toddler and seems to take it personal when the little girl messed with her jewelry (like she did it on purpose).

I don't understand how a 2 year old could be called a spoiled brat. Almost all 2 year olds will get into stuff if they can. (Heck, I still get into my mom's jewelry when I go to her house, lol!) If my mother in law called my child that, (or any other name really), I would be angry and probably wouldn't visit her for awhile.

It is very annoying that your MIL wouldn't just keep the danged door shut, though it's still our job as moms to keep tabs on our kids at all times.

Hi D.,

I am sorry your MIL called your child such a horrible name! No child should ever be called names. Plus, its her fault your child played with the jewelry to begin with. If she can't follow a simple instruction to shut her own door and keep it closed, then everything else is at her own risk!!! She created the drama, let her lie in it. You didn't do anything wrong. I would however, tell her what you think. I would say that it is not ok to call your child names and she is disrespectful and rude to think that way. Tell her you won't be visiting for awhile. GL

M

Why do I get the feeling there is a hell of a lot of this story that has been left out?

Are you and your kids being paid to do work at your mother in laws?

You say she closes the door but you keep finding it open, don't you think it is possible that your child is opening it?

I guess I feel like something is missing because it doesn't sound like she wants you guys there that much. Like she is letting you come over to do odd jobs and stuff but doesn't really want you to. Like perhaps you guys need the money but they feel you all must earn it or something. I know I could be way off base and she is just a nut case. Still nothing about your story makes sense.

Okay read your what happened. Something is going on here cause that is just irrational behavior. Leaving the door a little open would be setting her up but pulling her toys in there is not. No one would blame a child for going into a room that has all her toys but would if the toys are in there, ya know?

Honestly then she may need help. When my mom was in the early stages of Altzheimers her personality was unstable. Granted she was never a fuzzy bunny so we didn't pay much attention. I remember when Gen was six her cussing her up one side and down the other calling her my name. Confused the heck out of her on so many levels. That was when my brother and I decided she would not be around any of the kids without someone supervising. My dad would just smile and shrug it off.

I would be hurt and upset, too. It isn't fair to call a small child a spoiled brat. One thing I didn't see you mention though is what you said to the two year old about it. I mean, after you found out what she did, did you take her in the room and tell her that this is Grandma's jewelery box and it is not okay to touch? I know she's little and might not get it the first couple of times, but she can't ever be expected not to touch it if no one ever tells her she shouldn't.
I'm sorry your older child heard your MIL say such a mean thing. It was sweet of you to say she was just having a bad day. I wouldn't blame you at all if you suggested visits happen in your home for a while. You could just say, "Well, we would love to see you if you would like to come over to our house. There are just too many temptations for curious little hands to find at yours!"
Good luck to you.

I personally don't think it's possible for a 2 year old to be a spoiled brat! That is a really rude thing to say, especially in earshot of an older sibling (or even not in earshot of an older sibling).

I'm not sure what I would do. I would probably for sure stop relying on MIL to close her door and would make sure to close it myself (which it sounds like you do some of the time). I would also let your MIL know that if she doesn't close the door, you can't guarantee that your child will stay out of the room. The door needs to stay closed if she doesn't want her in there.

I would probably feel inclined to not visit for a while. But my MIL is a tough one to be around. There's almost always some sort of drama with her, and I get sick of it. So, it's nice to have a break from that. We are choosing to not go around them right now (for very good reasons!).

But if you want to go, you could go and just make it super clear that if she doesn't close her door, your daughter will get in her stuff. It's too hard to be at someone else's house with a little kid, as well as having other distractions, to keep your kid out of everything at the same time.

When my MIL moved into her new house, she put a TON of books out on her bookshelves. She didn't want our kids touching them, but our son was 18 months old and the books went down to the shelves at floor level. All those books were like a dream from the 18 month old. She didn't child proof her home at all and then wanted us over all the time (at least once a week). It was stressful. I began feeling like going over there was just a constant battle to keep my kids out of their stuff...and this is fun why? My hubby told her point blank that if she wanted our kids out of her stuff for us to visit regularly, she needed to do something to make it more manageable.

Anyway, I have no idea if I helped at all, but it is a frustrating situation. I would have been hurt if she talked about my 2 yr old like that too. It proves she has a basic misunderstanding of 2 yr olds! My in laws were like that too. i could go on with many stories...I think some of it is back in the "olden days" they didn't have psychology to explain the understanding a two year old has. Now they do. But the older generation often expects strict obedience regardless of the child's mental ability.

For example, when my son was probably 21 months old, he was helping my step-FIL with the bbq. It was cute and I trusted my FIL to keep an eye on him. My FIL figured voice commands were enough to teach my son to be safe. At that age, it takes more than voice commands. You have to be ready to physically stop them. So, when my son touched the hot bbq grill and burned his hand, did my FIL take any responsibility? No. He acted like it was my son's fault and didn't even want me to hug him to comfort him (and obviously I DID hug him to comfort him). He was critical of my son and got on his case for it, but I kind of got in the way and pulled my son away so that my FIL couldn't keep being an idiot.

Good luck!

I would be hurt and frustrated by the comment.

She has forgotten that 2 year olds are 2. It would be easier if you only had to watch 1 child, but with everything going on at once and you doing things to help around the house it takes multiple pairs of eyes to keep the 2 yr old out of trouble. IF MIL keeps forgetting to close her door.

I am going to guess she thinks you should be spanking, or slapping your childs hand and yelling at your child..To prove you are not "spoiling" your child. Of course we all know that does nothing for a 2 year old except upset and confuse them..

You can either always keep the 2 year old next to you. Assign an older child to be 100% in charge of watching the 2 year old. Or maybe purchase a child proof slide hook to the top of MIL door and ask her if you can install it.

This is what we used and it worked great. Easy to install and then easy to take down.

http://www.amazon.com/Child-Proof-Deluxe-Door-Lock/dp/B00...

Whatever you decide, DO make sure your husband /her son is there to hear what is said between you, so he can stick up for you.. Maybe he can volunteer to watch your child while you do your part and then you watch your child while he does his part..

I think I would say something really. I don't allow name calling in my home so why should Grandma get away with it? I think the behavior sounds really odd too. Maybe call in a few days and ask that if she has and issue with one of your children could she please come to you and not call any of your children names at least in front of your other kids. How old is she? Is she starting to have any memory issues etc? I only say that bc things like dementia creep in surprising early sometimes and can make an older person act really odd especially if they were a bit off center anyway. Just something to think on. Take care, your two year old sounds regular to me!

ouch...if my MIL called my child a spoiled brat - I too would be hurt...

I would have a VERY FRANK and candid discussion with my MIL...and I would have my husband present when the discussion took place.

I don't ask people to baby or child proof their home when I brought my toddlers over - I told them where they could and could not go...I know 2 year olds can be a handful but it's not your MILs job to watch her...

She SHOULD be spending time with her and loving her....but that's my opinion.