Spirited Children

I do not know if I have any advice to give, but I have read this book, as I have a "spirited" child - and when she was 2 we had several issues. She is now 5 and I can say has grown out of most of her quirks. It has been a while since I read this book (and I also read several others at that time) but does this book have the sensitivity test? I found that very helpful for both her and myself (they had one for the parents to take as well). Just hang in there - all kids are different and he will hopefully outgrow some of the things that make him spirited.

Yea for spirited children! they can be frustrating and inspiring. I love that book, and yes, i have a "spirited" child. here are some great resources: google "sensory integration disorder" or "sensory processing disorder" they are two names for the same thing. Basically, issues with over or under processing sensory input. See if you think this describes your child. If so, contact your local school to have him tested by a occupational therapist. let me give you some advice on this: some areas and school districts are more accommodating than others, and many people still don't know about this disorder. A neurologist can also diagnose it, but depending on the neurologist you may again have a problem. We got lucky that our neurologist had experience with it. The point of getting a diagnosis is that when he starts school, the teacher will have to accommodate for him. Let me give you an example: my son over processes touch. everytime his class would line up to go inside after recess, he would start pushing and getting out of line. He was constantly in trouble for this. When I discovered this, the occupational therapist had a meeting with the teacher to explain that a light brush up against him is painful, so he would have to be at the front or back of every line, so he wasn't sandwiched. The same goes for circle time, or assemblies. Also, he overprocesses sound, which means he gives the same attention to all sounds, and can't filter out the important ones. Because of this, once he could read, it was required that all his instructions were written and he wears ear phones during tests so he can concentrate on the work instead of all the noises (like the light buzzing, paper rustling, etc.) This will be a great resource for you if you figure out what sensory issue she has (if any).
Another thing you should look at is media and diet. Many spirited children are hyper-sensitive to tvs and computers. Mine gets wound up after just a few minutes of tv. We completely cut out tv and saw a huge difference in his activity level. we also eliminated all artificial foods and give him a vitamin supplement and fish oil everyday. If his behavior is really becaoming a problem i would also suggest you do an elimination diet (you can email me for how to do that) to determine if a food sensitivity is causing him problems. we discovered our son has a problem woth soy, and as long as he stays away from soy, he's a completely different kid.
a discipline system that works wonders with these kiddos is "love and logic", you can get the books at the library.
over all, just love him tons. I'm grateful for my crazy kid, he has taught me so much! sorry i wrote a novel, but feel free to email me if you need anything! (even moral support)

I have never heard of the Spirited Child but I have read the Indigo Child which sounds the same. They are tons of parenting suggestions in this book. One thing to consider is your child will most likely be more successful at a Montessori School, where he is encouraged to explore. Your so blessed.

Whoa - I need to get this book! My son is definitely "spirited". He isn't loud, but he is 15-months old and still hasn't sat still for more than 30 seconds unless he was sleeping... he is r-o-w-d-y! Thanks for the info. I will definitely check it out.

Hello. I have not read the book but my three year old son is the same way he is always louder than the other children. We just got a diagnosis of PDD-NOS and now that we know this it makes a lot more sense of why brody is the way he is. He is so intense,persistentetc all the things named above. maybe saying he is a spirited child is better than using his diagnosis. you are not alone and I am sorry but I can not give you tips on how to get him to understand that there is a time and place for this behavior, we are trying to figure that out ourselfs, so if you get any good ideas i am open to hearing them. good luck

about me.
I am a SAHM to brody who is three and gabbie who is a year old. they both keep me very busy. I am married to my soul mate for 6 years.

Hi,
I read the book and I think I have a spirited daughter, but she doesn't fit the mold completely. Both of my children are very sensitive. The book helped me choose different adjectives for them and to realize that they are extra special and not to worry about it so much. I just accept them the way they are. Boys are especially always active and are not as calm as girls. Boys are louder and tend to get in trouble more than girls because of that. I am also a teacher and see this in the classroom. Your son is only three and will learn when to appropriate. Just keep showing him. You may want to read, "Raising Cain" which is about raising boys. I just read the first half which covers the first years of raising a boy.

I think every boy has a certain level of spiritedness. Make sure when your son starts school that he has a teacher that recognizes the urge for boys to move around, be loud and active. After working in public schools, I have realized that boys are just wild and boys need to get up and move around. Studies have shown that teachers who let boys move around during a lesson get %200 more retention from those boys.

Help him learn appropriate ways to express his "spiritedness" so it doesn't turn into hitting or hurting others when he is upset. If you havn't already, find a structured play group or a preschool that might get him ready for how to behave when he is in school.

Good luck! I know that teachers are learning a lot about what boys need to succeed so I am sure you will find support. Let me know what happens. ____@____.com

Oh my, you have just described my grandson. i am his primary caregiver and doesnt stop all day. he is 15 months and i fight with him to get him to take onenap a day. he is jsut always moving, always doing something busy busy all the time. from the time he hits the floor he is into everything, although he know what he cant touch he just walks and walks.we go to the park for an hour each day and he is walking or running the entire time then we get home and more walking.ihave to sit him on my lap to feed him and make himdrink water

Spirited...such a nice way of putting things. :-) I have a 4 1/2 yr old girl who definately can be discribed this way. We often use the word "determined" to explain her. I love her dearly and she is a very affectionate child (sometimes TOO affectionate), but she is exhausting sometimes. Her brain seems to go a million miles an hour and her body is often right there too. She is our 4th our of 5 children and we have found that we have to make some allowances for her that we don't with the other children. We have 3" padlocks on our fridge and main food cupboard because she loves to eat. She loves to play in the water and the mud and I let her- a lot. It seems to calm her down somewhat.
I don't think that there is one answer for spirited children- mostly just love them and help remind them of appropriate behavior. They do eventually grow out of some of those behaviors. In the past 6 months or so I have noticed a positive change in her behavior. Sorry this is so long. Good luck.

A., I can't say that I have advice, but I can certainly empathize with you! My 3 1/2 year old daughter is the same way. She is constantly on the go and just does not get "quiet". We went to a meeting last night where children were welcome, but it was still a meeting! We cope by bringing colors and paper or books because it at least holds her attention for a few minutes. However, she just sits there and TALKS about her drawing, out loud, with no regard to our shushing. Then she's up and fiddling with everything. I often feel in over my head as well. I try to keep her busy; I've found that she does best when she has activities. She goes to preschool 2 mornings a week and then the other mornings we'll try to go to playgroup or the park or shopping. Anything to get her out of the house for a little while. She doesn't take naps anymore because she refuses to sit still long enough. My one year old is the exact opposite - laid back and easygoing, content most anywhere all the time! Did the book help you? I think I bought it some years ago and never read it. :) Best of luck. If you ever want to get them together and let them run off some energy, let me know -- i just moved here and don't know a lot of people!

I haven't heard this terminology but I have heard about this child before. Another place you can look for help would be www.applest.com Cynthia Tobias uses the term strong willed child and has great incite since she herself is a strong willed. She has done all the research and gives a lay person the information. If you want to verify the studies she gives that info as well. Your child is learning through all of that exploring and activity. He seems to think outside the box which is what our world is going to need since it is changing so quickly. Your biggest job will be directing it into positive directions.

I have not read the book, but I definitely had one child like that. Of my six children, I seemed to spend half my time with him and the other half with the other five. But he is now a father of three and one of the best fathers/ husbands/ workers/ well-adjusted men I've ever known. He is extremely thoughtful and sensitive to people around him and is a joy to us now. It is worth the effort!

It sounds like your son is exactly like my son only my son is 18 months old. I totally understand how you feel about the activity level and intensity our kids seem to have. I too sometimes feel I am in over my head with him but that is when I have to remind myself that he can be this way because he is very bright. My husband was exactly like him as a child and he has been very successful in his life. His spirited personality has been a blessing. He is very intelligent, a go-getter and a very hard worker. Even though my son is younger than yours, it seems to be easier when I keep his life very structured and keep him busy. He needs plenty of opportunities to explore and examine many different things. Good luck with your spirited child, I am sure I would like to ask you advice since you are a few years ahead of me. :)

I raised three girls and had a day care. Had several "Spirited" kids. Came to the conclusion years ago that these are extremely bright kids. One has a PhD (my 2nd daughter), one is working on a BS and one is still in middle school. The dr told the mother of the youngest that he needed Ridilin, but I suggested that mom & dad get together on discipline and start challenging him mentally. I taught him to count to 20 when he was 3 (yes 3 yrs) and he could do simple addition and subtraction at the same time. He is a musical genius, has never had Ridilin, and since mom & dad started doing things the right way, he has had no behavior problems and is one of the most special children I have ever known. Good luck with yours.

Good Morning A. -

Sounds like you are raising your own "Little Einstein." Congratulations! Raising a child that is "spirited" is definately a challange. Many parents respond by punishing a child who has yet to learn how to balance their moods, emotions and intelligence. That's the answer, if you want to crush that wonderful "spirit" that is shining through.

My experience, as a Life Coach for Children & Families, is to encourage communication at the earliest age possible. Young children, up to about age 4 or 5, do not comprehend the word "no." We act based on our past experiences so to "not do something" requires us to "do it" first. You can't undo what you have never done...........is this making sense? So when we as parents tell our children to not do something, their brain tells them to do it first.

Children love to please their parents and receive attention from their parents - so when you talk with your son and you want him to tone down certain behaviors, first tell him how happy, impressed, pleased (whatever word you choose) and then tell him you would be even MORE pleased if he would alter the behavior in a certain way.

I hope this helps.

Blessings,

M. M. Ernsberger
Holistic Healthcare Practitioner

I have a spirited little girl who is 3 years old. Her pediatrician could tell she was spirited at 15 mins and actually sat my husband & I down in his office to talk~ LOL
Boy is she a handful! But on the other side of it she brings us tons of smiles & nods because she is so determined & smart! She shocks us everyday!
Patience is a virtue indeed!!!!!!!