Holiday time with family out side of Christmas splitting time with family has been difficult. My family lives in one state his in another (both within driving distance if we only go to one if we try to do both we end up in the car for hours at a time and we have a 3&4 yr old) Since I have been with my husband almost 11 years now Thanksgiving has always been a difficult subject as far as spending time and where we were going. I thought we were on a good path for switching off and then over the last few years his mom always cancels things so it throws the holiday schedule off (i.e. Easter his family Thanksgiving mine, thankfully Christmas is a non issue) So last year his dad got sick and myself and my SIL hosted for his family what his mom would have noromally done, Thanksgiving and Xmas day and then Easter she cancled 2 days prior and said she did not want to have it so we eneded up going to my sisters so we didn't just sit home. So Thanksgiving is right around the corrner and the debate is where to go, logically I though it would be my family because Easter got canceled on his side so it would be my side this year. Well he see it differently and thinks it should be his, so I suggested instead of fighting over it we simplly flip a coin this year to "restart" where we go each year. He tells me I'm being unresonable and that because his mom cancled easter (2 days prior) and we were with my family it should automatically be his. So I said if we go to your side how about even years your family odd years with mine. He is still saying I'm unreasonable???
What would you do, how do you handle these situations? Also a little back ground his mom and I have never had a very good relationship (since the time he and I started dating) she has not always been nice to me and guilt trips my husband over EVERYTHING. Also his brother and wife don't particually care if they are there for dinner and they show when they want.
I ask please no negetive or hurtful things be said I'm just trying to gain the prespective from someone outside.
I can see both side and like the flip the coin option. What I suggest is putting up a schedule, confirming it a month or two weeks before. Thanksgiving at one, Easter at the other, and Christmas at home!
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They cancelled their holiday, not you. If you hadn't gone to your sister's, it would still be your family's turn. I think you are being very reasonable with the coin flip (I would insist on my family). It should be something that is planned out for each year. If anyone wants to switch, they need to do it in a reasonable amount of time for you to truly change your plans, not 2 days notice.
I say you are being perfectly reasonable. You had planned on spending Easter with his family. It's not your fault that it was canceled at the last minute. And it's not fair to your family for planning purposes if his family switches plans without notice. I also think every other year is perfectly reasonable, makes planning for everyone easy. Not quite sure how anyone could consider that unreasonable?
I had the same problem of my in-laws not liking me. It took me 15 years to get from hate to neutral/like. I always tried to be nice and being nice took some time, but they finally turned around and now I'm my MIL's favorite SIL. Never give up being nice. Water will eventually wear away granite. (Think "Grand Canyon") AND you catch far more flies with honey than vinegar.
I would make an agreement with your husband that you go to your family on even years and his family on odd years or visa versa and if your or his family can't, or decide not to do it, then "Oh well, they didn't want their visit this year. We'll try again to see them in two years." If one family or the other decides not to have you there, I'd call the other family and ask if they want a "bonus" visit. So one family or the other could see you for three years in a row.
Good luck to you and yours.
My big thing is why can't it be about the reason we are celebrating Thanksgiving be thankful Christmas the birth of christ and so on! I have the same issues with my hubbys family and we are trying to come to an agreement of when we go to each families but I would be fine with just staying home and celebrating the real reason and not making it about we have to go here and if we don't go here we'll be in trouble and make some one mad! Ok sorry had a little vent there but no your are not being unreasonable your husband is in my opinion! I think you should do the coin thing and start fresh since your mil canceled and messed up the schedule! Good Luck
This sounds so much like my situation! We go to my family one year for Thanksgiving, hubby's family the next year and have been doing this for years. A couple years ago his parents decide to take a trip by themselves at Thanksgiving and tell us a week before, when it was the year we and his brother's family go to his parents' house. So of course we went to my parents' house, totally welcome at the last minute. The next year, my sister who lives across the country planned to come for the holiday so we could all be together as it was my parents' year. My MIL pulls a guilt trip saying we should be with hubby's family since we were with my family the year before!!! She was the one who changed things!! I stood firm and said we had planned since last year to be at my parents' house so my sister could visit. She said she understood and she would do this favor for me and my parents!! The nerve!! If she hadn't changed things on a whim, this wouldn't be an issue!! I guess I am just telling you this so you know you are not alone with this situation. There are many other similar stories I could share...I'm sure you have many too.
how bout invite everyone to your house ( his family may or may not show up)
