Spelling It Out--just for Fun Question

Oh My Goodness who hasn't done it!??

I'm all about honesty, but I don't think it's dishonest to have a private conversation about something before talking to little kids about it. If they were too old to be "spelled" in front of, you might step into another room to discuss something you don't want the kids to hear. Is that also dishonest?

Well, I also have to do it in front of my D-O-G, LOL, I really don't think it's being dishonest - what about, Honey is it time for the kids S-H-O-T-S?, it just saves a lot of work when you don't have to - saves breath explaining stuff - and I actually am scared to tell my kids they can't have a cookie!

I spell things out but just for fun. When it is bed time I will say "Little A, it is time to go to B -E-D" Then he will ask "What that mean" and I will say "It means time for bed".
I don't think there is anything wrong with spelling words in front of kids when other parents do it but its not something I do with mine unless its just for fun.

My husband and I do this. We talk a lot and not everything is for the kids to hear. Sometimes it's a surprise, sometimes we are still trying to decide if we want to do it, whatever the reason we would rather they not know.

I have a 6y, 3.5y and 20m old. My 6y knows what I am spelling most of the time, but he also understands why we spell things -- if we're planning to go to the P-A-R-K after lunch, none of us want to have our 3 year old asking "Is it time now? Can we go now? I want to leave now." On and on. Three year olds don't have a strong sense of time, they have short term memory issues and the way they "remember" things is to repeat and repeat and repeat. They have a hard time with the concept of time - and understanding waiting an hour can be excruciating for a toddler (AND all those around them!) so we just make it easier on everyone. I think it's a bit extreme to act like that's lying to our kids. I also have NO issue saying no to my kids -- I just understand brain development and why my toddler does what she does. Our 6 year old knows full well what we're saying, but he has no problem waiting and enjoys looking forward to something.

Another reason we use it is if, say, I am willing to go somewhere but I want to ask my husband first. It's one thing for me to ask, but if the kids know Mommy is willing but it's Daddy that said no... well thats kind of crappy of me to do that to him. With three kids it's not like I can pull him somewhere private every time I want to ask him something - nor do I feel I should need to. Spelling it is easy and harms no one.

Just my opinion. Doesn't bother me at all - I use it all the time. Like I said, our 6 year old (in 1st grade) understands nearly everything we say and spell, but he's old enough to understand we're discussing, trying to decide, or we're not ready for the younger kids to know yet.

Hmmm, I've never considered it being dishonest when I spell in front of my little guy. Of course I'm a mom that lets my kids believe in the Easter Bunny and Santa too so I guess you could call me dishonest. I can live with that. : )

Really? Dishonest? Wow, I must be dishonest then, because I do spell things from time to time. I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all. It isn't that I don't want annoying or uncomfortable questions about going to the park, it is the fact that I don't want to start a possible crying spell if we decide that we don't want to go. Why start that if we aren't going to go? I don't think it is wrong of me to ask my hubby if he wants to go to the P-A-R-K. If he says no, we go about our business w/o getting our little guys hopes up.

Why does every single thing around our children have to be 'educational'?

I'm not so enmeshed with my children that they have to know every single thing that is going on in my life and have personal input.

If you have the conversation out of earshot, is it still dishonest?

I see nothing wrong with this practice. There are bigger things in this world to get crazy over.

I agree totally with Busymommy. We only spell when things are uncertain, and we don't want to get our little boy's hopes up, or there's something (like a gift for him) that absolutely needs an answer right then. I don't understand the cookie thing though. I agree that kids can be told no and parents shouldn't be afraid of having to deal with it, but in most cases, why wouldn't you just keep quiet about things you'll do by yourself after kids go to bed rather than flaunt something they'd like in front of them? I don't like it when adults do that to me, why would I do it to my kids?

Quilty.. Oh well, we spell out lots of things in front of our 2 1/2 year old.. I don't think it is dishonest. Often I will ask my husband to start her b-a-t-h.. She loves bathes and if we mention them before it is time she gets very impatient. I think that doing that makes my life a little easier. I am not afraid to say no to my child, but I don't want to start an unneccessary battle either. And we have been doing that for so long now, she knows how to spell bath.. Maybe we did teach her something!

I wouldn't go so far as to say it's dishonest. It's not lying to them....they just don't have the capacity to understand what you're saying (or spelling, as the case may be). I'm not afraid to tell my kids "no" to something (like a cookie), but I have also heard and fully agree with the phrase "choose your battles". If I can avoid a battle by spelling a word, then I'm all for it! No need to get the kiddos all riled up if it could be easily avoided. Of course, now my 4 year old can spell and we can't really use it much anymore, so it doesn't last long! I think you're probably reading a bit too much into it, but if you aren't comfortable doing it with your kids or don't want others to, then you should speak up and let people know that. They are, after all, your children. Good luck!

I remember as a kid my parents would spell EVERYTHING out...it kind of became a game to try and figure out what they were saying. Then, one day, my mom said to my dad, "So, today will it work for us to go to D_I_S_N_E_Y_L_A_N_D?" OMG, I jumped all around and started screaming YES YES YES!!!! My parents cracked up and said that they guessed they would have to start doing something else so we couldn't understand! Can you imagine the break down 4 of us would have had if we COULDN'T go???
Then, they started, what my brother and I called...BeeBop talk. (Park would be Pop_a_Rop_Kop...add op after every consanent.) Man, my parents were FAST at that.
I am one of 5 and completely understand WHY my parents spelled everything out. Dishonest? Nah! Saving children the heartache and the parents the headache? Yup!
L.

Wow-I never thought this much about it. No-I am not troubled at all by that-we used to do that all the time. Not like we were purposefully trying to "dupe" our kids. We just don't feel like dealing with something if we aren't entirely sure about it. It''s great that your kids won't make a fuss or that you don't mind if they do! Can't say that for myself though. If I can avoid a conflict-I will. Unfortunatley both kids read now so we can't spell it out anymore.

I totally spell things I don't want my 4 year old to hear and I see nothing wrong with it. I am not lying to her, I am the mom, and she does not need to be privy to everything I have to say. If I want to say something that I don't want her to know or understand that is my choice as the parent, and I don't feel a bit bad about it. I do not feel the need to explain every little thing to my child nor give reasons for every action I take---they are the kid and sometimes it is just none of their business! Once she learns to spell then the jig is up, lol!

Edited to add--that funny enough my daughter has been able to spell, "zoo", "park", and "pizza" for the longest time because those are three things we would spell alot to not get her hopes up and she caught on quick with those!

Yes, we all want to have adult conversations around our kids and the spelling is a good way to do it. Do I want a crying jag for half an hour if I ask my hubby if he wants to stop at the park on the way home and let the kids play and he says no? He has to do something for work? Geez, I would rather spell it out and avoid a big deal than ask and have to listen to kids being upset because they want to go to the park.

As for the cookie...sometimes I actually spend some money on myself. It may be only once every 6 months or so and maybe just on my favorite cookies that are kind of expensive. I deserve to have something of my own that I don't have to share. The kids get everything they need and a lot of what they want. If I want to have a special treat and not share it you can bet I will spell it out to my hubby and see if he'll let me have a break for a while so I can go and enjoy that cookie.

I remember doing the "spelling" in front of my kids as well. I'm pretty sure it's common practice in many households. It has it's place. Why get the kids all hyped up about something that may not come to fruition... such as going to the park? Some kids are hard to "turn off" once they hear the word cookie or park, why go there if you don't have to? The practice of spelling out words to hide something from the kids only lasts a few years... then they are on to it and you cant use it anymore, by that time they are at the age where they are able to "reason" and you don't have to worry about melt downs anymore.

Honey I hate to break this to you but we dupe EVERYONE all the time. Spelling in front of your kids is so minor in that department it's almost a non-issue.

In my house it's not a democracy it's a dictatorship ... what I say goes. So needless to say I don't have a hard time saying NO to my kids (just ask them, they'll tell you). And never have. And I have the KINGS of temper tantrums in my house (when they were little). My oldest son could go on FOR HOURS and I do mean HOURS (try living with 6 hours of a non-stop screaming temper tantrum and you'll understand) and my youngest son has asperger syndrome.

WHAT insanity would possess me to INVITE one of those if I can avoid it? I may be crazy but I am FAR from stupid. Of course as my kids learned to spell and became more able to control themselves and were able to understand the concept of time better then the spelling got less and less.

I have teenagers now and STILL sometimes talk in code to my hubby. The world has already heaped TONS of dissappointment on their small shoulders and will continue to do so until the day they die. WHY on EARTH should I contribute to it if I don't have to?

But that's just my opinion ... I could be wrong :)

OHHH I do it, I do it OFTEN, my son has a difficult time hearing he word no, to the point that it can come with the "price tag" of a 2hr meltdown. I am not trying to avoid saying No, I say it all the time when it needs to be said, but WHY on Earth would I get his hopes up by saying "Daddy, do we have time to go to the park today? or should we hold off?" When all my son hears is Park TODAY, and TODAY means NOW!!!! and then when I say NO, I was asking if we had time to go and daddy said Not Today ... The next 2hrs of the day are GONE, lost forever in a crying fit of meltdown mania. His meltdown was soo bad one day that a neighbor came over to make sure everything was ok! So YEAH if it saves me from an unnecessary meltdown Bleep yeah! I am going to spell it out.

We spell all the time. It's not about fear, it's about not wanting to borrow trouble. It would be nice if we could run our household as a nice, tidy democracy, and it's also not the case that my son is the most evenheaded and understanding little person.We don't make decisions by consensus, so why bring up buzzwords that are going to invite opinions and possible frustration? I don't necessarily think that my son needs to chime in on every decision my husband and I make, and this method of communicating can quickly streamline things.

For what it's worth, I face annoying and uncomfortable questions on a daily basis. Going to the park or having a cookie is not annoying and or uncomfortable, per se. Annoying is "why can't I have fizzy water?" for the 10th time this morning, and the endless petition of something different for breakfast. (no.) Uncomfortable is being asked in public "what kind of people are those" as he's pointing to a couple of houseless fellows on the bus. (they're bus riders, honey, just like we are).

Think of it this way-- a curious kid will be more interested in figuring out how to spell all those mysterious words their parents keep saying the letters to!

I occasionally spell things out, if I don't want to raise my dd's hopes if it doesn't come to pass. She is only 21 months old and has no concept of time or the word wait/patience. Saying it in front of her only helps to facilitate a temper tantrum since she has entered the terrible twos. I will not tease my child by talking openly about something only not to let them have it.
ps...I don't eat junk food around her either unless I am willing to share. It is one of my own little pet peeves to see parents chowing down on chips/chocolate and tell the kids that they can't have any.
We all have our own peeves. I try not to let other people irritate me too much. :-D

I do it when I am trying to keep something a suprise. You know, like when we are on our way home from somewhere and I conspiritorily (not a real word, I know) say to my husband, "I think the kids deserve some I-C-E C-R-E-A-M." I also do it when I pose an idea but don't want the kids to get their hopes up if it doesn't pan out, such as, " After we go get groceries maybe we should take the kids to the P-A-R-K."

It doesn't work with my 6 year old anymore, he can almost spell better than I can! LOL! But, when younger, it was so much easier than trying to deal with two small kids's disappointments.

We do it for fun with my six year old. We'll say something like," Who wants to go C-A-M-P-I-N-G or out on the B-O-A-T?" and then sit back, watch him ponder it, and then laugh when his face lights up and smiles when he figures it out with an "I DO, I DO!"

Hell yeah I did the spelling thing when my kids were little!! And I'm not SCARED to tell my kids they can't have a cookie either. Yep, sometimes I just wanted my husband to go out and get me a McFlurry from McDonalds while I got the kids in bed. Why get the kids all excited about it? Totally not worth it. And with the park example - we've spelled that one too b/c if hubby and I want to discuss going, but then realize it won't work out, why would I want my kids jumping up and down clamoring to go to the park when we can't do it? Just an added struggle I never wanted to add. Why make life more difficult for yourself? The spelling stops as soon as the kids figure out how to spell. No harm done, in my opinion. My kids are perfectly "normal" and not screwed up in anyway (at least from the few times we spelled!)

My husband is a big fan of spelling things out. The problem is, both my daughter and I get lost in the spelling! LOL English is not my first language, so I find the spelling thing a bit confusing. The funny thing is that my daughter is now learning the words we spell. The other day we spelled "P-A-R-K" and she goes "Are we going to the PARK?" LOL

I can't say that spelling infront of your kids is a horrible thing. I understand not wanting to get the kids' hopes up to have it crushed. What seems to be the real problem when what you said is the reason they do it, and I've seen it to, to not have to deal with their kids or tell them NO. To be bluntly honest, from what I've seen parents are almost affraid to tell their kids NO because they 'have a melt down' or 'it will cause them to fuss'. A child, even a small child, should be able be told NO and NOT fuss or throw a fit. They need to learn to deal with disapointment now or they'll never be able to later in life. And they need to learn to look forward to going to the park tomorrow rather than fussing about going to the park today. I don't believe in PICKING YOUR BATTLES, I believe in WINNING THE WAR. If you pick your battles, the war will continue on and on. I must say that my mil does it alot and it bothers my son who is 6. He feels like we are talking about him or trying to keep things from him. And he will sit there and try his hardest to figure out what is being spelled. He will go as far as to ask them to repeat the letters slowly. And then get's frustrated if he can't figure it out. I feel if you NEED to have an adult conversation, take it to the other room or wait until their busy doing something or sleeping. If your trying to make plans like having a cookie or going to the park, include them in that conversation. Infact we just did that today about having pizza for lunch. We included him in the conversation and explained that we are not sure if that's what we're going to have so don't be upset if we don't. He was happy to put in his input. Just to let you know, we are having pizza. yeah!!
I just have to add what I saw that kinda goes with the not dealling with kids and not telling them no. When I took my son to the dentist I heard a child screaming constantly, I was worried about my son hearing that and getting scared about seeing the dentist. But when we got up to the desk I was able to see on the other side of the door and it was NOT a child that got work done, It was a small child that was screaming and the mother was holding him telling him to be quiet, stop fussing, please quiet down. She was trying to talk to the receptionist. But when she told him 'fine, i'll go to the store and get you a toy if you just stop fussing so i can hear what she's saying, the little boy stop fussing immediatly. He was fussing b/c his older brother got a toy and he didn't. That does show that even small children HAVE the ability to stop fussing, they either choose not to or they are trained to fuss to get what they want. If there is a child who fusses all the time to get things, it's because his parents have given in and now have trained him to fuss what to get what he wants. Sorry so long, this has just been a touchy subject between me and other people because most other parents, including my kids' grandparents believe to just give in and get them to stop fussing, but will make comments to me if I 'lay down the law' and won't give in and discipline them.

Oh, and about the whole Santa Clause, Toothfairy thing. I don't push that on my kids at all. My mil does, and my husband and I have discussed it. First I don't want my kids to only think about what presents he's going to get. I want him to think more about the real reason for Christmas. I think most parents love to do it because that is a tool to get their kids to behave for a couple of months. And I don't fall for the whole 'but it helps them develope a good imagination' bull. My kids have a great imagination. My son has become, well lets say not so gullible. When he lost his first tooth, I didn't push the toothfairy thing, but I did put money under his pillow. When he woke up the next day he showed me the money the toothfairy left him, then looked right at me and said with a big grin, 'you put the money there, didn't you?'. My mother said it the best I DON'T WANT A FAT DRUNK MAN IN A COSTUME TO TAKE THE CREDIT FOR THE PRESENTS I BOUGHT WITH MY HARD EARNED MONEY.

(Un)Fortunately, my children now spell so we don't even bother. We've graduated to mouthing, pantomime and email. Just joking--about the email anyway. LOL! We used to spell-it-out when we wanted to surprise them about an outing or avoid the never-ending stream of questions of when we were going. That ended when our 4-year-old started whooping and told her older brother what was what. Never thought I'd do it, but after one too many annoyances, spelling-it-out saved everyone the drama--and the heartache if there were last-minute changes. Some people I know don't say anything, pack their children up and just arrive at the destination. I thought that was cruel and silly, until I had kids. Hilarious!

Hi S.,

I used to have your same feelings about this...

Then I had kids. Here is an example of why:

Last week, we were making plans to go on a hayride on Saturday. It was only Tuesday. Once I said the word 'hayride', my daughter, 2.5 years old, wanted to go on a hayride 'RIGHT NOW'. It wasn't even something I could reason with her about. At her age, she does not understand that certain places are only open certain days/hours/etc. So later in the day, when my husband and I were talking about the hayride, you bet we spelled it out.

It wasn't about 'duping' my daughter. It was about keeping mommy from going crazy!

:).
L.

We absolutely spelled in front of our kids & I was really bummed out when the day came that I realized we couldn't get away with it anymore. It wasn't a matter of not being truthful, but I don't think your kids need to be aware of every single aspect of, for example, what's for dessert, what the plans are for the weekend, etc. They're kids, I'm the adult so I get to know everything & they're on a need-to-know basis. We still don't tell our kids everything, it's just a bigger pain to have a discussion when they're around regarding certain subjects.

I had to laugh when I saw this. We did it with the dogs. Should we give them a T-R-E-A-T? or O-U-T-S-I-D-E! And yes, I now do it with my son:)

i dont spell the things that i am afraid to discipline about. I spell the naughty or scary words that i dont want repeated. Its all pointless now my oldest can figure out right away what im saying, i miss spelling things. It always allowed for regular adult conversations, because my kids are ALWAYS around.

Personally I'm not a big fan of spelling stuff out, hubby and I always just talked it over out of earshot or wrote, texted or email each other. My son was very verbal and had excellent language skills from a very early age, so spelling would have been useless very quickly. On a side note, for those of you who want to tell another mom what bad word their child said at school today, PLEASE don't spell it out in front of the child. Now the child knows the bad word AND how to spell it too!!

We absolutely spell in front of our kids...and I am not afraid to tell my kids NO, sometimes it comes in handy when you are unsure of what's happening and need to check with the spouse, I hate getting my kids' hopes up for nothing...that's just not nice!

"Honey, do you feel like I-C-E...C-R-E-A-M after dinner"?
"Should we take the kids to the state F-A-I-R this year"?

My hubby speaks fluent German (Thank you US ARMY) and now that the kids are getting older and starting to spell, he wants me to learn to speak it too, just for the same purpose...sometimes it comes in handy to be able to speak in code as adults :)

I vividly remember the day when I broke my parents code....ahh, the old stand by...Pig-Latin! :)

We did it for a while to minimize tantrums over trivial issues (we preferred to pick or battles, as they say). It did have an unexpected result-- my son learned to spell VERY early and is now an excellent speller. The intent may not have been educational, but the end result sure was :)
We also tried speaking in German, but he caught on to that idea quickly and developed an interest in foreign languages.
The intent was never to "dupe" our son, but to allow some calm adult discussions of options like do we have dinner at Red Robin or Guapos. Sometimes we wanted to chose without our 2 kids arguing over which one of them got to chose.

I do it with my children, mostly because if we are talking about something we're doing in the future (going to the park, etc), she sometimes has a hard time understanding that we aren't going now, but in a few hours (or on a different date). I don't want to get her expectations up only to be told it's not what we're doing now. I do not have a problem telling my children we are not going to the park now, or they cannot have a cookie until later, but it's just something I've always done!

you don't say how old your kid(s) are but i am guessing young? the best advice given to me when pregnant: pick your battles. and there are many! why would i ask my husband, in front of the kids, if we have time to go to the playground, when the answer might be no? i don't have the time or energy with 3 kids to scrape them off the floor in a tantrum (often in public)and try to explain every little detail. they also lack the reasoning skill at 3 to understand that they can't have everything their way. and yes, i was bummed when my 7 year old learned to spell.

I've done it, but don't do it on a regular basis. I mean I'm not about saying in front of my kids and then having to explain what it means: "Hey, honey want to have sex tonight" So what's wrong with spelling out S-E-X. LOL I'm just joking about that one, but I don't see a problem with spelling something out as to not get your kids all excited about something that you just don't want them excited about at the time. I mean, we've all learned our lesson of telling a young child about something on Monday that we are doing on Saturday. And I'm saying young child, because a young child no matter how much you tell them no its 5 days away, 4 days away...etc. will still bug you every day, hour, minute and so on. An older child can be taught the days of the week. So I think its the same sort of thing.

There are a couple of reasons why I spell things out #1 sometimes I like to have a converstation with my husband and we very rarely get alone time and it is not something my child needs to be in on for whatever reason #2 call me a wimp but sometimes I spell things out because I do not want to deal with my child's disappointment of not doing what I am thinking about or not seeing someone. For example if we are going to the zoo he does not know most of the time until we pull into the parking lot of the zoo. If not spelling things works for you more power to you but I have to say I do not feel guilty about spelling things - many other mommy things but not this one :)

I remember my parents calling McDonalds "Hockey Pucks." When we were growing up, early 90's, and my parents were busy (my mom was a stay at home mom of 5 kids and my dad was a pilot in the Navy plus doing his masters) there were nights when at 6pm we were still 2 or more hours from being home. I remember my parents talking to each other and it only took a few times of them saying "hockey pucks" (referring to the burgers) and us going to McDonalds before we knew what it meant :). And we spell sometimes to avoid the drama if the answer is no from the other parent. But I see your side too - i guess it depends on how you use it :).

We did the spelling thing until the boys (now age 5 and 8) started reading and taking spelling test during school time. Like a few others have stated it wasn't about not being able to tell the kids no for us (they actually use some of our explanations we've given them in the past for why they can't get or do something like that's a big kid movie or food so that's really a non-issue). It was more not wanting to get their hopes up about something we hadn't discussed or decided yet and then shoot them right down...similar to your example about the park. Now that they can spell we have to go to another room to talk about things then return with our decision made if it's a major issue since our kids tends to hear what they want when they want their way like most of us. When we do talk things out in front of them, we have to reiterate that we're discussing and a decision hasn't been made yet or they try to hold us to the parts they pick out that suit their wants. Such great debaters they'll make one day...

We do it sometimes and far from being a way to "dupe" the kids, I see it as a way to be considerate of their feelings. They don't have the impulse control that we have and so when they hear about something they want, it is very hard for them to be patient and wait for it. Why torture them with that if we don't have to?

i'm with you.
we only spell things out to fool the dog, but unfortunately for us, he now knows what W-A-L-K means.
:) khairete
S.

Yes, we did it until my daughter learned to spell. Mostly, one of us would have an idea and we wanted the other to be in agreement before we said it in front of our child and got them excited. I wouldn't want to say "let's go to the park!" and get the kids excited only to hear my hubby say that he had other plans. I think you are taking this way too seriously. We are not trying to "dupe" our kids. And I think it is one of those things that you say you won't do and then find that later you are doing it too.

Heather A. said it perfectly.

Ok I just recently started to spell stuff out. Let me tell you how it started. My baby has three piggy banks, and she knows those are her pigs (they are up ona shelf). She will find change and go run to the pig to feed it. Problem is my boyfriend always drops change out of his pants pockets. She only picked it up and took it too the pig.
I told him I am afraid she wil E-A-T it, or try to shove it up her N-O-S-E, but strangely she hasn't tried she just goes and feeds her Pig. Now thats not an annoying or uncomfortable situation, thats a dangerous situation if I said that out loud that would have given her an idea to swallow change or shove it in her body.
This has just been this last month or two. Of course it branched out from there, I don't do it all the time though. We also do it when she shouldn't hear something, or we may want to go somewhere but it isn't set in stone. I also speak "pig-latin" in front of her, but my boyfriend doesn't always understand it. =)

We would spell out bad words when we wanted to swear around them. One night I spelled out S*H*I*T and there was my son at the dinner table sounding out the word....shhh- ite...thankfully the phone rang (saved by the bell) and when I returned to the table he said "Mommy! That's a BAD word!" Needless to say....no more swearing by spelling. :)

Wow. Really? Maybe the child (or the parent) is in the middle of an activity or with a sibling and can't switch gears immediately, which is what would happen if the child heard the word park.

This kind of judgmental stuff coming from fellow mothers is what keeps us apart as human beings. It's great that you do things your way, please don't judge other people for parenting their way. This is harmless and not lying. It might even be motivation for the kids to learn how to spell.

Just...wow.

Just wondering if your kids CAN spell yet or not....makes quite a difference! And, yes, while I agree with your "theory" about not duping a child...i do it on a regular basis...and it's not always a cop-out. LOL

I saw you got a lot of answers, but I didn't read through them, so the reason we do it may be in there somewhere. We don't want to tease the kids. We have no problem telling them no, but we feel that bringing up something they like right in front of them and then deciding no isn't a good practice. For example, I'm exhausted after shopping all day with the kids (like for back-to-school stuff, etc) then my hubby says, "Hey, we've had a long day. Why don't we get some ice cream?" The kids are going to be really hopeful. Then if I come back with, "No, I just want to get home." they're going to be really disappointed-for nothing. It would be like going into a store and someone says, "Hey, isn't she the winning 1000th customer and so she gets a $1000 shopping spree?" You'd be pretty excited. You may even know some of the things you'd get on your spree. You're already mentally spending the money, and then someone replies, "Nope." Well, now you're bummed out, and probably don't enjoy the trip as much as you would have if that first person had just kept their mouth shut. So that's what we do. We whisper, we spell, and we talk in code b/c we'd rather do that than disappoint our kids when we can't simply close the door to talk about the issue. If they ask, we can talk about it in front of them with no problem, but we don't want to get their hopes up for nothing, nor do we want to never suggest anything, b/c sometimes there are going to be those times where I'm like, "You know honey, it's been an exhausting day and I think that's the perfect thing!" There are times we have to disappoint our kids. There are times they ask and we have to say no. But we see no need to subject them to constant disappointment that wouldn't be an issue if we'd quit suggesting things right in front of them. We also like to have suprise rewards. This is the best solution for us.

Miss S.-you are so far ahead of the game! And-I am glad to hear that you and your husband have a united front! Today's cookie is tomorrow's car keys, cell phone $50, and some wild party that no one is ready for.God Bless.