Son with Sudden Behavioral Problems

sounds to me like he is rebelling against your being gone. Perhaps he is feeling abandoned. He's 8yrs old... kids really need their parents around. From what you have written his father doesn't sound like much of an icon in his life and then you are overseas. Who does that leave him with?

I am grateful that you have a sense of duty to your country. Without our solders in uniform we might be fighting that battle on our own shores. However, what about your duty to your son? After all, he didn't ASK to be here. You decided to bring him into this world and now you have decided to be in the military. We are women and we can do alot of things...but raising a family by ourselves AND having a military career is not one of the easier choices. Someone is bound to loose out and chances are it will be the kid.

These are precious times that you are missing out on. Times when he actually may WANT you around and right now it sounds like he really NEEDS you around.

D.
SAHM of two (18 yr old boy, and 5 yr old girl). I wasn't always a SAHM, I gave up my Corp. lifestyle of suits and power lunches about 12 yrs ago and never went back.

First off: Thank you. I am, comfortably living my life with my 3rd grader, due in large part to what you are sacrificing to keep our country safe. You must be a very grounded and strong person.

I bet your son is too, usually. Still he is only 8 or 9 and although he may be mature for his age he doesn't have the same logical reasoning abilities as the adults in his life. He needs you. He wants you. He is probably scared for you and himself. HIs life has obviously been turned upside over and acting out is to be expected - not tolerated but expected.

In reference to his hating school and it being for loosers, loosers are the ones spreading that rumor. At my house we all have jobs and responsibiities. We tell our 3rd grader, school is her job. She is responsible to be there as part of that team, using her brain, learning and dicovering every day. We all work. Her job is her education and she is held accountable - for all of it. Really.

A neice of mine experienced a similar childhood as your son son faces now has told me the biggest deal for her was feeling as if she had been abandoned. Not knowing or being reassured that there is a limit to the situation that it will cahnge again and there WILL be something more like normal. Sometimes a boy just needs to hear his Momma say so.

I am praying for you and your family. Bless you and peace to your heart.

I want to thank you for serving overseas! I appreciate all that you do to keep us safe here at home.

I imagine your son's attitude is a combination of his missing you, and also of wanting to be "cool." Does he have new friends who hate school, by any chance? The bad thing about moving him back to Texas is that he had to make new friends, and maybe some of them aren't the best friends for him to have right now.

Maybe you can set guidelines for him every week, with rewards at the end of the week if he meets the guidelines. If he gets all of his homework turned in on time for a week, he gets to go out for ice cream. If he makes 100 on his spelling or math test, he gets to have pizza that weekend. If he gets up and gets dressed for school on time every morning without complaining, he gets a small treat. You know, stuff like that. (I use the same approach for myself when I have to deal with unpleasant people--if I don't explode at them and manage to stay polite, I get a fat-free frozen yogurt. If the other people are really nasty, sometimes I bump it up to a manicure.)

You really shouldn't have to reward a kid for doing those things, but he is obviously unhappy, and you can afford to spoil him a little bit while you're so far away from home and he needs comforting. The big picture is his attitude about school, but you can't change that quickly or easily, especially from a distance. Making some small positive changes, and letting your son see quick results from making those positive changes, might get his attitude towards school on a better track.

I hope this helps, and again, thank you so much for your service.

Well you probably need to consider that not having his mother with him is more than likely taking a big tole on him and that's a very sad situation to me. why did you take him away from his father? If you're over seas shouldn't he be with his other parent for support?

There is a lot going on here. He has "lost" both of his parents, that is the bottom line. A child that age is not going to understand, the greater good of what you are doing, he has quite simply lost the only steady, reliable source of love he has. There is only one MOM.
His grandparents have a big job ahead of them to fill that void but they can, with a lot of help.
I'd get him to a good family therapist first. Second I'd get a good nutritionist involved. So many problems stem from poor nutrition and even the best moms fall into this trap of allowing more sugar than a kids body can tolerate and not realizing they need the right vitamins. This can totally change behavior and attention span.

Try a mentor approach as well. A family friend who can do things with him on a regular basis. Often a non family member can be a good sounding board for a child and they will "invest" emotionally in that person.

Now, this suggestion may be considered drastic but give it some thought if it is at all possible. He may just need to be home schooled. This is a growing trend and there is a ton of support for it. There are just kids that thrive at home, learning at their own pace who don't do well in an institutional setting.

If homeschool isn't possible perhaps a Montessori setting? There are Montessori schools that go through 8th grade. Of course that would mean private school tuition.
If your family is in the metroplex and would like more information on any of the above, email me privately and I'll send loads of information. I've been through similar circumstances and although I'm not in the military, I grew up in the military so I do understand more than most, what his life is like.

K

Yes, I agree, I think he should be with the Father unless there are problems/reasons why you specifically took him away that are serious.

You might want to try taking him to see the school counselor and letting him talk with her.

Also, what is your mother doing to help the situation? Is she spending enough time with him on his school work, getting involved, ect.?