I have a 6 year old son who is a great little boy but sadly his actions are driving me insane lately. I feel like he suddenly cries over everything, and is extremely inflexible (like if something doesn't go his way or the way he thought it would). He is very emotional as well (hence the crying over everything I suppose) and worries about things much more than I feel a 6 year old should. He is also very loving and a sweet, caring and respectful boy but I don't know how to deal with the way he is lately. I can't help but get mad when he cries over something ridiculous and it seriously occurs like 3 times a day. Like for example, in the morning he usually goes to his grandmas classroom to play for 10 minutes before the school bell rings. This morning we were running later than usual for school so I told him he didn't have time to go to Grandma's class and he gets all teary eyed and says he doesn't want to go to school at all and that he just wants to stay with me all day. Of course, I say no, you are going to school, and he starts full on crying. He cries over not being able to pick a game, not winning a game, someone building the legos "wrong," someone doing a collaberative craft "wrong," etc etc. He is not going through anything new (other than the fact that he started 1st grade this year), our home life is totally stable, and there is nothing bad going on at school. I don't know what to do to deal with this. I have tried punishing for the tears, not punishing, explaining that sometimes it is ok to cry but that he needs to use words instead of crying (I have stressed this to the point of exhaution) but still it continues. Anyone see something here that I don't?? Thanks!!
I don't have advice - I just want you to know it was a RELIEF to read this.
My oldest has always been emotionally intense, but it usually was in the direction of extreme happiness. Now he cries over all of the same things you mention. Let's hope it's a phase.
Have you tried acknowledging his feelings? For example, when he didn't have time for that 10 min playtime in the morning before school, and he said he didn't want to go to school, try saying something like "I understand you're upset you didn't get your special playtime."
I really recommend "How to Talk so your Kids will Listen and Listen so your Kids will Talk"--I bet doing the simple things in the book will help him immensely.
I have found that deeply empathizing with the needs the child is expressing can be almost magical. This usually takes the edge off their sadness or desperation, and allows them to be in a more productive space where they can begin to come up with more workable solutions.
The marvelous book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish, is loaded with real-life examples of how parents made a positive, empathetic connection with their children, and helping the child with the problem-solving process. By the end of each chapter, you'll be equipped to put an amazing range of practical lessons to work in your own family. I can't recommend this gem highly enough.
Gosh, he might still be adjusting to 1st grade? Unless he's had some socially unpleasant experiences with peers or thinks the teacher is mean and unless he's had some form of 'uncomfortable' experience he doesn't know how to put words to, I'm thinking he might just be a bit sensitive for now. Getting in trouble for crying probably won't help.
Maybe try to have him 'succeed' in activities that require some effort to help build his self esteem and invite some of his peers over for play dates. Maybe some games that require 'messiness' and imperfection as the fun part as well.
Sometimes children adapt to change by trying to have control over things like orderliness and so forth and his intense emotions are reflecting he doesn't feel in control of things that make him feel safe. I might try putting him in charge of preparing for the day...such as today he gets to choose what kind of snack he'll look forward to having at school or he'll choose what kind of special outfit to wear. Be creative and have fun with it! He'll probably need to cry until he's ready not to so I'd maybe recommend not putting forth any judgment because that will delay his resiliency.
It might sound weird, but maybe if he feels like crying make it a scheduled thing where he gets to choose between crying or making jokes and laughing. If he chooses to cry, then that's okay and maybe he gets 5 minutes and then take the opportunity to talk about if it made him feel better...sometimes a good cry is a release! If he chooses to make jokes and laugh, then the opportunity to talk about if it made him feel better.
Many might feel what I'm saying gives too much control over to the child, but please understand where emotions are concerned, he NEEDS TO BE IN CONTROL and it is our responsibility to help our children learn to identify emotions, where they come from, why they exist, and what helps them feel better when negative emotions take over. If he can't do this right now (which isn't entirely uncommon for this developmental age!!!) then he needs to know he's not weird or doing something worthy of feeling shame over. Self confidence will help him most I believe.
Best wishes!
