Son Not Adjusting Well to Daycare.

My youngest daughter also did that. And she did not quit the entire time we had her in daycare, up until she started Kindergarten. The staff and other moms that would be there after I dropped her off would say how funny it was because as soon as I left she was all smiles. At the beginning I also got bad looks from her, but she quit a few weeks into it. She never quit the morning routines of crying. Now she doesn't remember any of it. She says she always liked daycare.

Let me ask you this, how much is daycare costing you per month versus how much you are paid?

I found out that I was basically working to pay the daycare so what was the point of dealing with a sick kid every other week and dealing with the office politics if I was not making any money.

You have broken is routine of how long and he is just expressing his opinion in the matter. If you do decide to keep him daycare, make all the time you have with him special or perhaps hang out in the daycare a little bit to help him adjust to the new surroundings.

But I still say see if you are really making any money to make a difference in the home. I have been an home mom now for 8 years and would not change it for the world. I did try to go back to work, but again, I was working my tail off to pay for just the daycare costs.

J. S.

I totally feel you! Being a stay at home mom who heard all the reasons I "must" stay at home (wasting gas was the silliest one), and not having any family in the state to kinda watch and ask questions with, I was super protective of my son. When I went to church and put him in daycare there, he cried and I just walked to the bathroom (a minute or two) and came back and stood BY the door (but not where he could see me) and listened for crying---there was none! One time was a particularly loud crying spell. I walked away from the door and asked another passing mom "could you check on the little boy in the red shorts and see if he's crying?" (LOL) He was playing and having a good time. I almost wondered if he was just crying to make me feel important? :P Now I work part time at the daycare that I wanted him to attend (so I could afford it for one thing, and so I could keep an eye on him and know how it went). It's a great little place, with 2 very caring teachers in his class, and he still whines when I put him in. The doors where he attends have windows where people can see into the classroom, but the kids can't see out. I check on him when making copies for my class, or on a trip to the restroom, or whatever....he loves it.
Incidentally, my son stopped the "talking" when he was almost 16 months old and I don't know why. That was 2 months BEFORE I first put him in childcare, so I know that's not it!!! Now he only says "daddy" or "this". "This" for everything. He used to have a whole list of vocabulary words, so I'm not really understanding it, but the pediatrician says sometimes children just go through a phase at that age. He's otherwise happy and healthy, and dances ALL THE TIME---just no talking right now. He's 18 months old now.

My daughter also started daycare when she was 15 months old. It was so heartbreaking to see her cry every day when we dropped her off! To make matters worse I could watch her on video while she was there and it seemed like every time I looked she was crying which of course made me cry too. After about 3 weeks she finally starting getting comfortable and enjoying it! And now, 8 months later she LOVES going! She jumps out of our arms when we walk in her classroom and has a great bond with her teachers. Just give it a few weeks and he should adjust. GOOD LUCK!!

I imagine it's pretty scary to all the sudden be in a new place, with people you don't know, and your mom leaving you...at least that's how he sees it. I agree w/the question about the $$ after paying a daycare really being worth it. 15 months is still very young and after all...we only get the first 5 years of their lives before they are off to school. I say if it's at all possible, keep him home as long as you can. I'd sell my car for a cheaper one or go on a super tight budget. Good luck w/whatever you decide...I think as soon as you become a mom the guilt starts, though!! haha.

Give it more time. Also try to spend some special time with him when you are home. It took my children about 2 to 3 weeks to settle down; now they love daycare. Talk to the teacher and see if he is having fun after you leave. Take care.

My so did the same thing, for about the first month of daycare. We finally started telling him if he didn't cry we'd go to the pop and candy store when we picked him up. That worked! When he doesn't cry he gets rewarded by picking out a candy and a pop that he can eat when we get home. If he cries, then we don't go.

K.,
Every time I started my daughter in preschool she would have about a 3-4 week adjustment period. I know it's really really hard and I felt very guilty. Talk to your son's teachers. Make sure that he's having a good day at school. Does he stop crying pretty soon after you leave? or does he act out all day? if he's going to a regular day care sometimes they have webcams where you can see your kids while you're at work. If he's in an in-home daycare keep an eye on him. I've heard many stories about not so great daycare providers. The only thing that clued the parents in was their kids change in personalities. If this doesn't apply to you just give him time. He's only 15 months old, his routine has changed and now he's in a new environment with new adults and lots of new kids. He'll adjust and he'll probably thrive in this environment. Keep giving lots of hugs and kisses, lots of praise and positive reinforcement and he'll come around. You're a good mommy!! Don't forget that!!

Hi K.
I feel for you! I would give it a little bit more time but really watch to see how he is adjusting. Also talk to the teachers at the day care a lot and find out what he is like during the day. I had my first son in daycare for about 2 years since he was 3 months old - and it never was great for him. I really tried to keep him in it but we now have a nanny that watches my 2 boys and I have seen him just flourish now. You may also want to look into other environments. A smaller, in home day care could be a better option than a larger school setting....
Good luck!

Hi K.,
All the responses you have received are dead on in my opinion. I started my boys (5 & 3 at the time) in Day Care about a year ago. They were in private in-home daycare before. My youngest did great and after a week or so was excited to go every day. My 5yo on the other hand did not settle down for nearly 2-1/2 months. I was sure to talk to his teachers and the directors as much as possible and they assured me he was fine after I left. After talking to other moms at the soccer fields and such I found this was normal. BUT, one thing I would suggest you do is try to pay attention to your child and really keep an eye on his behavior. Again, after talking to other moms and listening to their experiences I learned that in some cases of their children being upset, uncomforable, etc came from the child not feeling secure in the situation or not being taken care of properly during the day. In my opinion children are a great judge of people. Just make sure he isn't trying to say something else by acting out. Talk to his teachers, the directors and other moms of kids in his class. Ask how their children are doing.
Just a suggestion...I hope everything works out for your son and your family. As a working mom I know how hard it is to leave your children to work.
((HUGS))
M.

if he just started, you need to give him more time. it took my 2.5 year old about 4-5 weeks to transition from in home to preschool...

It took my daughter 2 weeks to adjust to a new classroom...and that's at the same daycare with the same friends. She still clings to me when I drop her off, but she doesn't cry and I know she's over it within a few minutes (I've watched). She was only about 2 months older than your son.

Basically the problem is the new routine. Once he adjusts, he'll be fine. But do try to keep everything else as routine as possible. One of the things I feel was bad for my daughter was that she transitioned up AND my car broke down at the same time. So we walked to the daycare and I worked from home the first few days. It was terrible. The first time I noticed her adjusting was when I finally got a car back and took her in the car.

My son started daycare at age 2, when our work situations changed and we had to put him in daycare. He was very attached to us. It took at least 2 to 3 months before they didn't have to peel him off me in the mornings, and another 3 months before he had no tears. And they said when the first parent showed up in the afternoon, he would cry off and on until we got there. Basically what I'm saying is that it took him about 6 months to adjust, and he was perfectly fine after that. He is now a fantastically adjusted 6.5 year old kindergartener in a private school.

My gut tells me that a 15 month old doesn't understand the concept of "punishing" you for leaving him - that is you interpreting it that way. I would think that he is probably very tired and over stimulated and needing to just wind down. Don't take it personally, and don't be manipulated, believe me - it gets much worse when they are teens! Spend special time together in the evening playing and reading and snuggling. Your happy boy will come back.

Career moms will disagree in a very vehement way & I really don't want to rile anyone up, but SAHMs everywhere are SAHMs because they don't want to send their kids to daycare. They listen to that voice of guilt & the kids' misery and stay home with them.

Find a way. You and your children will be happier.