Son Is a Daddy's Boy

Hi C.,

I know your woes, my 3.5 year old son is the same way! He and my hubby are best buds, and we joke that he is my hubby's "Mini-me", as they look alike too. I try to not get hurt when my son overtly shuns me in favor of his daddy, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt at times. Even more hurtful is that my hubby was gone on a military deployment until our son was 5 months old, so I feel sometimes slighted that I did all the hard work of taking care of a newborn, and he isn't as attached to me. And of course he does not listen to me as well as daddy, so I have to be the heavy and send him to his room more becuase he just does not listen to me. Which, I'm sure does not help his desire to bond to me.
But I know he does loves me, and we are about to face another year long deployment, (My hubby leaves this weekend!) so I'm sure our bond will grow over the next year, though I expect it will be really rough at first.
I had hoped for a girl with our second child, so that I could have my "mini-me". I had our second child, another boy of course, just 7 weeks ago. He seems to be very attached to me already and not just becuase I'm the food source. He does seem happier in my arms over any ones elses.
I also know someone who's 1.5 year old son is a total momma's boy, and I actually would not want her situation. She cannot do ANYTHING without him, even sleeping. He is SO attached to her, she cannot even go out of his sight with out him pitching a fit. It makes date nights with her hubby and just much needed "alone time" for herself absolutely impossible, so I really do not envy that. So, I guess I'm saying that it could be worse! ;-)

I'm sure it will change as he gets older, so hang in there. Just try and make time to do some "mom and son" things if you can, that's what I'm trying to do. Just last night I tried to read him his night time story, and of course he wanted daddy, not me. But after daddy read him a book, he was then open to me curling up with him and reading him another. So we had some nice bonding time last night. Try so something like that.

Best wishes!
A.

Its normal and its a phase, don't let other mother's tell that something is wrong. Let your husband enjoy the attention and try to enjoy the free time it gives you. I know its hard but really its normal and will pass.

Not to worry, it's totally normal. My son is also daddy's boy, but he does go back and forth between us. Sometimes he's mommy's boy for a bit, but he does seem to look to daddy for fun and mommy for comfort most times. I remember the first time my son started pushing me away and wanting only his father. At first I thought it was great as I got a break, but when it went on for a while, I, too, started feeling left out. But then not too long after, our son started preferring me again. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? I think you just have to ride it out or some books suggest that the non-preferred parent start doing more of the fun stuff with the child - like bathing, reading, playing, etc. -- while the other parent pick up on the chores end of things for a while.

Boys gravitate more to their dads overall. That's normal. And at this age, they haven't learned manners yet or to hide their feelings. It's not that he doesn't love you, it's just that he REALLY loves dad. My daughter is actually the same way. I just laugh and go with it. There are certain personalities that merge better with others, and that's true in families as well. I wouldn't take it that you're a bad mom or anything, I would just allow him to have his feelings.

After reading the responses (which are wise as usual, I love this forum.) I wasn't going to reply because I would be saying more of the same. I changed my mind because what can it hurt to say the same thing one more time? I know had a twinge in my heart when my daughter did the "Dad is the only one for me" phase, so I completely understand. It's normal, it's a phase, this too shall pass and yes, I agree with the above poster, don't let tkae other mothers say too seriously. Their kid may not have hit this phase yet..their kid may never hit this phase!

It seems to me most kids go through phases where the sun rises and sets in mom and then it will be dad, a sister, aunt or some one else. Just hang in there. I think "this too shall pass."

Hi C.! I have two daddy's boys, ages 4-1/2 and 3. I wish I could tell you that this was just a phase, but that really hasn't been the case in our family. I think this is more a sign of a really good, involved father rather than a poor reflection on the mother. I'm sure it varies based on the child's personality, but a lot of toddlers just seem to identify better with the parent of the same sex, especially when that parent plays an active role in their lives.

I can relate to feeling hurt and left out at times, but I'm also thankful that I have a full partner in parenting. There is enough love to go around, and there will be times when you wish your son would be calling out for daddy in the middle of the night instead of for you! ;-)

C.,

This is totally normal behavior. My son would go back and forth. He'd be Mama's boy for a month or two, then wouldn't give me the time of day for the next couple of months. He is now 4 1/2 and is both.

My daughter on the other hand. Ugh! She is 15, almost 16 months old and has always been a Mama's girl. If I'm not around she'll go to someone else she knows, but she prefers me the most. I'm waiting for, and looking forward to the times where she wants Daddy more Mommy, but I'm not holding my breath. There has been a day or two here and there where she wants Daddy, but they are few and far between.

She's throwing a tantrum right now because I have the laptop in my lap instead of her. She gets insanely jealous if she's not the center of my attention 24/7.

Enjoy the times where your son wants his Daddy. It's perfectly normal, and will pass soon enough. The most influential person in a child's life is their same sex parent, closely followed by the opposite sex parent.

Hope this helps,
Melissa