Daddy-Son Relationship Vs. Mommy-son Relationship

Both of my children developed a strong relationship with daddy once they realized "hey! You work for me too!" I think it would be good if hubby can do some of the kid-care things like dressing him, bathing him, story-time, etc..

Don't take things like this literally. Its all a part of NORMAL development, and is all about "ages and stages."

Yes, it's a stage.

Bear in mind, that a child this age is very young... their "emotions" are even STILL developing... and they are not fully proficient in socialization yet, nor even beginning to understand "feelings" and all the abstractness about it. So, you gotta give him some slack.

Once he passes this "stage" and gets older, it will all be a mere memory, and he'll be on to other things.

Boys this age, get very attached to their Moms. This is normal. My son is now 2.5 years old, and I now notice a "change" in him... with him being more into "Mommy" too... and him wanting me more in a comforting way. Not clingy, just everything is "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.." for whatever reason. It's no big deal.

Tell your Hubby, he need not take it personally. It's not. A child this age will not "know" they are being "mean." Preferences between parents are just what growing up is all about... and it will happen. But they still love you. It's all developmental based. They are also "learning" about how THEY can actually have an "opinion" too... so encourage that. Do NOT stifle a child's self-expression... especially in boys. They need to know it's okay to have "feelings." And a sense of identity. Your Hubby, can comfort him too, and encourage him.... all in due time, and in his own way. MAIN THING is NOT to "punish" your son for saying things like this... after all, it's all done in innocence... that of a child.

You can get the book "Your 2 Year Old", from www.amazon.com It just explains each age-stage and what to expect, for the Parent. It's an informative, fast easy read... and although written years ago, is still very pertinent.

From here on out, it's a LOT of "phases" and helping the child to navigate through it... and knowing that they need help to understand the world and people. Arm him with knowledge, positive reinforcement, and explaining things to him.... gradually over time, they will develop "empathy" and sensitivity. All great foundations for a child to have... in the long run. Keep in mind, a child does not "automatically" understand everything or the repercussions of their behavior... nurture the WHOLE person.

When he says he wants Mommy not Daddy... just guide him... and say "Daddy loves you very much....Mommy too. He's a great guy..." Or say, "I like playing with Daddy... lets see what we can do together... I miss him..."

But yes, this is a phase. It will pass.

All the best,
Susan

All three of mine went through this at some point as toddlers. Just keep showing your little one that you love his dad and eventually it will change (maybe even to where he wants dad over you!).

Encourage dad to "invite" him out on short trips where he gets rewarded. Trips to the grocery store to pick up milk and a snack food for your son, for example. Then when he's not as resistant, dad could take him to the park for an hour or so.

Hi J.:
I agree with the other mothers here. Your son,is showing his loyalty in a way.He does this,to let you know,how much he loves you,and all you do for him. Its not that he doesn't love daddy,just that you and he share a special bond at this stage in his life.Its natural.You spend the majority of time with him,and take care of his needs.Tell daddy,to be careful not to act hurt or upset at his son for this. Your son shouldn't feel guilty,because he feels free to display sincere feelings. Dad needs to pick a few things to do with his son,that are special,then soon he will be his favorite.Its funny,because the older a boy gets,they tend to get closer to their mother again.Girls,become daddies girls,because they know they can do no wrong in their eyes.I wish you and your darlin son the best.J. M

According to all the research I've done, and talks with my family counselor, this is very common. Boys usually favor 'Mommy'until about age 5 and then, sometimes it will shift.

The best advice I got was to encourage my son to 'love' his Dad. That Mommy is okay with him loving 'Daddy' and that it is very special to be able to share time with Daddy too. We are not a couple, so this is very hard for me. But, it has worked really well for us so far. When we are together at an appt. or something, I tell him it's okay to go and sit with Daddy and to share his stuff with Daddy. So far, he's stopped telling Daddy to 'go away'. But, again it's an age/stage thing that just your son just needs to be guided through with love and patience.

You may also, want to get books/movies that feature a loving nuturing father/son relationship...and, point out the examples of how the characters love each other and are a family.

Good Luck.

Hi J.,

Very normal that your son wants you over his daddy. Mommy is his world at this age and will be for a while. Also know that it isn't cruel for your son to say he wants you over daddy or "I don't like daddy." At two he doesn't understand what cruel is! Anyway, you can have your husband try and engage him in something fun, like playing a game, put together a puzzle, going on a bug hunt outside, play with playdoh, build blocks, etc. My husband used to sit down and start an activity (kids) on his own and then ask one of the children for help or an idea, then before you knew it they were playing together! You can also include daddy while you and your son are playing. Otherwise this stage will pass before you know it, and you'll be on to another one!

P.S. When your husnand comes home from work have him act very excited to see his boy - pick him up and give him a hug and tell him that he missed him, ask him about his day, etc.

Definitely was a stage with our daughter. She would crying and tell daddy to go back to work when he would arrive home, litteraly trying to push him back out the door and the like. It was HEARTBREAKING. But other times she was okay with him, but never seemed to LOVE him, always wanted me. Than slowly things changed when she was in her threes and now she's almost four and LOVES daddy. Goes running to him when he arrives home, wants him to sit next to her when at the dinner table, etc. etc. Sometimes even tells me to go away like she used to tell him. I wouldn't fret over it too much. Don't do EVERYTHING yourself, but time the daddy time when it seems appropriate. If he's really tired or something, then is not the time to be pushing him on daddy, but other times, let daddy do things. Also, I found that when BOTH of us were home, she always wanted ME to do things (make her food, help in the potty, get her dressed) but if I wasn't around she was perfectly happy letting daddy do it; so we made more attempts at daddy having alone time with her too.

Good luck!

Hi J.,

My son did this too--it's very normal. I'm guessing that you are the primary caretaker. Not to worry. This is a stage and it will end.

When my son said "cruel" things like that to my husband, I would just reinforce how much we love Daddy and have fun with him. Your son is two, and not capable of really understanding what he is saying. It's not that he doesn't like his daddy, it's just a normal part of kids' development--when they recognize how important Mommy is in their life. Hopefully your husband is handling this well--my husband would say, "Mommy is great, I love her too" and "I'm going to play with you/take care of you now, because I love you too."

Steel yourself for the day when your son will say "I want Daddy, not Mommy"--it's very normal for kids to express different preferences from time-to-time.

:-) D.

This is normal, and will come back at you one day so tell him not to take it personal.

Your son is with you 24/7, and he sees that you do everything for him, when daddy does it he does it diffrent then you therefore it's wrong and he doesn't like daddy because it's wrong. (now remember this is only in they're eyes)They can't get past the doing it different to realize that it all worked out the same in the end. This is where mommy time comes in, you need to let them do things together, something that you don't do with him, ( so he can't compare dad to you). This way he will see daddy as good to be with to, just different then mommy. This is a great time for you to go out with the girls, or go to the store or take a bath. My son loved playing games with his daddy. Candyland is perfect for his age teach him colors daddy, or go to mc Donalds or the park, walks, ice cream. There is alot of things they can do together including dinner for mommy. But the older he gets the more he will love his daddy. Good luck! J.

Oh yes, it's def. just a stage and SO common for a toddler to say that. Afterall, mommy's his world! I don't know why they have to enunciate that(!) but it certainly doesn't mean he doesn't love his daddy. I guess he's just stating how important YOU are to him. This phase can be very short, in my experience with our own children and friends' children, but it can also be a pattern for him. But when he's older, if he still DOES prefer you, I doubt he's gonna keep actually saying it because you'll be talking to him about that and supporting how much "you mean to daddy" etc. Tell daddy to hang in there and don't take it seriously.
M.

Enjoy it while you can. It won't be long and he will push you aside for his dad. At least that's how it was for me when my son was little. He is now almost 16 and asks daily, "When is dad going to be home." (He gets home about the same time everyday but my son anxiously awaits his return.) He loves me and we are still very close but he really enjoys spending time with his dad. Encourage your husband to invite your son to participate in the everyday type things he does. Watch him shave. Buy a toy razor and have dad share his shaving cream. Give him a sponge while washing the car. Toy mowers are great for following dad around the yard. You get the idea. My son loved those things and I have lots of pictures to remember them by. Now that my son is older they talk about cars,sports,girls,etc. Ride motorcycles, play soccer together and enjoy the same type of TV shows. It's a wonderful relationship that built and grew throughout the years. Tell your husband not to take it personally. Find things they can do together and step out of the way mom. It will be worth the effort!

My son does this too. Prefers to be with me sometimes over my husband. It is normal. Just encourage your husband to spend time with him, etc. Maybe have them go places together sometimes without you (to playground, etc.). Best of luck to you.

They will worship Daddy by the time he is is 5 years old and it will be ALL DADDY. So, be his hero while you can and enjoy your little boy love.

Your son loves you both, but needs his mommy bond right now. Daddy should still be there to help and take him away for little bits of time to give you a break.

Do not allow your child to disrespect the other parent. Back Daddy up by letting your son know that is unacceptable behavior and that you will not tolerate unkind words.

My first son was very attached to me, but somewhere around 2-1/2 to 3 he became attached to daddy too. He would push daddy away when he preferred me. My second son is super attached to daddy. I was ill and in the hospital for 9 days when he was only a month old. It has always been hard for me to see him so attached to his daddy, preferring daddy to me, and often saying, "No mommy. Daddy!" But it's totally a phase. Our younger son will be 3 in April, and in the past few months has been preferring me to daddy. So I really think it's just a phase they go through, and eventually it all evens out.

I was in a Mommy-n-Me class once when we had an open discussion time and (just the moms)one of the moms asked this very question. Out teacher, a childcare expert (and mom herself to grown kids)gave her this advice: (Hubby ought to love this one) She told her to "love up" on dad whenever the child was there, and with the child even. Sit on dad's lap or snuggle close to him. Give him hugs and say I love you. Making sure to include the child if he wants to be included in the hug, etc. The teacher said that if the child sees YOU being in love with daddy he may emulate that feeling/behavior. But I think this is very normal. Hopefully daddy can do something with him like take him to the park or something, just the boys. good luck.

This must really hurt your husband. Lead by example and get very excited to see Daddy, to sit with Daddy etc....

It's just a stage... my son was like this at that age... since then he's switched btwn us back and forth...

Girlll...enjoy it meanwhile the ball is in your court... right now I wish it was in my court... he's all about daddy right now, since I've been working a lot of OT since January and sometimes its hard to hear the I want daddy cry...

I know he loves me but it also hurts... :)

Enjoy...

I have the same situation as you. But the only thing is, it's my daughter that says those things. She only says it when she doesn't get her way. She is 3 1/2 yrs old. She would say "I don't love you anymore mommy, I love daddy only" vise versa when she gets into trouble by her daddy. I think it's just the way to make us feel guilty so we can feel bad and give them what ever they want. But i give them the same amount of attention since i stay home with my son and daughter most of the time. When there daddy gets home he plays with them as much as he can,even when he's so tired from work. I suggest that your hubby should play as much as possible with your son. He'll get over that stage. When he does he will be saying "I love you guys""I love you guys" every seconds.

don't worry it will change back and forth for yrs, right now you give him what he needs, but tell dad do not give up, and have dad make special time for him and son only no moms allowed, this is a common attitude

my son was the exact same way! but my hubby was not around much at all until my son was almost three. and that was around the time that my childs attitude changed. when his dad started to do special things with him like go to the beach or fly a kite or something exciting like play with his favorite RC car on the sidewalk, and sometimes my hubby would take my son to the ice cream parlor to get a treat! and he would read him storybooks at night and have long chats with him. now my son is 6 and he tells us that we are both his best friends.

it was like we had to have our daughter for my hubby to realize he was a dad, and she was a daddys girl. maybe that helped i dont know. but she was four months old and i was nursing her in bed and daddy lay down next to us and when she finished nursing she didnt even look at me once, she turned and stuck her arms up at daddy!! didnt even look at me!! so then i got my taste of it! now she is three and has a baby brother who is another mamas boy, and she loves spending time with me and everything is great. it seems to be the age, they favor one parent over the other until they realize both parent love them equally! hopefully!

good luck!!

Sounds like they need to spend some fun time together. I'm sure everyone will tell you that. You just need to step out of the picture and let them spend time alone together without you even being around. You can fix this....no problem. Just keep telling him that his daddy loves him and wants to have fun with him.
It's just a phase!
Good luck!