Something to Help a 5 and 11 Yr Old Who Has Lost There Mom

Those little boys are in my thoughts and prayers. Maria Shriver wrote a great book called "What's Heaven" which is about a touching story of a mother who tries to console her young daughter after her grandmother's death by answering a series of questions.

I think the best thing you can do for them is be there for them. I can't imagaine what they are going through. I'm not sure if you have a lot of photos of their mom but I think making a small album (like a brag book size) with photos of their mom might be somewhat comforting to them.

Dear M.,

What a tragedy! They definitely need to talk about the way they are feeling, with you, or someone else that cares about them. A minister would also do a great job at understanding.

You might call your library to get some book suggestions.

There might also be a support group that could help the children, or help you to help them.

Please give them lots of hugs and understanding.

My prayers are with you all.

C.

"Freddy the Leaf" is great for young children. It is all about the life cicle. The book is out of print but I find them at used book stores. There is a video also. Our minister uses this in her sermons about life and it is truely great.

Gosh, I can't even imagine losing a parent at such a young age.

Would you think if they planted a tree and surrounded it with flowers or perhaps a stepping stone that they made, that that would give them something constructive to do and also help them to know that this is in memory of their mom and that if they ever need to talk to her they can go to that special place where they planted the tree.

Give them an angel to hang in their rooms so they can talk to her when they are missing their mom. or frame a beautiful picture of their mom and have them put it in their room so they can see her every night before they go to bed and when they wake.

So many things you could do.

My heart goes out to them. Hope the dad is okay too.
Many Blessings,
J.

This is a topic I know only too well. I lost my mother at a young age. My mother was only 26 yrs old. My family was ill prepared for this circumstance. Thankfully a family member had a cemetery plot they gave us. So you see, I know what it is like to lose a parent and the needs that go along with that situation; big and small.

You have to be very careful in how you treat these boys. Honesty, going too far makes us very uncomfortable. There were some people that acted extremely different to me (sometimes people to this very day still do) and I didn't even want to be in the same room with them. Most people, thank the good Lord, will never know what it is like to be that scout, myself or others like us. Because of that though, most people don't know how to behave round us.

Those of us who have gone through this type of tragedy are touched by people's support. But there is a limit. Going too far makes us feel separated from everyone else. That is the last thing that anyone intends but it happens. I have personal experience from my own childhood with people bending over backwards to make me feel included but most times it worked out just the opposite.

You'd also be surprised how uncomfortable some people get round child who have lost a parent too early. These people will try to disassociate themselves as much as possible. Sometimes these people are family members, who think the child reminds them too much of the lost parent. My father did just that.

At the funeral/wake, let the family know you are there no matter what time of day or night. But otherwise, treat them all the same as you did yesterday. Stand back and watch for a "need" to present itself. Then if you can, fulfill that need. Maybe when the stores have their school sales in a couple months, talk to the father and ask him as long as you're at the store for your children if he wants, you can also grab some things for his boys.