Some Advice Needed

I know this sounds silly, but have you watched the show Super Nanny. She has a technique she uses for getting children to sleep in their own beds. All my children are grown up but I've used her time-out technique with my Grandson and it works.
You can go to www.supernanny.com.

I have read professional advice regarding situations like yours. What is suggested is making your child stay in bed by tucking her in, then sitting on her bedroom floor, if necessary, until she falls asleep. Every time she gets up, you explain to her that she is a big girl and needs to sleep in her own bed, then physically place her back in bed. You might have to do this 10+ times in one night.

This takes a lot of time & patience, but it works if you will remain consistent. She has been allowed to sleep in your bed for three years now, so it will take some time to undo the habit.

My almost 3 yr old son went through a brief period of waking up in the night and trying to sleep in our bed - yep, that lasted for one night. Then the next night, I put a complete stop to it. At that point, I realized this is not just a nightmare thing -- it's starting to be a dependent on mommy to fall asleep thing. And he's big enough now that he needs to learn how to go back to sleep on his own. I immediately got up when he tried to crawl in bed with us on the 2nd night, and said "no, no, no. it's still night-night time and matthew needs to go to bed in his own big boy bed. you're a big boy and you sleep in your bed. and mama sleeps in hers." He cried and protested a lot. But i didn't let that stop me. I took him by the hand and we both walked back to his bed. I stayed by his bedside for a little bit, explaining why he needs to stay in his bed -- explaining on his vocabulary level. That he's a big boy... and big boys sleep in their own bed.... so-and-so is a big boy and he sleeps in his own bed every night (i used friends and family names as examples -- these were older boys he looks up to).

And he did cry when I walked away and closed the door. But I was stern and kept saying "no you're a big boy. now go night-night. close your eyes and go to sleep." I left him while he was still crying in his room. But he didn't get up again. He probably cried for a minute after I left his room and then he went to sleep. You have to be stern and let them know you mean business. Or else they know they can get away with anything....and this is a VERY impt issue. Especially to husbands. I believe, if you want to remain happily married, the children have to sleep in their own beds. Husband and wife intimate time is very crucial to a marriage and a husband needs to know that you value him just as much as you do your children. Besides, you need your time away from the kids at some point in the day, too. Night-time is the best time for that.
I also put a knob protector on the inside of his door. This worked for a while until he figured out how to open the door. I still have a baby monitor in his room so I can hear if something's really wrong. And the monitor plays music (just by pushing a button) so he's learned to lull himself back to sleep if he wakes up in the middle of the night by pushing the button on his monitor. If something's extremely wrong I can tell by the nature of his cry, and I don't mind going into his room and comforting him. But never bring the child back to your bed. Stay in their room and their bedside to comfort them. And then leave. This teaches independence and confidence, which is ultimately what we want our children to be.
I've also heard of moms putting high locks on the doors of their child's bedroom door so they would learn to stay in their room to sleep. They still have a video/audio baby monitor so they can tell if something needs attention. But you do what you feel comfortable doing. I never really needed locks on the outside of his door. He's respected what I tell him so he doesn't get up in the night anymore. But you use what works for you.
Don't give up though. It may be a rough week first few days, but that's because she's used to getting her way. Stick with it. Intimate time with your husband needs to be high on the priority list; men need to know that their wife wants to have alone time with them. Feel free to email me if you have any other questions.
~A.

There is a great book out called: The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers. By Elizabeth Pantley
I highly recommend this book. You should be able to check it out of the library.
B.

Hi C.,
Our son did the same around 3 years. The only thing you can do is bring her back to her own bed and tell her she has to stay there. Sometimes you end up doing that 4 times a night, because everytime she wakes up again she will come to your bed again. This will take a while. It took my oldest son maybe even 6 months. Be very consistend, bring her back every single time, even if you're dead tired and it is tempting to let her sleep next to you.

Of course you know about giving her a sticker every moring when she has slept in her own bed for the whole night...

And we lock our door when we have sex. When one of our kids knocks on the door (very surprised that the door is locked because its always open) I put on a bathrobe, bring him back to his bed, lock the door again and we continue :)

I know of 3 friends of mine who put a lock on their childs bedroom door. Personally i don't like that idea. I rather wake up 4 times a night and bring him back. But if it works for you, just do it! Every child is different.

Good luck. Take a deep breath, it will take a while...

I.

When my daughter went through this stage I read you have to repeatedly just take them back to their room. Over and over again. You will have a few sleepless nights but I promise it won't be forever. Unless you cave in one night and let her do it! So be strong and let her know that everytinme she will be taken back to her room. My daughter is 10 now, sleeps in her own bed, and now I have a 2 year old that I am sure will present me with the same challange!

I have also heard of using a baby gate to keep them in and taking off the door and replacing it with a screen door.

we put a child gate on our daughter's door. We did it because her bedroom is upstairs, ours is down, and we were afraid she would stumble down the stairs in the dark. It's worked for us.

Sounds like you all have established something of a "routine" with Hannah - so it may be a little hard to break, but if you are dilligent you can establish a different bedtime/nighttime sleep norm. My sister moved her son from the crib to a "big-boy bed" she found she had this problem as well. To correct, at first she tried lying with him on his bed until he would fall to sleep - then she snuck out of the room and went to her own bed. This worked for a while but then occassionally he would get up in the middle of the night or early, early in the AM and she was concerned about him wondering about the house in the night unsupervised. She ended up taking the child safety door knob thing and put it on the inside of his room door (instead of the outside) - while some would argue that it is a fire hazzard - it has worked well in terms of keeping him in his room during the night. She still uses a baby monitor in his room so she can hear him for saftey reasons. I also think you need to be diligent about not allowing your daughter to sleep in your bed. If she needs comforting - try giving her comfort in her own room instead of yours. You and your husband clearly need to the time and space to have a healthy relationship. You daughter will complain at first but eventually she will adjust if you are firm on what the ground rules are and you don't (even occassionally) give in.

Best wishes...