21 Month Old Is Too Smart for His Own Good!

My daughter is 21 months old and I can't imagine locking her in her room. Apparently I'm in the minority, but it just seems awfully mean to lock a toddler in a room alone. Then again, I also don't think "crying it out" is at all cool.

I know you're in a desperate situation since you're expecting within the next few weeks, so you're on a kind of time crunch with this. Is it at all possible to put him back in his crib? Maybe he's just not ready for a big boy bed.

I dont think it will scar him! Sometimes you have to do something like that to get them into a habit. Who knows in a couple of weeks you might not even need the safety knob cover!

It is definitely not inhuman. Actually feel blessed that he doesn't know how to take it off. A friend of mine had to do that with her daughter and no more then 30 seconds after she put her in her bed her daughter was up holding the door knob cover and saying "Here mommy" like I pulled this off you can have it. They are now in her toy box and she likes to put them on random doors in the house and take them off. So feel lucky.

To be frank, yes, I think putting a safety cover on the door is inhumane and also a safety hazard. He is your child, he is still a baby. He needs you to be there for him. But this is just my opinion and, I am not the mama. You are the mama and you have to do what is best for you and your family.

Is he ready to drop his daytime nap? He may be about to go through something developmental, he may be teething, he may be getting sick, he may be aware that something big is happening.

I would not use the door knob cover nor allow him to CIO. You want him to learn that you are there for him when he is having trouble sleeping or scared, not the opposite.

Personally, I would allow a 21 month old to sleep with us in the bed if it were that important to him. I feel doctors are wonderful for their medical advice, not their parenting advice. Perhaps a pallet on your floor will make the transition easier?

I personally will not do anything that "locks" them in their room. I feel that as adults we just need to stick with it. Just keep walking him back to his room and soon he'll get the message and he will stay there.

Think about it. Do you want someone to take absolute control and lock you in? That's got to be pretty scary and I wonder what message it gives? What if he truly needs you? Personally I think it's the lazy way of handling your child but giving a great excuse as to why it should be done. and for everyone who thinks it's ok - call CPS and ask them their opinion.

children are small only once I am the mother of 3 11yr,9yr,and 3yr and all of my children slept in the bed with me (family bed)and I never had a problem w/any of them in fact my 3 yr old still sleeps w/my husband and I and we both love it because she is our last child and its not like as she is going to go off to college still sleeping in the bed w/us. I know that you are 8months preg.and if you dont want him in the bed w/you thats okay but I DEFINETLY dont think you should put the door know cover on. This will promote fear of his room . My friend found that when it was time for the big boy bead that at night she had set a ritual w/him by reading him his favorite book (he picks out)laying in bed w/him until the end of the book said goodnight and told him its time for bed now see you in the morning. I hope this helps. Please what ever you do dont do the door knob thing again I almost cried just reading it.

Yes, locking him in his room seems inhumane (although, I guess you could say you have good intentions?). I don't understand why the move to a new bed is "per doctor request". Does your doctor co-sleep with you?
Studies have shown that "crying it out" can do damage on little babies. I can only imagine that having a toddler locked in a mostly dark room alone isn't doing any good.
My toddler willingly left to go to her own bed after her little brother came into the family bed. She couldn't stand the crying and diaper changes all through the night.
What's wrong with having your boy in bed with you until the newcomer makes him WANT to go to quieter sleeping arrangements?
Hope this doesn't seem mean, but it makes me sad to think your guy, in a time when he's going to need to feel wanted, is being sent to distant quarters.
All these moms who think it's OK to lock their kids in their room at night scare me. It's scary to think they think this is parenting... do they do it during the day when their child's presence is inconvenient to them?
And the ones whose kids just turn around and go back to bed... sounds like you're conditioning these kids to accept a crappy situation without question. Great life skill.
Good luck.

um.......in my...opinion..yes.

I am very much against locking a child in any type of area where he cannot see or hear others. It can be frightening to them and it is really not safe. What if they began to choke? What if they fell and landed funny, knocking themself unconcious? What if they got twisted in something and ended up stuck in a dangerous position? I know it may seem unlikely, but it can happen. Remember the kids that drown in 3 inches of bathwater?

I kept mine in their room by not letting them leave their bed. If they left the bed, they were promptly escorted back to it no matter how many times it took. They eventually gave up and decided that game was no fun. ;-) Occassionally I also would swat their little diapered bottom to reinforce they were to follow the guidelines set up for them.

When they no longer went to bed well at 8-8:30 I either got them up earlier in the morning, shortened day naps or did some activities to tire them out more during the day. Long walks, climbing on the swing set, etc.

I know how you feel. My two oldest are a year apart--it can be very tiring! lOL

You're doing the right thing mom!! Other people have advised you to not put the knob on the door and just keep walking him back to his room when he wakes up..please!! You have a newborn on the way you will be up in the middle of the night plenty without having to take your son back to bed all the time. I have a 3 month old son and I used to rock him to sleep or pace the room until he fell asleep. Finally I just had to put him down awake and let him cry till he fell asleep. At first it was so painful but each night the crying got less and less and I think that will also happen with your son. Before you know it you can take the knob off the door an he will stay in his room all by his self. Good luck!

Laura Fleming H: You have every right to raise your children the way you want and have the views that you have. However, I think it's very uncalled for, for you to come here and flame those that don't share your views. There are millions of people that believe in the CIO method and believe in letting their children become independent. I don't blast you for YOUR views on having a family bed and having your children be 100% dependent on you......so don't blast those that have different views than you do. Thank you.

I'm a SAHM to a 23 month old boy who is wise as well and we also have a 13 week old baby girl. Carter started climbing out of his bed after the baby came and waking up through the night. I was afraid he would hurt himself and I would not hear him in the night, even with a monitor on. So we put a baby gate on his door. I think he is afraid of the dark, so having the door open I think helped him alot. He still has trouble staying asleep through the night but atleast I know he is safe in his room. We didn't have these problems until our new arrival, but I know they will pass.

As for your boy, do whatever works. It sounds like that worked for you. I just like the fact that I can peek at him if I'm not sure what he is doing. Have fun!

Door knob locks are not inhumane. It's for their own good and safety. The last thing you want is JR. up walking around at night in Stealth mode while you are sleeping! I have door knob locks on my kids room too. My son was 3 before he could open it, but at least he can get to the bathroom now. My DD just turned 2 and she can get it open too. That's scary. I even tried "greasing the door knob" underneath the knob lock, she can still get it open. Now I just have to sleep with the baby monitor on SUPER HIGH so I can hear every little thing. like doors opening!!
Do what you have to to keep them safe at night.

I did the exact same thing with my 2.5 yr old son and it worked out great. He is now sleeping there great. I'm all about the doorknob cover.
K.

you're doing the right thing. you have to find a way to get your privacy/sanity and they don't understand that. my brady was 19 months when his now 10.5 month old sister, anna was born. he actually did really well and wasn't concerned in the beginning. now at 2.5, we crack his door and he knows he can't come out of his room. every night he falls asleep in his bed!
good luck to you!

I think it's perfectly fine. If for no other reason it's to keep him safe. If he's able to get out while you are sleeping, he could get into anything & might end up hurting himself. I'm having that very same problem with my 4 year old. He sleeps through the night just fine but likes to get up at 5:30 in the morning, even on the weekends. He likes to let the dog out of her cage, (she's not potty trained yet), climb up on the counters to get anything sweet out of the cabinets or the fridge. I put a lock on the fridge but he figured out how to open it. As far as his crying goes, as long as you know he's not hurt, dirty/wet or hungry, let him cry. He's just trying to get his way. He'll eventually make himself tired & he's got to learn that crying won't get him his way.

A.,

I don't know if I would use the doorknob things...it does seem a little cruel if your son happens to start being afraid of the dark, afraid to have the door shut, etc. Our son transitioned fine to his big boy bed...and only one time did he get up, wander to the living room and tell us we were supposed to be going to bed too (stinker). He has a moon nightlight in his room, but likes us to leave his door open also. No biggie, he seems to be ok falling asleep in less than 20 min even with the noise. I would definitely not lay with him...and if he won't stay in bed, try putting up a gate and leaving the door open rather than the doorknob thing. Also, you can try to set up a chart where he gets a sticker or raisins or something for every night he gets in bed and goes to sleep without getting up. Or, sometimes when our son is goofing off in bed for too long, we'll tell him he has to go to bed quickly with the door open or we will have to shut his door. Usually, that puts him out in less than five minutes. It may be too, that the new arrival is having an effect on him. Try to break him of it soon for your own peace of mind when the new baby arrives! Congrats!!!

TO each his own.Do what works for you.You child will soon learn that he isnt getting out of his room and will probably stop trying.You will have a baby soon and they take alot of time so the less you have to do the better.But if you dont feel right doing the door knob thing then try other things.Try letting him listen to classical music or lett him runn around a lot before bed to wear him out.Baths tend to be calming.What ever you do i think the most important thing is to find something that works and stick to it.Make a bedtime routine and your son will soon learn what to expect.

No its fine, and you are lucky that he only cried for 15 minutes! He was obviously tired and he needed to sleep you did the right thing! Good job mom!

Hi A.,

I just wanted to let you know that when daughter was 19 months old, she started crawling out of her crib. I put her in a toddler bed and we had to "lock" her in her room at night. She would cry and cry and even fell asleep in front of the door and I couldn't even get it open. Of course it upset me but the point is she is now 8 years old, not scarred and is a wonderful little girl who has good sleeping habits. You have to do what works for your family. He won't remember these things years later and you are giving him the gift of learning to sleep on his own and he will sleep better and you will sleep better which you need right now.

My little boy started crawling out of his bed at 14 months and I had to get a crib tent for his bed. He likes it and I feel he is safe.

Don't let other people make you feel bad. You know what is best for your babies. God gave you your babies and the instinct to care for them.

I would have one for kids. It is a safety thing so that they won't get out when you are all sleeping at night.

I have a little different view. My husband and I decided not to put the child gate or door knob covers on our son's door. Simply put, in case of an emergency we wanted them to be able to get out. It is hard but if you keep walking them back to bed they will learn. We haven't perfected it by any means, b/c my youngest just turned 3 and every once in a while he gets out of bed around 3am and gets in our bed. I hold him for a few minutes, then take him back to bed.

15 minutes to cry is nothing. I am so happy to see someone with sense. I see over and over parents who can not get their children into their own rooms or beds. We never let our children sleep with us years ago. They thought it was bad and I wish I had done it more. It was would have been to adictive when I divorced and there was no man there to snuggle with kids but I never did. When my son was little he scared me as he would get up from his room and I never heard him. One day he had 12 eggs lined up on the table all in a row. Another time he ate a bite of raw hamburger and that was the last straw. I feared the medicine cabinet would be next. So I got one of those door knobs. He would knock on the door when he woke up and I always knew he was there. Kids hide when there is a fire and I had people question what about fire? I always felt safer knowing he was not going out the front door or I would always know where he was. So hats off to you. You need to get him trained for this for the new one and he will be just fine. God Bless G. W

I understand that the timing is not good, but I don't think the tactic will scar him. Crying for 15 minutes & then sleeping through the night is well worth it. Better to get it nipped in the bud before the new baby gets here or he will really have adjustment issues. I think you are kind for being concerned, but he will be fine & let you all get the much needed rest before #2 arrives. Good luck!

I did the same thing and my son. He has to learn to soothe himself back to sleep. Our daughter has not tried to get out yet but we have the door knob cover in her room also. Don't worry about it...I know it is hard but he will be just fine.

We use a baby gate in the doorway for our 2 year old. That way he can see out, he can call to us if needed but he has a visual barrier that lets him know that he really does have to stay in bed...at least in his room. We did this after a few weeks of trying to put him back to bed every 5 minutes for sometimes hours. He does great going to bed now and we take down the baby gate and close the door after the kids are asleep. Then if he wakes in the night he can open his door and come to our room.
You have to do what works for you. 15 min. crying is not much and you will have a much better rested child so your days will be better too. It sounds wierd, but I know for a fact that my children go to bed much easier if they are well rested and they sleep longer if they are not overtired.
Good luck to you!

no it's not inhuman. He needs to know where he should sleep. In a month or so take it off and see how he does.
A.

We've been using the door knob cover on my 3 year old son's door since he transitioned to the big boy bed a couple of months after turning 2. We tried to go without it, but he kept getting up and coming into our room or the game room (if we were watching TV). I didn't want to think about him doing something like that if we weren't awake - who knows what he might get into. And my son can climb over the gate, so that wasn't an option (plus, his room is at the top of the stairs, so he would be able to see us coming and going all evening - he goes to bed at 7, which means we pass his room for 3 hours before our bed time). He knows he can't open the door by himself, and he never tries. He's not at all traumatized! Oh, and the person who said to call CPS to ask their opinion? Well, my pediatrician AND my mother-in-law, who is retired from CPS, both think it's safer than not having him restrained in some way.

My son is 25 months, and we have been using the door knob covers for about a month now, and my son still gets up at night and tries the door, and when it never opens he crawls right back into bed. I think they are fine, as long as you aren't letting him cry for hours on end bannging on the door. Good luck!

You're not scaring your son at all. Most pediatricians will tell you to let the child cry it out if they won't stay in bed, or go to sleep. That's all you're doing. The only difference is this child can get out of bed and open the door.

One thing you may want to do is once he falls asleep take the door knob cover off, or leave his door cracked. That way if something happens and he does need you, or needs to get out of the bedroom, then he can.

My son is 2 1/2 and has NEVER gotten out of bed on his own-he even stays in and plays when he wakes up until we come get him in the mornings. I know, I'm lucky! We have always had a knob cover on his door though because I am afraid that one night he will decide to get up while I'm sleeping and somehow hurt himself. So I think it is the opposite of inhumane-it's a safety precaution.

Looks like you've gotten tons of advice--this along with should you be a SAHM, breastfeed til they're 1, 2, 3 or older, (or at all) all cause a firestorm of "I'm a better Mommy than YOU" replies!
The bottom line--you are the Mommy, you know your baby, and you sound like you love your baby with all your heart and have his best interests at heart. You are doing great--please don't change a thing. Best wishes for the new little one and let us know how things are going!

If you're worried about the doorknob cover try putting a gate in front of his door, but leave the cover on the doorknob. Then tell him if he won't stay in bed and go to sleep you'll have to shut the door.

That worked well with both my kids at that age. It won't scar him, my kids (5 & 4) are fine. We still have sleep issues sometimes, but they are all age appropriate and not related to the knob cover or door being shut.

I have 4 year old twin girls who share a room and I starting using them as soon as they got their big beds. When you wake up at 4am with noises in the house and realize your children have gotten out. Mine were playing in the gameroom with the pool table, which made me realize they could have gotten into something much more dangerous or even left the house. (I use my house alarm every night now, too)

After awhile, I would not even have to use it but they THOUGHT that it was locked and wouldn't even attempt to open the door. Then, finally one of them said to me that if the door were to "not be safety locked" they PROMISED they would not get up and out...and they didn't!

I found they gave me pice of mind while I was asleep!

(Some will argue it's dangerous in case of fire, etc but they smoke alarms should awake you to that rare possibility)

Good luck!

A., you described my daughter exactly! She moved to her big girl bed right before she turned 2, then about 2 weeks later, she started getting out and opening the door. We tried the baby gate and she climbed it. We stacked one over the first one, and she figured out how to get through anyway! After two or three nights, someone told me about the door knob covers. She wouldn't cry, just play in her room, then fall asleep on the floor. I would wait until the room was quiet and I knew she was asleep and go put her back in her bed. Finally after a week, she got back in her bed on her own. She has been a great sleeper ever since! She is 4 now and the knob cover is still on her door. We think it is much safer to know where she is. Her room is completely child proof. I can sleep at night or shower in the morning and know she is safe. Plus there is still a baby moniter in her room so if she needs me, she just calls for me.
There is really no difference in the door knob cover and the safety of a crib.
I hope this helps!

My daughter is also 21 months and her sleeping habits have turned into an absolute disaster! She too was a wonderful sleeper and then one day everything changed. I have no advise, I am anxious to see what other mom's say, because we have tried everything!! I have noticed a lot more mom's asking the same question lately, I think our children have turned into "Children of the Corn". They have all lost their minds, I couldn't imagine being pregnant and going through this nightmare. Good Luck!

Hi A.,

I think the doorknob covers are fine. It will just take a few days for him to learn that once he is in bed in his room, there is no in and out. I use it with my older son, who is in a toddler bed, and it is nice to know he is in his room and hasn't woken up and wandered the house.

Good luck and congrats!
C.