Social Skills for My 6 Year Old Boy

M. Ellen, you seem concerned, but personally I'm not concerned at all. Being amongst a lot of tall strangers is intimidation to a sensitive child. And that is OK.. Also, I know I have always taught my children to not speak to strangers, (I'm guessing have too) so don't be surprised if he is confused by your mixed messages.

Personally I'd squeeze his hand, and smile at the person in the crowd and say, I'm sorry, but he doesn't talk to strangers. Let him know it's OK to feel scared in this situation, and if you have any reservations about how he might be feeling, kneel down next to him and see what it'slike to be six years old in a crowd. Perhaps you'll get a better perspective on how he sees the world...

I love response that you got from Valerie S. I could say what she told you, plus perhaps that I do understand your son very well, even though I am waaay older. When I got engaged to my husband he was a very popular bachelor, never even engaged before, he was 44 and I was a European doctor who "managed" to "get" him. His friends and family (lots of lots of them....) were all very curious about me and all wanted to talk to me, and all were asking same basic questions that I had to respond to over and over again. They were nice, but all I wanted is for them to leave me alone finally. And I had to use all my adult strength and experience to remain nice and polite. I hated it after a while and dreaded all those gatherings.
I noticed that adults tend to pay a lot of attention to children and ask questions like "oh, and how old are you", "do you have any brothers or sisters?" "what did you get for Christmas"' "did Santa come to you", "is this thumb good" "are you shy?" etc. For crying out loud, sometimes when I hear people saying all these things to my daughter(especially the "thumb" thing, how rude!!!) I feel like saying "back off, leave her alone, or she will feel like an animal in the Zoo". We are adults, we should know better than that! I would say be with him, protect him, don't say "he is shy" in front of him, or even say something that shows you are proud of him, smile beautifully to cover his grumping and go on. He will outgrow it, get used to it or just learn to deal with it. With time he will be getting less and less attention and it will make it easier.
Good luck and say hello to your son from me (lol).

You need to find out why he acts this way. If he is automatically rude to adults he does not know there must be a reason for it. Does he feel uncomfortable around them and that's his defense? You cannot stop thsi behavior until you know where it comes from, try talking to him about it not in a negative way, don't tell him what he is doing is wrong, just ask him why, and then once you find the reason you can negotiate another way to deal with it.

heres the thing... how does he do with his peers?? if he has major problems socilalizing with his peers as well, then there may be another issue at hand like sensory integration issues, aspergers etc..
if its limited to just that situation, it may just be that he becomes overstimulated in crowds and 1 person speaking to him may be just more than he can handle in that situation...everyone has some sensory issues, we just dont realize it and as adults, learn to avoid situations that make us feel that way....

if u do feel its an issue there are social skills groups in montvale @ voicesnow and in mahwah at bergen mental health
and i have alos seen some in teaneck as well

There is an upside, hopefully your child would be safer from a preditor with his attitude toward strangers. His rudeness is most likely rooted in fear of strangers, and not wanting to be anti social.

Maybe roll playing at home will help teach him how to act. Practice giving him ques on when it is OK to be nice (when mommy says to say hello) and when not to approach strangers. Don't push him to touch the other person, or shake hands, because this will just increase his anxiety. It may take a long time before your son becomes more comfortable around people, but he is old enough to perhaps be reasoned with at this point.

Seems to me like you have taught him too well not to talk to strangers. Maybe that's a good thing. Why should he have to speak to someone he doesn't know? If it's a friend or co-worker you are introducing him to then just tell him beforehand that it's ok to talk to that person like he would a friend. Don't force him to say hello to complete strangers who otherwise don't mean anything to you. Be thankful he doesn't want to speak to them.

My intuitive sense is that he is simply protecting his psychic boundaries, as crowds and adults tend to be unthinkingly intrusive into a child's personal space. Perhaps the snarling is the only resource he has available to create that personal space for himself until he feels comfortable... The children being born nowadays are much more sensitive to energy than their predecessors. My six year old son used to snarl and growl at people, too, but it has drastically lessened, maybe because after some frustrated efforts to get him not to behave that way, I started to see it in the light I just described to you... So, hopefully that helps. There's an overabundance of stimulation in the world... I'm not that fond of crowds, either :)

Many Blessings,
U. C.