So Was I Horribly Wrong???

Sorry to say, the worst offender was you. I am extremely honest, but my opinion means nothing if it's just plain unkind. Saying that a child isn't cute is unkind. Remember, if you hadn't said anything, this whole thing wouldn't have happened.
Sorry.

Since you asked, yes, I think you are the party who was wrong here, not in part, but in whole. In my opinion, you exercised poor judgement, and saying you are a 'tell it like it is' person does give you permission to be rude or inconsiderate. You were not confiding a personal secret with a close friend, you were gossiping, it backfired and you got caught.

Sounds like you've done all the damage control you can do, so I'd just wait and see if Layne is willing to move past it.

People need to get over it and let it go. With that said you maybe outspoken and assertive and this does not give any right at all to to say that about a child. This makes you a mean person . You know they are all close friends. When you start losing friends because you have a big mouth, something has to change.

Well, it really does not matter who was more wrong, now does it? You should never have said something so mean about a baby, and he should never have had the bad taste to repeat it. He might have done so because he was tired of listening to you talk about people with brutal "honesty" when they are not there, but more kindly when they are. Not nice, but quite possible.

You are responsible for what you do. Your husband has nothing to do with this, you are a grown up, and you oepned your mouth, you take care of it and let your husband off the hook here. What JJ did does nothing to mitigate what you did yourself. You did not need to tell JJ a darn thing about being friends anymore, you just don't tell JJ (or anyone else) anything you don't want repeated.

It may be kind of late in life to learn this lesson, but you are never too old. You are out of line in thinking that it is excusable to say anything that comes to your mind just because you "call them like you see them." It is not true anyway, because you would not have said this to the child's parents- you apply a filter to your mouth then. It is not cute and funny, it is mean and nasty.

Learn the lesson here. Who cares what JJ learns about this. You need to look at you.

A side lesson is that people are defensive about their kids. You are defensive about yourself...that feeling is 100 times stronger when it is your child. You are fooling yourself if you think it would roll off you the way you said it would, especially if there were any truth to what was said, because that is just human nature. What in the world are these parents supposed to do about the "cuteness" factor anyway?

M.

Yes, you were in the wrong. You apologized for it, which is good. Being bluntly honest about something which you know will hurt someone, is not good judgement. The best thing to do, is swallow your pride and apologise to everyone involved, saying you did not intend to hurt anyone's feelings and it was a very mean thing to say, and ask for their forgiveness. Then just move on. You will probably have to take your "lumps" for this one.
Just remember the words Thumper from Bambi quoted, "If ya can't say nuthin' nice, don't say nuthin' at all." Pretty wise words for a cartoon bunny!

Holy smokes, you are OUT OF LINE. Sorry. =) Her baby may be ugly, but that's not the point. If you were willing to voice that thought out loud, then you have to be willing to accept the consequences. You're other friend (JJ) is just being childish and hurtful by repeating that information but you were the one who set the ball rolling. Call your friend Layne to apologize and watch what you say around JJ from now on.

There's a bit of double standarding going on here:

- You can be honest with JJ
- But JJ isn't allowed to be honest with Layne

As far as worst offender.. unfortunately, that's you honey.

Just like we teach kids not to point and say "Mommy that man is BALD" even if it's true... we have a social contract about loved ones. We don't call the girlfriends or wives of our friends fat (even if it's true), or that their kids are funny looking / ugly (even if it's true).

In anthropology there's an actual term "FLK" which stands for Funny Looking Kid. It encompassed everything from head malformations, to downs, to autism, to partially expressed dwarf genes, to just peculiar gene expressions. FLKs almost are always shown to have something "wrong" with them after a medical eval (usually some form of mental retardation, but not always). As a species we look for symmetry. (It's been scientifically proven, it doesn't matter what a person looks like, or what our "type" is... if someone has a high degree of symmetry... they're considered beautiful). We also show varying degrees of disgust on a really subtle level when the symmetry is off. The person is considered ugly. The closer the symmetry the more beautiful, and the worse the symmetry the uglier. Quasi Modo is a classic case of real non-symmetry... although even the most beautiful people found don't have perfect symmetry. On a real instinctual level we know that the more perfect the symmetry, the better the genes line up, and the far higher the chance it we will birth HEALTHY children. So these reactions towards beauty and ugliness go down really reeeeaally deep. (The brain studies done on people looking at pictures of symmetrical and nonsymmetrical people are amazing... even racists react positively towards beautiful people of the race they hate emotionally, but then their cortexes really light up like christmas trees, and they lie about the beauty... but the reactions we have go very very deep).

As parents, we are all fiercely protective of our children. And we know when something is "off" and according to our nature either get very very defensive & protective of our kids... or we chase them away... depending on if we love or are disgusted by them. No one in the world (in any culture) wants to have an ugly child... because we know... at gut level, that SOMETHING is wrong. And we know that other's will see that as well.

Your friend obviously loves his child... because someone attacking them was met defensively. Think of the movie with Cher and her son with Lion's Head... or Mama Gump. It may be true that one is ugly, and the other is stupid, but it's just mean plain and simple to say so.

I'm not trying to be snotty, just frank. I'm not even going to comment on the rudeness of making fun of a kid, just the rest of it. I have made the same mistake in saying something behind someone's back, so this is no judgment.

No, you really have no right to be mad at JJ. If you can't say something to someone's face, you shouldn't say it to someone else. Not that we all haven't done this at some point, but you can't be angry that you got caught talking behind someone's back. Did you learn nothing in high school?

The only person you should count on to be able to speak frankly about someone else without them running and telling others is your husband. I'm surprised that men are doing this, because honestly it all sounds like the girls I went to high school with. Yes, there are more important things to worry about, but you still messed up. This isn't even really "calling it like you see it" because- was JJ soliciting your opinion on Jack's looks? Or did you just offer it? If he point blank asked you what you thought of Jack's looks, then ran and told Layne, you would have some room to defend your actions. If not, you were just being mean-sprited and gossipy and so was he.

You shouldn't expect an apology from JJ. He shouldn't be spreading gossip and drama, but if there is anyone HE should apologize to, it's Layne for telling him something that serves no purpose other than to make him feel bad and cause problems. You absolutely shouldn't expect your husband to "talk to" anyone. He is getting caught in the middle of this drama and I'm sure he is not enjoying it. I'm surprised he isn't apologizing for you. You should just apologize to everyone involved (which it sounds like you have), and hope that they can all move on at some point. You are right, this is all utterly ridiculous, but it started with your comment.

Sorry M., No matter what you are the responsible one here. If the negative comment was never said then there would be no issue. As far a JJ that is odd that he repeated what you said, but maybe he didn't understand how personal the father would take it, seeing as he has no children himself. If I heard anyone said anything like that about my kid, you bet I would be pissed. I hope your husband does not loose a friend over your big mouth.

Wow. This all started with you.
Never , Never talk about other people's children. If anyone ever says something that mean about my child, I would be done with them.
Especially about something the child cannot change or control. His looks...

You have said you would have been upset if it was about your child but it would not have really gotten to you? Wait till it happens.. You will be like a lioness...

This is a time to to decide if your honesty is worth loosing friends and hurting peoples feelings.

Also would you want to be friends with a person like you that says these things and then blames others when peoples feelings get hurt?

Yes, JJ passed this along and should not have, so now this is a lesson to learn. If you do not say these things you have nothing to worry about. If you say these things, you have no control over where it goes from there.

As we mature our cute ways can become not so cute, because we are now adults. We are supposed to know better.. Always take the high road. Stay above these situations.

Apologize and take ownership for this situation.

When it comes to looks, the truth should never come out if it will hurt the other person/family. Everyone has their own idea about what is pretty, hot, cute, ugly and so on... if it was clothing and that specific person asked my opinion I would be truthful (in a nice way) BUT even if a baby does not look cute to me I would NEVER say anything that would upset the parents (to others/behind their back or to them).

Friends talk, they look out for each other, and this could have been seen as an attack... it upset them and I would be apologizing to the parents, In the end this is the situation you have started and even if you did not mean it to start an up roar it happened, apologizing to the parents is the right thing to do. Hopefully that will put out the fire and no friends will be lost... it may never be the same but try your best to be nice and curiosity at all times.

In my opinion, you were wrong, and way out of line. To call someones child ugly, especially when you all run in the same circle, was thoughtless. Of course it got back to the father, Layne is J.J.'s friend. Your husband has no reason to get involved in this, it is between you and the other 2 men. I would not expect my husband to defend me to his friends when I was clearly in the wrong. (some things should just never be said, even if we think them!)

Well, as long as we have your permission to call it as we see it.....

No mature adult who has compassion and consideration for their, or their husbands, life long friends would have said anything so mean and visious (sp?). And yes, I do think telling someone, even your husband's (NOT YOUR) close friend something like that is mean!

As for you thinking you would just roll over and let it slide off your shoulders if someone you considered a friend went behind your back and called your child ugly, I call your bluff! No way would a mom stand for that. My husband and all of my kids have big heads, I call my hubbie a q-tip when he shaves his head, but joking around with friends in jest is totally different than what you did. We let people know it didn't bother us by calling it out ourselves early on.

Should JJ have said anything? NO! IMHO he was being just as mean as you in doing so.

And just for the record, I do not think this is just some wierd guy jealousy thing. It seems to me that you think way too highly of yourself if you think a grown man would tattle because he is jealous of "someone like you" that he could never see himself married to. He most likely tattled (and he shouldn't have, I need to make that clear) because he was shocked that you could say something so mean.

Even people with strong personalities need to learn and understand tactfulness, class, and how/when to keep their mouths shut!

Horribly wrong!

I think everything is said, but it all sounds so much like High school...

I would say you were in the wrong here. If you did not specify that what you said to JJ was in confidence then you have no reason/right to think he will keep it between the two of you. I am not sure why he told Layne what you said, as it clearly would only cause hurt, but he certainly has the right to do so, unless you asked him not to.
I think the best thing to do is apologize to Layne (and JJ if you have been hurtful to him over this). Then let them decide if they wish to still be friends with you.
Speaking your mind can be a good characteristic, but it can also bring trouble, as you have mentioned. Especially when it comes to other people's children, that can be such a sensitive subject. Not everyone can brush things off as easily as you. It would probably benefit you in the future to try to gain a little more perspective on when it is time to bite your tongue. If it is something you would not say to the person's face, then you probably shouldn't say it at all.
I hope things get better between you all.
S.

There are plenty of answers, but here's my two cents:

The original post sounds very high school to me as does some of the updated post. I think the best thing is to walk away from the situation. What's done is done and now you have to deal with whatever the fallout is.

I do think that having a group of friends from high school being your social network tends to keep people in a high school mindset. I think that it is time for you to branch out and make new friends that aren't from the high school days.

I have many friends who are assertive and outspoken, but have never been rude. Your comment was rude and immature. It's best if you find other people to hang out with so that you can begin to mature and have a "fresh start" now that you've learned that if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all!

Oh and by the way, I've moved from PA to NC 7 years ago and many of my friends from PA have only visited once or twice and some not at all. I do not expect them to. I think it's ridiculous to ask that of people. Money is tight for a lot of people and to expect them to make the trip to visit is absurd. There are phones, email, facebook, skype and all sorts of ways to maintain contact. It's sad that you have those expectations for people.

Good luck to you and I hope you're able to branch out and get a fresh start with some local friends. I think it will do you and yours a wonder of good to leave the high school drama behind.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So is ugly. I tend not to comment on other peoples kids, but I try not to gush over bragging about my own. (For instance, if some one asks me about another child, I'll typically say my own child has me so charmed I hardly notice other kids, but I'm sure they are wonderful!) Sometimes a kid really does have a face only a parent could love, but there is never a need to point that out. Before commenting, quickly think over a few things 1) Did they ask for your opinion? 2) Is it kind/diplomatic/tactful/etc? 3) Would you want others to say something like that about your child? 4) Do you want people quoting what you say to anyone else? Learning how and when to tell a white lie is a VALUABLE social skill. There are times when the absolute brutal truth comes in handy, but not nearly as often as you'd think. It can be a weapon, but you must learn to use it skillfully.
So you made a social faux pas. (Spreading gossip is bad, too but that's somebody else s problem and you can't fix that.) You've made your apologies, and now you'll have to live it down. Things like this become yesterdays news so quickly. Chalk it up as a learning experience. As long as you've learned something from it, it hasn't been a total disaster.

“Worst offender”

“Funny looking kid” vs ugly kid

“Unmarried one”

“Right to be livid”

By a landslide you are the “worst offender”. Prefacing that you the kind of persons that “says it like it is”, does not give you the right to make disparaging comments to a tight circle of friends and expect such comments not to get back to others. Cruel and rude comments about a child’s looks are especially offensive.

About the “unmarried one’s” comment about feeling sorry for his friend “your husband”, being married to a person like “you”. Glad you have apologized for your comments and no you do NOT have the right to be “livid” at anyone but yourself. You have earned the badge of “Dishonor” and hopefully have not done irreparable damage to your husband’s lifelong friendships. I would suggest asking forgiveness from all concerned including your husband.

Blessings…..

Well, you insulted a baby. That's a big NO-NO in my book. I would never insult someone's child. That is the quickest way to lose a friend.

Calling yourself "outspoken" is not a free liscense to be mean and cruel.

All you can do is apologize, apologize and then apologize some more, and hope Layne can find it in his heart to forgive you. I can't forgive easily when it comes to my child. But maybe he is a better person than me. Good luck.

I don't know if anybody was right in this situation! On one hand you really should have said something like that to anybody unless maybe it was your husband (more trust). Just because J.J. is a your friend doesn't make him any less of a friend to Layne. He might really feel what he did was justified, and I see his point of few, if my friend said that about another friend, I can't honestly said I wouldn't tell them. I wouldn't run right over but I don't think J.J. was completly wrong, and yeah there might be a little jealousy he's the last of the group and he probably feels that he's losing his friends. Unfortunately there are somethings in life you just need to keep to yourself and the appearance of babies are one of them.
Lets face it NOT ALL babies are cute, its a fact deal with it. BUT that doesn't mean you make fun of how they look if you know its going to get back to the parent because not every parent will react the same you. It may not bother you and it could be enough for some to through away a friendship over and even if they don't stop being friends with your husband, they probably will with you. After awhile your husband is going to have to choose, you or his friends and if he's a good man he's gonna choose you but he's going to lose his oldest friends and unless you are completely heartless thats going to bother you.
I would recommend getting on the phone, email, txt, send a smoke signal whatever you have to do to rectify this, because something as little as this (to you) can ruin a lot of relationships (marriages, friends, whatever).
..PS you were in the wrong!

let it lay you said your apologies and your husband doesnt owe anyone anything. time heals all wounds if the friend with the not cute baby comes around make sure your busy until the tension clears. Make sure you have to go to the store even if you dont' have to. give them guy time and your husband will have a way of making it pass faster. men relate to men differently and know what to say when women don't.
you should never have said it even if it is true and tattle tale should have kept his mouth shut. that is something no parent wants to hear about thier child even if they know its true. it hurts feelings. lay low keep your mouth shut silence is golden. I am the same way you are and sometimes when you put your foot in your mouth the best way to make it pass is to avoid the situation. lay low and keep your mouth shut but don't tell tattle tale anything ever again. I would avoid him like the plague. make sure you have to go to the store when he is over or whatever. go have coffee and enjoy your me time. he will get the point.

Apparently this JJ person didn't meet you 3 seconds ago, he knows your personality and that you "speak it like you see it"! Women are usually the ones being accused of all the gossip. I find it odd that a man would do this. JJ gained nothing by 'telling' what you said. His approach should have been to tell you he was disturbed by what you said and to refrain from talking about that child in an undesireable manner in his presence. That I could respect. Tattle-telling...ridiculous that's for 3 year olds! Not every kid is cute, if you were making an observation in front of your hubby and someone you both considered a trusted friend then he shouldn't taken it to the next level. Lesson learned: in the future keep your observations about 'ugly' kids between you and your husband....LOL

JJ should never have repeated that. It's hurtful, and there is no good reason to tell him you said that.

You don't need to involve your husband in your arguments. Try to let all of this fade away. Enough's been said.

I've known people who don't know when to bite their tongues and as some others said, you could very well be the reason these people don't make time to visit! I would never say something like that amongst mutual friends. You say it to your husband alone if you want to.

Why JJ felt the need to say anything to Layne when nothing good could have come of it, I don't know. Perhaps JJ feels that you are a fickle friend because of your choices and that is the actual point he feels he is making Layne aware of.

I mean, who talks about their friend's children like that?? Saying the day after he was born that your son has a big head is not necessarily the same thing. My oldest had a big head when he was born and a lot of people pointed it out, not to make fun of him or say it made him ugly, but to sympathize with me at the thought of delivery or to share my thankfulness for ending up with a c-section!

Funny thing is, I am a pretty upfront person as well. I don't always hold my tongue and I am definitely NOT a doormat for people but even *I* would never say something about a friend's child like that.

I hate to say it but you were in the wrong on this one. JJ shouldn't have told Layne what you had said but sometimes people slip and knowing that he's part of this circle of friends that includes Layne, you should have known better than to say a unflattering comment about a mutual friend's baby for that very reason. Whether or not what you said was the truth is beside the issue; it was unkind. I can tell from your post that you are very defensive about this issue and making all kinds of excuses but you need to make things right and apologize to Layne. It all started with you and your unkind comment and it was forseeable that if you tell one friend of a friend, then the friend that you are talking about will end up hearing about what you said. Nobody likes hearing that a friend thinks their baby isn't cute or is ugly (it's pretty much the same in a new mother's eyes). I would like to say this kindly but I think you need to hear it straight: Please put your ego aside and make things right.

JJ sounds like the typical friend who you have to watch what you say around- and also a person that likes attention. I've had a couple of acquaintances like that. Same situation- they were in a circle of friends and we tolerated them. I'm also not so sure if you should have even addressed JJ on what he did. He chose to deliver the bad news, and that particular choice is his burden. I'd let him deal with that and only apologize to Layne about it and that's it... I'd move on. I would not personally stop being friends from it, though- that might potentially sever other friendships in that circle of friends.

As far as you saying the baby wasn't cute- gosh, that isn't all THAT bad! I would've however, only gave that opinion to someone who I knew could handle that kind of thing and take it w/o much thought. And I would not have said it in the presence of someone I didn't know very well (JJ's new girlfriend)- I wouldn't want that person to get a bad impression of me at first. I'm VERY open-minded, but only am I so to those I know REALLY WELL. So, I think you were wrong in the choosing of who you said it to.

In my honest opinion I would let Layne & J.J. both know that I apologized for what I said, even if the child has 3 heads, he's still someone's child. Then from there I would leave the rest of it up to your husband and the two of them to patch things up.

It's hard when you are honest all the time and that's a characteristic I have as well that has caused some problems. The best thing to do though would be to acknowledge that maybe you were out of line and see where things go with the guys. Good luck & it takes a strong person to do what you are doing.

You have already received so much input on this topic, I will try not to repeat all the good advice given by others.

But I did want to point out a few things that came to mind as I read your post. First, you owe your husband an apology. Regardless of how close you feel like you are or aren't to his old friends, they are still his longtime friends. You may have put a permanent wedge between him and people who have been important enough to him to keep in touch in spite of different friends getting married, having kids, and moving. However lightly you may regard the significance of this, it takes a strong friendship to survive so many changes. By virtue of being married to you, your husband is automatically involved in this whether he wants to be or not, and it as good as comes from your husband when you say and do things. Think about this next time you are with him and his friends and feel the urge to "call it like it is".

Second, you may want to have a long, hard think about the common trends of your behavior when you are around, in particular, your husband's circle of friends. Perhaps there is a good reason why none of them are eager to come visit you more. If you have a history of "calling it like it is" that people have previously tried not to take offense over, it might also go a long ways to explain why J.J. and Layne were discussing the incident. But where people may have been willing to suck it up when these kinds of comments were directed at them, for you to turn it to a child shows these previously tolerant people something about your character.

This is not meant as an attack on you, but sometimes we need painful experiences to force us to evaluate our behavior and treatment of others. Learn as much you can from it, but that learning requires an honest look at yourself and complete ownership of the situation.

yaaa um you just dont say that about someones kid! I would be pissed too. I honestly wouldnt want anything to do with you eather b/c who knows what else you are going to say about me... they are right and you are wrong. if you have something to say about some one share it with your husband and no one else.

You've had plenty of responses, but I'll add that your entire post sounds like you are around 15 years old. Assuming you're quite older, be a woman and accept that you're truly at fault here. The next time you think something about someone else's precious child, bite your tongue.

I would sincerely apologize and then let it go. If they hold a grudge, they will soon forget about it.

You sound so much like me,lol. I say that if these people are such great friends they will get over it. We all say thing that would have been better kept to yourselves. But things happen and words come out. My girl is a handful and I know this. I am a teacher and when it came time for her to go into kindergarten they all told me that they did not wish her to be in their class. Most people would have been very upset that no teacher wanted this AG child. But she is mine and boy do I understand. I have came to realize that the things you say about others children that they get so upset about are usually true. That is why is gets to them, they have thought the same thing at some point. Hang in there.

You should be able to be honest with friends, but sometime it is better to keep our mouths shut.

When I had my now 5 yr old - we went to a family get together of my hubby's... everyone kept making comments about my son's head. I couldn't figure out why they kept telling me how nice & round he head was, asking me questions about his head... he head looked the same as my other 2 - it was really strange to me. About an hour later my hubby's cousin walked in w/ her son... he is just a little older then my boy. I figured out really quickly why my son's head was the main conversation... her boy had areally flat head. It did look really weird, but no one said anything to her about it. He still has an odd shaped head, but I would never tell her about it & I will/haven't talk to anyone about it but my hubby.

As to friends... I don't have much luck w/ them. All mine took off when I become a mom & wife at 17. And I have a really hard time connecting to people because of them all running out on me. Friends come & go... but your spouce is important. Don't forge him to do anything... be understanding.

Hopefully time will smooth things over a bit. Just try to understand that once something is said - it can't be taken back. I wish you luck!

Never say anything you don't want or expect to be repeated. When it comes to one's children, negative comments are usually best left unsaid. That being said, JJ was a trouble maker by telling Layne because all it did was cause hurt feelings and stirred up trouble.
BUT we are all responsible for our own life and results of what we say, do and think. You did the right thing by apologizing to your husband and to his friend Layne. Learning a little tact is never a bad thing. It is okay to "say it like it is" but not without being asked for your opinion or if it is going to hurt someone else.
Glad you and your husband have come to terms with this. It is a lesson learned and move on.

I feel sometimes it's best to keep somethings to yourself and not let everybody know how you feel. People have a way of talking too much and true even though you said what you said I don't think it right that JJ told Layne what you said, but if you had never said what you said you wouldn't be in this situation. If JJ had asked you how you felt about Layne's son and you told the honest truth that would have been one thing but it sounds like you just made a comment without thinking of the consequences. Words do hurt and they destroy friendships which I think know you may see that. So like I say sometimes it's better to keep somethings to yourself.
I hope everything works out for you and you are able to rekindle the friendship of some old friends. Good luck and God Bless

Outspoken and assertive is one thing. To me that means that you wouldn't let someone walk all over you, that you have no problem defending yourself, ect. That does NOT mean that you can say that someone's child is funny looking! Sorry mama, you lose. You were in the wrong.
Say what you want to say AS IF the person you are talking about is standing right next to you. Would you have said that the child is funny looking if his parents were standing right next to you? Probably not. Which means that you made the mistake.
I kinda laughed at your "what happened." ALL children's heads are huge when they are born, that would not be offensive. If they said, oh look, your baby looks kind of clownish, that would!

I agree with most of the posts that you are at fault but here are a couple more things. Acknowledging that you "call it like you see it" does not make it ok to continue to do so. Also, it seems to me like you are trying to be upset with JJ to avoid taking responsibility for your own actions.
I hope this is a learning experience for you.

Although I would have found your comment hurtful, JJ needs to keep his mouth closed (:

I've been watching the comments you have received since this morning and was shocked to read some of them, but what do you expect from a whole bunch of women? I think everyone makes mistakes. I do think that if it is in your heart you should call Layne to apologize. It is much more personal and more sincere than email, FB etc.

A lot of people on here have really lashed out on you but it is difficult. When my son was born via c-section the doctors were talking about how big he was...he was going to be a linebacker..etc. Then in the nursery one of the nurses had the nerve to tell me that none of the other nurses wanted to care for him since he has "the big baby". He was 8lbs 13 oz. Give me a break but needless to say I was pissed by all the comments. People are very protective of their babies. Good luck and don't let all the comments get to you, I'm sure the majority of people talking negatively wouldn't say it to your face.

Clearly JJ is an a$$ for saying something to Layne. Almost as if he was trying to cause trouble. I wouldn't want to be friends with him either. However, if your husband does, let him. He really didn't do anything to be put in the middle of all this, so he shouldn't be asked to choose a side. And who knows with time maybe you and JJ will be friends again too. As for you, ya you shouldn't have said what you said and you know that. But that being said- you wouldn't have said it if you knew JJ was going to run and tell Layne. So this is by no means all your fault.
I would just apologize, which you've done, and let things settle for a while. The boys will work it out and hopefully it will all blow over.

omg..what a tough position you're in. JJ is an idiot for one. Why on earth would you tell anyone that you or someone else thinks their kid is ugly?!?! That's just rude and can only lead to hurt feelings. Now trust me- I've certainly made my comments- but never directly to a parent...that's common sense! It sounds like JJ was trying to hurt you and not thinking about Layne's feelings.

I think you've done all that you can do- emailing and apologizing. I wouldn't end a friendship over it- it'll only make things more difficult for your husband- but just keep those lips sealed around all of them.

With him saying he couldn't marry someone like you- I find that kind of rude too. Either way- the two people that are going to be hurt the most by this are Layne (for having his child insulted) and possibly your husband if the friendship doesn't last.

What's your husband going to do? I think it's best that this just be dropped. Trust me- Layne and his wife are never going to forget what you said. But hopefully it can be pushed under the rug and the "friends" can be cordial in future gatherings.

No matter what you said, JJ should not have said that to the father. It is only hurtful and what did he think he was gaining by being hurtful to his child. Yes, you probably shouldn't have said what you did, but you did it within close company that you thought was going to keep it a secret. All you can do now is apologize to the father of the child (like you did) and I would be sure to keep my mouth closed around JJ. Apparently he can not be trusted.

Wow, I hate when I put my foot in my mouth and you feel like there is nothing you can do to make it better! That is the worst feeling! First I do think that your husband should not be mad at you. I think he should tell JJ, "man, c'mon, this is my wife. I understand she shouldn't have said it but it was not your place to tell Layne. I am sure you have said many things in your life that were to be kept secret between us and now you have broken the trust, let's move on". Then I think that you should write Layne a letter or email telling him that you have put your foot in your mouth and although no words that you say can take it back you want him to understand that what you said was not meant in the way he heard it. Tell him that you DID say that he was not that cute but that many kids are not that cute when they are young. You were not trying to be mean. Tell him that you absolutely were wrong and completely take responsibility for what you said. You hope he can forgive you. Then be done with it. Your husband should respect you for doing that. JJ cannot be trusted anyway, even if you said something you shouldn't have, it was not his place to tell it. He sounds like a teenage girl telling secrets! He is a big baby and does sound jealous. Your husband should see that too if he has matured over the years of being married. I am sorry you are having to deal with this but honestly is the only way to try and smooth this over. Good luck

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Wow, I hate when I put my foot in my mouth and you feel like there is nothing you can do to make it better! That is the worst feeling! First I do think that your husband should not be mad at you. I think he should tell JJ, "man, c'mon, this is my wife. I understand she shouldn't have said it but it was not your place to tell Layne. I am sure you have said many things in your life that were to be kept secret between us and now you have broken the trust, let's move on". Then I think that you should write Layne a letter or email telling him that you have put your foot in your mouth and although no words that you say can take it back you want him to understand that what you said was not meant in the way he heard it. Tell him that you DID say that he was not that cute but that many kids are not that cute when they are young. You were not trying to be mean. Tell him that you absolutely were wrong and completely take responsibility for what you said. You hope he can forgive you. Then be done with it. Your husband should respect you for doing that. JJ cannot be trusted anyway, even if you said something you shouldn't have, it was not his place to tell it. He sounds like a teenage girl telling secrets! He is a big baby and does sound jealous. Your husband should see that too if he has matured over the years of being married. I am sorry you are having to deal with this but honestly is the only way to try and smooth this over. Good luck

Well, I think ending a friendship over something like this is ridiculous! This is something that will just have to blow over. As far as him telling Layne, it probably just came out in conversation and he was not "telling" on you. I would not make a big deal out of all of this. It sounds to me you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.

I would talk to Layne and just tell him that you know to him his son is cute, and that is all that really matters. Who cares about how I feel about your son. As long as he knows both his parents and family adore him; that is all that matters.

Best of Luck to you!

You started all this drama with some unkind and really unnecessary comments and it backfired on you...so yes I am sorry, this is all your fault. But...you are going to just have to sit back now that you have apologized to everyone, and wait to see how they react. You also need to learn from this experience...start thinking twice before you speak....be kind...be considerate and dont say ANYTHING to someone about someone else that you wouldnt be willing to say to that other persons face. Words can be SO hurtful...and once they are out there...there is no taking them back. Being a "tell it like it is person" is a whole lot different than being cruel, sarcastic, and just plain old mean. There is nothing more precious to a Dad than his newborn child..and to hear someone say something unkind or negative about that baby is sure to be just like a knife to his heart.
If you learn from this and remember it the next time an unkind comment comes to mind...then it isn't an entirely negative situation!!!

i do think you made a big mistake. but you have apologized for it. i commend you for that. but no, i don't think that you can really be mad at JJ, you said yourself that he isn't your biggest fan to begin with, of course his loyalty will be with "his boy". if your husband had said it, it might be a different story, but it wasn't "his buddy", it was his buddy's wife. yes, it will be ackward, there's no getting around that. you said something you shouldn't and that's part of paying your dues. i agree that a lot of newborns are NOT attractive. personally i think babies are WAY cuter a few months in. but it's something else all together to say it. just put yourself in their shoes, i would be SO hurt and self conscious if someone said that about my baby. if the guys are all okay with each other (sucks but you will probably be the outcast for a little while), maybe let them have a guys night or go do something together, and lay low for one or two outings. then eventually come back. you DID apologize after all. there's nothing else you can do.

if you have apoloized to layne . leave it alone. time may heal things. don't exspect your husband to side with you. you shouldn't have said it . truth or not. some things aRE best left unsaid. good luck R.

M.,
Maybe you should remember the old saying:

If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all.

Nobody likes to be around someone with an opinion on EVERYTHING, especially if it's a whole lot of negative. Try focusing on being more positive, looking at the cup half full.

If it were me, I'd apologize. Friendship is important and can be healed if people on both sides find it valuable enough to salvage.

Im sorry, I saw your post and wanted to respond...but I dont see the question. Was the post changed???

I think Karissa said it perfectly.

Good Luck!