So Discouraged.

Just read this and not all the other posts, but why don't you move back hometown? It could be a fresh start and you would be close to the ones that love you the most!

You know you are wanting to do it and just about ready at any moment or you would not have posted this. The longer you put this off, the longer it will take for you to look back on this 6 months from now wishing you did it sooner yet SO glad you did it!

Look into mediation. You can be separated and be working to get on your feet while you work out the details in mediation.Often the court will order it or grant you a divorce faster if you've gone through mediation. If your husband is supporting you and your son, you should sue for alimony as well as child support. It may be time to take that part time job up to full time, and that can be scary. What type of child care are you using now? Can it go full time? I know it's all very scary and frustrating, but not as much as living for years with someone who has no respect for you or your child.

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Consider getting a legal separation, with child support spelled out. You'll have more resources to work with, and more confidence. Consider advertising for a roommate, perhaps another young mom so you can help each other out.

I left a dismal, controlling and unsupportive marriage when my daughter was around 8, and it was hard, wonderful, exhilarating, challenging. I got my life back and it was the best thing I ever did. And I understand your uncertainty – until you take the plunge, that water looks deep and dark and cold and scary. But you can do it, and when you're ready, you will.

When you are emotionally ready to move on, you will. It's not easy to end a marriage, especially when there is a child involved, but I do believe that you have just reason for putting the brakes on the relationship. I don't know what to what lengths you have gone to try to work things out with him up until now or if he will be agreeable to going to counseling once he realizes that he has the potential for completely obliterating the marriage (this realization usually doesn't happen until after you have moved out, I have found). I think that if you are not completely ready to leave the relationship, it's okay to stay until you are ready to make that move but it would be good for you to start investigating your options in terms of possible full-time employment, childcare, living arrangements and counseling for you individually or couples counseling if, by chance, he does end up coming to his senses and decides to invest more in your relationship.

Sending thoughts of clarity and courage your way.

If you know this is what you need to do, then believe in yourself. Can you take a friend with you to look for an apartment? That can be very helpful and supportive. It is illegal to discriminate against a single mother or anyone else. If there are adults-only communities with no children, that's one thing. But a 2 bedroom apartment? If you can make the payments, you are a good risk. Can you put up the first month, last month and security? Then you are acceptable! It's not just your income that they look at - your husband will be obligated to pay child support and you should get some legal assistance to make sure that happens. If you can't find a lawyer, go to Legal Aid. If he says he won't pay it, set it up with the state so they take it right out of his paycheck. Your local town's office of Children & Family Services (or whatever it's called - names vary by community) should be able to provide you with low cost counseling and connections to available services. They are usually funded by the town budget so many things may be free. You may also qualify for low cost housing. One resource that many of us forget is our elected representatives. My congressman recently sent out a flyer (he does at least once a year) advertising local office hours and a list of possible topics people might come to him to discuss - one of them was housing issues, along with unemployment, etc. So even though unemployment is handled by the state, the congressman can help. You'd be amazed at what a phone call from his staff can do for you. You help pay these people's salaries so let them work for you when you need it. Our congressman is fantastic and really wants to help. My state senator is great too. So use these public servants if you are getting the run-around from a landlord.

We women tend to underestimate our strength and abilities. We really are conditioned to be dependent on men. We forget that we manage households, raise children, are dependable when someone else stays out all night, and are able to make sacrifices on behalf of our kids. We rock! You can do this! Be strong!

LM,
I truly feel for you and for the pain and hurt that you have to enure because of these irresponsible behaviors.
What I also feel is that you might not be emotionally ready to move on, this is maybe a sign that with proper mediation, you can work your differences together and start a new an more fulfilling relationship together.
Sometimes, him being out at a late hour does not necessary mean that his is seeing someone else, he can just be etached from the relationship that being out is more comforting for him than being in the house. Look at when things start falling apart, do you fight regularly? How is your level of communication? Do you have a respected person who is very ear to both of and who can talk to you individually and then together? Sometimes walking out is not the best solution. You can face you demons, talk about, express your anger and tell him what your expectations are. I believe that every problem has a solution, but you are going to work har, both of you, to have a better solution than just walking out with you child; that little baby deserves to have a loving mother and a caring father, do not put him in a situation that he did not ask for.
With love
Vava

I haven't read the other posts so I am sorry if this is a repeat. Can you get a friend or family member to co-sign a lease with you? They don't HAVE to live there, but if what your worried about is them taking a chance on you, it will look better that they are getting two people to pay one rent. Also, because most places check your bank account, see if you can borrow money just to put in your bank account to make it look like you have enough money. Then once your approved, give the money right back. LOL I have done both of these because I once had bad credit and no one would rent to me. Good Luck!

I will say a prayer that everything works out for you.

Good luck.

Hang in there Mommy, you can do it!!

Do you have a close friend or relative that you can go to for help? Maybe you can move in with someone briefly while you find your own place.

File the right paperwork first though... and don't cross any state lines without taking the precautionary steps so that he doesn't press kidnapping charges (crazy, I know, but it happens)

File for divorce. Get the necessities that you and baby will need to live outside of the house you've been in (crib or pack-n-play, clothes, diapers, toothpaste etc...) and leave as soon as you can.

I hope that things work out for you. If its any help at all... millions of women make this decision every day, and are forced out of their homes on their own with their kids, and they make it. Its hard, its awful, but its for the best - and they're back on their feet and in a better place because of their courage to leave.

Please hang in there and stay strong. Find support somewhere... family, friends, people you can rely on. If you don't have that, start working on it.

Sending you love and strength,
K.

Hugs.
You will be okay.... and are so brave.

Do you have any family?
try looking into the YWCA... and see if they have resources for women/single parents... shelters, temporary housing info. In some areas, they do have this, at YWCA sties.

all the best

Sorry mama! Find a place- maybe a friend and u can share a place.

Good Luck!
M.
http://www.WorkingGreenMoms.com
Helping Moms work From home!

Sorry to hear you are in a bad situation. I would recommend that you make sure before you leap that you start putting some good support systems in place for you and your son. If you will be working, find good day care before you are scrambling and willing to settling for just anything. Talk to your friends, family, a counselor, your pastor/rabbi or whoever you feel will be supportive and can listen so you have a platform and some help. That way, if you do leave you won't be struggling out there by yourself trying to care for a young child on your own. It will also help you evaluate your options before leaving and may present you with some options you had not considered. Unless you or your children are in danger take the time to evaluate your situation and get those supports in place first. I remember how exhausted and overwhelmed I felt when my kids were that young and having friends to a talk to and to have someone I trusted just hold and play with them while I went out for a walk or run helped me clear my mind and think clearly regarding what my next steps should be...GOOD LUCK!

Try a friend or family member, if you have no one like that that would let you move in for a bit or that you would be willing to live with for a bit look into a room for rent. lots of people who need roomates will take someone with a kid. Its just something temporary until you can get on your feet. Be honest with the apartments about your situation so your credit isnt run over and over again. See if they are willing to work with you. It's going to be a little harder to get one with only having a part time job but it only takes one place to say yes. Dont give up. Look for full time work or if you can go full time where ever you are.
When filling for divorce go to the court house and talk to someone about not having the money to file. They have ways and programs to either help pay for it or in some cases they cover it all. Make sure you have everything you need when you leave, just in case. Cash, a bank account of your own, clothes, all the important paper work. Get everything in order.
Just a question though why do you have to leave. is it his place only? Can you afford to live there on your own. Just a thought but why so you have to leave when he is the one screwing up? I say pack his things and tell him you wanna be out all night and whatever else he is doing then here you go...now you can stay gone. Thats just me though. I don't know all your problems or how he would react to that, but that is what I would do. Remeber the sooner you go to court the sooner they will order child support and then youll have a little more to help you and the baby get by.
There are a lot of programs out there that are geared to help people just like you to get on their feet. if this is what you want and need to do for you and your son then dont give up and DONT get discouraged. Your gonna make it just fine. It is just gonna take a little planning.
Ive been through this with two friends of mine so if you have any questions or need someone to listen yuou can message me anytime. Good luck and I hope things get easier for you soon.
S.

You can do it. Keep trying. We're behind you.

Why do you and your son have to be the ones to leave? If he wants to act like he's single, HE should be the one to leave. Give him an ultimatum: grow up, be a man, step up and be a dad, be home when you're not at work, OR move out. It's that simple. Consult an attorney; some give free initial consultations. Good luck.

Look into an attorney. I'm not sure how it works with fees etc. but I'm sure there is a way to help you. Your husband will pay child support. Good luck to you! Hugs and prayers!

i pray you you are able to get away from the situation. don't let no-calls discourage you, use them as encouragement to be able to look back on when you do get on your feet and be able to say it did it even in the faceof adversity!!! Good luck and you are in my prayers.

Is there a friend or family member you can stay with to get you out? Once away from the stress it should be easier to get yourself back on track.