Sleeping Issues - Saint Paul, MN

Check out Dr. Sears book called, "The Baby Book" which has a lot about attachment parenting. Your daughter is just a baby, and they are only babies for a short time. She will eventually want to sleep alone. Unless she has Sensory Issues, and any transition will be difficult, but the Family Bed and other Attachment Parenting is especially good for those children.

Enjoy these times while she needs you. They grow up too quickly.

lol.
first of all, its not a bad habit to cosleep. its not going to be something she will need forever, and you give her the idea that her needs are important to you and shes loved and respected despite her higher needs :D so, regardless of situation, feel proud that you have done a GOOD thing in trusting her needs and your needs, and ignore the guilt that others will put on you because of this choice.

next, its important to know that kids are NOT born with the natural ability to sleep perfectly. in addition, it is not something that can be 'taught'. it is something that needs to be nurtured and grown not taught.
put it this way. if most parents use 'training' and 'cry it out' to get their kids to sleep, ignoring any needs they may have, and most kids, up through adults, have issues sleeping, have tantrums, dont trust or listen to their parents... well, maybe there is a connection.
im sure you've heard of the terrible 2s... well, my son is 2. hes never cried it out (within reason, i did notice when his cries were no longer immediatly urgent and he did fuss a bit more then) and hes never once acted in the way a "typical" 2 year old acts. yes he has his moments of wanting something a certain way, and within reason we do a lot of removing him from the situation, calming down, trying again. but as far as sleep habits, i couldnt ask for a more perfect situation. since hes never been forced to stay in his crib to cry or anything, he doesnt see it as a scary place where hes forced to be alone, he sees it as his own space to relax and sleep. if he has trouble, a nightmare, whatever, he trusts that we will come and get him and tend to that need. :D
its so beautiful to have something so different from most other parents i know. we have one friend who raised their son the same way (hes a month older than my son) and hes the same way. very calm, very trusting, very much the opposite of "typical" 2 year old behavior.
what ive come to find in my experiences with children (i have a child care in my home, not to mention family babies...) is that the cry it out kids are much more angry, less likely to trust and listen to their parents, and they do not have much empathy. however, my son cries when we scold his TOYS (a funny, backward way of teaching not only proper behavior with his toys, but also, obviously, empathy) :D
anyway, the major point is to not let baby trainers tell you that if you let your daughter sleep with you she wont be able to sleep any other way.

HOWEVER, i realize your question is more about the fact that when shes in your bed, shes a tornado! i do know something about that as well.
some alternate suggestions. shes 9-10 months old right? try putting her crib/bed in your room. our son is still in our room, and though it makes for interesting private time (we get good use of our spare bedroom and etc LOL) but it allows our son to have the security of knowing we are right there if he needs us. instead of waking up and having to get really scared and worked up, he just has to whisper and we hear him. :D

anyway,
other ideas, more for when she is older, is putting a matress or sleeping bag on the floor. you could also just put her back to bed once shes asleep. this is especially when the crib in your room is helpful. dont have to go far!

anyway, i hope i gave you quite a few things to think about. you are doing a good job i KNOW - just keep following your heart, do the things you know are right for your daughter. :D outside advice NEVER beats moms' instincts. :D

S., I'm not a supporter of CIO. I think it's hard on a mom for a reason and it's even harder on the baby. My daughter is 19 months old and is now the best sleeper ever! I put her down to bed at 8, we cuddle in her full-size bed in the dark for the length of one or two songs on her lullaby CD, and then I leave the room, close the door behind me. She goes to sleep on her own and stays asleep until 8:30 each morning. She wakes up happy and chatting away. Here's our history as far as sleeping goes: We co-slept until she was 10 months, at which point she was moving around in the bed too much and disturbing my sleep and my hubby's sleep. At 10 months, we started putting her down in the crib in our room. We'd wait until she was asleep before lying her in the crib. We had about 3 weeks of waking up off and on through the night and then she started sleeping through the night in the crib. Turned the crib into a toddler bed at 14 months and she did even better. Put the toddler bed in her room after just a few nights and I slept in her room on the full-size bed for a few nights while she adjusted. We ended up switching her to the full-size bed at 16-months mostly because I'm pregnant and needed to adjust her nighttime routine. There wasn't any transition period at that point, she just took to the bed and is very happy with it. Our bedtime routine is this: Snack, massage with nighttime lotion, pjs, brush teeth, daddy/mommy reads a book in her room, we switch and the other parent reads a book, starts the lullaby cd and turns out the light, rocks her for the first song, lies down in bed with her and cuddles for the second and third song, and then we kiss her good night and leave the room.

I've worked with a lot of kids and I've seen parents do things in so many different ways. You have to do what works for you. But from what I've seen with the kids I've worked with, those whose parents were attentive at night and didn't resort to CIO tend to be better sleepers. It just takes a little while for children to understand and trust that they are secure and cared for at night, even when the parent isn't right there with them. Once they develop enough to understand that, they sleep great on their own. Just be patient and do what feels right to you.

S., as a mom of older teens, I sometimes smile when I see questions like these. We tend to think that our children should just go to sleep when we put them down because the experts say so. Trust me, when you children are 16 and 19, you will long for the days that you had to rock them to sleep or that they slept for a while in your bed. I love when my 6 foot tall 16 year old son comes and plops himself in our bed and spends some time with us. He had a problem with bed wetting when he was 2 and 3. Because I was working full time at that point, I didn't get up and change the sheets every night. He would come into our room, tell me he was wet, I would lean over the side of the bed, take off his wet clothes and put him inbetween his dad and me. He came to think that this was "his spot." He still thinks that the middle of our bed is his spot. It now delights me that my 16 year old still wants to be with his parents from time to time. My daughter is now 19 and off to college. I only see her when she's home for the weekends and not working or spending time with her friends.

Treasure these times! Enjoy the love that you give your daughter by rocking her to sleep and holding her in your arms. She is only 9 months old. If she wants to be rocked to sleep when she is in college, then you have a problem! LOL

D.

Just read the posting about the mom wanting a good nights sleep. Maybe when they move out of the house...

Read Night Time Parenting by Dr Sears. It will be very helpful! Your children start to leave you from the moment they are born. Each stage they become more independent and need you less and less. Cherish this time and snuggle down with your little one. This too shall pass. If she is a restless sleeper, much like my youngest, have you thought about a side car? This would keep her close, but give her some space of her own. Don't let her cry it out, you are the only person she can depend on and she isn't doing this to make you mad, but wants to be near.

Enjoy these times, as you will yearn to hold your daughter close when she is older.

The days are long but the years are short.

Enjoy your baby!
J.

I'm glad to hear that your current living situation precludes you from resorting to the 'cry it out' method with your baby. This is such an unfriendly way to teach a baby to sleep on their own, and I'd hate for you to have to live with the guilt involved in this practice. Just think of how dependent your baby was on you last year at this time, and how independent you would be forcing her to be just one year later if you were to make her 'cry it out'. She is still relying on you for so much. The cosleeping way of sleeptraining is wonderful because there are no hurt feelings, no destructive detachment between mother and child occurring, and you can easily transition her from your bed to a bed of her own once she is ready...all while having a happy child. If you are unhappy with feeling her little legs jab you while you cosleep, all you have to do is go to Wal-Mart and get a body pillow to wedge between the two of you while you sleep at night. You can always get a little crib mattress or a little futon and put it right on the floor in your room, so when she falls alseep you can put her on the mattress and if she rolls off, she's fine. Cosleeping is wonderful because it is a gentle and friendly way to make a good little sleeper out of your baby. In the first year, no amount of closeness, attentiveness, or rocking can possibly spoil your baby.

Wait until you get to your new house and then from night one start letting her cry-it-out.

For me it was a hard process and I even cried in my own room while my DB cried in his crib, however we now have minimal problems at bedtime and he has NEVER slept in our bed. He may come and lay with us in the morning to watch cartoons, but he knows his bed is where he sleeps.

Just remember it may seem like it isn't working at first, but give it time. You will quickly see that this is the best decision for both of you.

I was never a big fan of little them cry it out. My son also had to be rocked to sleep or would have to fall asleep in our bed. He still falls asleep in our bed, but now I can move him to his own bed and he usually sleeps there all night(that took some time). In the beginning, he would wake up as soon as I put him in his own bed and several times during the night, but I would just keep putting him back in it. I'm still working on getting him in his own bed to start.

Get the night light, the room warm and with some stuffed animals (small ones) in the crib, a CD player with a mediation CD (that worked best in our house) that plays quietly all night and start having her sleep in her room the day you get in the new place. It may seem intimidating at first (thus all the extra comfort measures) or mean, but your setting the precident at this new place. The first rule is that once the child is in there she stays there until morning. The second rule is that you can only go back into the room a few times each night (you define "few") unless she is sick. When she is sick she still stays in the room, you just may spend the night with her. The third rule is that bedtime is at the same time every night come hell or high water.

We did this with our twin boys starting when they were 6 months old because we were in a position where they HAD to be in their own room and learn to put themselves to sleep. It only took a couple weeks for them to "get it" and those couple weeks weren't the easiest I've ever had. Now, though, we've had the easiest bedtime routine without interruptions for almost 2 years. How restful is that?

Just some suggestions and what I would do if it were me in this situation. Either way, congrats on the new place and good luck!!

S.,
Let me know what works for you. I have my kids in the habit of me staying in their room until they are asleep (so they aren't in our bed). I don't mind this, but I would like for them to fall asleep on their own. Now they say "lay with me" and I end up falling asleep in their rooms ~ wake up around 11 or midnight and head to my bedroom! I would really like a night of uninterrupted sleep for once. I've been guilty of telling them that I will come and check on them... then fall asleep before doing so. It doesn't seem to bother my son, as he thinks I've checked on him after he's fallen asleep... but I hate to fib about it.
Good luck... I feel for ya!
~SR

If you don't want to let her cry it out, you might try staying in her room while you sooth her. if she wakes up after you lay her down the first time, then pick her up and cradle her right beside her bed for a few minutes then lay her back down. then if she wakes up again just rub her back and maybe talk softly to her to settle her that way. Eventually she will figure out that she isn't going to end up in moms bed.

Hi S.,

If you really want her to sleep in her own bed then you are probably going to have to let her cry it out...I know there are parents that don't like this option, but once it's done, it's done. The best way to put a baby or child to bed is awake...they tend to stay asleep better. If you put them to bed asleep they seem to wake-up more often throughout the nite. I suggest that when you get into your home...put her in her bed at bedtime, and follow through with it. Be consistent because every time you go into her room you are taking a step back. You will be surprised that in a few days she will just go to bed and go to sleep...you will be so much happier, and so will she. You know that if you are not sleeping well neither is she...have a merry Christmas.

C.

You have to start her out in her own bed from the get-go when you get in your new place. For now, you could pull up her bed right next to your side of the bed. Put her sheet/blanket in bed with you for a day or so to get it to smell like you, and then put it on her bed. Mom always had better luck getting a new baby to sleep at her daycare when they brought a shirt that smelled like their Mom. It will be rough going at first, you'll have to go in and pat her for comfort, say good-night and leave, but try not to say too much of anything more than that or she will be encouraged to keep waking up. She'll cry when you leave the room, but whatever you do, don't pick her up. When she realizes she's not going to your bed no matter what, it will start to get better. Hang in there!

Hi S.! It is okay to want her to sleep in her own bed!!! I am deeply offended by the posters that say that anything but co-sleeping is unkind. No matter what they say, letting her cry for a little while is FINE!
We co slept with my son and it was a nightmare. He finally is able to sleep in his own bed at age 5. My father in law slept with his parents until he was age 9. We let our daughter cry it out at 12 months and now everyone is happy!
If you want to co sleep that is fine but don't let judgemental moms get on your case! You are NOT unkind and your daughter will NOT suffer attatchment issues.
People forget that moms need sleep too and sometimes you just have to resort to letting them cry for a little while.
Start a night time routine.....bedtime story, prayer, kisses and hugs, lullabys, whatever you do and then lay her down and say goodnight. IF she cries let her do so for 5 min. Go in and reassure her then go out and wait 10 min, next time 15 min....etc.
Good luck!