13 Month Old Going to Sleep

My son is 14 mo. and finally sleeping good, albeit only 10 hrs a nite, but all the way thru. I have always nursed him to sleep, and just recently he is still awake when done. I have found that putting a sippy cup of water in his crib has helped, so if he's actually thirsty he can help himself. (water only) I started letting him cry it out so to speak, since he usually woke at 3:00, I wouldn't go in unless he was still crying at 4:00. He eventually didn't wake till 4:00, and I stretched then till 5:00, and so on till he slept thru. It didn't take too long, but it seems long at 3:00am! Now I nurse him and he guzzles water when he's done. Think he'll wean soon?!!!! He now seems to like to be in his bed now when he's tired, it seems that time changes all! good luck

Your story sounds very familiar to me, except that I broke the rules by nursing my baby to sleep rather than rocking him:) It was the only thing that worked! When he was a little over 12 mos, we finally tried the cry it out method. We had been cosleeping, but that wasn't working anymore. We tried the non-cry it out methods, and they did not work for us.

Here's what we did: the first night, we went in his room at 5, 10, 15 minutes, and kept up 15 until he finally fell asleep. He cried for over an hour and so did I! However, we remained calm inside his room and gently talked to him and layed him back down. It was really, really hard. But he fell asleep eventually and slept until morning.

The second night was wonderful -- I put him in bed asleep and he stayed in his crib, although we went in a couple of times (under a minute each) to sooth him back to sleep.

The third and fourth night were hard. We put him to bed asleep, he woke up around 2:00 am, and we repeated the first night. We did use shorter intervals, 5, 8, and 10 (I think), because we felt more comfortable with that. Both nights he cried for over an hour and then spent the rest of the night in his crib sleeping.

We had three bad nights, and I think that is a pretty common number. After that, I put him in his crib awake or asleep, and he usually laid down. Several times he cried for 1-5 minutes, and when I went in to sooth him he would lay down when I told him to, then fall asleep pretty quickly after I left him again.

It has been a few months now, and we haven't had a problem with him going to bed since those first nights. My son literally did not sleep in his crib more than three times his whole first year, and now he goes to bed very easily!

He has been waking up happier and more refreshed. I was really, really against letting him cry it out, and it was very hard; but this felt like our last solution.

I should also say that he used to wake up 1-4 times a night, and he was quickly to the point that he was easily soothed back to sleep in seconds (even learned the phrase "lay your head down" in less than a week!). Now, we seldom go in his room in the middle of the night anymore; sometimes when we do, he is already back to sleep on his own. We never have to spent more than a minute helping him now with night waking. We are all sleeping much better.

I am still nursing my 15 mo. old morning and night with an eye towards dropping at least one of those sessions pretty soon; but I think I would deal with the sleep issues, then move to weaning.

Sorry this is so long! You can message me if you want to know any more:) Good luck!

You could try a gentle removal, where you slowly decrease the amt of intervention you give her.

We do:
Bottle (or used to until recently), bath (every other night), diaper, pjs, grobag, sit on lap for a story until he snuggles (usually a few books) in to my chest, turn off light, sit while I recite goodnight moon or just say "we're here if you need us", crib awake with his lovey blanket.

Try not feeding to sleep, by changing the bed routine. If lo cries when in the crib or stands after being in you can put her down and stay with her. Try to shush/pat her to calm her when laying. When I tried picking up our son until calm and putting him back in, it only made him worse. Over the nights, as she starts to fall asleep with you patting her, you can reduce the amt of intervention. You can then just slow down the patting, just place a hand on her, then stand next to the crib, then be out of the room. Break it down in to small steps.

By the way this is a GOOD time to get a lovey or a blanket for her to transition to for comfort. We started with three different things. Only after he was over needing his paci to fall alseep, did he pick one of the three items (a small blanket with a dog head). All he needs is his lovey, now. :-)

If there is a medical issue like reflux, you may not see improvement. Our son had silent reflux, became medicated but under dosed, and we had 8-14 night wakings per night even with meds. Every waking needed our attn to get him back to sleep. He couldn't stay asleep because he was in pain. Having been there, it can be done without cry it out :-). It will take longer, of course.

you sound like you are doing things that i did with my son - he self weaned at 19 months, and he is a DREAM sleeper - i feel because of our nighttime parenting.

i never used cry it out. i didnt feel it was necessary, or helpful. i want to point out that if you choose to do so, she is old enough to understand that its ok. it might work, it might not.
i just refused to use it.

my son coslept and nursed at night until he was between 15-17 months old. during that time, some nights he would wake around 1 am and need to nurse, and sometimes he wouldnt wake until 4 or 5 and nurse, sometimes just getting in bed with us was more than enough to calm him down and get us all back to sleep.

his crib was, and still is, in our room. that way we dont have to go far to get to him, and he never has to get very upset in order for us to hear him. its not for everyone, and even my husband says sometimes that it would be great to have him in his own room... ive told him that the first step is to do the converting his crib into a toddler bed, and he hasnt done it, so he cant be too serious :P
we love it though. :D

anyway,
we always felt our son cried for a reason, whether he was scared, or lonely, or whatever, and it hasnt been that much of an imposition to just fulfill his need - and now he sleeps like a dream. we dont have any bedtime issues, however, he does have a few books in bed with him to look at while relaxing to sleep. this has led to a few books being torn to pieces :O LOL. but thats ok, he goes to sleep on his own, every night at bedtime, and thats what matters to us. even if he doesnt sleep right away, hes in his bed, and hes quiet and calm and safe. :D

anyway, if you want more info or help, you can always send me a message. i would be more than willing to support you. and its not a bad habit! :D my son wouldnt be confident and independent if we didnt allow him to be dependent for HIS period of time, not ours. :P
:D
good luck

Leah, my son is 21 months old and he is a wonderful sleeper, but it didn't used to be like this. When he was 4 months old, he started waking up all the time at night and he wasn't getting any sleep and I wasn't getting any sleep. We were both miserable. I decided to let him cry it out. I know it's hard to do, and I wasn't sure if it was the right thing at the time, but it was about 2 tough nights and he has been a perfect sleeper ever since. I can put him down wide awake and he will still fall asleep on his own. He has been much happier since learning to fall asleep on his own and I am a much better mother. Whatever you decide, remember that you love your son and he knows that no matter what. Good luck!

Leah -

You have gotten a lot of good advice, but I have to put in my 2 cents! :) Sleep is a HUGE deal to me - I wanted to make sure both my boys could fall asleep and stay asleep! We all have "sleep crutches" so whatever we orignally fall asleep to we need to have in order to fall back asleep if we wake up. This is why the "drowsy but awake" advice is so true!!! If you nurse them to sleep they need to be nursed back to sleep if they wake in the night, if you rock them to sleep, they need to be rocked back to sleep...

My boys are great sleepers, but they both really struggled with sleeping during the 8-12mth stage. Here's what we did and it works great!!! We did the routine - bath, PJs, feeding (mine didn't self wean from the nighttime feeding until after a year of age), story, song, bed with a lullaby CD playing.

I would let them cry - I would go in and reassure at 5 minutes, then if they cried again I would wait 15 minutes, if they kept crying I'd go in at 20 minutes - I could never wait more than that even if took a few rounds of 20 minutes!! The first few nights are the worst, BUT when they wake up at night I hear them fuss a bit or my older one sort of makes a low pitched whine and they are back asleep in minutes without help from us!!

My youngest one had a much stronger hold to the sleep crutch than my older one did - for my younger one I have to go back in and push the play button on the CD player sometimes at 3am, I never had to do that with the older one.

I also found with my younger one that white noise helps A LOT!!! If I don't have the humidifer running he's up at 5 and ready to go, if it's on he sleeps much longer!

I hope you all start getting some sleep soon!!

Hi Leah,

You've probably figured out putting her to bed asleep is the whole problem of her waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep on her own. You are probably right, and to get past this point, you are going to have to listen to her cry some. When babies are put to bed awake they learn to put themselves to sleep, and then when they wake-up in the middle of the night they don't have a problem getting back to sleep without help, so to teach them how to go to sleep on their own you will have to do just that....let her go to sleep on her own, which since she's not use to this is not going to make her happy. This is why I try to tell new mothers that rocking babies to sleep isn't all it is made out to be because the baby usually ends up paying for it in the end by the habit having to be broken, and the baby being totally upset, as well as the parents.

The best advice I can give you is, if you are positive you want to change this, then start putting your little girl down for naps, and at night, awake. Make sure her tummy is full, her diaper is dry, and she doesn't have any reason to be crying other than the fact that she isn't happy. Be consistent and follow through. It definitely won't be easy, but you will be surprised next week when it is all over, and you are able to put your baby to bed, and she will go to sleep. You will wonder why you didn't do this sooner. You will, also, find that she is a much happier baby, and you are much happier, too.

You can do it!

C.

We rocked our daughter to sleep until she was 14 or 15 months. We would try every couple of weeks to put her down awake and if she totally freaked out we would go get her and try again in another couple of weeks. I just couldn't stand having what had been a lovely peaceful bonding time turn in to something horrible and stressful for all of us. Eventually she was ready to go to sleep on her own and now (she is 2.25) she does it without a whimper almost every night. This could be because we got lucky, but I think it has something to do with not pushing her before she was ready and giving her the security she needed. GOOD LUCK!

Leah,
Just so you know, you're not alone. My 12 month daughter wakes up at least 2 or 3 times a night. I don't nurse her to sleep anymore, but it gets frustrating each night having to get up and put her pacifier in her mouth and comfort her back to sleep. By the 3rd waking I usually bring her in bed with me so I know we'll both get SOME sleep. If I don't rush to put her pacifier in or bring her in our bed, she'll be wide awake. If you get some good ideas, let me know! (I just didn't want you to feel alone!)

i really liked the book "Sleeping through the night." It's gentle and has some really good points. she does talk about crying being a part of your child learning to sleep on her own, and explains why kids cry. it made sense to us and my daughter sleeps SO much better than she used to.

Good luck!

Oh I feel your pain! We have gone through this with my son several times and he is 21 months. Each time it has happened we have finally ended up letting him cry it out and it is the ONLY thing that has worked. It is so hard, but I have a sound machine that I would just turn up so I couldn't hear him. Otherwise it would have been too hard! It only takes a few nights, 4 I would say at the most, but it does work!! Hang in there, and good luck!!!

Your best bet is to get a sleep book. We use Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. She has a very gentle approach and you won't have to let her cry it out. The book is broken up into sections so you will know at each age how much sleep they need and ways to teach them to self soothe back to sleep. I liked the book because it was our game plan and we new exactly what to do at each situation. Instead of just guessing and hoping it would work. Her book works, it has worked wonders on our two kids!