Still Rocking My Baby to Sleep at 9 Months Old

I think you should keep rocking her to sleep as long as she needs it. She will only be little for such a short time and soon she won't let you rock her to sleep. If you love it and it's extra bonding time for the two of you I think you should keep doing it! She will learn to fall asleep on her own when she is ready. Besides how many kids in college do you know who still need to be rocked to sleep :) Good luck!

Hi H.!

I don't see how it could be a problem as long as she is sleeping through the night. The reason I was told not to rock my babies to sleep was because they need to learn how to self soothe themselves back to sleep in the middle of the night. If they never learn how to fall asleep on their own then when they wake in the middle of the night they won't be able to self soothe themselves back. I would say if she's sleeping fine through the night and you're enjoying the extra time rocking her go for it! My son is 9 months old and he's obsessed with the nightlight. I wish I could have the quality time to rock him to sleep like that! :) Best wishes!

M.

You need to start allowing her to sleep on her own. It may seem cruel, but crying it out is the way that children learn to self-comfort, and if they never learn how to deal with being by themselves in their cribs, they become impossible to live with. It is probably the hardest thing you will ever do up to this point, to let your daughter cry it out and learn to self-comfort and fall asleep on her own, but it will be worth it in the long run.

My SIL and her husband have a two and a half year old who has NEVER been allowed to cry it out. When she complained to me that she was getting no peace from her son, I told her what I said above and she acted like I said she should toss him out a tenth-floor window. She told me I was mean and cruel and unnatural because I advocated allowing a baby to learn to self-comfort. So...she continued rocking him to sleep, and now he's pushing three years old and STILL can't go to sleep without rocking. She made things much harder on herself, if you ask me, because now she has established this unfortunate habit and the child can't even begin to go to sleep unless one or both of his parents are there to hold him and rock him to sleep. Oh, and he usually wakes up screaming if he isn't deeply asleep when they finally put him in the crib and so they whole process starts again...rock, put down, scream, rock, put down, scream... Then again, she's also the kind of person who thinks it's "embarrassing" when a child cries for more than two seconds...but I digress...

The long and short of it is -- it's not cruel to let a child cry it out, it allows her to learn to find comfort in different ways, it will be easier on you in the long run, and there are plenty of other ways to spend time -- quality time -- with your daughter. But you might be better off dealing with it now or you will be stuck still rocking her when she's in kindergarten.........

(I should also point out that my son, now 10 years old, was transitioned to not being rocked pretty quickly when he was a baby. Once he was in his own room and his own crib, that was the end of the rocking all the way to sleep most of the time. And he cried it out for one or two nights, learned to comfort himself, and was fine after that. And he's a lovely, well-adjusted, self-confident fifth grader now, with nary a "complex" because of his "cruel" parents...)

The longer you let it go on the harder it will be on you and your child to break the habit. You can cuddle and be close while reading a book. I know it's hard to hear your baby cry(been there done that), but at the end you're teaching her healthy sleeping habits.

Hi H.. I say go with your gut. If you enjoy rocking her to sleep, I say continue. You will never look back on this time and say, "Gee, I should have held my baby less!" My son is almost 2 and, at this point, I hold him for a few minutes (maybe 3?) and then he's put down while almost asleep. He did this himself over time--it was nothing I pushed. I figure, they are little for such a short time, and it must be so comforting to be held and fall asleep in mom or dad's arms. It's very fulfilling for me to know that I can nurture him in this way, and it won't last forever. Enjoy--you won't ruin her! BTW, I was held in the same way when I was a baby, and have no trouble sleeping on my own ;)

Hi H., I think it's perfectly normal and an actually nice thing to do with your baby. I rocked both my babies and they both are fine. My two year old is rocked for maybe five minutes and my six year and no problems as a result from being rocked. I would relax and enjoy your baby as much as you can before you know it they will be in school. Good luck.

I know it's such a precious time, right before bed. And that connection you two have created is wonderful! But I think it's time to move to the next level with her sleeping, and let her soothe herself to sleep. Lots of times, it's harder for us moms then our kids!

Does she sleep through the night? If she wakes up, can she fall back asleep on her own? Because I really believe that this is one of the greatest gifts you can give a baby- the ability to self soothe! That independence, in addition to the benefit of really good sleep, is just crucial for their emotional development. It translates into other areas of their lives, as well.

It's also harder, as they get older, to teach it. She's so smart now! If you wait much longer, she'll just keep testing you and testing you. She knows how comforting and yummy it feels to fall asleep in your arms- so she's going to want to keep it up! But even though she's super smart and aware now, she'll be even more so in another few months. I wouldn't put it off!

It's going to be a rough couple of weeks, I'm guessing. But be strong, and do this for your wonderful little girl. You are clearly a devoted, loving mama. Now's the time to help her become a little stronger and more independent!

Good luck. It hurts a little, huh? :) Luckily, you can balance it out with a million other ways to connect and bond. And bedtime will always be precious. I love our family bedtime rituals!

I rocked my daughter till she was 1-1/2 years old. She loved it and I loved it. I'm sure it was harder to break than if she was younger, but I used the Ferber method. He has a book out. You put her in the crib with kisses and hugs and all - then you leave the room. If she cries you are supposed to wait 5 minutes (I waited 3) and then go in an soothe her but don't take her out of the crib. Then you double the time - and go back - double again and go back - then at 20 minutes you go back. Do not let her carry on longer than 20 minutes - or 15 if you are more comfortable. My daughter cried for 40 minutes the first night and then 25 the second night - the third night she went to sleep on her own. I went in every 10 minutes. Not sure if it made it harder for her or not - but I just felt better doing so. Whatever you decide good luck. I actually did it with my second daughter too. I loved rocking her at bedtime and looking in her eyes till she fell asleep - it was a time I will never forget or regret.

I still don't understand why we read! You enjoy rocking her to sleep, do it! You won't do it forever. I promise you there aren't any 5 year olds who want to be rocked to sleep. She's still a tiny baby, and if you look at other people with her, you'll remember that. My advice - read from the people who don't believe in the cry it out method. DD will fall asleep on her own one day. You'll switch from rocking to reading, to bathing, etc. It's just a phase, one of 18 years worth of phases. Enjoy it. I nurse DD 7(months) to sleep, every time, every nap, every night and several times through the night. I, too, thought - maybe this isn't good for her, she shouldn't need me to fall asleep. Then I realized I was fighting with a 6 month old. (not fighting, - she clearly wanted to nurse and i clearly didn't - and i smartened up.) She'll fall asleep on daddy if i'm not here, but until she doesn't need me anymore, i'll nurse her, rock her, read to her... whatever she wants. I hope it doesn't sound too harsh, but what stuck with me was that YOU ENJOY IT. why stop something that clearly you both enjoy?????????????????????? You're obviously doing a great job. If it ain't broke....

Hello H.,
Despite what a previous poster said, crying it out is not a necessity or the only way children learn to sleep. My children have NEVER cried at bedtime. I don't believe that you can go from rocking to sleep to just dumping a child in their crib, though. Your daughter is an infant and you certainly can continue rocking her with the knowledge that you may have a hard time breaking her of the habit, but perhaps you want extended time with her at bedtime over a longer period of time? You can transition from rocking her to sleep to sitting in the rocking chair and having storytime, then transition her to the crib while drowsy and leave on her bedtime music. They do need to learn to fall asleep without us doing something like rocking, nursing, rubbing - but she is still an infant, and you can do it without the crying.
Good luck

ahhhh... I'd love to give you good advice but I am still rocking my 23 month old to sleep. I know I should have stopped already but he cries and cries and I feel bad. I also secretly ;) enjoy the time we spend curled up in the rocker. I expressed your sentiment to a friend recently and the advice she gave me was that eventually it would end and when it did I will not get back those precious moments - so I continue to enjoy this time. FYI - if I am out someone else can get him down so I don't have to worry about that.

Dear H.,

The key is just what you said you don't mind rocking her. Yes the ideal situation would be for her to put herself to sleep, however if rocking is what you enjoy and you don't mind then continue to do it. If you would like to teach her to self soothe then I would say now is the time, because the older she becomes the more difficult it will be. Letting your babies cry it out is personal choice, there are pros and cons to both sides. I did the cry it out method with both of my kids I was a stay at home mom and by the time 8:00 came I was done, my patience was gone and honestly I needed them to sleep on their own. Again, that was my choice you have to do what is right for you and your family.

Good luck!!

H. B,

Thank you so much for posting this question. I have the same dilema. I have a 1 year old(10/16/07) who starts screaming her head off when we put her in the crib. Then we pick her up and rock her/lie on the floor with her. What really makes her wind down is giving her a bottle and then she falls asleep in our arms. Most mothers mentioned in their responses that as long as you enjoy it, keep it up. Well, my husband and I are getting so frustrated about this nightly "routine". SO, I just wanted to tell you, as well as so many others did, that you are not alone in this situation.

M. M.

I still rock my daughter (almost 3) to sleep fpr nap and enjoy the time together very much. At night I rock her for a few minutes then kay her in her bed before she flass alseep. Both ways work for us. There is no one right way to put your kid to bed. What works for your family is the right way for you.

HI H.,
I rocked my daughter to sleep until she was 3 years old! I only stopped b/c she was too big. She's always been a great sleeper and she still is today at 4 1/2. By rocking her to sleep for the first 3 years, it didn't cause her any problems what so ever. It was a bonding time for me (and my husband when he would do it). When the time came that she was too big I was creative in getting rid of the rocker. We took her to Disney for her 3rd birthday. As we loaded up the car and my daughter was all buckled up in her car seat, my husband went back in the house and moved the rocker to the basement and put a new small child size rocker in her room w/ a card on the seat. When we came home she was so excited when she saw the new chair and had me read the card. It was a card from Tinker Bell thanking her for visiting Disney and hoped she enjoyed her new chair. Needless to say there was no issue that the old rocker was gone and she's slept like a champ ever since. Please do what's best for you and your baby. Good luck!
Alexis

You may be new to being a mom but you are not new to your baby. Forget what "they" say. You are the expert of your baby. Rock her and have fun! You won't be able to rock her forever.

P., Author, Doula, Coloratura Soprano, Christian Unschooling Mom of 3 little ladies

Enjoy your baby

If you are stoll doing it when she is NOT an infant THEN you will have gone too lomg Our society promotes isolation. If you ahve the time and the inclination go for it. You will know when its time to stop, they are only tiny once

Hi H.!

I'm there with you. The teething has made it very hard to get Max to put himself to sleep, it works for two weeks, then another set come in and he just can't do it... I like rocking him to sleep although he's getting heavy! Honestly, I think I'll keep trying to get him to put himself to sleep for naps but nighttime is hard to begin with and I love rocking him for the time being. I think it's a personal choice and she will start to do soothe herself more and more naturally, even while you're rocking her to sleep, if you look for the signs, you probably already see them, little things she does while you're rocking her. He rubs his eyes, turns over, tries to get up a little, all things he does while I'm patting him in his crib. Well, it's late, gotta go to sleep. Good luck and follow your heart.

~K.

I rocked my daughter to sleep for at least almost 18 months. Then it went to laying down with her at night in her own bed. She layed with my husband and I for a long time. She is now almost 3 and SOMETIMES sleeps in her bed. I enjoy it. Sometimes to lay with her gets alittle annoying because I may have to take care of a few things but I work around it. I tried reading books too and none of that stuff helped me at all. I have tried the cry it out method for hours and that didn't help either. Do whatever makes you and your family happy?

Yes you are making things harder for you in the long run, but this is one of those rare times when you get to have your cake and eat it too. I would start by continueing to rock her to sleep, however, put her in the crib in more and more states of awakeness. What does this mean, well the first night put her in the crib when she's almost out, but not totally. Then gradually increase the amount that she is awake. Also, I would start to incorporate reading a book to her every night. This is where you still get to rock her every night. Make this part of her routine. Then when your done reading to her, turn out the lights and rock her a few more minutes and then it's in the bed. She does need to learn how to put herself to sleep. I would start the reading thing now, and then gradually decrease the amount of time you rock her nightly once the lights are out. I still rock my daughter (15 mos) nightly cuz it helps her relax. But it's for 5 mins tops and she is still wide awake when I put her in the bed.

H.,
Do what feels right for you right now. If you don't mind rocking your baby to sleep and it works for you, then do it. You might find that she changes her pattern later on, and she will dictate the need to go to sleep in a different way. My son always used to nap in the swing and I was worried about how he would transition...he got too big for the swing so I started laying him down in his crib...and it took about a week, but now he goes to sleep with a minimal amount of fuss! Your little sweetie will only be little for so long...enjoy all the cuddle time you can! Good luck!
J. ;)

There was a similar post a few days ago that you should read. I wrote a detailed response to that and the reasons you shouldn't rock your baby to sleep. I recommended an awesome video called "Your Baby Can Sleep." Definitely better to stop rocking now or it will be harder to break the habit later....

Hi H.,

I have a friend who is a H. B too...bet you don't meet too many of them!

It really doesn't matter what anyone else says. That's the beauty of being a parent...you get to do it your way. But, since you asked...

I nursed all my babies and so I guess you could say I "rocked" them to sleep...until they weaned. They always fell asleep with the last time nursing each night. They all go to bed just fine now...they are 9, 6, 4 and 1. You have to do what works for you. I say enjoy the closeness while you can. All too soon she will be too big for that...imagine if I rocked my 9 year old son to sleep!! I'm lucky if I can get a hug out of him...but I spent so much time with him as a baby...

All that to say, don't worry...do what your mommy instinct tells you to do...you are not going to harm your baby by rocking her to sleep! I personally would rather they know how to soothe themselves if they scrape a knee or something...how many of us as adults have a problem "soothing" ourselves at bedtime??? I don't think this is the time when they need help learning how to soothe...rock your baby...and teach her how to soothe herself when she is upset about something during the day...in my opinion that is when soothing really applies to day to day life.

D.

WHO says it's important for a little tiny helpless baby to fall asleep all by itself?! If you like rocking her, and she likes it, and it works, ENJOY this time with your beautiful child. Eventually, it will stop working for one of you, and when that happens, you will find a creative and pleasant alternative to help your daughter fall asleep. Acheiving nighttime independence should be a gradual process, filled with lots of POSITIVE sleep connotations.

A few things you can start now, while rocking, to ease any transitions later: read her a story every night and sing a song every night. Do a quick massage or rub her back. Do some finger plays (like Where Is Thumbkin). Later, you can still do these things without rocking, but she will connect these bedtime activities to the pleasant drowsy state of almost-asleep and she'll be less likely to fight bedtime.

And really, you don't HAVE to stop rocking. My 4yo still loves to sit in my lap on our glider while I read to her. It's not part of our bedtime routine, it's just something we like.

Keep in mind that every book written for parents is written for MOST parents. Your child is unique and so are you, and so is the bond you share. When some aspect of parenting FEELS right, it probably IS right. Stop second-guessing yourself. You are a great mom.

-K.

H., I'm a mother of three boys, now 12,13 and 15, but I rocked every single one of them till they were 9-10 months old, maybe even almost a year and I can still remember the smell of the nape of their neck when I would nuzzle my face to it and feel their little baby breath breathing on me. Memories I will cherish for the rest of my life - and so will you. I would eventually try putting her back in the crib awake though. Yes, it takes a couple nights of crying (of course I wouldn't let her cry too too long - no more than like a half hour, then they just get themselves so worked up and nobody benefits), but I can assure you by 10-11 months old, they pretty much understand bed time and when mommy and daddy tell them it's time to go nite nite and listen to their favorite lulliby and drift of to sleep. Enjoy it for a while, but yes, you do have to stop. My cousin didn't once and rocked her baby till she was almost 4 years old. It was a nightmare!

Hi H. : )

As long as you are physically capable (She's not getting too big)rock her as long as you want to! My son is 19 yrs. and my daughter is 4 yrs. and all I can say is TIME GOES BY TOO FAST! I look at my daughter and it makes me sad that she is 4 already!

Treasure each moment and do what is right for you! : )

Best wishes!

R. R.

I used to feel the same way.. Now I'm 9 mos pregnant and rocking my 33lb 31 month old to sleep at night and naps. It only takes about 10 mins, but its getting really old. On top of that, she also wakes in the night at least once..sometimes more, to cry out and stand up waiting for me or dh to come to her and rock her back to sleep. Her dr said that since she falls asleep in our arms..when she wakes in the middle of the night (like we all do) she expects us to still be there, and when we're not, she gets upset and cries for us.

Of course its up to you...and yes, we did enjoy the time we've spent with her in our arms...but..now its hard and even though we've tried to let her CIO or fall asleep in her crib with us comforting her, its not working...and we're tired.

Rock Away.

My 3 are grwon adults now. I rocked them, especially my first born (was a bit harder with the next which turned out to be twins!!)

By 9 months some book time isn't out of order either. I would give that last drink of water, read a book and then rock. I had a set of songs that I would sing and then put them down. Didn't take long for them to get into the groove.

Rock as long as you can. Soon, their too big, don't want all that cuddling and then are on their own.

I still rock my almost 18mo dd! We sing or read books. I just make sure I put her in the crib before she is actually asleep. Most of the time, she asks to go in the crib.

ok, i could go on and on about the negatives of crying it out. but i really dont have to. reread your post.

i don't mind doing it - frankly i like it, it's extra time with her.

that statement is all you need to hear. the reason people criticize rocking a baby to sleep is that they are viewing it as an inconvience, something they do not enjoy. or they are viewing a child falling asleep on their own, as an accomplishment similar to riding a bike. your child isnt going to be rocked to sleep when they are 6, they probaly wont kiss you goodnight at 9, or go see a movie with you at 12. then she will be an adult with her own family. enjoy this time with her, because all those times someone comes up to you and says "it goes by so fast", they really mean it.

i rocked my daughter till about 15 months, then laid down with her till she fell asleep. then when she could comprehend better, we would tell her we would come in when we were finished cleaning up, then at 3 we just said goodnight and leave. my children have never cried themselves to sleep and i have many memories of my child drifting to sleep that i otherwise wouldnt have had.

Hi H. - One woman's experience for what it is worth. We rocked our first to sleep until he was a year old. Then at that time he broke himself of it almost in one day. Like you, I really missed it! I don't know if it was just not comfortable when he got too big for our lap, but we would rock him for a few minutes and he would climb down and head to bed or just squirm around until we took him back to bed.

With our second, we tried to rock her to sleep for about 3 months and finally realized she really didn't like it all! We started putting her to bed, patting her back for a little while and she would fall to sleep.

I wish we hadn't worried so much about it and just let them work these things out in their own personal timing. I promise you won't be rocking them when they are 16, so enjoy the time they fit entirely on your lap. I miss it now that the kids are away at college, besides they fit so badly on my lap these days!!

Enjoy :)

Does she then sleep through the night? My dgtr needed to be rocked to sleep - and WOULDN"T sleep for naps unless held up to 7 months old. She still needed to be rocked to sleep but we could lay her down around then - but BEGAN to fall asleep on own around 9 mos. But, she always slept through the night after being rocked to sleep. Some kids just need this. Everyone is an expert - but we know our kids best. If it is what she needs - and she is able to sleep through the night and self soothe when necessary - go with it! You may want to try to let her go to sleep on her own soon - or it my be too difficult to break. I basically went with - if she just whimpered, I didn't go in - if she began crying and didn't settle quickly - within a minute or so - I'd go in and rub her back or whatever she needed until she was able to do it. Good luck - you know her best!!!

Personally, I think rocking a baby to sleep is soothing to both mom and baby. It is probably your time to relax and destress! Do not take that away from yourself. Do you need to rock your baby to sleep for naps?

I have a 20 month old who falls asleep for naps on her own in her crib. However, I still maintain the night time routine of reading books and rocking her to sleep. It is my favorite time of the day!

Good luck and do not stress too much!

A.

My boy is 6 months and I rock him. I'm dreading the time when he gets too old or doesn't want to be held. He does fine. I rock him until his eyelids are droopy and then put him in the crib "mostly asleep". He usually wakes long enough to get in a comfy position and then he's out. I'll rock him until he decides he doesn't want it anymore. I value these moments.

Hi H.
You will read all kinds of things in all kinds of books. They are generalizations, and not specific to you and your baby.
You are not spoiling your baby if you are not being used by your baby. You can't spoil a baby by loving them and giving them security. For me your wrap up is all telling-- Frankly I enjoy it indicates to me that you and the baby relax and can then sleep. I rocked my twins to sleep til they were just over a year. When they didn't relax to sleep any more and started wiggling to get comfortable, I simply told them that they could get in their cribs and wiggle like that but not on my lap. Within a few weeks they chose to go to sleep in the cribs by their action and we were all happy.
Since I am probably old enough to be your mom, I always remind moms to talk to their moms, they may have fun stories to tell. You might be surprised to find out she rocked you too, or maybe she let you cry and today you don't want your baby to do that.
God bless you and your family
K. SAHM married 38 years adult children 37 entrepreneur, 32 lawyer-married and has our first grandbaby, twin girls 18 both in college after homeschooling.

Okay, here's my experience as a mom of 2. My first baby simply would not ever fall asleep on her own. She turned 2 in July and still can't do it. I read all the books and did all the techniques, she just can't do it. Whatever. We got her a full-size mattress, put it on the floor, and lay with her until she falls asleep. It takes 10 minutes, and she's very bonded with us. Yes, it was a long road to get to this point, but we have zero bedtime battles, and it's a very enjoyable time of day for all of us.

My second baby was a champion sleeper from day 1. I would put her down for a minute, walk away, and come back, only to find her snoozing peacefully away! I couldn't believe it. Obviously I encouraged this, and then BAM--teeth, roseola, a cold, a vacation, blah blah blah, here we are at 9 months, rocking her to sleep and she wakes up a buh-zillion times a night. Sigh. What are you gonna do? Every so often when I'm just too tired to even feel safe holding her in my arms, I have to let her cry, but she always forgives me and we move on. I don't mind holding her and nursing her. She obviously needs it right now, maybe someday she and her big sister will soothe each other to sleep (they share a room). Glad we got a full-size mattress and not a twin!

I was advised by all my friends to let my daughter cry it out. Around 10 months I was finally guilted into doing it. I went in every 5-10 minutes and it took under 1 hour before she fells asleep. I thought wow that was easy! For the next week I couldn't put her down or she'd go nuts! She'd claw at my shirt and I couldn't pry her hands off! I never did that again. She's now 15 months and decided on her own that she was ready to fall asleep alone. We rock and listen to a music box for 10 minutes and then into the crib, hugs and goodnight. No problem. If you are still ok rocking her, enjoy it. She'll learn to sleep alone when she's ready