I have a 12 month old son who is used to being rocked to sleep every night. I always went to him immediately when he cried. However, I now realize that I have helped him develop bad sleeping habits. I am now trying to get him to go to sleep on his own and be able to fall back asleep if he wakes up. I am having a hard time letting him cry it out until he falls back asleep. Has anyone had that same problem and does it eventually get better.
I want to thank everyone for the positive and supportive feedback. It has only been a few days but I have noticed that he is sleeping better at night and not taking as long to fall asleep.
You've got some good advice here. I just wanted to say that I'm going through a similar situation. My almost 1 year old is the worst sleeper out of all 4 of my kids.
We have had to train all the others to go to sleep, but my youngest is such a light sleeper. It's tough, but the work you do now will pay off in a few years, when the bedtime routine runs smooth, you tuck them in, and poof, five minutes later, they are asleep.
My daughter is now 2&1/2 and I still fight her sometimes. She just wants to sleep with us. I have required that she go to sleep in her bed first! I have found recently that a sticker reward chart and more recently candy has done the trick. She still doesn't sleep all night in her bed but she does know how to get herself to sleep and more importantly it gives my husband and I a break and time alone. Crying it out never worked because she would cry for hours if we let her. If you are not to that point yet you can keep trying but you have to be firm and not go and get him. We tried the whole gradual elimination where you soothe without picking up and leave for 5 minutes, gradually increasing your time away until they go to sleep on their own. This works but it takes a bout a week and there are frequent relapses and you just have to start over again. Good Luck!
A.,
Everything we do as a parent is creating a habit. We feed a certain way, give bottle, have a bedtime routine... all habits. None of them are bad unless they physically harm the child ! So you have done things that are comfortable and have created a great bond and trust between you and your son. I would NEVER call that bad !
The question then is how to modify the habit if it no longer fits your lifestyle or age. Soooo.... It's like any habit, it will take time to change and patience on your part. I don't believe in cry it out because you can't really know if something is physically wrong with your child as was mine. I tried crying it out for almost two weeks and kept going back to the Doctor and he kept saying just keep it up. Ended up he had an intestinal infection and I didn't realize because I went against my motherly instinct to soothe him.
Anyway, you can create a new habit by gradually modifying your bedtime routine. It may be something that will take a few weeks or a few months. My children took a few months each. Just remember, in the grand scheme of things a few months isn't anything. Before you know it they will be 9 yrs old and you wonder where the time went ! (My son's b-day is today.) LOL
Send me a message if you want to talk. I have some ideas, but in the long run you have to do what is right for you.
Blessings.
M.
A.,
There is so much talk about teaching babies "bad sleep habits." Really, all creatures sleep when they are tired and safe. Letting a baby, and 12 months really still IS a baby, "cry it out" is just plain mean. Until now, baby has been comforted, loved, and sure you are there. Now, suddenly, his pleas for comfort are being ignored. Babyhood passes by so very quickly. I suggest you rock sweetie to sleep for the precious few months that you will still be able to do that. Just wait until your 2 1/2 or 3 year old son is getting ready to go to sleep and shouts at you, "Weev me awone!" and I guarantee he will not be the one "crying it out" and you will wish you could still rock him to sleep. Cherish the time you have left of the baby time while you still can. Don't worry, he won't need you to rock him to sleep very much longer.
Best wishes,
K.
Hi A.,
I did the exact same thing. We finally at 12 months put him in his room with a CD (that I used to listen to when I put him to sleep as an infant) a pacifier, and a blankie that he likes, and just let him cry it out. The first night he cried for 45 minutes. Then the second night he cried for 20 minutes then the third night he went to sleep with out a peep. And has been ever since. My son is now 14 months old and sleeps GREAT! It is amazing. I never thought it would happen so hang in there. Turn on your favorite TV show and just know that your baby is ok they are old enough now to go to sleep on their own.
Let me know if you need any other helpful hints or encouragement I'd be happy to help.
-A. M
letting him cry is good - when he cries, check on him - then give him 5 minutes next time he cries before you check on him - then a little longer each time - that lets him know you are there for him but you aren't going to come running each time.
I used to (when doing this) talk to our child and let him/her know how tired I was - I would yawn and say see you in the morning or other things to work it into their brain. After you do this for a few days to a week - you should notice a difference.
Be consistent - don't give in to what you decide to do.
It will get better its just going to take a little more time than usual. Try starting a calming bed time ritual. I would recommend dinner, playing then sit for as long as he will allow. A nice relaxing bath and lay down next to him for story time. My one year old dosn't sit for an actual book but if he plays with it and I calmly tell him a made up story it serves the same purpose. He gets the one on one time he wants and then to bed. He will cry himself to sleep and eventually it won't happen at all. Usually around 2 weeks.
It will get better! It is so hard to let them cry themselves to sleep. I babysit for a little girl and her mom did it right! Firstly you need a bedtime routine, i.e. reading a story, rocking for a couple minutes, whatever but it should be the same routine every night. When her daughter would wake up, or if she does now, she will go in and make sure she isn't sick, didn't throw up and doesn't have a dirty diaper. If all is okay she will put her back to bed and let her cry. She will cry for a couple minutes and go back to sleep. The 1st week is always the hardest. It wil get easier. If at all possible, lower the monitor so the crying isn't as loud but you can still make sure he is okay.
Good Luck!
Oh yes A., this will be one of the hardest things you will have to go through while he is still a baby. This is what I did, when it was time to let my little one cry herself to sleep I would go outside. I couldn't stand to hear her crying. Now, when she is in bed and crying I just shut the front door loudly and she settles down. I guess she figures I can't hear her so there is no reason to continue crying. When I first started making her fall asleep on her own she could go on for 30 min b.c in the past I had always gone to get her after a few min.
A.
I have 4 children so I have been through about every situation when it comes to sleep. I PROMISE that is you let him cry it out that it is terribly hard the first few times but about night 3 or 4 it will end and you will wonder why you didn't do this months ago. BUT the key is consistance and making the decision to stick with it when you start. If you give in just once, you will have to start back to square one.
L. M.
I had that problem with my children, especially my oldest one. I used to put him to bed when he was almost asleep then just kinda stand there by his crib/bed and let him know that I was still there until he went all the way to sleep. It wasn't easy at first and there were nights when I would fall asleep on the floor next to his bed but he eventually got used to mommy not rocking him to sleep everynight and getting up as soon as he wakes up crying. I would also let him cry for a few minutes before I went to get him after he woke up. I would slowly let more time pass before I would go get him. It is a slow process but it worked for me. S./Lima, Ohio
I used to think it was terrible to let my kids cry it out, but I tried a lot of different methods and all of them left me crying it out, too. I finally saw that going in to comfort my son (he was the worst one about sleep) was causing him to wake up more and more often, and he was tired and grumpy during the day. I decided to let him cry when he woke up during the night. I still held him while he went to sleep and before naps, but I did not go to him at night. He got the comfort of me being there while he was falling asleep, but he learned that he should just roll over and go back to sleep when he woke up after that. It took me about 6 months to come to the point where I could let him cry it out, and it took him about 2-3 nights to get the idea and start sleeping all night. He doesn't seem to be any worse for it, and all 3 of my children seem to have a good, secure bond with my husband and I. It was part of a learning process for all of us!
The one thing I did that really helped me deal with it was to let my husband sleep upstairs in our bedroom while I slept downstairs in the playroom in a sleeping bag during the process. That way he was there if the kids needed him, but he could much more easily roll over and go back to sleep when the crying baby woke. It didn't bother him the way it did me, and he had more willpower about not going in to hold him while he fell back to sleep. That was the key, and it worked for us. And, hey, I got the first full night of sleep I'd had in about 2 years!
L.
