Should You Let Them "Cry It Out"

According to Dr. Sears, the Ferber method can harm a child emotionally and their ability to trust and relate to others later on in life. But you'll always hear opposing opinions in child-rearing. So do what feels right to you.

Y.

It sounds like you are waiting too long b4 you put him to sleep. By the time you are putting him down, he is over tired and thus feels the need to cry and wants to be rocked. Babies also need to learn how to calm themselves down and fall asleep w/o your help. You are making him more dependant on you. I would suggest 1) try putting him to sleep at the very first signs of tiredness or 15 mins earlier than you have been and 2) let him cry. I did read a book, but I can't remember the name. I will try to find it and let you know.

good luck.

I never really had to use the cry it out method.. I use to do the same thing you do now walk around and rock him to sleep until he was 8 months old then i couldnt do it anymore because my back was killing me.... I use to lay him on my bed instead of holding him when giving him a bottle so he didnt depend on having me by his side to go to sleep and if he didnt fall asleep while taking the bottle i laid him in his crib and he cried for 10 minutes but then fall asleep it takes a few nights of them crying but i wouldnt let him cry for more then 10 minutes! you might be surprised he might fall asleep. he will eventually just go to bed and not cry anymore once he gets use to it! good luck

You could try taking your son for a short ride in the stroller or in the car to give your arms a break. But if your intent on trying to cry it out be aware that crying it out dosn't work if you just leave them to cry for a long time. I find that with my daughter I will let her cry (more of a fuss) alone in the room for about 1-2 minutes and stay just outside of view to listen. If her cries start to slow and she seems to be calming down on her own I will let it go, but if she stays consistently upset or seems more upset I immediatly pick her up and walk her around. My daughter however tends to be bothered by people and movement when she is tired so once I pick her up she will just want to play. I wish you the best of luck and hope that all goes well!

I have let both of my kids cry it out. I only did this when they had both been sleeping through the night for a while and they would just start crying around 7-9 months. I just made sure they weren't hungry, sick or soiled. It was extremely hard to listen to them the first few nights but then they just finally stopped all the drama at night time. Now currently my 22 month old just goes to bed and takes a nap without me having to hold her to goto sleep.
Now on the flip side my aunt always held her kids till they fall asleep and she currently has to hold her 2 year old who weights 38 pounds to get her to take her naps and at bedtime. But all kids are different and some cry for an hour or more. I was lucky they were usually done by 20-30 minutes.

I don't really have anything against crying it out, but with my son it was something that I wanted to do only as a last resort. We had much the same problem, he would get very fussy and fight sleep and I would have to rock him and walk around for what seemed like forever to get him to calm down. A friend of mine recommended a book called "Good night, sleep tight" by kim west and joanne kenen. It does recommend a gentler approach, but a lot of the tips were really useful. It gave a bunch of early tired cues to look out for. Rubbing their eyes, less intersted in social interaction, less active etc. Basically she says that when babies first start to get sleepy is the best time to get them to sleep. If you miss this window of easy rest, thats when they become fussy and hard to put down, acting almost like they're really fighting sleep. Her method does require a bit more work. Once you start to read her suggestions and learn your babies cues, its pretty easy to find a schedule for naps and bed that really works. This really helped make getting my son to sleep a much quicker and more pleasant process. Getting them to fall asleep completely on their own usually takes a couple weeks instead of days because its a lot more gradual then ferber, but as I said, a lot of her suggestions are really spot on which makes it a lot easier. It really only matters what you think is best for you. In my case, my son was a nightmare to get to sleep for naps and this helped tremendously. At night he'd often wind up in bed with me after sleeping in his crib for only a few hours. I started this process when he was six months old because I really didnt want to have to share my bed with him for the forseeable future. I've never read anything that made me believ that cry it out harmed babies at this age so I'm not against it, but I personally avoided cry it out because I thought it was too harsh of an adjustment to go from sleeping next to mommy to crying himself to sleep alone. He's now 11 months old and sleeps though the night in his own bed.

Ferber recanted his method:
http://www.ambybabyblog.com/?p=73
"Science tells us that when babies cry alone and unattended, they experience panic and anxiety. Their bodies and brains are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones. Science has also found that when developing brain tissue is exposed to these hormones for prolonged periods these nerves wont form connections to other nerves and will degenerate."

Try Dr. Sears instead. Or at least get a more recent copy of Ferber's book.

You are a parent now. You rock the babies to sleep, you cuddle them when they need comfort. You sleep next to them if they need you to do this. you feed them when they are hungry. This is your job. If you need a break, ask your husband to help with bedtime.

I'm not a big fan of letting them cry it out. Have you tried rocking him? My kids love that. Its time cuddling mommy yet you can still read or listen to music.

I have 2 year old twins. It was tough getting them both to sleep at the same time. I guess my advice to you would be to try whatever gets them to cry the least first and then move from there. My doctor told me that crying hurts the mother more than it hurts the child if done in moderation. I never believed in letting them cry it out for long periods of time. I couldn't bring myself to doing that. I would, however, try to extend the times that I checked on them. I let them cry for five minutes then went in and checked on them and rocked them. I did that a couple times. Then I went in after 10 minutes and did that a couple of times, then extended it to 15 minutes. Usually they went to bed after an hour or two of doing that, but it wasn't a full hour of crying. It lasted a week and then they went to sleep without crying. I can't remember what age I began this. I remember at the beginning months, I didn't let them cry it out. I tried the routine, soothing music, etc. It just didn't work for my son. My daughter didn't have a problem with that, but my son would wake her up and then I'd have to work to get them both back to sleep. They are 2 years old now and we still have the routine at bedtime. They have trouble with naps right now, but I think that comes and goes. Sometimes they have problems going to bed at night and I will lay in there with them. Some nights they want to cuddle, and some nights they point to the door and tell me to go because it is night-night. I have a friend who always laid beside her girls until after they fell asleep and they are 7 and 5 now. She still does it and complains that some nights it takes the 7 year old 2 hours to fall asleep because she doesn't want her mommy to leave.

Hello. I beleive in the Ferber Method. It worked wonders for both of my children. I Ferbered my daughter at 6 months (when I found out I was prego again, and needed a full nights rest!). She cried for an hour the first night and about 15 minutes the second night. My husband had to reassure me that it was the best thing to do, and I laid in bed crying. Then my second baby, my son, was ready to be Ferbered at 5 months. He was no longer nursing, and would wake during the night just to have a "snack". I knew that he wasn't hungry and let him cry. It took one night and about 45 mins for him to get the idea. He is now 10 months old and has been sleeping thru the night ever since. When it comes to napping, once I put them down for a nap, I don't go back in. Sometimes my son will fuss for a few minutes and other times he will fall right asleep. But he knows I'm not coming back until he wakes up. I do want to warn you however, the down side to this is that my son will no longer allow us to snuggle with him nor can he fall asleep in our arms. This part is very difficult for me and I wish I could just hold my sleepy baby again.
Good luck to you. I'm sure you will do the right thing.

Hi, I am against tghe cry-it-out method mainly because it affects attachment parenting.

Please check out The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley 2002--on ebay for cheap--

Do you have a bedtime routine? oh--yes--walking him. how about developing something new? my son had a really hard time going to sleep, so we developed a fairly complicated routine--bath, massage, sing-time, story-time--and it works like a dream--he's snoozing by the time we start sing-time (I just sing him a song)--and it lets him know that mommy is there for him.

6 mos old is just too immature and vulnerable to let the baby "cry"--unless you want to teach him that mommy and daddy aren't there when he suffers--

my son is a year old now, and on the rare occassion that he won't sleep, we let him cry, and if he's still up in 10 minutes we go and tuck him in and leave for 10 minutes again, etc--but we didn't start that until 11 mos, when he was just obviously more developed.

good luck--hope that helps

The Ferber Method is wonderful, It is hard at first but you will be so glad you did it once your done.

my daughter is 6 months old and gets fussy when tired i let her cry for a few min then i will pat her on the back and seh usually will go to sleep in ten min...but you have to do what you can handle. My oldest child didn't cry when he was tired he is now six and my now three year old would not sleep no matter what i did until she was at least 12 months old so you have to try a few things and see what works well for you and your son good luck....

letting them cry it out isnt always the best method my son was the same way when he was an infant he loved to be mobile we got a toy called a jump-a-roo I ordered it from amazon.com but you can also find it babies r us or toys r us as well it works wonders my daughter loved it when she was a baby and it gave my back a break

It's all up to what YOU can handle. I could not let my children cry it out. Only when they were over a year, could I do that. To tell you the truth, I know it's frustrating while they are awake and you have stuff to do, but I cherished those moments of snuggling and cuddling. Because pretty soon, they won't let you snuggle!

Hi K. my suggestion to you is to try to get him in a regular routine. Read to him, rock him a little and maybe play some music for him to try to fall asleep to. If he is crying because something is wrong you know what that cry sounds like. Of course pick him up. BUt if he is just wanting to be walked and held its ok to let him cry a little. After a few nights he will realize its bedtime mommys not going to come back in and walk with me. I did this with my firstborn i walked and rocked her well it was a habit she didnt get out of untill she was 4 and let me tell you it was harder at that age, so i learned with the other three not to run right back in the room as soon as i heard a peep. Its hard i know good luck steph

Hi K.,
Personally, I think 6 months is too young yet for a 'cry out'. I agree with creating a routine. bath, story, relax, sleep. Your child is more likely to find a way to soothe himself if you help soothe him. My daughter hums and bounces now. I ger her to sleep and then I leave the room. I listen in on a monitor and when she wakes, she will fuss a bit while still sleepy and then hum and fall back to sleep. If something is wrong, such as she really is hungry, scared, or has a dirty diaper, I go in, but rarely does my daughter cry in the night just to get my attention for no reason. My daughter just turned one last week.
Sadly, though, I still co-sleep with her due to a fire we had. When I get the chance, I put her to sleep by laying down with her. Once she is asleep, I go into a different room. because she has to sleep in a BIG bed, I am awake at just the sound of a heavy breath. but she sleeps fine and soothes herself if I leave the room.
I'd say for now, start and keep a routine. Too much change while trying to get him to fall asleep on his own could be too much for him. Also, crying for that long at once at that age just isn't healthy for him. it is ok, however, to increase the time you let him cry every few nights as he gets older. Crying at this age still means that he needs you and the reasurance that you are there. I don't regret for one minute answering my daughter's cries. She is the brightest, most well adjusted child I know (though I am biased), and needs me less than other children because she knows that I am there if she does need me.
These are only my opinions and experiences though. It may not be the case for you. What is most important is that you do what is right for you without hurtng your baby. If something works for you and your son....then do it.
I wish you luck!
Jenn

This is only one mother's opinion, but I think the Ferber method is cruel and I don't know how any mother could possibly implement it. My babies were fussy and needed lots of attention as well, but I couldn't stand to just let them cry. I guess it works for some people, but I'm not one of them. What I'd like to suggest is a rocking chair. It worked like a charm for my babies, and it felt really wonderful to rock them to sleep. Good Luck.