"Sleeping Habits" - Wellington,CO

There is a good book out there called the "no cry sleep solution." I don't subscribe to the cry it out method. I don't think it is healthy for little ones.

I had the same problem with my first born. I never did get her to sleep in her crib. I waited till she was about 15mo. put her in a big girl bed and put a gate at her door. She only cried 20 minutes the first time and everynight it got better. By the time my second child was born, I had learned my lesson. It is much easier to teach them how to sleep in their own bed if that's all they know. Hope this helps.

Hello K., Have you read, "The No Cry Sleep Solution," by Elizabeth Pantley? She offers lots of ideas on every possible desired night-time sleep scenario (for the parents, too). ~T.

I also kept my son in bed with me while I was breast feeding; it was so much easier to just roll over and let him suck than to have to get up. When I decided it was time for him to start sleeping on his own, I started out nursing him to sleep in bed, like usual, then laying him in bed once he was asleep. When he woke up, we'd do the same thing again, nurse til he's asleep, then put him back in bed. Gradually, I'd put him in bed just before he was asleep, and then while he was wide awake. My son was younger than your child when he decided he was done nursing, so I don't know how this will work for you, but it might be worth a try. Another thing I had to do when he was older (he hit a phase at about 9 mos when he just didn't want to go to sleep) was to swaddle him in a blanket, rock him, and Shhhhhhh. The latter works best as a constant, white noise kind of thing. Hope this helps.
-J.

I haven't tried this, but I read about a plan I thought would work a little better than letting her cry it out. You gradually work yourself away from her. At first you lay her in her crib and hold her hand through the crib. Then the next night ( or maybe after a few nights, I can't remember) just sit next to her crib, then move to the doorway, then the next night go in after a few minutes and gradually make the time longer. I think I read it in Parents or Parenting magazine, but it has been a while. I thought it sounded like an interesting idea. Just make sure you do what works for you and your baby and if crying it out doesn't work try some other things. I have co-slept with many of my kids and eventually they sleep on there own. My eight year old slept in a sleeping bag next to my bed for many years. But I will tell you the sooner you start the better. My sister in law still sleeps with her 4 year old and she is struggling at getting her out.

We did co-sleeping for breast feeding also, and I am actually a supporter of the family bed. (I breast fed for 9 months until my daughter weaned herself) In fact studies show in countries where cosleeping in common pace, there is a much lower rate of SIDs. (http://www.sierradistribution.co.uk/faq.asp) I do not believe in letting a child cry it out, I cannot understand what positive thing that teaches a child. At this age all they understand is that they need you and you are not responding. I think this can cause a huge trust and bonding issue later on. We used a transition approach to finally get her to her own bed, but with few tears or tantrums. Put the crib in your room, or one of those portable cribs and try that arrangement for a while, then slowly move the crib into the hallway and to her room. I also spent a few nights hanging out in her room until she went to sleep. Soft music did help.

Blessings to all three of you! I am a strong supporter of the Family Bed. However, I understand the need to have your baby in the crib, too. What is hard for me is the bedtime routine - you have to have one, you have to stick to it and it takes time. Make a routine and stick to it (include brushing baby's teeth!). She has to learn everything about life from the two of you and learning how to fall asleep on her own is one of them. Don't wean her until you have her sleeping in her own bed - trust me, it will be a nightmare if you try to do both at the same time.

I nursed my three kids until they each were over two years old. It's a special bond.

Incorporate reading a book and having soft, acoustic music playing in her room. When she's good and sleepy, put her in her crib and rub her back or her forehead (that's what they always did at daycare for my son) and sing quiet hush sounds until she goes to sleep.

If she wakes in the night, don't wait until she is distressed, try to go in right away, but don't pick her up. Just soothe her back to sleep if you can. If you have to, pick her up and rock her, nurse her or whatever, but try to put her back to bed while she is still awake and soothe her back to sleep.

This all works, but it can be hard to do. You have to have resolve.

If you choose to keep the family bed, be careful of her possibly falling out or getting stuck under the covers.

For awhile, I had a bed rail on my side of the bed, and I was able to keep my son safe and still in bed with us.

Good Luck and God Bless!

I do the co-sleeping too for nursing. I have five kids and have always taken them from my bed to a twin-size bed with a safety rail on the side at about 10-12 months. After I wean them I will still lay by them for comfort for a while, and gradually I will sit by the bed, then sit in the room until they are asleep. It is more time-consuming than the cry to sleep method, but I feel it makes them more secure. Bedtime is a time when your kids will open up to you when they are a little older so building a trust relationship now will be beneficial for you if you are interested in that kind of communication with your kids. Sleeping in a crib is probably really scary if they haven't done it since birth.

This is such a difficult thing to go through. I have 3 children and co-slept and nursed all of them. We did try crying in the crib for the first two - they both would escalate rather than calm down. The first would shake like your daughter, and it would take hours to calm her back down. The second would cry, escalate, and vomit. It was awful for all of us. Also, they would get more anxious during the days and would be more avoidant of their cribs. So for the oldest, we moved her from our bed to a big girl bed in our room, sleeping with her at first, then sleeping in our bed with her in her bed. Then we moved her to her own room. She was 18 months by the time we accomplished this with sleeping through the night - but there was no crying and no anxiety. Our second child was a better sleeper overall, and was able to transition to his crib in our room, then to a toddler bed in our room, and then we moved his bed to his room. Of course when they are sick they all want back in our bed - but they never have to go through the transitions to go back to their beds once they feel better. We still have our third child in our bed most of the time, but she has occasionally been able to sleep the whole night in her crib. She is almost ready for the transfer to her crib, but is currently sick, so we are waiting. Also, I weaned first, and then did the bed changes. All three kiddos are sweet and affectionate and secure. The crying thing was too awful for me and them for us to be able to do. I know it works fine for some parents, but I suspect their kids are more like my third who fusses a little when I put her in her crib to sleep and then she just settles right down. I think you have to take personality into account when you make these decisions. The book "No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley is excellent and has lots of ideas and suggestions for various ages. I ordered it from Amazon.

Good luck! I co-slept with my oldest child (who is now seven) and that was the problem. She jsut barely started to sleep in her own bed. I tried breaking her into her crib, and desperately tried anything when I was pregnant with my second. The only thing that started to work was sticker charts when she turned six. When she spent one week in her own bed, I took her out for a treat. Took me a year, but she's now on her own! Wish I had more to offer you . .

My sister gave me the book "How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Ferber. She jokingly refers to it as the book that saved her child's life because it was the only thing that worked for her & she was at her wits' end. I found it to work very well with all 3 of my children, as long as I was willing to be consistent with the method. That being said, I know this method is not for everyone - but I swear by it!

HI K.,

Ultimately what you do is up to you. You are going to get very different advice on this subject. Here is what I did. I tried to do the "cry it out" routine when my daughter was about that age. She would really wail and shake just like yours. And she was sad not mad which was the difference. I postponed the cry it out for much longer (23 months).

I started with rocking her to sleep at night. Contrary to what you may have heard or read, my daughter never woke up in the middle of the night to have me put her back to sleep. I am sure that isn't the same with every child. That's why it such an individual choice. After many months of rocking her (which I really enjoyed), I began putting in her crib and sitting next to it holding her hand...again she didn't wake up looking for my support. Finally about a year later, I began to need more time at night because she was going to bed a bit later. I did the "cry it out" routine then. 1st night she cried 20 mintues, then silence. Second night 2 minutes, then silence. Third night, not a peep.

I have no problems now and she is very happy, healthy, and has 0 sleep problems. She just needed me and wanted my comfort earlier on.

It's up to you, but maybe she is like mine. They are young for such a short time. Do what works for you and her.

Take Care.

In Dr Sears' books, he recommends starting with a mattress on the floor next to yours. Gradually you move the mattress further away from your bed. You can read more about it on his website, http://www.askdrsears.com

Letting her cry it out isn't for everyone. I've used it with several of my kids. We have six, my youngest is 9 months. He has been co-sleeping with us since he was born. I am trying to get him to sleep in his crib too. Crying it out hasn't been working for me with him. Instead I lay him down and am sitting next to his crib. I'm not looking at him, but for now I am placing my hand next to his for comfort. He cried for a little bit, but was asleep within 30 mins. Slowly I will move farther away from him, until I am out of the room. Good luck.

Hi K.,
I am a mother of three and I have to admit, I did it wrong with my first two...my oldest is now 10 and doing well in her own bed but it took a few years to get her to sleep in her own bed, my 5 year old son still sleeps with my husband and I to this day. Needless to say, I changed everything with my third...she is now 2 and sleeps through the night in her own bed and has since she was 10 months old. I definitely had to let her cry but each night got better and not too long after, she went to bed willingly. Don't give up!! It'll be worth it in the long run for you and your daughter!!

My husband and I did a combination of co-sleeping and crib. I had the crib pushed against the bed. same level with bed with front bar off. The crib was an extension of our bed. When our baby girl started to move around and roll in her sleep I put the bar on the crib but left the crib next to my bed with a space enough for me to get out at night and nurse our baby. She was already used to sleeping in her crib at night. Our baby is about 10 months now and she sleeps in her crib which is still in our bedroom, but is not right next to our bed. Its nice having her in the room because I still nurse her. Eventually we are going to transition her to her own room. She is our only child so i felt it a little hard to have her in her own room for her first year of life. thats just how I felt about it.

During the day When I'm in the living areas of our house I had a portable bed put up in the living room where she could sleep until she became old enough to be distracted from sleeping. at that time she was used to sleeping in a crib and so when I transitioned her to sleeping in our room in her crib during the day , it was a smooth transition for her.

Your child is now older but maybe you can adapt something i have mentioned to your situation. every baby is different. good luck

I figured out that when my kids wouldn't sleep in their cribs it was because the plastic from the mattress bothered them. The sheet wasn't enough so I folded a blanket and put it under the sheet so they can't feel the plastic. They slept a lot better.

I have an almost 8 month old who I've been nursing exclusively and he would not sleep through the night. Well, I just couldn't handle not getting any sleep so I had to let him cry it out and within 2 nights he has been sleeping through the night. The thing is you can't go in and pick up the baby. As soon as you do that you start the process all over again. Once they realize you're not going to get them they eventually will sleep. Of course you can go in to check on them and reassure them it's ok. There are a ton of books on how to get your baby to sleep in the crib and stay asleep.

I never had to worry about this with my first baby because she was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. I don't know if this helps your situation. Good luck with everything!!

You need to let her cry it out. She will probably cry for 45 minutes the first time. Once you go in and get her, she then knows if she's cries long enough you will return. I know it's difficult, but once you establish that it's bed/nap time and you are not returning until it's time to get up, she will adjust and not cry so long.

I wouldn't confuse her with playing in the crib and then trying to get her to sleep in the crib. Let her know the crib is for sleeping.

Hang in there and stick with it. It will get easier.

This is going to be a very difficult transition. Moving the child to a crib at this age is probably the hardest because they're old enough to know the difference (I usually sleep in another bed with my mom) but not yet old enough to be reasoned with (I get a BIG GIRL bed!). She thinks _your_ bed is _her_ bed and doesn't understand why she isn't where she belongs. Maybe you could wait awhile?

Otherwise, try a side car co-sleeper attached to you bed for awhile, then move to a crib exactly beside your bed, then to a crib against the wall, but still in your room, etc. You get the idea...gradually move to a crib in her own room.

Jo Frost of Super Nanny wrote a book though she did touch on this kind of problem on one of her shows. Your girl needs reassurance but in a subdude way. First of all, I would not take her out of the crib. I would talk to her in a low hushy voice and pat her back. Then I would sit in the darken room not facing her, but letting your presense help reassure her. She will probably lay down and calm out, but realize this will take some time, 3-4 days of subdude calming. Don't "feed" her lots of attention cause thats what she's aiming at. It's all a proccess of her maturing, and you are helping to do that by helping her find her inner strength...good luck, be strong, and don't give in, she'll be just fine

I don't know if there is an easy way to get her used to her own krib, you are on the right track letting her cry it out. It may be an hour at first, but she will eventually give up and the next time it will be less time. Try it for a nap at first, when she is really tired, go in when she is crying too much and try to pet her back and console her, but don't pick her back up (and once you go in, the time clock starts again)
But the only real advice I want to give you is don't try to wean her and make her sleep in her crib by herself all at once, let her deal with one "big issue" at a time. Good luck!

K.,
I was curious, how come you stopped co-sleeping and are planning to wean at 1 year?
Your daughter is trying to communicate a need that she has, perhaps she is not ready to sleep on her own yet. She will, in time, but maybe the best solution is to continue co-sleeping until she is old enough to choose to sleep on her own. Some of my most treasured memories are those few precious moments that we wake up and just hang out together before getting out of bed. There is so much time for them to do life on their own, I, personally am going to soak up every night we get to spend together, becuase I know there will come a time that she doesn't want to share the family bed anymore.
Anyways, I would love to talk with you more about this, if you want. Feel free to contact me at ____@____.com
My biggest piece of advice is follow your intuition and your heart, we don't know your baby or you, and only you can decide what is best for your family. Good luck!

Hi K.,
I went through something similar with my daughter. To get her to sleep in her crib I first started putting her in it for naps. Once she was used to that, I was able to put her down in her crib at bedtime, although I often had to bring her to bed with me when she woke up. After a while I got tired of that (she was so restless I wasn't getting any sleep) and just kept putting her in her crib. She did get the idea after a short time and eventually insisted on being in her crib - even pointing to it when she was ready to lay down!

My son (7 mos) has always slept in his crib but still wakes up to eat. I am trying to get him to sleep through the night and on occasion will make a comfy bed on his floor for myself so I am close. I do this only on nights when he has multiple wakings. He has been sick and has had ear infections so I feel I need to respond if he is crying. That is his only way to communicate with me and there is no way for me to know if something is really wrong unless I check on him. Besides, he is most likely my last baby and quite frankly, I love our snuggle time.

One thing that might be worth trying is to get your scent in her crib somehow - on her blanket, a stuffed animal, her sheet, etc. A friend of mine had to take one of her t-shirts to her daughter's daycare so the daycare employee could drape it over her shoulder while she fed the baby - the baby wouldn't eat unless she could smell her mother. I was babysitting my niece when she was 5 months old and she absolutely would not calm down until I put on my sister-in-law's sweatshirt and held her close enough to smell "mommy". Worked like a charm!

I do not subscribe to the cry it out method. For both of my kids, their crying only escalated and made subsequent attempts more difficult. I agree that babies need to self-soothe, but feel there are better ways to teach this. But, to each his own and if this is something you can do, then it's worth a try. Whatever you choose to do, good luck!

i am having same problem with my 10 mo old. He starts crying the minute i put him in his crib. I also am weaning but still co sleep because of his refusal to sleep in his crib. I tried "crying it out" but that doesn't work. My mother is close and when she puts him to sleep he goes right into the crib for naps and at night. My only suggestion to you is maybe try having your husband try to put her down. Good luck. I am interested in hearing the responses and to know if anything works.

A little about me: I am a 35 year old sahm of a 10 mo old. Married 10 years but am pretty much a single mother!!!!

You just have to keep on it. Consistency and time will be the ways it will eventually work for you. First maybe move the crib in the room where you co slept with her, that way she is close to you still, then gradually move it into her own room. However at her age it may be best to just put her in her own room. Her sleeping in the crib by herself is the best for her in the long run too, they sleep better, get more rest as do you! She will do it eventually. Try just laying her down there just for naps, be very calm and go through your normal routine, if she cries, let her, she will calm down as she is totally old enough to soother herself and is learning quickly if she holds out long enough you will respond. Them crying is so VERY hard on us moms, we hate it, however she needs to learn that is her place to sleep and it will just need consistency on your part. Make sure she has a lovey or blankie or favorite stuffed animal with her, even try a noise activated music box ( that was my saving grace with both of my kids). Just be strong! Once she masters naps there she will eventually do it at night too.

We had a hard time with my son as well around that age. I started weaning him around 12 months as well. We finally put his crib in our room. We'd wait until he fell asleep in bed with us and then transfer him over to the crib. When he'd wake up, if he did, he didn't get too upset because he knew we were there. We'd lay him back down and he'd fall right back asleep. Eventually we moved the crib back into his room and it worked! Every once and a while he'll wake up in the middle of the night but we go right to him so he knows he's ok and we're there. It took awhile but just be patient and try to make falling asleep as comfortable as possible. When she cries for so long that she's shaking her blood pressure shoots up and it's not a good transition from being awake to falling asleep and it's just not going to happen. If she cries so hard she falls asleep it's sad and still not a good transition. She's used to sleeping closely with you and your husband so help her get used to sleeping in her crib alone and then transfer her back to her room. That way it's not a HUGE transition all at once. Good Luck and I hope I've helped!

When we were sleep training our daughter, the first night in her crib she cried for a good hour, at least! I was watching her in the video monitor to make sure she was ok. After about an hour I went in there, didn't say anything to her or pick her up, patted her back to calm her down. The next night she probably screamed for 50 minutes. We continued this until she didn't cry at all when we put her down. Now when she goes to bed she's great about going to sleep if she's tired and entertaining herself if she's not.

She was also much younger than your child (she was about 3 months), but I think it would work. It's hard to hear her crying and screaming, but she isn't going to die! She'll be ok. She needs to learn to self-soothe. That's the only way she'll start to feel comfortable in her crib. Our daughter also has a ton of toys in her crib and a sippy cup of water.

Here is a great sight with great ideas on how to make it work, there is a little fussing but no "crying it out" I use similar ideas on my child, but the most important thing is to pick one and stick to it, switching around can confuse a little one.

http://www.lovegevity.com/parenting/mother/baby_wakes.html

I was in the exact situation and at 11 months I was more than ready to have my daughter sleeping soundly in her own bed. A person recommended the book "On Becoming Baby Wise", and it was a life saver! The book also shows you how to do sign language with your child which was also very helpful. I successfully used these sleep methods with all three of my children, and everyone I recommended the book to also found it a success! Good luck to you!

Maybe to gradually move her away from you, have her sleep on the bed next to your husband so she's not right next to you anymore. After she gets used to that step, you can put her in the cribin your room so she's not totally alone. By the way is there a particular reason you want to wean at one? If you wait until she's ready the whole situation will go like a breeze.

I have an 11 month who hate his crib too. He screams! So I have been putting him in it when he is all the way asleep. But he wakes up and screams throughout the night. I was just told to get the book, "Healthy Sleeping Habits, Happy Child." I've heard it has good ideas...I haven't tried it yet though.

Have you tried moving her into her crib after she falls asleep? Does she nap in her crib? If not, that's a place to start.
My first son cried things out just fine, but not baby #2, so I know how frustrating that is.
Right from the beginning, I've read, then sang and rocked my babies until they're drowsy, then put them down. I wonder if your daughter would fall asleep in your arms, then you could put her in her crib. Then after she's used to that, put her down before she's fully asleep.
Sorry if I'm repeating other moms' advice or things you've already tried!

Hi K., I will start the same adventure not too long from now. I am co-sleeping also. I am going to try white noise when I do it. They have a great machine a friend let me borrow you can purchase @ Babies R Us for $20. It has all kinds of white noise even the womb. Just a thought. Good luck to you.

Sounds like you are going to try and accomplish two weanings close together ... weaning from the breast, and weaning from the bed. Your little one may feel very sad losing mom in two ways so close together. You might consider weaning from the breast but continue co-sleeping (extend your bed with a co-sleeper so she has her own space), or wean from the bed but keep the closeness of nursing. My favorite book with sleep suggestions is Good Nights.