Co-sleeping, Nursing, and Pregnancy

Just put him in the crib and be done with it. Kids will get by with as much as they can. They need you to tell them what to do.

Dont let other people upset you with their views on co-sleeping or nursing...as I told you a couple of days ago..my daughter and her husband co-sleep with my 10 month old grandson...it isnt something that we did ( well not ON PURPOSE although it did happen a lot...lol) but I am not going to criticize her choices...it works really well for her. She is also planning to nurse our little fella as long as it is something that he wants...more power to her!!! As to the soreness when you are nursing...have you tried things like bag balm.... or nipple shields??? Surely La Leche would have some ideas for you.
Good luck!!

Many years ago when my children were babies a pedi DR told me that if the child is of good weight (doesn't need extra feedings to keep up their weight that a baby should not be offered milk after 10pm til 6am just water. If a baby is fed during the night they will be hungry at that time and want to eat then if they get just water then you can leave a bottle in the crib and if they are thirsty they can help them selfs, letting you get your rest. This advise is for either nursed or bottle fed babies. It is very sound advice if you think about it. If you are use to eating breakfast at 8 in the morning you will be hungry if you don't eat then. I used it for both my girls and they used it for my grand children. It worked very well for all of us. Good Luck and God Bless.

I don't really have any ideas for transitioning to a crib, but for weaning, I really like the book How Weaning Happens. It has a lot of ideas on how to do it slowly at a pace that your child can cope with and maintain peace in the family as you do it.

My 2nd is now 5 months old, my 1st about to turn 3. We are co-sleepers and did extended nursing (until just about 2 with my son). Our co-sleeping transition was very gentle. We started putting my son into his crib at the beginning of the night (at first transferring him after he was already asleep and then eventually getting him to go to sleep there after nursing and rocking etc). When he awoke the first time, I'd get him and bring him to my bed. As he got older, the time he stayed in his crib was longer and I would occasionally test whether he was ready to not nurse by just trying to soothe him in his crib. When he was around 1, he was still waking several times, but not really eating as much as suckling. I decided to try to night wean and in about a week, he was settling in and not waking until early morning (5 ish) when he would come to our bed. When my son turned 2 we made a big deal about getting him a big boy bed (a twin) and he wanted to sleep there, but still comes to our room in the morning for snuggle time. As for weaning, my son decreased the frequency of nursing on his own to just in the morning, before nap and at night (I might have used some distraction). I worked to get rid of nap nursing and morning nursing was easy to just get up and start moving before he asked. Eventually we got rid of the night by me being out of the house at bed time several times over a few weeks. I think I was more upset about the end than he was. We weaned at that time because we were thinking about a second and didn't want to tandem nurse. I got pregnant about a week after I stopped nursing (fast!) and was so glad that I had my whole body to dedicate to the second baby. That ended up being the right choice because my second pregnancy was complicated by placenta previa. My rule of thumb with weaning, moving to the crib and many other things has been that a "habit" goes fairly easy, a need does not. I would test and if after real efforts at change there was major resistance, then he wasn't ready. Good luck finding a solution for your family. Trust your instincts!

I see you have already received several words of advice. I will offer another, I am on my second child (9mo) and my first is 2 1/2, sleeping happily by herself in her own "big girl bed". She co-slept until she moved to a toddler bed before her first birthday, we used the Montessori method of birth to three years, of not restricting Hanna (like a crib) and teaching her good sleeping habits. I rocked her to sleep until she was nearly 2 years old, then she learned to go to sleep with a couple stories read to her. By the time she learned to open her bedroom door she was old enough to go up and down the stairs. We kept a video monitor so I could see her every move in her room and her room is totally baby proof. She is a confident little girl who goes to bed easily by herself and who only co-sleeps with us if she is sick or scared (thunder storms). Sam, my youngest is starting on this route also. At nine months he sleeps on a little cot he can crawl in and out of by himself. He wakes in the night to nurse again and then co-sleeps with me until morning. I am still rocking him to sleep, although his father can gently pat his back and he will fall asleep in his little bed that way also. We have not done the "cry it out" method, nor have we had sleepless nights...I will admit though that occassionally we have "four in the bed" when Sam is still co-sleeping and Hanna has a nightmare. But we don't have crying fits at bedtime or other problems. As to the breastfeeding, I dried up at 16 months with my little girl, I was three months pregnant with my son and working and I just stopped making milk, so I can't give much advice regarding tandem nursing. I just know that transitioning from co-sleeping to a crib can be hard (my little girl refused to sleep in a crib or pack-n-play, I think because of the walls), so this solution worked for us. Best of luck. Follow you heart, you will know what to do for your babies. I think doing what comes naturally for your family tends to work best.

I am currently expecting baby #2 April 2nd. My daughter is 16 months old and still nursing and co-sleeping. I'm here more to offer support than anything else.

I am reading a great book called "The Adventures of Tandem Nursing." It has some amazing ideas about how to encourage weaning if you are nursing while pregnant (which I am). The good news is that every pregnancy is different! Nursing hasn't hurt me yet and I am 14 weeks along. Actually, there are moments when it hurts, but it is very rare.

One idea in the book is to really encourage the dad to cuddle with the son/daughter instead of you. This has helped us out a lot! Lizzie will wake up and after a mild bout of crying her daddy will comfort her and she will sleep with him.

We are still trying to encourage the crib, but I abandoned that idea when I first got pregnant and was too tired to walk to her crib in the middle of the night and nurse her. Yes, we are trying to wean her from night feedings but it is easier to do with her in the bed, she is consoled quicker when she cuddles faster :)

Here is another great resource if you don't want to buy a book. He is a huge supporter of co-sleeping and breastfeeding and has a great plan with how to wean from night feedings: http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

I hope this helps! I reccommend the "How Weaning Happens" Book too. I read it and it has some great tips about how to wean "gradually and with love." When he is ready to wean this book will help you with ideas to encourage it and make it a smooth and happy event :)

I am a mom to five children, ages 13 months to 13 years, and have nursed and co-slept with all of them. The shortest time that I nursed was 13 months (that was because it was twins!), the longest was 27 months (when I had to go back to work). I am working on getting my 13 month old sleeping through the night in his crib, too. My greatest successes with this transition have been though a lot of talking about it during the day and then, if you can manage it at night, after a nursing session, continue to move him back to his crib. (I start mine out in the crib and then he moves into my bed at night). Since you have plenty of time, you can do this gradually, which will help both of you be more comfortable. Something I just recently did, which has been a HUGE help to me, was tell him during the night that he drank the milk all gone and he can snuggle with me or go back into his crib. Of course he chooses to snuggle with me! This doesn't help me get him in his crib longer, but does help with his incessant night nursing! This may not be great advice, but I encourage you to follow your heart and instinct and continue gradually with a lot of talking about it in the day. They understand so much more than people give them credit for!

Hi A.,
Well, I am not a "co-sleeper" nor was I able to nurse very long at all, but I give you tons of credit!
Getting the input of other moms is great, but don't beat yourself up over whatever decision you come to in this, whether it be continuing to co-sleep and nurse or moving to the crib. I just wanted to let you know that my daugther ended up sleeping MUCH better when we moved her to her crib from our room (by our bed). Turns out, we would all keep waking eachother up, and not even realize it! If you decide you want to give the crib a try...maybe start out with naps, and see how that goes, then start putting him in when he's asleep at night (or when he's sleepy) and see how he does, and little by little, extend the amount of time he's in there. (And I agree...a "stuffed pal" can really help).
We didn't use any "cry-it-out" type method...we always responded...it just didn't fit with my kiddo's personality.
But when it comes down to it, remember, you are the parents, he is the child, and he looks to you to know what to do.
When you talk about you being emotional...I can totally relate...I was a blubbering mess when my daugther went to sleep without her bottle the first night on her own (I was just waiting for it to be done in the dishwasher...poor planning! LOL)but she was perfectly happy with her cup.
So, once in a while, step back and ask yourself..."Is this for him, or for me?" and you know, either answer is an ok reason to do whatever it might be! You're doing a great job!

#1: Sometimes co-sleeping is what you have to do to get any sleep, so I am totally there with you!!
#2: Right now, I wouldn't worry so much about what it MAY be like when you decide to try conceiving #2. That time isn't here yet, so just deal with today. If whatever you're doing is working for you, then make the change gradual, and don't rush it. Then again, sometimes the change is harder on mom than it is on the baby.
My third was that way. Her crib was right beside the bed, so whenever she woke up, she would want me to nurse her. When she was ready to wean, I knew I had to move her to her sisters' room. I was expecting the middle of the night, waking everyone up period, but the very first night, she slept through the night, and has ever since. That was a year ago.
My point is, you just have to take it a day at a time, and not worry so much about something that's quite a while away. God luck, and many blessings!

Hi A.,

I wanted to say - WAY TO GO with nursing until 2! I nursed my daughter until she was about 33 months (of course, by that time, it's about once a day). Greatest thing I ever did and I wish I could wear a badge for acheiving it (and to get everyone interested in committing to 1 year and hopefully longer)! My daughter is a testiment to all the good reasons why to do it! :-)

I have always been well endowed and being pregnant only added - I found a nice soft bra (that had so little support, I would never wear it in public) and wore it to bed while pregnant and in the beginning of nursing. Believe it or not, it made a HUGE differance. It was all cotton, no underwires and I wore it loose, but just having that little bitty bit of support and I guess another barrier really helped me out.

Good luck and way to go on your committment to your baby (and upcoming baby!)!

I was going to suggest the two books already suggested, Adventures in Tandem Nursing and How Weaning Happens. Also, going to La Leche League meetings might give you some people to talk to who have gone through this. Like someone said, all pregnancies are different. I nursed my first daughter through my second pregnancy (I got pregnant when she was 21 months), and it would have been much easier to wean her during pregnancy when my milk supply was low than it would have been before that. As far as co-sleeping, we tried some to wean her off of that, but decided it wasn't worth it, and about a month after the baby was born she decided mostly on her own to start sleeping in her own bed (we slept wall, baby, me, older daughter, husband). If you don't have a king size bed, it might be a good investment. Even if she isn't co-sleeping when the baby is born, having the little one around might make her really want to come in sometimes. I guess I don't have much advice, except, read, talk to people and then do what seems to work best for your family. You'll find a way, that's one of the great things about being a mom. K.

I know this is a personal matter but I have a question about co-sleeping. Personally it is so much easier on myself and the baby to co sleep but I was wondering if and/or how co sleeping affects the intimacy between you and your husband? Our little guy is a little over 5 weeks old and I haven't been to the doctor for my post partum visit and have been trying to follow doc's orders which means that my husband has been deprived for the past almost 6 weeks. I've tried putting my son in the bassinet to sleep at night but he always wakes up 20 minutes later. I'm afraid that once I've been "cleared" that our intimacy will be a little lessened due to the baby. How did you overcome this?

We did the co-sleeping adn I nursed until my son was almost three. He potty-trained, weened and moved to his big boy bed all in one month. It was harder on me I think, than on him. He was just ready. Part of the sleeping issue was he liked to cuddle at night and if he woke he'd just self-nurse. So daddy laid in his big boy bed with him for the bit it took him to get used to sleeping in his own bed. I couldn't do it, because he's just wake up and nurse, so daddy had to. That's what worked for us. A stuffed animal did not work because it wasn't the same as having one of us in there with him. Again, that was just us. Good luck and kudos for not giving in to the pressure we get when we go outside what others consider the norm.

Hi A.! I don't have advice on transitioning to the crib, but I do on the nursing. Way to go, by the way! My son was still nursing several times a day at 15/16 months when I got pregnant with #2. I read "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" as others have mentioned, but wasn't totally gung-ho about nursing two. If it happened ok, if he stopped, ok. I simply stopped offering so much during the day or would suggest a snack instead. Some days he'd nurse several times, sometimes only once. I still let him nurse at night when he needed it. I was also worried about pain b/c the first time I was pregnant my breasts were so tender. Thankfully, this really wasn't an issue. Sometime around 21 months was our last time nursing. I think my milk had changed or dwindled, whatever it was, it was a wonderful way to end. There were no tears, no engorgement issues, just a happy ending. As an added bonus, once we were finished, he's not woken through the night since. :) Good luck.