Co-Sleeping With 19+ Month Old

That is a tough problem. I think the longer you wait the harder it will be. She is so used to sleeping with you I'm guessing there is probably going to be some crying, unfortunately.
I co-slept with both my children. I attempted to nap them early on in the crib so they would get used to it. Then around 6 mos I started putting them to bed in the crib for the first part of the night and brought them in the second half of the night. Then after a month or so I would get out of bed and nurse them and put them back into bed. Eventually they both started sleeping through the night on their own.

With my son, now 3, he went through a phase where he didn't want to go to bed. I'm guessing he was around 8 mos. We did a Ferber type routine where we'd let him cry 5 min, go in and sooth, 10 minutes, sooth, 20 min. sooth and then every 20 minutes after that. I think it took 2 hours the first night and maybe one the next and then he was fine after that. I was upset and crying as well but I knew he was ok as far as being fed, clean diaper, and not hurting since whenever I picked him up he'd quickly stop crying.

With my daughter there were a few nights where she'd cry for about 5 minutes and then would settle herself down.

I think it's ok to let them cry some because they do need to learn to settle themselves down. I think since your daughter is older I'm afraid it's going to be a little more difficult. I would suggest being really consistent when you decide to try to switch. Make sure you have a night time routine that you do with her at bedtime so she knows it's time to sleep. I'd probably start on a friday night since you'll probably have some sleepless nights.

Good luck-hope this helps!

Hi there,

We are also a co-sleeping family. We currently have 26 month old twins who have co-slept since the beginning. We have a king size bed and a co-sleeper attached to it. Although they do not sleep in the co-sleeper anymore, I have kept it there because it gives us a little more space at the edge of the bed without having to worry about anyone rolling out. After they turned two (and we probably could have done it earlier) we set up toddler beds in our room. This could also be just a crib mattress on the floor, but setting up the special new beds was a source of excitement for them. They now start the night in their own beds and when they wake up in the middle of the night they come in to my bed and nurse. They do still end up staying with me, but if I were not able to sleep, I would probably work on putting them back into their own beds. Our four year old has worked this way since she was two also. She goes to sleep in her own room with her sister and then comes in to us if she wakes. She still wakes up in our bed most mornings, but more and more she is staying in her own bed. She did start out in the toddler bed in our room before tansitioning to a room with her sisters around age two and a half. Anyway, this has worked well for us because my husband is able to go to bed early and get some quality sleep before anyone comes into bed. The key to co-sleeping is making sure that everyone gets a good night's sleep and if it isn't working, then you can gently change things. It's not good for the family relationship if your husband feels pushed out of the bed, so you definitely need to tweak things. Two resources for you would be "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and anything on sleep by the Sears. I know they wrote "The Baby Sleep Book". I think they may have one for toddlers too. These are recommended by the biggest co-sleeping advocates that I know, so although I have not read No-Cry, I would trust it enough to give it a try. Hope this helps!

It sounds to me like you've got two problems, and it might be that if you solve one, the other won't be much of a problem. I coslept with my children as well -- I have an almost 8yo, a 4yo, and a 6mo (still cosleeping.) At sometime between 18 and 20 months, we night-weaned the 2 older children, and I would suggest doing that first. At 19 months, even if she's not talking much, your daughter's receptive language is probably good enough that she can understand quite a bit. This is how I did it with my kids -- have a heart-to-heart talk with her that nighttime is for sleeping, not nursing, and that you're not going to nurse at night anymore. Definitely give her a nice long nurse right before bed, and remind her then that you're not nursing overnight anymore, but that she can nurse again when it's light out (important -- she needs to know that it's not no more nursing forever!) and then just do it. When she wakes up and you won't nurse her (you have to remind her that you're not nursing overnight anymore) she will scream and cry and fuss if she's anything like my kids, and you're in for a few days to a week of very little sleep, so try to make sure you've got support during the day, at least for a couple of hours, so that you can nap. It only took 3-5 days for my kids to more or less accept it, and they were very enthusiastic nursers. I would have a bottle of water available for her if she's thirsty. Water can sit all night and still be fine. Perhaps offer her a snack shortly before bedtime so that it's less likely that she'll actually be hungry. Also, when she wakes up and crys, do snuggle and try to comfort her, just no nursing. This is definitely not the time to let her cry it out.

After that, you might find that space isn't as much of an issue if she's not waking up several times and needing to shift around to nurse. If it is, and you have a crib, you can set the crib up next to your bed with the side down and the mattress level set at or just below your mattress as sort of a cosleeper, and continue to have her next to you. If you don't want to/can't do this, then a good transition is to set up a toddler bed in your room for her (or even just a crib mattress on the floor... though you have to be very careful about childproofing with this option.)

We night weaned at about 18-20 months, started transitioning to a toddler bed in our room at about 2 - 2 1/2 years, and transitioning to a bed in their own room (my older 2 currently share a room) at about 3. All of the kids are welcome to climb into bed with us at any time if they feel a need and if they're respectful of the fact that we're trying to sleep... for example snuggling is great... too much wiggling or any tickling gets you sent back to your own bed.

Anyway, hope this was helpful. Good luck!

We didn't really cosleep with my oldest (now 10), but most nights she ended up in our bed. Then when she was 2 I became pregnant with our second child. As I got bigger it was harder and harder to have her in bed with us and I knew there would be lots of late night feedings with the baby. So what we ended up doing to start off was we made her a little bed out of blankets and stuff on the floor in our room (if we had room to fit her bed we might have done that, but we didn't). She was still in the room with us, but not taking up precious space in our bed. Once she was sleeping fine out of our bed we were able to move her into her own room. Do you think she's even getting anything when she nurses at night? I think that if you put her in a separate bed even if it's in your room then her night feedings will be less. When she begins to fuss a little you won't just roll over and offer her the boob. You need to let her fuss a little during those light stages of sleep so she learns how to put herself back to sleep. Good luck. It's not going to be easy and there will probably be some tears shed, but it's better to do it now than when she's older. It will become that much harder the older she gets.

Hi there. Congrats on what you have done so far, and for noticing it is now time to move on.
I would do one thing at a time.
Firt wean her from nursing at night. The No Cry Sleep Solution has some great methods for that as well as for transitioning to their own crib.
Let her sleep with you in HER room. Do you have a blow up bed or something like that you can both sleep in? Then just you sleep on it, and put her in her crib. Finally you will be able to leave the room and sleep in your own space.
Expect this to take several weeks. It took 19 mos to get where you are now, it won't get fixed in one week. So be patient, do it one step at a time.
Good luck!

K., I was worried that you wouldn't get many responses, but I'm glad we all have company out there. Here's one more, as briefly as possible....

Someone mentioned Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution." It didn't work for me or my friend, but maybe it will for you?
Remember that your daughter will not hold it against you in the morning, if you have to let her CIO. She'll be fine! I did have to stop the night nursing with my first when my pediatrician was getting anxious about the baby's slowing weight gain after 12 mo. or so, and it was one hard night and one not so hard. I held and cuddled her the whole time while I was telling her she could not nurse, and she definitely cried. But since I was right there with her I felt that was the most I could do for her, and tried not to feel guilty about it. This girl was very verbal and could have told me if something were bothering her, but she was happy as a clam in the morning, after those weaning nights. I have no stomach for CIO in general, but the constant night nursing is only serving the baby's convenience, nothing else.

My third (2-1/2 yrs) is still co-sleeping, but not only will getting her out be a challenge, she's my last and I'm clinging to her babyhood. She still nurses, but now at naptime, bedtime, and early in the a.m. in bed. Even my husband doesn't mind her in bed too much -- until the other kids start sneaking in. Anyway, try stopping the night nursing first, and then you'll feel empowered to try some of the creative things that will get her into her own bed.

It sounds as though she may be getting hungry during the night which would lead to the excess nursing, and waking. Before trying switching her to another room I would assess the reason that she is waking in the night. I have a 14 month old who co-sleeps and she wakes only once or twice in the night to nurse which she does silently without waking. When she was sick last week she was waking a lot in the night to nurse, and waking us all up. However that was only temporary due to the sickness. I would try feeding her and nursing her a lot during the day, and then particularly feeding her and giving her a lot of drinks in the hour or so before bedtime. That should reduce the number of nursings, and the length of each nursing during the night in my experience.
If she is in another room she will still wake because she is hungry, and it will surely cause a lot more trouble for you if she is fully awakened and screaming for you.
On another note in preparation for cosleeping my husband and I got a bigger bed (actually two double beds pushed together--a wall of bed really), and got a loud fan for white noise. Both help us all sleep much better!
Good Luck

K.
I was the same way with my #1 and #2. I had the same issue with their wanting to nurse several times per night when I felt that they were old enough to do with out. What I felt was that the nursing was part of the reason why co-sleeping stopped working well for us all (dad too). What I felt was that I had to cut out the night nursing. There is no easy way to do this except cold-turkey (I warned my daughter that it was going to happen of course). I thought about cutting down the night nursing but then I thought that would not be sending the right message. It was hard for a night or two and I stayed with her and comforted her in other ways but I did not allow her to nurse until we were up the next morning. Once the night nursing is finished then we tackled the sleeping in your own space issue. We gave our kids their own bed (at first just a twin mattress) and introduced it to them beside our bed. they started the night sleeping in there moving into our bed at night if they wanted. eventually putting their mattress in their own room, and instead putting a sleeping bag on the floor next to our bed. My 2 y 4 month old now loves her own bed (in her own room) but both girls know they can come into our bed if they need to. Dad is back in our bed now and it all works!
Good luck!!

You can do this.

We did at about the same age. The first step we took was to get a mattress/futon on the floor of our room. (A crib just never worked.) We either put our baby to sleep there or put her there after she fell asleep with us in the bed. This at least solves the crowding problem. One of us usually had to be down there with her off and on, but she got more and more used to sleeping on her own, but had us close for when she woke up. She definitely woke up less, and it was clear that she was waking up so often because we were all jostling each other.

We eventually moved the mattress into another room, and did the same thing. We're at the point (at 21 months) that she will go to sleep in there with one of us, and often sleep through the night, though usually she'll need a bottle or nursing once. Actually, just this week we set up a full size bed as her bed.

We're all in much better moods having slept better.

Good luck! It wasn't as big a deal as I thought it would be.

When my son was 19 months old, he was sleeping in our bed, and I had just weaned him. I had no idea how I was ever going to have him sleep in his own bed as he had never slept in a crib and he woke up whenever I got up.

Well, we moved at that time, so I figured it was my chance. We got him a twin bed (with rails that we attached) in his own room and I slept there with him as a first step. Next, and I think I read this somewhere, I started leaving the room when he was 99% asleep instead of completely asleep, so that he would get used to falling asleep on his own (I might have gone back in later at first). I then gradually left earlier and earlier, and eventually he was sleeping on his own!

This worked for us, but it was a long transition. I was preparing him to be able to sleep alone for when we had our second child, so I was not in that much of a hurry.

Good luck!

Hi K. - This isn't too far off from how things were with my kids. Most recently, I transitioned my daughter when she hit about 12 mos to sleeping through the night in her own crib (what a joy!!). Prior to that, she had been starting out in her crib, but coming into our bed once she woke up the first time, and would co-sleep & nurse off & on the rest of the night. My hunch is that your daughter is nursing a bunch throughout the night b/c you're right there next to her. I don't think she needs it necessarily, but it's right there, so why not. Does she start out the night in her own, or do you go to sleep together at the same time? If not, start with that, get her down in her own crib to start.

Trying to be brief... with my daughter, I started going in to her room when she would first wake up (usually this was before midnight) and nurse her in there. Then put her back, even if she cried, I would let her cry for a few mins. I didn't see this as a full on CIT method, but I can't fathom making this transition without any crying at all. Just not possible. I would wait & listen to the crying... I'd let her go a few minutes, then go back in to comfort, tell her it's okay, tell her it's bedtime, hold her... Gradually, I reduced some of these pieces. i got to a point where I would go in, rock/comfort but not nurse. Suprisingly, the whole rpocess took about a week. We've had setbacks along the way, but we too got to a point where as much as I loved snugling with her, no one was getting quality sleep.

Even now she sometimes wakes up and cries in the middle of the night, and more times than not, I just wait & she falls back to sleep. I can always tell by the cry if it's something more/different. And I don't let her go on & on forever... most times the crying peters out...

Good luck & hang in there. It's worth it for sure! I would just keep in mind (just my opinion) that the co-sleeping & night nursing go hand in hand, so I wouldn't try to eliminate the nursing separate from the co-sleeping.

Have you tried putting a crib next to your bed to start the transition into her own space? I remember my mom doing this with us, she had 7 kids, who all co-slept at some point. Definitely check out http://askdrsears.com for some smart advice about co-sleeping and how to transition to their own bed. Dr. Sears also has a nighttime parenting book that is excellent. Be patient with your baby, sleeping with you is all she knows, it will be a transition for her.