Sleep Talking

J.,
I don't know how you feel about therapy, and I don't want to imply that your grandson is "wrong" in anyway, but it sounds like he may benefit from the opportunity to talk to a neutral party about his feelings. While he gets much reassurance from you, he obviously has a lot of issues with his mother & this is the area that needs help. There's nothing you can do to make his mother change her ways unless she wants to, but you CAN help your grandson deal with it better & ease some of his anxiety toward his mother. A good child therapist can help him tremendously. If he does not deal with these issues now, they will become a problem later in life...not just acting out in school, but his future relationships as well. I am a strong advocate of therapy, as my husband was abused as a child & therapy turned his life around. I hope you will consider it for your grandson & wish you luck!

Hello J.,
Lol, am an older Mom also, but have no small ones at home. My daughter married, 29 and a son 36 not married. Neither one has children which at this point is a good thing. Neither is really ready for the responsibility of a baby. As hard as it might be, I would not allow your daughter to take her son over night, and why bother allowing her access to the child when it seems to affect him negatively? The "my fault" might also be him feeling he is causing his mother not to keep her word or spend time with him. If she is that selfish, she does not deserve the right to be a part of the child's life. He is much to young to understand its his mother's fault not his own. Growing up is not an easy task under normal conditions. Sometimes because we love our children (grown) we enable them to continue destructive behavior. But to subject a child to that is in my opinion wrong. I praise you for taking on the task of raising him, that is a beautiful gift to the child. But your daughter is grown, and making her own choices right or wrong. There is nothing you can do at this point for her, but you can for your grand son. Some of the toughest decisions we make are done for the future. I wish you luck, prayers and love! dry~

I did a little web research for you on this topic, mainly because I have a couple of children who talk in their sleep, and one who walks in his sleep. I also talk in my sleep, but usually only when I am very tired. That's when I snore really badly too, Ha! I have also been through the nightmares, night terrors, and other sleep disturbances... so I thought I would just double-check some facts for the both of us.

Here are a few links I found, just to get you started..

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/childrens...
http://www.sleep-aid-tips.com/sleep-talking.html
http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/talking-in-your-sleep
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somniloquy

I know that your grandson has been through alot, I am going through the same thing with my sister. I have been raising her 5 small children for nearly 3 years now. Everything is the same concerning moods and behaviors after visitations. The only difference is that I absolutely DO NOT allow unsupervised visits, especially overnight. This is mainly due to domestic violence issues (which is a huge factor in why she lost her children in the first place). Also, I do not want to give her the chance to fill their minds with nonsense ideas and promises she can never keep... like "I'll have a house soon and then you can come live with me again" etc...

Anyways, if you check out the links above you will find that sleep talking is very common in children and is NOT necessarily a sign that something is wrong. But if you have any doubts speak with your pediatrician. Hopefully you trust his/her knowledge and advice, or else you should seek a new one. If he/she feels that therapy would be beneficial, or any type of sleep study, etc. he/she will make the necessary referrals.

Best wishes to you and your family. I will pray for you all, I know what you are going through....only I am an Aunt instead of a Grandmother.

This is so sad! You are doing a wonderful thing for your grandson just by being there for him! You cannot shield him from the truth....kids are smart; they figure out what is going on, and then grow to resent the adults who lied to them, even if it is to protect them. I suspect he feels that he is somehow at fault for his mom's rejection of him....we all know that is not true, but it gives him a sense of control over the situation. It is too scary for him to think of things in life that he cannot control....like his mom's neglectful behavior. I would see if there is a good child psychologist in your area....your pediatrician can recommend one. I don't know where you are, but Dr. Laura Marullo is a friend of mine and she's very good; I think her office is in Boca. Anyway, whoever you choose, please don't think it's a bad thing to go for therapy....nowadays almost everyone does. It really helps to talk about our issues, and there is much less social stigma about it than there was in the past. A good therapist can really help this child to deal with these scary feelings, and he will probably sleep better! Please feel free to contact me anytime....

K. G.

Dear Grandma / Mom J.,

My children have talked in their sleep and my nieces whom I raised due to their Mother's choices too, have talked in their sleep...along with my grandson who is 4 and just started Pre-school, we were having a "slumber party" with Grandma and Papa....anyways, he too talks in his sleep, different conversations, sometimes playing at school or past conversations with me or other family members....
I'm no expert, just my life experience...my thoughts are that if he starts having "night terrors", or troublesome conversations..might NEED more concern and immediate help...otherwise, night talking is fairly normal, even in adults.

I might suggest a therapist, preferably a play therapist for you and your grandson.

We waited too long after getting custody of our neices, we should have started therapy BEFORE we got them and then directly after we got them too.

It is an adjustment for EVERYONE involved!

Maybe sometime, your daughter might be willing to attend when the therapist suggests it is time.

Good luck, our grandchildren are such a wonderful blessing to us grandparents.

My prayers are with you and your family.

Hi,
Sorry to hear about your daughter. I hope something changes for your grandsons sake. About the sleeptalking though, I did it throughout my childhood, and my husband says I still do sometimes. My 2 year old son has been doing it since he could talk as well. I just think busy people have busy dreams. My childhood doctor always told my parents I NEVER slowed down, even in sleep. I was a VERY active child, just like my son. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you.

YAY!!!! for YOU and your husband!!
everyone covered everything:
1) therapy
2) I hope you have legal custody, etv, bcse it's getting harder for grandparents to have legal ties and I hope that mother doesn't come out of left field one day and demand him back!!

Bless you!!!

Your story makes me want to hug your grandson and tell him that it will all be ok!! Thank heavens he has you and your husband! I know I'm stating the obvious, but your daughter is selfish and it sounds like her alternative lifestyle has completely warped her priorities. I'm sure you gave her the world and she only wanted more.... anyway, have you thought about a child psycologist? The whole idea of "therapy" is scary if you've never gone through it, but it is SO beneficial. At least a child psycologist would know what to ask and how to communicate on his level. Good luck and God Bless!

Hi J., I have 5 children and so far all my children have talked in thier sleep and they have me and my husband. I think there is no mental concern there and i think its all healthy. Some times they laugh in their sleep sometimes they fight in their sleep and yell. Right now my 3 year old screams at his sisters in his sleep. The baby is 1 yr old i heard him laugh a couple times. My 9 year old she always has talked in her sleep, mostly can't understand what she says but usually the smile on her face its something nice. My 7 year old does once in a while, but she gets up alot and sleep walks but never says anything. I am sorry that your grandson does not have his mother but atleast his has his grandmother for love and support and it takes alot for you to raise another child, and i know that is frustrating. I believe he is fine and just doing normal things that children do. Also since he is young and his mother isn't around maybe you should start some counseling for him, it will be really healthy for him and when he gets older and if his mother still doesn't come around then thats when things will start getting rough and he will already be in therapy.
Good Luck
S. Mommy to 5 beautiful Children, 17yrs,9yrs,7yrs,3yrs and 1yr old check out my sons journey at www.liamlockhart.com

Both of my sons talk in their sleep. Dreaming is a healthy way for our subconscious to work through some of our problems-- and some kids talk, too. And yes, at 5 your son probably DOES blame himself for his mother's shortcomings-- it's an age appropriate way for him to feel. Look into finding someone other than you and your husband that he can talk with-- start by asking at his school or you can go the route of private therapist if your budget or insurance will cover it. No matter how loving you and your husband are, he will continue to feel the neglect and abandonment from his mother and he needs professional help working through it so he can have better self esteem and healthier relationships with others now and as he gets older.

Hi J.,

Sleep talking does not happen during restful sleep. There is definitely something there keeping him from getting the restful sleep. Sometimes it can be something as simple as eating before bed, or bad habits during the day that might exacerbate the restlessness. Stress of course is the most prevalent cause and he definitely has a lot of stress in his life. I don't know whether a 5 year old needs therapy as much as he needs assurance that there is someone in his life that loves him unconditionally. You and your husband are those people and at this point he is priority. Your daughter is exhibiting VERY destructive behavior and it's not fair to your little one.

I would not try to get her to visit. As far as a manual is concerned, none of us got one of those! Like I said, love him like you've never loved anyone and as time goes by he will know who his real parents are.

God bless you in everything you are doing!

M.

I have a daughter who sleep talks. I was a very active sleeper when I was young. I think it might be hereditary. I would ask the mother if she sleep talked. The only thing I would worry about is the potiential to also be a sleep walker. Just make sure he can't get out of the house while he's asleep.

Good Luck,
S.

Hi J.,
My daughter used to spend off and on times with her father when she was 3 years old and it was awlful.. She would come home in a foul mood and I never knew why. After a couple of days home, she would be ok and then on the weekend when she went back, she started up again. I would ask her and him what was going on, but they both would not tell me until one day she came home with bruises. Hopefully, that will never happen to you. Unfortunately, it sounds to me like he is miserable and don't know where to turn to. Even though they know they have someone at home that loves them unconditionally, they still want what is not good for them. I would tell you to have a family meeting without the child to discuss some solutions. First, the mother needs to be in his life all the way. Children tend to feel like it is their fault because the parent does not want to spend time with them. Try to explain to her that it is hurting him more than helping him by him not seeing her. She either needs to be in his life or just step away. I hope she decides to stay in his life if it is for the best which is something you as a grandmom would have to consider. He needs to feel loved by both parties and equally and that is not happening. I hope this helps a little. PS. Maybe talk to him and see what they do on his visits and maybe you can get some idea of what environment he is going into. He sounds like a joy to have and I wouldn't want his childhood to be messed up with foolishness. Hope this helps.