Sleep Issues - Austin, TX

We had huge sleep issues as well - with my oldest daughter. My pediatrician suggested the token approach. Give each of them a token before they go to bed. If they wake up in the middle of the night, they "use" it and have to give it back to you. If they sleep all night, then they get to keep it. If they earn 7 tokens (you decide what is realistic), they earn a _____(trip to the zoo, new doll, a day at the park, ect.). Also, when they go to sleep, don't lay down with them, because when they wake up and you are not there, then there will be a void. If they get up, put them back in their own bed (I know you are tired, but you will have to be consistent with this). Don't converse a lot, or scold them much, just "Back to bed." It took about two weeks, but my daughter is finally sleeping most every night (unless she is sick or had a bad dream, which is rare). It is age appropriate for them to have more vivid dreams around this age. I also have three kids and one thing I learned is that it will not help anyone to CIO because then no one will get any sleep. Try a more positive approach such as the token approach. Hope this helps!

Hi A.,
I've had this issue with my 5 and 3 year old sons as well. What has worked for me is allowing them to bring a blanket into my room and sleep on the floor if they are scared. They don't even wake me up. I thought it was going to go on forever, but eventually they both started sleeping through the night on their own again and staying in their own beds.

I have 2 little boys - 5 and 7. We have been going through the same thing. For a while, I did the same thing - pick them up and put them in their own bed. Then it hit me, they will only do this for a while. Before I know it, they will be too big to give me a kiss or tell me they love me in front of their friends. I feel blessed to have 2 little boys who love me and tell me they do all the time. I feel confident that they will not be coming into my bed while in High School, or even Junior High. For now, I will enjoy seeing their sleeping, peaceful faces when I wake in the morning.

Hi A. my ex fiance had a little boy that did the same thing, he was also 5 and would use the Im scared, but I knew he just wanted the time he didnt have throughout the day. Then when his dad was not home for some nights (he's a nurse and worked overnight on weekends) he would want to sleep with me. I let him (my mistake) till I was pregnant and I had to stop him just because I was scared of him hitting the baby by accident. So I took him to walmart and we played with a lot of CD till he found some that he really liked. Some were stories, soothing sounds and lullabys. I also got him some phonics ones. So when he would wake up I would walk him to his room and turn on the music, if he said there was "a monster in the closet I would open it and tell the all the get out and leave him alone. Then I would tuck him in and tell him just listen to your music and he will be fine. It only took him about 2 days to get used to that and he was up and out of our bed. So thry that and good luck.
T.

Did they tell you what they are scared of? See if you can find out specifics, then work through it. If it is something rational, like fire, show them the fire alarms and let them help you check them; intruders, help them check windows; you leaving, give them a clicker noisemaker, when they get scared that you aren't there, they can click it and you can verbally reasure them, ect. If it is something creative, like monsters. Give them a spray bottle of pink water I mean "monster spray".
My dd (3yrs never had trouble sleeping before) suddenly desided she was afraid of monsters. We told her monsters were scared of the color pink. Her room happens to be pink. No more problems. We moved now she has pink bedding, still works.LOL.
There are two options, One is that they are looking for excuses to stay up/be with you. the other is that they are truely scared. Maybe they saw something on TV or overheard something.
I think, at least with my little one, the trick is to give them power over their fears.
If it is more like attention seeking, just be more creative then them. Good luck.

My son (now age 30) had trouble sleeping through the night until he was about five. I did nurse him to sleep until he was three. Then, he slept in a sleeping bag at the foot of our bed until he was nine. He actually had his own bed, but preferred coming into our room and sleeping in the sleeping bag close to us. But, for your situation, have you tried baby massage with your kids? This is very soothing and relaxing and may help them sleep through the night. Acupuncture, or acupressure is also good for kids as well as adults. Soft music, or nature sounds may help too.My son, who was very hyperactive as a child- and still is-, is a very successful husband and Dad and vice president of marketing for a telenetwork company. Sleep was only one of many problems we had with him. If sleeping through the night is your only problem, count yourself lucky. J. K.

We have a huge stuffed dog in my girls room (2 & 6. I tell them it is the protector of their room, and will keep anything bad out. I also have a picture on the wall of an angel "that won't let anything bad happen to them." It took a bit of convincing, but seems to work for them.

My daughter would not sleep through the night until she was 4 and my mom enrolled her in the local swim team. I know it seems young, but she loved it and the 1-2 hours a day of practice, not just playing in the pool, wore her out enough to sleep well. You also might try audiobooks for them to turn on in the middle of the night when they wake.

Hi A.,

I am no expert on sleep issues, but I have heard that sometimes kids don't sleep well if they don't see their parents enjoying time together - like sitting on the sofa together and just sharing their day together without allowing interruption. There is supposed to be something in their seeing Mom & Dad valuing one another enough that they guard some little bit of time together each day, not even allowing the kids to interrupt. The strength in your relationship gives the kids a strong sense of being safe and protected. Even if this isn't the source of the problem for your kids, it sure wouldn't hurt to have some intentional time with your husband. I know when mine were young, it was always great to be able to have an adult, uninterrupted conversation with my dear husband! Actually, it still is!
Hope this helps
A.

Hi A.-

My two children now ages 6 and 4 both went through this when they were 3. Just like you we tried sending them back to bed but were so tired we just gave up. In the end what worked for us was simple. We placed a blanket and pillow on the floor of our room and told them that if they woke up and came in our room they could lay down on our floor and sleep next to our bed, but not in it. Each child did this for a few weeks at the most and then it stopped. I think my kids were coming downstairs out of boredom or a need for attention at night. They soon discovered that sleeping on our floor wasn't that great and it stopped without any drama for the kids. And my husband and I didn't feel like we rejected them.

No matter what you try, just remember that it is just a phase and it will end eventually!

Good Luck,
K.

I'm having same issue - they wake up scared and I'm to lazy to put them back to bed. Now my husband ends up on the bottom bunk and my other one is with me in our bed!

I am in the same situation. They fall asleep in their bed and then they come to my bed. I am at the point of exhaustion because of waking up in the middle of the night. I have read in a Reader's Digest to have 2-4 calming things before they go to bed each night. So far, we have tried only 2 and it works for our 5 year old son. However, I 3 year old daughter still manages to wake up and come to our bedroom. My husband wants to put a lock on their door but I am against it. If you find better advice, please let me know.

as a grandmother of a just turned 6 yr old girl. we have had the same conflict. only in different homes. consistancy is the only yhing that will work. i did it with my 3 kids growing up during that stage by putting yhem back to bed, but with each one we went out and bought a special pal they picked out to sleep with. now with my granddaughter she has one we bought her tha she uses at our house and her one grandparents house but at her other grandmothers house, which is hermom's mom, she gets to sleep in their bed. so it takes away the consistancy, which takes a night to regain. good luck and God bless.

I have a 6 year old son and a 5 year old daughter. The only thing that I found worked was making a game out of sleeping in their beds all night. If they slept in their beds for X number of nights in a row they got to chose a family activity on the weekend. (example: chosing their favorite resturant, playing board games, going to the park, lead the family on a bike ride) It worked like a charm. I wished I would have thought of it sooner.

Dear A.
I wouldn't worry too much about that. My husband and I went thru the same issue with our girls until the oldest one (now almost 10) was 6. We were just too tired to walk them back to thier own bed and spend the time soothing them back to sleep. It became a habit. We broke that habit by means of being stingy with "our" bedspace. As they grew bigger, our bed grew smaller and my husband and I would purposely sprawl out taking too much room for the girls to comfortably sleep with us. Eventually they decided "forget this" and started staying in thier own bed. It still happens every once in a while one will come into our room, but now it's because they are genuinely afraid of something or had a bad dream and I dont mind letting them lay with me on occasions when they really need the soothing. They know (and knew then) this house is safe and noone can get in or out during the night. Be greedy with your bedspace. That only took about 2 weeks to break the habit for us.
C......mother of 2 girls (9 and 10) + wonderful husband.

My kids would never stay asleep with nightlites.

I put the nightlites in the hallway, the bathroom, etc. So if they did wake up all the had to do was open their door to see the light, but it was not shining in their room.

I also lay in their bed with them. They did not stay in our bed. Of course that meant several nights of me crammed on the edge of a twin bed, but it taught them to stay in their bed and call to me or to come get me and I would walk back with them immediately and stay with them till they fell asleep.

That may work for you. ;-)

If you haven't already done this, close the closet door. Also, close any drawers that are open. Keep doors ( besides the closet doors) open. If that doesn't work, ask God for sweet dreams. I did that when I was little. I'll give you the prayer:
Dear God,
Let me have sweet dreams tonight. Send all your gaurdian angels down to watch me sleep. Amen.

All the suggestions are great and you should try to buy them a stuff animal or decorate their room with something that they like and like they mention before you can hang pictures of angels or you could said a prayer with them before they go to bed i do this with my kids you can also try by taking them outside to play after that give them a shower and they shoul be able to sleep all night i do the same with my kids hope that all the suggesstions work for you good luck god bless you and your family

I like the idea of rewarding them for spending a certain number of nights in their own bed. If that doesn't work for you, tell them to bring their own pillow down and a blanket to make a pallet on the floor, and let them know they can sleep on the floor in your room, but they cannot sleep in bed with you.

Maybe the light is too much and it disturbs them when they get out of the rem stage of sleep? I don't know, just a thought. My other thought is, do you leave their door open? I don't know if that would be of any help or not. I'm sorry, I don't have much advice for you. We've been going through the same thing with our little girl who is also 3. We've enlisted the help of the baby monitor again and go to her before she fully wakes in the night. It's exhausting but it take less time to do that than to let her wake up and try to get her back to sleep.

I would recommend professional help, starting with your pediatrician. You sound like the sort of mom who has tried all the usual effective home-grown remedies, including a great deal of fresh-air exercise. Normal, healthy, well-adjusted kids are not disturbed by life-affecting fear. If they are sleeping together, one may be feeding off the other's feelings, and getting to sleep with the folks is a big payoff. Could kindergarten be upsetting your older girl?

Of course, some of this is cultural - the Japanese believe that we are incredibly cold and cruel because we make children sleep alone. In America, the most-valued relationship is husband-wife. The most-valued relationship in Japan is parent-child, more specifically mother-son, most specifically mother-oldest son. It is very, very common in Japan for the dad to sleep with the boys and the mom to sleep with the girls until the children are in high school and sleeping in their own space. (Japanese students study so hard for their college entrance exams that their parents couldn't possibly stay awake all those late-night hours anyway.)

I recommend talking to your pediatrician and then perhaps some family counseling. This is not normal behavior, and something is going on with you or your girls. I assume no one else lives in your house and that the girls' windows are protected. I am sorry for your trouble and wish you well!

Hi A. C. My advise is to continue to be the great mom that you already are , and to try reading them a good book , Like for example,my son gave me a book , and I loved it , its called Love You Forever it's written by Robert Munsch, Its a good book that even you will enjoy . It may not have anything to do with having problems sleeping , but it will assure them of your love for them . When I read it to my grandchildren ,I made it fun I would rock them back and fourth when ever I came to that part in this book ,and they just laughed and laughed while I held them on my lap. I also liked to point out certain things in the book like the cat , it was almost in every page . I know you may not have time for this in this day and age , with work and all that comes along with our busy schedules .But I can almost guaranty that it will take their mind off anything that is making them fearful. Also and first you should talk to them and find out what it is that they are afraid off . Praying is also a good thing to do . Pray together and tell them that God loves them and that they need to believe that he will send his angels to be at their side to protect them and make them feel safe. I think kids sometimes feel lonely or un-loved , not that you don't show it to them , but it happens sometimes . Just try to tell them about God's love especially for little children ,I don't know if you are religious , but I really think that there is no harm in talking to them about God's love ,and you can't go wrong.......I hope this helps and may you and your children have pleasant dreams from here on........your friend Maria O.........

Dear A.
This is going to sound rather harsh, but having seen that they have a night light for comfort, they have been well fed and are not thirsty - no TV before bedtime but a quiet story time to wind them down and they are warm enough - I read the following in a Parent's Magazine years ago:
The mother made up a concoction of Worcester Sauce and when her children came to her during the night she would say "Shame are you having trouble sleeping? Then take this medicine to help you sleep!" The stuff tasted so foul that they never came back for a second night!
Good luck - sleep is paramount - Best regards Jewel

If the girls like to sing songs. Teach them some children Christian songs. "Jesus Love the Little Children", "Praise Him" and "Holy Spirit, Thou Art Welcome" are some that I used to sing to my children to get them to sleep. I also read in a book that some other suggestions about not sleeping, is to get some bean bags and place them by your bed so the girls can hold your hand or arm. Something about the fact that they can touch you even though their not in your bed and once their asleep carry them to there beds and they will start to sleep in their own beds. By being able to touch you they feel more secure. Just be careful with the type of bean bag because if they start tearing the children could be harmed by the stuffing.

A.,
My older children were ages 3 and 6 when they suddenly started having sleeping issues. I attributed it to the fact that we had recently moved and they were suddenly not comfortable in the new house and in their new rooms. Just like yours they started coming into our room and into our bed at night. We told them it was okay to come into our room, but to bring a pillow and blanket and just sleep on the floor, not in our bed (where no one was resting comfortably, with 4 in a queen size bed). This way they were not waking us up. I can't recall how long this went on--a few weeks or a few months, but it wasn't too long before our nightly guests stopped coming in during the night and sleeping in their own rooms. It may be that something in their lives have changed or something that has them spooked. After a storm (tornado) a few years ago my middle two children became terrified of thunder. They are now 7 and 4 and on nights when it storms we fully expect to see at least one of them.

I've had this same issue with my girls. First, make sure they are going to sleep with full tummies. (My girls often eat a small bedtime snack.) Walking them back to bed is best, but I know exactly what you mean about being too tired! 1 idea is to try taking them to the store to buy a new stuffed animal to "protect them" through the night. But what really worked for me is rewarding my kids each time they stayed in their own beds all night. (nothing big, just a piece of candy or an extra story.)

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Hi A.,
I have a special-needs child, and in researching ways to help him, I've discovered a unique company that makes health products. It's called Nikken, and the products they produce range from nutritional supplements, to purified water, to air purifiers, and beyond. One of the products they offer is a sleep system that you put on your bed. It includes a magnetic pad that goes on top of the mattress (under the sheet), and an infra-red comforter and magnetic pillow. It is all-natural, safe for children, and promotes healthy ciculation, which improves sleep. I have used it myself, and was surprised at how deeply I slept. My son had markedly improved sleep, and when my two-year old granddaughter had an overnight visit with us, she fell asleep quickly and slept through the night. She usually wakes up once or twice nightly. A friend of mine had a sleep-walking, five-year-old, who would end up in a different place every morning. He purchased the Nikken Sleep System, and his little traveler has stayed in his bed all night ever since. I was so impressed with the company and their products, that I decided to work for them. If you'd like to learn more about it, you can visit my website at www.nikken.com/brendaramsey.

My 2 boys started getting in our bed when they moved out of their baby bed and into a regular bed. We were like you and just was too tired some nights to fight it on a consistent basis. We ended up buying a bigger bed for comfort. They are now 8 and 5 1/2. What we do now is take turns in whose bed I stay in. At bedtime I read them a story then the first night I sleep with one in their bed, then there's a "skip" night. They share a room but on "skip" night they have to sleep in own bed. I was surprised this worked but knowing I would eventually sleep in their bed just with them, they were OK with it. I don't sleep all night in their bed. My husband comes in and wakes me up after the news. Of course, some children will stop wanting to sleep with you once they start school and realize that is for "babies" or "little kids".
Good luck!
P. Z.

We have several different things: each child has a Vellux blanket which is super soft and they really like, but they can't bring them to our room so if they want them they have to stay in their beds.

They have a nightlight in their room. I don't like nightlights, but there are some that are cool to the touch.

Monster spray works great. haha Just get a spray bottle and put water and lavender oil in it and tell them it's monster spray.

Someone mentioned a lock on the door. We DO have a lock on the outside of the door. While this is not preferable, I have found it sometimes necessary. My mom would tell my sister "If you don't go to bed then you'll have an earlier bedtime tomorrow." That won't work with a child who won't stay in their room no matter what time they go to bed. So sometimes I do lock the door when they go to bed. After the first few nights I unlocked it after they were asleep. They don't usually open the door during the night because they think it is still locked.

Ultimately, you do want your children to feel safe and that they can come to you to be comforted. My children were not REALLY scared, though, just didn't want to go to bed. IF I suggested they come sleep with us they woulddn't lay down to sleep, they play. That's why we resorted to the lock. We rarely need it now, but like last night it was 10PM (no naps!) and they were still up. So I locked the door.

My mom had a mat on the floor next to her bed since my sister came in there most every night until she was 10.

S., mom to four girls ages 1-5

A.

I have 2 girls with sleep issues. We finally went to meds but my girls have sensory & other issues. There are some things that can help you out. Lavendar is amamzing. I order mine from a lavender farm in Blanco , TX. Our neurologist recommended leaving a radio on a country station at night. Dimming lights in the evening a few hours befor bed time. Limiting TV viewing time. Our rule is no TV after 4pm. Of course look at your child's diet. We also use some thing called Melatonin. We sl ip it into our daughter's milk or juice.

Night lights are a plus. I got this fish aquarium light at CVS.

I used to have this issue when my child went to stay at her fathers house. They may be checking to see if you are still there. Why wouldn't you be, but a childs mind, sometimes needs reasurrance.

What worked for me was I actually put on lip stick and kisses her arm (hands wash or rubs off) so she could see the lipstick and feel reassured. I would also put my perfume on their favorite toy, if they do not have one, on a hanky so they can hold it and smell "mommy". Leave a small light on so they can see alittle.

This worked wonderfully for us, and kept her out of our bed.

One more obvious suggestion is no caffine before bedtime, i.e. tea, coke, chocolate etc. which I am sure you already though of.

Good Luck!