(((((( C. ))))))
First of all , I am terribly sorry for your loss. And I won't even pretend to know just how you feel , and I don't know if * I * can help you , but I do know that God can. Take your pain , your fears , your anger and lay it at His feet ... tell him ALL the details of the way you feel inside ; talk to Him like He is your best friend ... because He is.
As for my personal thoughts , I am often horrified by things I see every day in this world , and it's really easy to let bad things ruin you. I always try to remind myself that God sees FAR ahead where we don't have the ability to. He may see something down the road which would be far worse than what grieves us , as hard as it is for we humans to consider that , I believe it's true.
God is a loving God of restoration. Let Him restore to you what you lost. (( hugs )) I hope you are able to find the comfort you need.
~ A.