Sibling Problems

Hi. A two year old that is old enough to fight with his sister is old enough to understand that his actions have consequences. Make sure you get down to their level when you correct them and use a firm, "I'm not playing" tone to explain in terms they do get that they can't do whatever it is they did.

When my 12 and 10 year olds were much littler I would ground them from each other when they bickered too much. Kids always want the things they can't have, and it was surprising how soon they were begging to be around each other and then they treated each other better.

i suggest the book siblings without rivalry

Remember that she is only 3 and is most likely feeling the stress of having to share mom with yet another crying, attention grabbing baby. Kids don't realize that mommy's heart gets bigger with each baby so no one really gets any less love, they just know that with each new baby, mommy has less and less time to spend with them. Try including her in one-on-one things with you. Like an errands, emptying the dishwasher, folding laundry, dusting. Any thing that she can do because she is the "big sister or a big girl".
Also, does she yell because you do? I know that may seem harsh, but I can tell you, my kids yell because I taught them to. It took me a long time to get that and it's not something I'm proud of, but it is the truth.

N. - my kids are 5, 3, 2, and 1. The 5 and 2 year olds share a room and so do the 3 and 1 year olds. I think fighting will occur at this stage, regardless of the room sharing. It's part of the stage they're in now. They are also probably a bit bored as you can't spend the time with them that you did before. Keep doing what you are doing. In addition, if there is any hitting, biting, etc. we always say "(insert last name) don't hit!" This instills a sense of pride in who they are. It will take a while, but they will get it. You will hear them telling eachother the things you have told them.

Also, they shouldn't have to share everything all the time. I tell them if they don't want to share something, they can go in the other room to play it, or play at the table out of reach of the other one.

What really helped us was when our 5 year old went to pre-school. He learned to get along with others better. I know you can't put your 3 year old in preschool, but playdates or Sunday school would be helpful. In these settings they see your rules played out in real life and it affirms them.

Hang in there. It will pass.

Hi N.,
Having done some time with a 3 yo (now 4), I did a lot of searching for info about these same issues.

According to some child development experts, 3 is the age where a child is quite possessive, and does not share.

You are doing exactly the right thing: taking away the toy they fight over. Fair or not fair. You are right to draw the line, and expect your children to learn about getting along and cooperating.

By the way, my son was a week from turning 4, and it's like a light came on in his heart for his brother! I don't mean he's perfect, but he definitely "gets it" now.

Good luck!
T