I have three boys, ages 11, 9 and 2 months. At about the six week mark, the older boys began having issues sleeping and being upset all of the time. After some probing, they finally revealed that they are jealous of the new baby, with the nine year old stating "sometimes I wish he didn't exist". I told them that their feelings are normal, but I also reminded them that when they were this little they had a lot of attention, i.e., nursing and cuddling whether they remember or not. I also told them that as the baby gets bigger and is more interactive it will get easier. We've decided to do one "mommy and me" day per month per big boy and they seemed to like that idea, but I'm looking for ways to say things to make it click in their heads. Right now I feel as though I'm not getting through to them even though they'll say "I understand" or "Oh, I get it".
hi S., i have two girl kids i understand your pain, maybe you could try having mummy day with the two older kids.could be just going for ice-cream.it will take alot of loving good luck
Be happy that they are willing to speak with you about how they are feeling! We had problems with our son (9 years older than the new baby) acting out in order to get attention. It took a lot of time and possitive reenforcement for him to realize that we still loved him very much. We would have special times at night where we would sit and watch a TV show with him while the baby was asleep. We were also able to fall back on family and his friends where he could get away from the crying baby and have some time with people that cared about him and could spend some additional alone time with him.
My sister has had her fair share of this issue...over and over. She's now pregnant with her 6th baby!!!
I know the one thing she said that helped her was getting the other children "involved". When she had the other children help her out with the little one...like letting them hold the baby (while sitting of coarse), help with feedings, changings, ect she said things dramatically changed. Not only will they be bonding with your new addition, but they'll love all the praise and attention they recieve from being mommy's helper and a great big brother/sister.
By the way, what your already doing (mommy and me classes) sounds like an excellent idea. I bet that will really help too. Keep up the good work and hang in there!
Hope this helps a bit. Good luck to you! I hope to be in your shoes someday soon...I recently had my first and can't wait for the next!
I have a 5 year old boy that was resentful when i had my daughter (who is now 1) but he had a hard time to for being the only child for 4 years. The best thing you can do if they will is have them help you with stuff. Have them help you with the diaper changing or getting your baby a toy to look at. The idea about taking the mommy and me day was a great idea-that will show them that you have not forgot about them. Keep it up you are doing what you can. Congrats on the new baby.
I completely understand where you are coming from. My then 3 year old (now 5 year old) daughter was the center of our universe until her sister(2 years old now) was born. I had planned a "big sister" party to be held before the baby was born to help with the transition. It helped in the beginning because we played games that were all about helping mommy. Now, she just gets sad and lets us know when we need "special time". So I ask her what we can do to show her we love her. There was a great book that talked about filling children's "love tank" and the many ways it can be done. For my older daughter it is just spending time together that fills her tank. Other options were phyisical closeness (hugs, kisses, tickles), physical objects (toys,surprises), or comfort food (something either you make together or make especially for one child). I hope this helps! Good Luck!
