Sibling Brawls

Perfectly normal stuff. My kids wrestle over things frequently. Siblings fight. They just do. I don't think age or sex matters at all. 21 months separates my kids, with my daughter being the oldest.

It's funny that you mention the "perfect" thing. My daughter gets in these pushing matches with a few boys at co-op. She is very physical, and these boys are physical, so it happens. A good friend of mine is always pointing this out to me, and I just kind of look at her. She had an only till very recently, and he is "perfect." Yet, her son will literally HIT other kids when they even just bump into him. Mom groups suck. Women suck. They are so competitive, wanting their kids to shine that they sometimes just can't even be honest with themselves. Ignore them

It's perfectly normal. My older brother went after me with a BB gun once. We were like 9 and 11 or something. Siblings fight.

Totally agree with you. Close in age + same sex siblings=more fights! My 5 yo & 2 1/2 yo girls fight!

My brothers and sister and I used to fight physically occasionally. I remember the story my grandmother tells of her two daughters (the best of friends now) who had a bad fight once when they were in middle school that involved one of them dragging the other out of the house by her hair and locking her out while their parents were at work! Sometimes, you just don't get along with your siblings.

I remember being little and when my brother and I (11 months apart) would fight too much, our mom would make us sit on the couch and hold hands. That was torture. :-)

My boys are 10 and 12 - and YES! This happens. not all the time - but happens. If those women in your mom's group told you that doesn't happen in their home? They are either lying or Stepford Wives...really...

My boys will antagonize each other - it happens - but I tell you when push comes to shove - they have each other's back - something that a "single" child will NEVER EVER have...there is a bond - they will love and "hate" but in the end? They will have each other's back.

It's normal. It happens. If it happened every day - I would say NOT NORMAL - but it happens!!!

You handled it right mama!!

I think your husband is right! My kids are 16.5 months apart (boy, 5 and girl 3.5). They get along really well, but I would be lying through my teeth if I said they didn't have some fights every now and then. They have been known to push, kick, pinch, bite and pull hair. It happens.
Keep giving timeouts when appropriate. I like Jim Fay's Love and Logic books. It gives great strategies how to handle or sorts of conflict with love and responsibility.
Good luck!
A.

All sibling fight from time to time. I have a boy and a girl and my daughter is often the more physical one. I think that kids that are close in age have this kind of competition because they like the same things.

Your moms group doesn't seem based in reality if they were so disapproving and find this behavior hard to believe. Although I have met moms who just have girls who tell me that their girls "never yell and run in the house," and look at me like I'm from Mars when I say that my kids literally climb the walls. I don't allow them to do it, but they still want to play like they are Spiderman.

All kids are different. I think your boys are completely normal and I think you did a great job. Long gone are the days when you let kids hit each other and "work it out". Separating them was a good thing to do. There is a great book called "Siblings Without Rivalry", that I think every parent should read.

Oh, yes, physical fighting is definitely frowned upon. And it isn't talked about. But it happens anyhow. Girls still do it, sometimes, too.

Make sure you break it up and make sure your children understand that Mom's judgment is fair. If you have a no-throwing rule, for instance, and they throw toys at one another anyhow, then the consequence should be expected.

Don't worry about the moms' group. Some of those moms went home thinking, "Whew! I'm glad she talked about her kids and I didn't have to tell on mine!"

All siblings fight, same gender or opposite gender.
I have a boy and girl. 4 years apart.
They fight at times.
But generally they get along like 2 peas.

BUT the thing I have taught them since they were young, was that, they are family, they are siblings, they will have each other when they are old too, to have each others back, to look out for each other and protect each other etc. They are family.

Each of my kids are different in personality. So, I have also taught them, since they were young, to know... each others cues and their own. IF one of them is not in the mood, for example, to play together and wants to just play by themselves, they can say so.. But if the other one keeps nagging the other to do something they don't want to do, then naturally anyone would get "irked" with that. So to know, the cues of the other. And respect that. ie: sometimes my son (who is the younger one) will tell his older sister to stop bothering him. He says it in a nice, tone and politely. BUT sometimes sister doesn't listen... and then keeps prodding her brother. It then becomes, IRRITATING to brother. THEN a "fight" ensues. Because, the sister did not listen nor respect, her brother saying nicely... to stop it. Using that example, I then tell my kids... "your brother TOLD you, NICELY, to stop it and back off. He's tired. You did not listen. He tried again to tell you NICELY. But you did not. THEN his patience... got to zero. And then his voice escalated... and then you both fought. BUT, if you simply stopped when he asked you to, nicely, then this fight would not have happened. You need to... listen, to when your brother says something and you know darn well, you were irking him. So don't act surprised when he then gets MAD, at you, for not heeding to his asking you to stop, in the first place." It is about, knowing the others cues... and your own.

And I always tell my kids, they are not the same, nor the same age, nor the same person. THUS, each has different ideas. And that's okay. BUT, they are brother and sister, and they need to remember that.
Even if my kids are "competitive" about certain things... I tell them that that only makes friction. Not teamwork. EACH of them, has different talents and different ideas of what is fun. They do not have to be the same or "better" than the other. They are each, themselves.

Now, speaking for myself growing up with a sibling of mine. We are close in age, and it was hell. Because, that other sibling of mine... generally was just a jealous controlling egotistical person. And thus, she was always trying to sabotage me.
If siblings have any jealousy or controlling tendencies... over the other sibling, then that is also when, problems will occur.
Sibling fighting.... is NOT always a "developmental thing."
Some siblings get along well. Some do not.
It is also per the personality and inherent attitude, they have toward others/the other sibling. And if they can come to terms with that and themselves, or not.

My sister and I are 22 months apart (my sister is the younger).
We brawled - knock down, drag out, hair pulls (no closed fists) till the day we moved away from home.
My Mom hated it but 'letting us work things out ourselves' was all the rage at the time.
Separating us would have been better.
We were never compatible and still aren't (I'm 51, she's 48) - we can't be in a room 15 min together before I'm wrong about something/anything.
We much prefer it if we live in separate states.
Siblings are forced together a lot whether they like it or not.
It's true some are best friends, but some are enemies for life.
We each have 1 child and neither of us wanted our kids to go through what we went through.
OMG!
We finally AGREE on something!
Siblings are not always all unicorns and glitter.

Don't you love boys? I really mean it! I love the fighting then acting like nothing happened! It has taught me a lot about getting anger out and not holding grudges. My boys occasionally tied up a bit rough but they were farther apart in age and I would not have let it go too far. Yours, being so close in age are bound to physically fight sometime. Your H's experience is probably the same. The dynamics have a big effect on the likelihood of kids physically fighting. A girl fight is much different. Oh, the words. I'll take a boy fight any day.

I know my stepsons are only 13 months apart, and while I only knew them after they were 5 and 6, it seemed like everything was a competition with them. It was rare that it got physical, probably because at that point they knew better, and they had been disciplined early on for it, but the bickering and the arguing was ridiculous. We usually tried to get them to sort it out on their own, but when it got to be too much, they had to spend some time apart, sometimes facing opposite corners in the room. I would also make sure they one-on-one time with you and are respected and appreciated as individuals. Sometimes I wonder if my stepsons' issues were not partially due to them always being together all the time and essentially being lumped together as "J-and-K" constantly. And often their mom would compare them and point out their differences and talk about them like they weren't in the room, but they heard every word - and I also wonder if that didn't play a role too, emphasizing how different they were from each other and making the competitiveness worse. And sometimes personalities are a factor - the younger one always wanted to be the center of attention, and often would act up more when his older brother (who was, in general, more laid back and easy-going) was around. Alone, he was a much better behaved kid, and less annoying in general.

Boys tend to be very physical anyway, and sometimes what starts out as good-natured wrestling can get carried away. I would continue with the time-outs, but also have them practicing using words and start learning to communicate with each other how they feel, and how they can learn to compromise - in the end, that will be more productive than throwing stuff at each other.

Yes it's normal!
My girls fight like cats and dogs, it seems to be a "same sex" kind of rivalry. It's not always physical but sometimes it goes there, even now when they are 13 and 16.
My husband was one of SIX BOYS and you would not believe some of the stories they have to tell!
As a mom, all you can do is decide when enough is enough.
It's hard for me because my girls actually seem to enjoy wrestling with each other (which is something my husband and brothers loved to do too) but I HATE it. So I keep my distance and basically stay out of it until someone is in tears. At that point they are separated, each girl to her own room, or "corner" so to speak.
Children are like puppies, the play fighting and seeking domination is very normal, and for the most part harmless. Your job as a mom is to decide when and where the boundaries and limits are to be set :-)
p.s. those kids from your mom's group are not "perfect" I promise!!!

The situation with your boys is quite normal and sounds like you handled it quite well. We sibs fought when we were growing up. At the age of your boys they haven't yet learned how to fight with words. That comes later.

And my grandchildren still physically fight sometimes and they're 9 and 12. Teaching conflict resolution is an ongoing job.

Two things here. Age and boys. Our first two were 12 months and 5 days apart and they loved each other so much but also fought sometimes and the wrestling is part of that. The grabbing each other and hitting are too and you have to handle it like you did to teach them it's not acceptable to settle things like this. Sometimes they just like to wrestle anyhow so they have to learn when it's 'good' wrestling and when it's 'bad'. It seemed the girls fought more as they got older and in the early teen years. I think it was more girls arguing with girls and boys fighting with boys. At least for us it was. I hate to tell you but this will continue in spite of what you are doing sometimes. Not always but in our case we had a few fights when they were in high school. Not major but all the same it happened.

I think that for the ages of your boys it is completely normal, and I think you handled it perfectly.

I have two boys who have never gotten in to a physical fight, but they are 6.5 years apart, and they are both very mild mannered. I think personality has a lot to do with it, too (in addition to age). My boys often have their noses buried in books. They just aren't rough and tumble boys.

My brother and I never fought either, and we were two years apart, but I was feisty. I was quite mean to him for a couple of years, and I sure regret it now. My brother was more like my boys. He was always good to me, and he still is.

My siblings(brother and sister) fought a ton. Two years apart in their ages.

I fought with them independently, but moreso with my sister. Age difference was six years between me and my sister, and eight between me and my brother.

Fighting amongst siblings is normal. If they aren't doing it, they're not doing it right. The fighting thing is them learning how to interact with each other.

The looks of disapproval? They think they have power over you by making you feel bad. I guarantee all kids act out like this at some time or another. If they don't there's something going on. This is how kids learn to deal with things. I had a hard time adjusting to things until my sister was about four, and we could play together a bit.

Age is sometimes a factor, but not always.