SAHM Of 4 1/2 Yr Old Twins Need I Say More Uughhh???

ok, i can't tell you what to do... but, i will relate a true story of my husband's brother and sister-in-law. They had 6 children. When they fought, she would just close the door and walk away and let them figure it out. They are all adults now from 25 to 40 years old (3 boys, 3 girls). Most of them don't want children of their own. 2 of them won't speak to their mother. 1 of them only speaks to her when they feel they have to (family funerals etc). 2 of them will not even be in the same location as one of the other siblings. Two of the girls that actually had children did not want their mother anywhere around when their baby was born. When 4 of them came to their grandma's 80th birthday party, they got in a fist fight (it was an open house at a church)! My opinion.... you need to find out what happened to start the fight and discuss why the other got upset at whatever action happened. They need to be told that their actions effect others and how and why.... these are not only good sibling skills, but good life skills. They have got to learn to treat others as they want to be treated. I hurt everyday watching my nieces and nephews struggle with relationships - not only between each other, but with husbands/wives/kids/dating... Just my two cents.

You NEED to go get the book called "Siblings Without Rivalry" and read it. Seriously. It is so good. And, a lot of what you described here is covered in the book. I found it quite fascinating! I don't have twins, but I do have five kidlets, the last four being very close in age. I can relate to what you're saying! It's amazing the way kids can treat each other.

To answer your question, when my kids fight, I try not to interfere too much because I NEVER know the true story. In the book she explains this. What I do do is encourage them to work out their issues themselves. For example, if they are fighting about something, I will walk by and say in an encouraging voice, "I know you guys can figure something out that will make both of you happy," and then I leave it to them. I'll listen and see what happens. Often they do figure it out. For some reason, encouraging words from a parent like that makes their brains shift gears and try to come up with a solution. If they are screaming at each other, I'll say something like "I know you guys can work it out, but I want you to use your nice voices while doing it." If they are hitting, then they are separated and put in their rooms because people are not for hitting.

The book explains it all better. She also explains things in a way to make it more a little more sense to parents what children go through. It's a REALLY good book. I just read it a few months ago, but I think I'm going to read it again!

Good luck.

Give them both timeouts when they can't get along.It works with my 5 1/2 boy /girl twins. Hang in there. All day school is just around the corner. It will change your life:)

Okay you have a lot on your plate: double trouble.
My mom raised us 2 kids w/o spanking (maybe one time) as a SAHM w/a
hubby that was like her 3rd kid sometimes (sorry dad) and she never ever used hot sauce. That is just crazy.
My mom talked to us & warned us. I knew she meant business.
I use time outs.
Your kids are small and being so close in age they will fight/argue. My sister and I were 5 years apart and we fought. (Poor mom).
My SD and child are 10 years apart & she antagonizes him.
While it's normal, there are things you can do:
teach them
talk to them
separate them when necessary
know when they are simply playing as siblings
kids do get mouthy as they age (I did it, SD doing it, her cousins doing it).
it's a normal part of growing pains/gaining independence. Yours is coming early. Just need to address the verbal nastiness part.
"I won't hear of that missy". "That's not how we speak" etc.
I can tell you, you don't need to slap her mouth.
My mom & dad put the "fear into me" w/their disappointment and grounding. I pretty much always did what they said w/a few bumps in the road when I as older.
Why? Because I didn't want to disapoint them, they meant business, they had follow through & I hated being "grounded".
Work with what you have.
Good luck & take care!

I have twins but I do this when my son is involved, too. When I hear the volume begin to rise or someone is getting really frustrated, I step in. I try not to let it escalate to the point of screaming or crying. That way, I stay calm, they aren't past the point of no return, and we solve the issue together. Sometimes that means someone is going to his/her room to play alone. Sometimes toys get put in timeout. Sometimes I just tell them to apologize and we move on.

My advice...Step in more often before it is out of control and save your sanity because the teenage years will be here before you know it!! ;)

I will give one piece of advice my doc gave me when my triplets wree little. It always seems worse because instead of going through the stages of growing up and becoming independant etc with one, you have it double. It can be so overwhelming, more than sometimes it seems. I have a sasser also. She is now 12 and will argue about the color of the moon if she can. She was the "leader" when they were little. She can also be a very helpful sweet person. I always get compliments about how well behaved and helpful she is and do wonder to myself who the heck the person is talking about. It is like a switch turns on at home and she totally changes. Now, when mine were little, I did step in when needed, I did not have too much physical stuff (that came a few years ago) but the arguing and competing and just plain bull headedness started right around 4 yrs old. Step in when needed to guide them but teach them how to handle things. If they argue together over something, then they both lose. If one is being bullied by the other, then that one loses. Mine have always shared a room due to space issues but when they were little, one in the kitchen, one in the bedroom to sit on the bed and one in the frontroom on the couch. No talking, no toys, no TV etc. After several minutes, it usually got them calmed down and ready to be nice to each other.
I wil add one thing. Every child is different. What works for your son in regards to punishment may not work for your daughter. I had, have to, give different goals or rewards and punishments to each. Each has their own personality and you need to fit that. Not saying the rules should be bent one over the other but for multiples, we tend to look at both or all as one rather than each.