Shy and Sensitive 1St Grader

What about getting him involved in martial arts? It teaches patience, discipline, and confidence! :)

My best piece of advice is to order yourself a copy of 'The Highly Sensitive Person' by Elaine Aron. This will help you now and in the future will be a help to your son, too. Sensitivity is not a disease to be somehow 'cured.' Find something your son enjoys that he can grow in proficiency and confidence. I think the age and maturity difference in school is unfortunate. Boys, especially, benefit from a later start. Holding him back a year, though tough at the time, may benefit it the long run. If it's any consolation, we raised a very sensitive little girl who has blossomed into a beautiful and capable young woman for whom the sky is the limit.

J.

I see martial arts has already been suggested. I was going to suggest that and/or cub scouts and setting up some playdates with classmates. Give him opportunities to make friends.

Please, don't try to "toughen him up." I was a shy child and the thing that made me feel worse was when people didn't accept me the way I was. You can build his confidence by appreciating him exactly the way he is right now. He will "toughen up" over time on his own, in his own way.

Eventually, I learned to stand up for myself by deciding to on my own. That was far more empowering than if my parents had tried to change me through any classes or comments.

We have a shy, sensitive girl. I wish I had not tried so hard to make her stand up for herself. She is more anxious now than ever. I put her in a nicer school and she is doing much better now. Still, she has less confidence.

The best thing was her making a real friend. That helped more than anything. One friend to pal around with.

You are not changing your child by teaching him to defend himself. That is part of our jobs as parents! I was a shy child and got picked on by some pretty mean girls. My dad used to have long talks with me and role play with me. I'm so grateful that he did. It hurts to be on the receiving end, whether it is physical or emotional, and it must stop.

My son has a late birthday too and we had this problem 1-1/2 years ago.
We did a LOT of role playing with words and actions. It builds confidence. We taught our son(s) that the first time, verbalize that you don't like what the other kid is doing and ask them to stop. Then if it happens again, they need to defend themselves. My hubsand always says that if someone hits you, then you hit them back twice. If someone pushes you, you push them twice, or however many times it takes until they fall to the ground, and then you tell the teacher. I hated this theory in the beginning but after I took a self-defense class, I realized he was exactly right. If you can run (or walk away in this situation), then do it. But if you have to fight, you better keep on fighting until the offender is on the ground and you can run away. Otherwise you will just get the person more angry and they will hurt you more. The way I verbally approached this with my kids is I let them both know that NO ONE - not an adult, another child, ANYONE - has the right to hurt you. While we NEVER use our hands (or feet) to hurt other people, if someone hurts us and keeps hurting us, we do whatever we have to do to make them stop. I love this approach. Some might disagree but it is what I think needs to be done.

I know this is a tough situation. You do want to preserve that sweet, sensitive boy (which I still compliment my son all the time on how sweet he is) but there is NOTHING wrong with teaching him that his body is a GIFT and NO ONE has the right to hurt it.

Hang in there. With lots of role playing it will get better.

PS -- have you tried calling the school?

First thing that comes to my mind is you are doing a great job understanding and communicating with your child. Secondly, make sure he does not have some real underlying anxiety or attention issues and if they run in your family or if your moms instinct says maybe, then have him looked at by a proper person, like a neuropsychologist who really looks if it is emotional, behavioral, cognitive or maturity/developmental. The other answers below are great. Continue to talk to him about being a good friend, making good friends, and there are also great books with stories on this topic. I know for girls American Girl has super books. Not sure about boys.

You have to give him the tools to be able to stand up for himself. Try role-playing with him so that he gets some practice in how to respond verbally if someone pushes him or otherwise does something he doesn't like. You pretend to be the aggressor and let him try out different responses so that he gets a bit more comfortable. We've done this with our kindergartener and it has worked really well thus far. He has no problem getting into someone's face and saying loudly that he doesn't like that, please stop. We've also told him that he his words are not enough, then he needs to get an adult's attention - the teacher, playground supervisor etc. If all else fails, then we've told him to hit or push back as a final, last resort.

My daughter is sensitive and shy too and in first grade! She just came home the other day stating a girl looked at her wrong in gym class. Its such an amazing thing to have a child capable of reading behavoirs and having a GREAT amount of empathy. But it also hurts as a parent to have them come home and feel so hurt by something so simple/not simple. My suggestion, although I don't do it hardly as often as I would like with my daughter is to role play. In your case you can use super heroes or other boy figure type items. With my daughter we use her barbies or sister's doll house. Act out those situations with him and help coach him how to handle it.

Also if you haven't read it yet, get the book, "the highly sensitive child"

It's highly unlikely you'll change him to be a "tougher kid" but you definitely can help him along with the right type of help.

Try putting him into Twae Kwon Do, it helped my nephew's self-esteem immensely, plus it teaches respect, honor, etc.