Overly Sensitive 4 Year Old Cries and Gets Teased.

Hi K.,

He isn't a "baby," he actually sounds quite precocious. And precious :). Honestly, it doesn't sound like he needs toughening up so much as a sense of perspective. What a dear one. You've gotten good advice here, I think. Validating his feelings, and then helping him understand that he needn't take these situations so much to heart, that it's really ok, is good. One day he may learn to channel that sensitivity into art or poetry. All the best.

Dear K.,

I would suggest putting him in daycare a couple of days a week. I think when he begins school; you will find he's not the only sensitive child in the class. Teachers are trained to deal with this kind of behavior from young children just starting school. Also take care not to be too overprotective.

Blessings....

This is probably not going to be the most popular response, but this is how we handled it with our son. In terms my son could understand, I first explained to him that there are times it is appropriate to cry and times it is not. Then I explained that we have a lot of feelings and part of growing up is learning to control them when necessary (it's like learning there are times when it's not appropriate to laugh -- like if you think another kids hair is funny -- because you'll hurt his feelings). Then we worked on those two concepts in practice. We used everything from humor (pretending to cry in an exaggerated manner at very inappropriate times -- this usually gets a laugh out of him), to helping him practice controlling himself. We tell him when it is not an appropriate time to cry and tell him he has to get control of himself. He got better with time. When he couldn't get control in a reasonable amount of time, we would tell him to go sit by himself away from the action until he could calm down. Then he could come back. We praise him lavishly for getting control of himself. He is now very proud when he can control himself. He'll happily exclaim, "look Mommy, I'm not crying anymore!" When it is an appropriate time to cry (he hurts himself, is sad about a grandparent leaving, etc.) we comfort him and reaffirm that it is an appropriate time to cry. Some people are just cryers, but they still need to learn how to control it because in life, you need that skill. You can't cry at work if you screw up the Marketing Report or don't make your sales quota. You can cry in your car on the way home, but it's best not to let your co-workers/boss see you like that. Of course, he's only 4, so he has plenty of time to learn and a loving mom to help! Good luck.
N.

Hi K., I sympathize with you, my daugher (now 5) is similar. Read The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron, and The Parents Guide to Gifted Children:
http://giftedkids.about.com/od/wheretofindhelp/fr/parents... and anything else you can find about gifted children (there's lots on the Internet, feel free to email me if you want specific info.)

Gifted children (your son by your description) have emotions just as intense as their intellect. They experience everything as magnified. I don't know about "toughening him up," but perhaps clueing him into his bigger feelings than most will give him some understanding of himself and a positive reframe for everyone. The Parents Guide suggests ways to work with their big emotions so gifted kids can feel more in control of them. Sensitivity is beautiful!--but these aren't the easiest kids to raise and obviously this culture has no appreciation for them--boys less so than girls it seems. I find it outrageous that your son is actually called a baby to his face, by adults if I am reading that right? Excuse me?

In my experience, the mainstream public/medical/psychological/school communities have little understanding of gifted children and less to offer them. We are homeschooling our daughter and there is an active network of people homeschooling gifted children here in the Bay Area:

http://sfbaghs.org/

Do consider it, you can always send him to school when he's older and has more tools to cope with his sensitvity. In Sweden, no one goes to school until the age of seven!

Good luck and do keep in touch if you wish! I know it's a lonely road.

Best to you,
J.

Hi There K.,
I have a son like that as well. He is now 5.5, and finishing up his first year of school. He is a beautiful happy child, who has always been emotional, from the moment he was born, he expressed his emotions VERY well. He is very in touch with his feelings, and is quite good at expressing them with vigor! I worried too, about school, and being teased. I can happily say it hasn't been a problem as far as I can see. I have never heard about him being teased, (he would tell me). My husband was always confident that by the time he was in school, he would quickly realize that he doesn't want to be teased, and adjust his behavior at school. He still cries a lot at home, and that is his primary way of expressing himself, but it doesn't seem to be a problem at school. Also, I would say, don't tip toe around him regarding it. Your husband especially. We talk to him about it a lot. I personally always try to affirm his need and ability to express himself, while brainstorming some ideas how to handle it differently. I say to him things like, "I can see that your really upset, but when you cry like that, it upsets everyone around you, and it makes us ALL really sad. Let's think of other ways you can tell us your angry or sad." His dad kinda does the dad thing and treats him a little rougher about it, not really calling him a crybaby, but telling him that it's not worth it to cry over every little thing. He's obviously trying to get attention, and if your husband is kinda ignoring it, it might just bring it on harder and harder. Anyway, good luck. I'm sure he will adjust to social pressures just fine..... LOL...... as bad as that sounds.

W.

One of my favorite sayings is that the only way out is through. Meaning that in the emotional developmental stage of your son, he needs the space and permission to deal with his emotions - so that he can move past them. If he is told that he 'shouldn't' cry - he will learn to suppress and deny his emotions instead of deal with them. If he is rewarded for crying, he will learn that is the way to get attention.

What I would suggest in this case is when he gets upset, simply acknowledge his feelings - and have his dad do the same. "I can see you are really sad/upset/angry, etc.) Then tell him that is OK, you understand, take his hand and lead him away from the situation and other people, and tell your son he needs a little time to sort out what happened. Just sit with him, and let him talk (or cry until he is able to talk) - let him process the situation - with you answering questions, or asking questions to help him to think through things, but not much else. Once he processes what happened, the emotional impact will dissipate, and he will be fine - and the emotions won't be stored for future problems. At first, you might be doing this a lot, but gradually you can teach him how to do this quicker and more self sufficiently. So that eventually, he knows how to process his emotions appropriately and by himself, and usually rather quickly. I wouldn't expect this right away. And he will feel in charge of himself, having tools to deal with his specific emotional makeup. The greatest gift we can give our kids are boundaries and validation that they are intrinsically OK, as well as healthy values and the courage to live the truth that is inside of them.

Only you as his mother know if he is ready to face school. Use your intuition - he has another year of growth before kindergarten - see how it goes in the next few months and then make a decision.

Good luck with your little son-! His sensitivity is a gift.

There is a book called "Real Boys" by William Pollack that you might find helpful. It is directed toward mommas but dads should read it too. In general, it coaches you on how to teach your son to remain gentle and caring at home but how to "toughen up" in the real world. Best wishes!

Hello K.,

I completely and utterly understand b/c i have been there and done that. My son now is almost a teenager!!! I will say it was a difficult and beautiful long journey b/c we've watched him blossom. We are still working on him but he's is doing great b/c we are always there to support and constantly encourage him b/c he is worth it! It is their unique personality that he will carry for the rest of his life. Yes, it is a good thing when it's directed in a postive way. My son has younger sisters and is still very caring about them and his friends. He is still sweet natured b/c it's driven from home life. Home life and how you treat your husband, son and others will teach him how to respond to all kinds of situations. I have used life lessons on how to behave, respond, act, communicate, feel, etc with every moment i had to teach him how to deal with the negativities in life.

To build you up; I would suggest for you to read positive motivating books: John Maxwell, Zig Ziglar, etc.keep reading them b/c you will need the support. Plus it's positive and it will help you in areas of your life. I read lots and lots of books and listened to lots of cds. I needed them to keep me going and build me up. It was and still is great! I have much better friends and a better outlook on everything. I also have my Faith to support me.

I would (and still do)scheduled lots and lots of playdates(at our house so that i can observe/help/teach) and taught him how to respond (not react) to negative situations. We've taught him that you cannot change the world but only your attitude. Attitude with these types of boys is huge. We worked a lot in this area. I would enroll him in classes with friends to build confidence (camps, arts, tumbling, martial arts (gentler types),scouts, etc), and I would also enroll him in classes were he did not know anyone. I would used this as an area to encourage him to make friends w/our guidance on how to start up a 'conversation'...how to join a group of kids playing; how to just move forward and be 'relaxed', how to not assume that they don't like you or don't want you to play with them, how not to take the kids serious, how to just ignore some comments b/c they're just foolish, how to stand up for himself and be tough,how to use his words in a firm way w/o starting a fight, how to play and lose w/o crying (keep trying...he will eventully get it, but do allow him to win and lose)...remember to praise him when he loses well. Oh, remember to always praise him when he handles negatives or 'teasing' in a self controlled manner that you know is right. This will teach him how to react and speak in the future.

Do repremend the adult that tells you that you have an overly sensitive son. I've heard this too many times and it's very negative. Remember, it's always your choice to who you want to hang around with and want as a friend. You don't have to stay and listen. I would just walk away from them, or tell them how I felt and it was wrong for them to judge him. I've even ended friendships b/c my son is more important. A good friend will support you and understand. Remember, the sensitive boy will grow up to be a sensitive caring man. He just needs the support and lessons from you and your husband. This trait also could come from your husband, so remind him when he was little. My husband is very caring/loving and yes, sensitive to others needs/hurts/concerns etc as well, but knows how to deal with it in a positive manner. It has taught him to be tougher than most men who just 'look' tough. He handles stressful situations and negative people beautifully w/o allowing them to bother him or ruin his day. I'm just amazed. I've learned so much from him as well.
I could go on and on b/c so much has been taught and learned over the years. You have a long and beautiful journey ahead, you can mold and shape him to use his 'gift' in a great way. It will pass soon.

Best wishes; hope this helps!!

What a precious boy you have! I imagine his tearful behavior is quite a concern, especially in light of school coming up.
I only have a couple of ideas... I was a VERY sensitve child. I cried daily in my preschool years (usually egged on by my older brother) who was always calling me a "cry baby." I remember trying to control my emotions, even from a young age--especially at school. This worked for the most part, I must say. I made a conscious decision not to cry over things at school, but at home I was very tender. All this to say, perhaps it won't be in every setting that your son will show his tender side. He obviously feels safe at home to express himself--kudos to you for that!
Another thought, kids can learn pretty early (I know I did) how to manipulate. And if his dad is avoiding certain "upsetting" conversations or saying "no" to him when needed, he will learn to control and manipulate using his moods/tears. I did this as well. I wonder if a good idea would be to continue having the hard conversations, saying "no" when needed, etc. in order to train your son that these "upsetting things" are just part of life.
I am reading a GREAT BOOK Right now by Kevin Lehman called "Have a New Kid By Friday," and it has several "hot topics" in it including training kids about how not to over-react in situations.
I hope even some of this was helpful. Hang in there, and keep loving that sweet boy! (BTW- Praise and encouragement went a LONG way for me as a sensitive child; it still does!)

Wow, I just typed a long response and somehow deleted it before I managed to send it. So here it is again in a nutshell --

My youngest was sensitive and cried a lot too. I never tried to make him stop, I only comforted him briefly and then let him cry as much as he needed to. If someone wants to cry, that is their business and everyone else can just deal with it.

However, I don't think home-schooling is the answer. You will just be postponing and perhaps further hindering his ability to deal with the world. In my opinion the education of dealing with the world that they receive at school is as important as their ABC's.

I am someone who, as a child, was far too concerned about other people's feelings, and about how they felt about me. That level of concern is not healthy. It makes you put yourself last all the time, and to never listen to your own feelings. So your son needs to learn to care LESS about other people's opinions and feelings, but you will only accomplish this over time. I would not worry about his losing his sweet nature, that won't happen.

So in my opinion you should let him cry, but you need to let your son know that he doesn't need to worry so much about those other people, that they will be fine. And by all means teach him that others' opinions of him do not matter as long as he is a kind person. None of us please all the people, all the time.

When my daughter was about 4 (she's now 16) a friend of hers started teasing her. There wer some really good books for children at their pre-school teaching kids how to respond back to different difficult situations. The one that liberated her was learing to say, "I don't believe you." We practiced it at home -- sort of like April Fools day for the whole month. "You're hair turned green" "I don't believe you." etc.
I started reading the comics to her around kindergarten by cutting out a few appropriate ones each day. We still read the comics together every day. It's taught her how to laugh at things, and is a good segway into more serious topics.

Hi K.,

I have a daughter that was just like that. She still cries sometimes, mostly when she is tired, but we have gotten it under control.

I started making her focus on me whenever she started getting upset. I would say, "Lanaya, look at me. Now, take a deep breath." I would have to say it a few times but she would calm down and then we would talk about why she was upset and what an appropriate response would be. For example: Ok, now that you are calm. Please tell me what happened. (If she started to cry again, we would start over.) After she would tell me "Cori would not let me play the game with her and Alex." "Did you ask them if you could play?" (Usually not) If so, "Why wouldn't they let you play?" you get the picture....

I was doing this several times a day. And when she would get physically hurt, even minorly, it would be the same. So, I now give her hi-5s for getting hurt (I told her they were a rite of passage and that all kids go through this) and she has started to think before overreacting to every situation. She is still the sweetest most sensitive kid, but she is not so weepy and she is doing great at school.

I hope this helps.

D.

Hi K.- A good Kindergarten and teacher will address this sort of thing. Don't expect that he will get teased anymore than any other child. Lots of kids cry in kindergarten both boys and girls. A good teacher will talk about it with the class, how to respond, strategies for getting along and why teasing is never OK. Of course there will be some negative interaction between kids but isn't that a big part of growing up and learning how to navigate the world? If you homeschool for this reason you will have to find a way to help him mature without a structured social setting. If you send him to school just being in the classroom will help him learn how to get along. Just be sure it's the right school where the teacher is tuned in to that sort of thing. Also don't be afraid to wait to put him in Kinder until he's really ready. Maybe he just needs another year to mature. Good luck and enjoy having a sweet boy instead of an aggressive one!

Dear K.,
I too have a sensitive son. From the time he was very, very little, he was all boy with a tender heart. He mostly got upset if he thought someone else was upset or hurt or sad.
I don't think you need to try to "toughen up" your son. Instead of thinking of home schooling, try to get him into daycare/preschool now so he can be around other children. He will see some children that cry and some that don't. Yes, kids can be cruel, but there are also comforters in the group...like my son. And, teasing is not allowed at school, especially among very young children. Finding out how other people deal with emotions can help kids figure out how they deal with their own and in the context of others.
My son is in the 8th grade now. He is very athletic and active in the music program, school fundraisers, etc. He has been recognized for his citizenship and is always the one that will take a kid under his wing.
He found a way to channel his sensitivity for the good and I wouldn't change a thing about him.

Best of wishes.

Hi K., I wish your child the best. You have to remember that some sindroms, sicknesses start slow sometimes. We have speccial need child, and I am wellness consultant also. I don't want to scare you, but if it's not improving I would check nutrition before medicine.
###-###-####. A. Bofinger

Dear K.,
I also have a sensitive and highly perceptive 5 yr old son. In my quest to find right path for him, I have read several books that discuss these topics and have found that the most important thing we can do is have them learn to accept themselves for who they are and without ever labelling them with shy, sensitive, and other such labels and by never ever comparing them with others. It is better to acknowledge their feelings and support them by saying it is ok to cry, we all feel like crying sometimes. It seems that it bothers you when..... How would you do it differently. Let us think about ideas.. Adn then say something funny/silly and gently redirect them to some activity by saying hey I want to play/do this, would you be my buddy or help me solve the puzzle, you seem to be so good at it and so on..........That way a child is slowing redirected and is indirectly taught coping and problem solving skills, which works better then directly saying stop crying, go do something else, you are being such a baby..... We can not deny them their feelings and choose for them what to do but we can find ways that work better for them to acheive the results we want.
Good Luck.
-Rachna

I know you've gotten a lot of responses here but here's my two cents worth: I think the ages 4 & 5 are so hard cuz kids want to be big boys & girls yet there are parts of them that just aren't ready for that....namely, their emotions. They still have a hard time expressing/verbalizing their feelings so they go to crying. Like others have said, give him the words to express himself & help him to use those in the appropriate situations. Like others have suggested, send him to preschool now (altho I assume he already goes), maybe some after school classes (I also like the karate idea)& arrange playdates....just get him around other kids cuz, regardless of how much we parents do, kids are most influenced & learn most from their peers. He'll see how other kids handle similar situations & learn from that. This is why I, too, don't recommend you home school him. Concern over his feeligns getting hurt shouldn't be your only reason for homeschooling. No matter how much we don't want our kids hurt or teased, it's gonna happen, it's a (sometimes) sad fact of life. Something that they learn sometimes from as well. Luckily, most schools have changed their opinions on bullying VS teasing, have a low tolerance for that sort of behavior & many schools teach conflict resolution to kids now. Best of luck!

Hello K., wow this sounds a lot like my son who is now 10. He too was sensitive. I signed my son up for karate and it is the best thing that I ever did! It taught him not only self defense but also self confidence, he has made amazing friends and we love it. He started when he was only 5 and he is now a green belt. Hope this helps and good luck.
-R.

It sounds like you have a lovely little boy.

I would read Raising Your Spirited Child. She's got some ideas of how to cope with different temperaments--how to live positively with them and how to make life a little easier.

You probably won't be able to change him, to "toughen" up, but you can help him to see himself in a positive light and to trust himself.

K.,

He is an intelligent boy, and he was made perfectly by God for a specific purpose. We don't know what the purpose is for our children... but God does, and it will be revealed to you when he gets older and he uses that gift. Yes, it is a gift!

I have a sensitive boy. When he was a baby, he would cry if someone would approach him to say hi or if a man he didn't know really well came close to him and spoke loud. he was also sensitive to certain clothes, his diaper , whatever. He is not quite as sensitive as your boy sounds, but, his daddy and I have had conversations about this issue and dad was concerned that the world would eat him up.

Fast forward 8 years, he is the best boy in the whole world! He is still a sensitive child, and his heart gets hurt easily, especially if he is hurt by a parent. I don't need to be verbally harsh when he is getting disciplined, gentleness gets the point accross without bruising his heart. I need to remember that. His desire is to please.

He is the most loving, giving, child I know. He is responsible and helps me around the house. He would give up his ice cream when his sister's ice cream would fall on the floor. He helps me teach the younger child if I'm busy with my older one. He loves to be hugged. He loves God and asks me to read the Bible to him. He gives others the benefit of the doubt. He accepts his role when he has made a mistake and feels remorse for it. He gives genuine loving complements to others. He brings his little girlfreind flowers. He is going to be a WONDERFUL HUSBAND ,FATHER and leader someday. and isn't that our job... to be raising children who will rise up to these positions in life.

Because I homeschool, I can allow him to grow to be whatever he was meant to be. I don't have to have him fit any mold. Let the world say what they may. God help me, I don't want him to act like the vileness of the world.

I contrast him to several other boys we know,and especially the 7 yr old around the corner whom he used to play with. That boy is mean, mean, mean. He is "encouraged" to be all-boy. He takes karate, is allowed to watch violent movies, plays violent video games, and acts violently towards others with parents who condone and accept the violent behavior as "boyness".
Last time my son saw him, this kid jumped on top of him and was beating on his back during a sleepover at their home. (the parents called it a 'misunderstanding' instead of labeling it a violent act)the kid lies constantly, even when he has been caught in the act. he won't admit it, but he tries to blame it on others. He beats up his sister. He pays no attention when an adult tries to correct him for something. He is steadfast in his misguided ways. My son won't be seeing him anymore, and I don't feel one bit bad about not exposing him to these kinds of people or these kinds of attitudes.

I would rather have a kind, loving child anyday that the opposite, which unfortunately is becoming mainstream. Cherish this little boy for the gift that he is. Trust me, the world WILL eventually program some of this out. There is no need to throw him to the wolves yet though. Let him grow in wisdom under your wing, in the security of homeschool, and watch him blossom.

I see you have already gotten a lot of great advice. And I agree--he sounds like a tender-hearted sweet child who has a very loving family. He's thriving with the wonderful nutrition and efforts you've put into teaching him to sign, read, entertain himself (vs. being baby-sat by the TV), etc. Good job!

My oldest (a three year old girl) is very similar. True, she's younger. That she is a girl shouldn't make a difference. It's sad that our society has such different expectations for boys. They need just as much love, hugs, reassurance, etc. as girls, and yet many don't get it (such as the rude comment by the dad). Sad.

I think the best thing you and his Dad can do to 'help' him is to become more aware of the different personality types that children and adults have and how to best nurture him. It sounds like his Dad is struggling to deal with his son's sensitivity. I know first hand how difficult it can be--believe me! I bought several books to learn how to better parent my sensitive one. By understanding them better we can respect their differences more and help be a buffer against this world which wants them to be in a very defined box. There is a quick quiz you can take that will help you determine if your child is 'highly sensitive' and if so, you can move forward in that direction to learn more. Here are two links I found helpful (the second is the one I found books to read, etc.).

http://www.kidtemp.com/
http://www.hsperson.com/

I know it's challenging, especially when outsiders don't understand your child's nature...and kids will be cruel no matter what. If they don't pick on him for crying they'll find something else. With you're help he'll continue to thrive. Good luck, K.!

I have always been a sensetive person. I still feel like crying, and sometimes do, when I feel like I've done something wrong, disappointed someone or feel embarassed. Kids cry. My daughter is in the 1st grade and her sister is starting kindergarten this year. I can't tell you how many times my daughter has started crying in class over silly things like having a substitute, and none of the other kids ever teased her. Even though I was so scared that they would. In my experience, they don't start teasing as much until they get a little older. From the way you described your son, he sounds very well rounded, every mothers dream. I wouldn't worry, he'll calm down. Someday your future daughter in law will thank you for raising such a sensetive son.

It sounds like your son is being teased because of what other adults are saying about him to their children not what the children are saying directly to him. Children look to adults for guidance in situations they don;t understand and if his friends turn to their parents who tell him "he's just a baby" then the kids use that as ammunition. They probably don't even mean anything by it. How do you handle it when your son comes to you and tells you they have called him a baby. Is your reaction "oh how awful"? Leave your adult emotions out of it otherwise you are projecting your emotions about the situation onto your son and that isn't fair. Try calmly explaining to him why the kids call him a baby. Make sure you do it in a non-judgemental way. If he understand what it is about his behavior that is triggering their comments he may choose to change his behavior. Make sure though that it doesn't come across that you are trying to make him change his behavior be sure he knows you love him regardless. Be careful not to get into the habit of fighting his battles for him.

You might look into finding a therapist who does sand tray work where the children put items in a tray of sand and the therapist evaluates the scene created as a way of knowing what is going on in the childs life. It is very gentle and insightful. There was a great Waldorf based therapist off of Sunrise Blvd in Sac who was great with this kind of thing.

Waldorf school might be great for your son. It would move more at his pace and it would actually foster that side of his nature. It supports the individual child more than traditional education and is a very good alternative to home schooling. Waldorf has a very strong arts and music background but is also strong in science and math contrary to a lot of what people think. You could put him in Waldorf pre-school now. It would be sad for him to loose his sensitivity.

Hello K.!
I think homeschooling sounds like a great possibility! Children can thrive off of one on one teaching. Just make sure you keep up on social activities. Plan play dates at your house so you can keep an eye on things. Also, you can go to the Library for free story time. Many people think homeschooling is such a bad thing but you can get involved with other homeschooling moms and do field trips, activities, crafts, etc. I plan on homeschooling my three children but I'm not a fan of the public school system. Shootings, sex in bathrooms at age 12, cussing, talking back, I don't want my children involved in any of these things and I will protect their innocence as long as I can. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
L.

Hi K.,

Reading the description of your son sounds just like my 5-year-old son. For a long time, I would have talks with my husband about how we needed to toughen him up. And I was concerned about him going to Jr. K and being the "cry baby" in the class. But what I have discovered, and what I have been told by his teacher, is that my son is actually very confident in class, and is actually the mediator in several situations. This surprised me, because at home, if he thinks he messed up even a little, or hurt someone's feelings, he would start crying and feel really bad. At school, he just lets things roll off his shoulders and shrugs it away. Or if two kids are fighting over something, he usually tries and makes everyone happy. So it appears that he is very empathetic for all the kids, because he knows how it feels to be sad, and he doesn't want that to happen to any of his friends. So it is quite possible that your son may be the same way. He sounds like he has a big heart, and feels a great deal of emotion, like my son. This may actually help him in school situations like it has helped my son.

I don't think home schooling would be the answer. I think the more kids your son is around, the better. And I agree with one of the moms that said that it may be kids taking cues from their parents as to how to act when your son cries. From what I've seen in the situations my son has been in (tball, school, or playing at the playground), any time any one of the kids is crying, the other kids usually rally around him/her and ask if they're okay, and try to help to make things better. I don't think kids are innately cruel and tease automatically. As someone else said, a good preschool or kindergarten teacher will use the situation to teach kids how to react properly. They won't allow a child to be teased and ridiculed for crying at school.

Good luck with your wonderful, sweet-loving boy! I'm sure he'll be fine at school!

Hi K.,

I have to say that the Dad who said that"he's still a baby and sometimes babies cry" is an idiot. All people cry when they are upset. My 7 year old does sometimes cry at school and nobody teases her. Is your son getting teased in preschool? I think you might be hanging around with some thoughtless kids and parents. Your son will learn to get a handle on his emotions. For the time being you should validate that he's sad, disappointed, or whatever emotion he's feeling and suggest that he take a couple deep breaths and help him to recognize what's upsetting him and talk about his feelings - instead of crying to express himself - I am mad, I am sad, etc. This said my oldest always cried first and has never been good at expressing her feelings. I just think that you should let your son know that he's OK and the brats that are teasing him are not. And you K., should not feel embarrassed that he is crying. He sounds like a very sweet little boy!

I'd probably seek some professional help with a child psychologist/behaviorist and input from my peditrician, carefully checking references and finding someone I felt good about. There may be some dynamics that they will be able to see as an independent observer that you cannot see and/or a challenge that you may not recognize.

Home schooling is great- I highly recommend it, but I wouldn't use it as a substitute for figuring out what is going on.

Have you tried talking to him directly about the crying? I mean when he's not actually crying of course.

Have him think of other ways he could let people know he's upset or angry or embarrassed. Have him practice saying those things and maybe even role play some situations. Then when he does cry try to gently prompt him to use his non-crying alternatives. "Wow you sound upset. Can you tell me 'I'm frustrated!'"

If you want to homeschool, by all means do, but please let it be for some reason other than sheltering him from social interactions. In the long run he'll be a happier kid if he gets some focussed, gentle help with interacting appropriately than if he just avoids the situation all together.

Hope this helps.

T.

Hi K.
I had a friend whose little was the same way and by about 7 or 8 he out grew it. I just think he was a sensitive child. Everyone is different and can't be expected to experience life or react to it in the same way. Could be he just can't quite verbalize exactly how he feels, I am not saying he can't talk , I am suggesting that perhaps he doesn't have the depth of words that could convey how he is truly feeling deep down. Could be he is experiencing feelings that he truly can't explain. Once he is a little older, he may began to tell you more.
Also, I once read the children will often open up right before bedtime, ever notice your child asking more questions and or becoming a little more talkative during that time, right before he falls off to sleep?
I read that that is the time you should really pay attention and listen.. the kids are becoming relaxed and may open up. Maybe when you put him to bed, try laying down with him for a little bit, see if he opens up a bit and will talk about how he is feeling..
it's worth a try..

good luck to you!!