Should We Disinvite to a Concert??

I think I'd let the other parent know that the plans have changed. Just say something came up and then invite someone else. That mom doesn't need any details.

ETA after your additional comments on SWH: NO, neither you nor your daughter are horrible for taking someone else. Please re-read what I said below. This girl needs to understand that there are consequences to her actions and the consequence is that she doesn't get to go to a concert with someone she treats badly. The worst thing that you and your daughter can do is reward this girl for her attitude and behavior by taking her to the concert. What do you think this girl will "get" from this? What nice people you are? No, she'll feel empowered to treat your daughter and anyone else like this.

Original:
I don't think you say anything about it. It's 4 months away. Your daughter should go with who she wants. If for some reason the girl even remembers that she had an invitation back when she used to be nice to your daughter and brings it up, your daughter just needs to say "Oh, well, you decided months ago that the popular crowd is who you wanted to hang out with, so I invited someone else." And leave it at that.

There is no point in talking about this issue, unless your daughter actually gave her the ticket and now has to ask for the ticket back...

This is exactly what I would do if it were me or my kids.

No I wouldn't disinvite her. If things aren't working out in 4 months then let your daughter invite someone else. If the girl asks about the concert your daughter can let her know that she invited another friend.

At this age kids are trying to figure things out so friendships end and new ones begin frequently. The less involved you are the better your daughter will learn to navigate these issues.

If these girls are old enough to go to a concert together, they are old enough to work out their problems or go their separate ways without the parents getting involved. Unless a crime has been committed, I think parents have to stay out of directing their children's social lives, especially when they are as angry as you are.

Your daughter has other friends, more loyal ones. Support that. Encourage her to let go of a former BFF who just isn't anymore. Maybe this other girl is as shallow and mean as you say; maybe your daughter has been hurtful as well - we don't know, and you're only getting your daughter's side of things. But it doesn't matter - they aren't friends, and so any dates they made are kind of pointless.

I don't think anyone needs to say anything. I think your daughter needs to stop trying to be friends with someone she doesn't admire, and choose new friends by how they treat her and how she treats them. Knowing how it feels to be hurt or excluded, your daughter is now equipped to be even more kind and inclusive herself. The concert is 4 months away. In 3 months, friendships may change a lot, and one person in her new group may emerge as not only a closer friend but one who would really enjoy this particular concert. When the concert is now 1 month away, your daughter can choose someone to invite. If that person can go, great. If not, she can invite another. And so on. If no one can go and if she doesn't want to go with you, she can always sell the tickets and do something else fun.

Let it go, Mom. Nothing good will come of you going to another mom and saying "Your daughter is a mean girl, her behavior is the worst, and so I am rescinding the invitation."

of course.
there's no need to add to the teenage drama. don't dwell on it at all. in fact, i'd get the whole uncomfortable shebang out of the way right now, and it will be a wonderful, freeing, empowering step for your daughter to take, and set her up for drawing good boundaries and courteously handling conflict in the future.
i'd suggest that she go to the girl directly (no texting!) and say something like, 'hey malvolia, that's a great sweater. i hope you had fun at the skating rink the other night. listen, we're kind of drifting as friends, which is cool, let's let it ride and see how it works out. but i'd like to go to the concert with someone i'm super-close to, and since we're not that close any more, i'm choosing to go with someone else. good luck in the math test today.'
she doesn't need to make excuses. to say whom she does want to go with. to apologize. to try and make it 'okay.' just simple and straightforward.
of course, this isn't necessarily easy for a young teen in the throes of drama and Mean Girl-ness. role play with her as much as she needs to feel comfortable and confident about doing it. have her be the Mean Girl and throw as many Mean Responses your way as she feels might actually happen, and make sure that when playing HER that you don't succumb to anger or snark or sarcasm, that you model cool relaxed even lightly humorous confidence.
such a great opportunity. make the most of it.
khairete
S.

The tickets belong to your daughter. It's her call to disinvite the friend and choose someone else or not.

What does your daughter want to do?
I know what my 14 year old would do. They wouldn't feel bad at all by asking someone else when the time came if things hadn't gotten better.
I think us moms worry about etiquette and what's the right thing to do - kids don't so much. They go by their guts (at least mine do) and more often than not, they do the right thing. The simple, right thing to do - based on how they are treated.
So I'd let it go and let your daughter tell you what she'd like to do. It's her birthday gift. Then I would just support her.

My thoughts are that it's probably a bit blown out of proportion. I think you had used the word devastated earlier (my computer crapped out). This sounds like typical middle school stuff. In a few months time they could be back to being buds. I think using this as a lesson on what to value in a friendship is the way to go.

I agree that there is no need to mention the concert now. It certainly is OK for your daughter to invite someone else if this friend is no longer her bff the month before the concert.

I suggest this friend could use this situation to make your daughter uncomfortable. If that happens, help her deal with it then.

I agree this is a learning opportunity for both girls.

I think it's up to your daughter. Did she bring this up to you? Is she worried about it right now? If your daughter has said nothing, then I wouldn't even give it a mention. In a few months time things can change a hundred different ways and back again with girls' friendships. If your daughter eventually tells you she is worried about going to the concert with this former close friend, I'd just let her know she has options. Under the circumstances, I think it's totally understandable for your daughter to let this girl know (politely and before she asks a different friend) that since they've grown apart, she's decided to take someone else. I know this concert is your daughter's gift, and she deserves to have a great time, but I think you should take a step back and let her figure it out. If nothing else, it's a lesson for girls about how plans we make with friends too far into the future may not end up working out, for a lot of different reasons.

i would leave that up to my daughter. discuss with her the possible outcomes, and have her think long and hard before making up her mind. i would absolutely make sure she has a clear head when she gives you her answer though, a hot head leads to bad choices that she may regret later.