Should I Offer to Help?

The offer of help is never wrong.... but if you are sincere and want to truly help this family, then be specific. "I am going grocery shopping and will be near you. Can I bring you something? Milk, eggs, ice cream?" Do you enjoy gardening? You can offer to handle her weeding, etc.

Offers of help are polite. Offers of specific help are actually helpful. Think of what you'd be willing to do, and be specific.

Help! How lovely of you to think this way. I would start by cooking a meal and just taking it around. After a while, you may become so comfortable with each other that you could babysit occasionally. It is so important to have a support network. When people helped recently at the death of my father, it just amazed and touched me that people cared so much. Good on you, there should be more people like you!

I don't know if she would view it as an intrusion or not, but there are many ways of helping. Even something small like a care package filled with baby items and something for her as well. Or maybe a gift card for a nearby grocery store or super center like Target or Walmart so that she can get groceries or wait and get baby items. The gift cards to grocery stores can even be used to stop by and pick up dinners such as soups, salad, sandwiches, even pizza or rotisserie chickens or combination value meals of "homemade comfort foods" in their "cafe" areas like at Price Chopper.

.

I think God placed you close to her for a reason. You should definitely help. I wouldnt over do it and scare her, but offer your condolences and maybe ask if she would like to go out for coffee to get to know her better. Im sure she is overwhelmed, but would appreciate any help she could get. Maybe stop by with a meal, or a gift card to a restaurant, offer to watch the baby so she can go to a movie. Do you think she might need somebody to go to birthing classes with her, just for support (or is that overdoing it?) Just some thoughts. I know if I was in her situation, I would appreciate it. Some people have a hard time asking too.

Yes, introduce yourself and give her your info. But you will probably have to make all the effort at first since she is both greiving and pregnant. Bringing a meal and stopping by is a good idea. Call her and ask what she likes to eat (or offer a choice of a few things you make well). You could also try offering to do some specific tasks for her (make a meal, get specific baby items, pick up groceries or do another errand, help with a specific housekeeping task). The more specific the better. A lot of people feel uncomfortable asking for help but it is easier if you are making an offer to do a specific, small task.

How sad. I think it is really sweet of you to offer your help. I can't imagine anyone thinking that this is an intrusion. However, I think that most offers to help are never really accepted or taken up on because it is just to vague of an offer. Do you know if he had any insurance? How is she going to cope financially? I would probably give her real help (pay for someone to take care of her yard, gift cards to Walmart, etc.) instead of just an offer of help. Take her meals once a week. Just do it. Don't wait to be asked for something specific. I am sure she will appreciate anything you do to help, but it will probably be hard for her to verbalize exactly what she needs. Also, if your relationship grows at all, contact her periodically to see how she is doing. Be a listening ear. Blessings to you as you minister to her needs.
OH, I just thought of something else. One of my friends lost her husband a couple of years ago. She had two friends come alongside her as she went through the various trials she faced. They were not close at all before the death, but became close quickly after. One thing she told me that was really helpful is that when she had to go to the VA or any other agency to fill out paperwork, etc., one of these ladies told her (didn't ask, but told her) that they were on their way to pick her up to take her. She didn't think she needed anyone to go with her, but she really found that she did. She was sooooo thankful. She said she felt strong at the start of one of her meetings, but then would just break down and weep. Her friends comforted her and also were able to help out with the task that needed to be done. You might be able to accompany her to these things. Or, if you know any of her close friends, perhaps you can share this with them.

I think it is a lovely thing to do.

Let your friend make the introduction and just let her know that she can call on you if she needs to since you live close by.

Then don't be hurt if she doesn't call. :(

Follow up in a couple of weeks with a "thinking of you" card to keep the lines open. You could do the card/chatty note contact for a few months. After that it may become "stalkerish".

I think if we all followed our impulses to help other that the world would be a better place.

God Bless

Like a number of the other posters, I would enlist the help of your friend - but pose it as an offer to help YOUR friend. "Hi friend. I know YOU would love to help DIL out but you're so far away. Can I be your feet on the ground and do what YOU would do for her?" I would think that would be a win-win for everyone. After awhile being your friend's proxy helper, DIL may form a comfortable relationship with you as well.

Kindly offer her your help with "whatever she needs". Give her your phone number and tell her that she needn't feel guilty or bad for calling.

Then let your friend know the same thing, so that she can encourage the young widow to ask for help when needed.

She's in my prayers.

I would explain who you are and offer to help. I would also ask your friend to let you know when she might need some help.

You'll be meeting her...under unpleasant circumstances so I think it's only natural (and sweet) since you live near each other to offer help. BUT make sure it's tangible...follow up with a phone call in a month or so....so it's not perceived as O. of those empty "if you need anything, let me know" type of offers that everyone makes at a funeral service and no O. actually follows up with! Good luck!

Definitely offer! I just read a Dear Abby with a husband who was taking care of his wife with cancer and people would offer to help, but none were specific with what they could help with. He never felt comfortable taking them up on their offers because of that. Offer and be specific. What a wonderful person you are!

An offer of help is never an intrusion. It is an expression of love and concern, and if you have it weighing on your heart, you will never regret making that offer (it's only when you don't follow through with those urges that you end up beating yourself up later!). It doesn't matter that you are a stranger to the wife, only that you are someone who knows the family and feels compassion for the young woman. She'll appreciate it, even if she never takes you up on it.

HELP HER. I would think that someone in her position could never have enough friends or family to count on to support and love on her and her baby. She is going through a huge loss--you are doing such a wonderful thing to help her and be there for her. It is never an intrusion---she will be grateful even if she doesn't show it right away....

M

Hi! Well, why don't you mention it to your friend & get her input since she knows all of you? I wouldn't think it's an intrusion at all. When the stepson's wife meets you, I wouldn't think it's inappropriate at all, especially since you are good friends with her husband's stepmother. (Did I get that right? Your dear friend is this young wife's mother-in-law, since the husband was her stepson.) Very sad. My condolences to all of you.

you do rock!!! how kind & sincere of you to offer this to her. i could have used someone like you 20 years ago!!

i would say give her a card with all your info on it & then in a few weeks follow up with her to show her that you are sincere in your offering & it wasn't just an empty offer.

I think that the offer is a beautiful and kind gesture. It is not intrusive since you are only offering up assistance if she should need anything. It is now up to her to either take you up. Maybe a nice card and include your contact information...this way she will have it as her day will most likely be a blur to her with her sadness.

I would still offer. If you are hesitant you can see how things go when you meet her around the funeral and may see what you can offer her then.

I think it's wonderful that you are offering to help. I've never been in her shoes, but I've had friends who have suffered some pretty huge losses. The one thing I try to do is to be specific with any offers of help. If I say, "let me know if you need something," they don't. If I say, "When can I stop by and bring a meal for your family/walk the dogs/take the kids to the park?" I'm much more likely to get a response.

Best wishes,
S.

It's very kind of you to want to help her. It never hurts to offer help. If she sees it as an intrusion, she won't take you up on it.

I would say that since you are a family friend and it is on your heart to help, you should definately make the offer and make sure she knows it is sincere. Obviously, you will meet her at the services but my guess is that things will be a bit of a blur from that day so be sure to tell you friend AND, later, contact the DIL again when things are less hectic. Tell her that you just wanted to see how she was doing and let her know that you are there as a resource should she need it. Maybe drop by with a meal or a baby gift or something.

I think extending the offer to help at the repast would be extremely kind. I think keeping your intentions short and sweet would be best and telling her who you are and that you are local.

Yes, get your friends input about what her needs might be. find out what her needs are and think about what your strengths are. Maybe she has friends who have young children and will support her with a new baby. OR she may have girlfriends who are listening ears and emotionally supportive but too busy with toddlers, babies and work to help out physically. Maybe you can cook and they cant. Maybe her friends are young and dont have babies yet and she could use your experience.

Offer. All she can do is say no.

How about you run it by your friend ... she should be able to help you figure that out.