Would You Find This Creepy/upsetting or Comforting?

Send the card. In it tell them how you came to know about their tragedy, through the mutual friend.
I dont' think it's creepy at all.

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I got flowers from a perfect stranger when my little girl passed away. To this day I still have no idea who they came from and that was five years ago. It didn't bother me that I received them. I just wish I could have sent them a thank you card.

When my son died I received many condolences from people I did not know. I appreciated every single one of them and also believe it was so many prayers for me and my family that kept us going.

That is so thoughtful of you to do.

I think it might be a bit creepy.

What I don't think would be adding your condolences to an on-line obituary guest book or giving your friend a card with a gift card in it for a local bakery, etc. I think if your friend hand-delivered it, it decreases the creep factor. By a lot.

How tragic.

Oh, what a horrible tragedy. It is heartbreaking.

My situation is NOTHING like this family and can't even be compared, but when my daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, people that I had never met before read an article that a local paper had done on us and the outpouring of support from absolute strangers was astounding. It touched our hearts so much!
If you are feeling so strongly about it, go ahead and send a card. You are a very thoughtful and compassionate person.

I had only met my boyfriends aunt and uncle once when my father passed away. They sent a card to my house and it made me stop to think that you don't necessarily have to be close to offer a small condolence.
I still have that card, and it actually meant a lot to me. I guess you could say it grounded me. If strangers could reach out to me, it helped me be more willing to reach out to others that I needed during that time.
I would just write something short about who you are and that your thoughts and prayers are with her and her family.
I think it's very thoughtful of you.

Nope.

In a time like that, you NEED to know, that there are people behind you.

Your mind in a time like this can only focus on the major/difficult stuff. So, getting a card, note, meal...from even someone you dont know....To remind you, you're not alone is an amazing support.

Send a note. And maybe suggest to your friend that she could make some cookies or bread to send as a gift.

I couldnt imagine the loss they are all feeling at this time.

I wish your friend and her friend the best in this sad time.

I pesonally think a card is nice. When my mom passed people that my mom had known for 30 yrs that we didn't even know came and/or sent their condolence to us and it helped. Just don't tell her the childs on a better place. If one more person said that to me I thought I would snap. Just say your sorry and that's it. I can't even imagine and don't want to. I think its nice of you. Saying a prayer here.

I think a response of kindness, sympathy and support during a time of unimaginable grief cannot go wrong. Just explain that your mutual friend shared the story with you, and you wanted to offer your prayers, etc.

Actually, no matter how well you know the person, it's difficult to understand completely. None of us knows what another is feeling and how they're grieving, even if our tragedy is similar. So unless you're going to say something heartless like "I completely understand what you're going through", then a card offering sympathy would be nice.

Perhaps you can google the obituary and see if they're requesting donations to the local emergency response team or the children's ward of a hospital, or if they are accepting donations in the child's name for some project or cause that is meaningful to them. You might make a donation and send a card to them indicating that, and letting them know of the connection you share (your friend) in common.

Or ask your friend about similar donations.

But if you just send a card expressing your condolences and offering your prayers and thoughts, I think that is a kind-hearted thing to do.

Give me her address, and I'LL send a card!

That is SO heartbreaking! Absolutely send her a card telling her that your friend told her what happened, and you are so sorry for her loss, and your thoughts and prayers are with her and her family during this terrible, terrible time.

I would feel comforted. It is always comforting, i think, to know that other people know about your loss, that they care, that they are praying. Don't tell her that you know how she feels, because you don't. But, do tell her that you are grieving with her and if you will pray, that you are doing that, too. I'm so sorry to hear of this baby and their family. I cannot imagine losing my little ones.

it.

Oh, that is heart breaking! It wouldn't be creepy at all. When in a situation like that when your whole world flips upside down, any and every comfort from people is just that...comfort. It helps them to know that their baby touched the lives of people they didn't even know. That's so heart breaking. I hope to never experience anything like that!

I would be comforted. Just say that you are so-and-so's friend, and she told you about it, and you wanted to tell her you were sorry. I'm sure she'd love the thoughts even in her grief.

I think a card is appropriate...leave your words simple though, since you don't know her. What a terrible thing. My heart breaks when I hear these stories...

Any love, any support I can get, I'll welcome. A unspeakable tragedy happened in our family 23 years ago, and I remember that grandma felt relief when people gave her condolences or kindness whether she knew them or not. She didn't have energy or desire to hang with strangers or people that weren't close very much, but she did appreciate a hug, a card, a few simple words. I personally don't really care much about flowers, but I know most everyone on BOTH sides of the family REALLY care about the flowers and keep all those little tags that say who they're from.

hhhhmmm....I personally might think it's creepy....but if you explained in the card who you are and how you found out - they may feel comforted in knowing that someone cared...

I think a card giving your sympathies & a short note about who you are, mailed to your friend & given to the woman by your friend, on behalf of yourself would be very nice.

I think as long as she knows you're not some random crazy person, she'd be touched... or at least I know I would.

talk to your friend. Many families ask that a donation be made to someplace in their loved one's name rather than sending cards/gifts. If not, than a card or some flowers would be fine I would think.

I think it would be nice. I would just explain who you are.

I think it would be fine to send a card. I never realized how much they meant until I lost my dad this year and people sent cards. They seem so inadequate, but every one of them was appreciated and now I know I'll be sending them myself. Whenever I read about things in the news I pray for the families, sometimes spend a lot of time crying like you, and wish I knew a way to let them know that people are thinking of them and praying for them, even if they don't know me.

Send the card!! I will speak from experience with a husband who has buried 2 sons ~ 1 at 6 months and one at 24 years old ~ it doesn't matter who the cards are from when they are sent with good intentions! What hurts families are the people who send cards saying rude, thoughtless things. I did not know my husband with the baby, it was from his previous message, he did from sids, however, I did know my stepson very well, he had lived with us for several years and it was comforting to us to read the caring of friends and even people we didn't know!!

That makes me want to cry too...because of course, as a mom I can't help but think how I WOULD FEEL if it were one of mine...I don't know. I think done in the right way, not creepy. Check with your friend. You don't want to make the one who lost her child feel upset that her friend told you. Just in case.

Send a condolence card. The family will appreciate it.

Don't forget to offer your sympathy to your friend too.

I think it is all in how it is presented, however if you are not sure of religious affiliation a prayer may not be appropriate.