I have a friend who at 34 is gravely ill. The doctors have not given her much time. One of her family members is spreading rumors.
Someone actually told me what was said. I know it is not true and informed this person of the truth. However, should I tell her what is being said?
I think I would want to know, If it were me in her place. But again, I am not in her shoes, so maybe I would not want to be bothered with such stupid things?
Thanks! I am not going to tell her. She is already upset with that family member. I KNOW that what is being said is untrue.
There is no real reason to upset her. Thanks. I guess I was really upset just that anyone would SAY things like that during this time.
But I think ya'll have the right idea. I will refrain from saying anything to her. I will just gently inform anyone repeating the gossip that it is not true.
Many thanks
I have been so impressed by how many people have had a similar issue. I am so glad that I did not say anything to her. She and the family member are trying to allow other past hurts go. I am happy that she doesn't know. Only 3 other people heard. And they have agreed it is in her best interest to just let it go.
Again, Thank you. You made me feel like I did the right thing.
I wouldn't tell her. I once read that telling a loved one malicious things others have said about them (even with good intentions) does no good but cause the harm the original gossiper intended.
Ugh... Can you imagine the heartache, anger and embarrassment that her last days would be consumed with if she was to be informed of such betrayal now. How sad...
Is knowing such information something that would cause her to change her will before she dies? Or is this something that will only burden her spirit and over-shadow her remaining time?
Is this something that will haunt you with regret if you do not tell her? Is it something that you will look back on and feel like you were not a loyal friend? If you can't justify in your heart why you should not tell her and you think you will beat yourself up for keeping it from her, then you should tell her. But, if its something that will not bother you, then let it go.
Sometimes I think the friends and family that are there in the final days have a feeling of trying to do every little thing to prove (mostly to themselves) how much they care for the dying loved one. Try not to lose sight of the forest through the trees.
she has alot more to worry about than a stupid rumor. it could devistate her like she already hasnt been. it just shows how stupid the person is. If it was me I wouldnt tell but I would confront that family member. she isnt capable of confronting this person so I would do it for her. and keep my mouth shut.
what would be positive about telling your dying friend something that she has no control over and may or may not be true? No one likes an instigator and that is what you will be if you tell her about the rumors. What good could come out of you telling her something that has no positive value to add to her life? Keep the rumors to yourself.
Sorry to hear that your young friend is ill. My thoughts and prayers are with her, you and the rest of her loving friends and family.
.
My thought would be not to tell her. Why mar her final days? I can't see that anything good will be gained by you telling her. If she were healthy, it would be a different story, but knowing she does not have to deal with this person or need to trust her for much longer sheds a different light.
Don't tell. Does a dying woman need "drama" like this?? I'd like to think that if I were in this position, my friends would rally around me and take care of stupid issues like this and not bother me. I'm sure your friend has too much on her mind and something like this doesn't deserve to upset her.
I understand your feelings, but you did the right thing by confronting the gossiper and attempting to set things straight. Other than that, just be a good friend to this woman and forget the stupid stuff.
Good luck to you and your friend.
J.
I would say NO.
If I was dying, I would spend all of my time with The LORD and my husband and children.
That family member is completely wrong.
What goes around comes around.
Make sure you use judgement with this. I had a friend that died of cancer 2 years ago, she had relapsed 3 times and went through chemo, radiation, and stem cell transplants. Anyway, all during this there was DRAMA! We live in a very small town where everyone knows if anyone sneezes. There were times that I asked her if she wanted to be told things, she aways said yes, but I did regret telling her some things. Ignorance can be bliss! I would try to find someone very close to her ie.... mom, husband..etc.. ask their opinion on what they think is best before you say anything. Good luck! Steph
I agree with PP about using your best judgement on this - unless you can share exactly what types of lies are being spread it's hard to give advice. If it's something you think she can and will want to have a chance to resolve then tell her - if it's superficial and will only sadden her then help her by being a buffer. Set the other person straight and let it drop.
