Should I Feel Guilty for Quitting Breastfeeding

13 months is plenty long!!!!!!! My daughter self-weaned at 12 months, and I am going to wean my son at 12 months --though he has a diary allergy, so I may have to breastfeed him a bit longer.

I am of the opinion that kids should be weaned when they have their teeth. There is no need to breastfeed any longer than that, and many of the benefits of breastfeed no longer apply. I also saw my friends that breastfeed past the 15 month mark struggle to wean their kids. I think it's best to do it before they are old enough to truly understand. With my daughter, I just told her it was time to drink out of a big girl cup and she was thrilled!

No, you shouldn't feel guilty, 13 months is a good long time. But you probably will feel it anyways. You'll get past it.

You are an amazing mom to keep going to 13 months!! I wish I could have tll 13 months. There is not need to feel guilty about it.

do NOT!
feel guilty, that is.
you have given your child a wonderful gift. that is what you need to focus on. don't let people guilt-trip you.
wean him, and enjoy your wine.
khairete
S.

This is all part of the normal weaning process. If you never felt like stopping do you think he would?? He'd nurse untill high school! It's time to stop when mom feels this way.You did great!!

13 months is a LONG time. You did great, no need to feel guilt. Believe me the longer you go at this point the harder it is to wean. I nursed all three of my kids for a year or so and it was just right for me. Your kids get the most out of the first 3 to 4 months anyways.

Good luck and don't feel guilty!

You are doing fantastic! Do not feel guilty! If you want to stop, stop. After my 3rd was born, I breastfed for a year. I stopped because I wanted my body back!

Stop and don't feel guilty - you've done right by your son.

OMG - ANY amount of breastmilk you give your baby is a gift that is amazing! I breastfed for 16 months, 16 months and 18 months exclusively. I got to 18 months and my daughter would not eat anything, except for breastmilk and NOT out of a bottle.

Guilt is a wasted emotion. The AAP recommends exclusively breastfeeding for 6 months and beyond 1 year if possible. The WHO recommends 6 months - 2 years and beyond. This does not mean that 13 months is failing. Like I said, ANY amount of breastmilk you gave is a wonderful gift.

PS You CAN have a glass of wine while breastfeeding. I had my babies at home - no drugs. After the birth, I sat down and had a quesadilla and a beer. My milk came in within 24 hours. I figure d a beer was WAY less problematic than an epidural and pitocin. LOL

Breathe. GREAT JOB MAMA!

You did great! You can quit now :)

Guilt just means that you're being a good mom and worrying about your kid. Now that you've done that, you can stop : ) Time to take care of you too. It's your body, you've been a good share-er, you can take it back.

Good luck.

What sucks about our culture is the fact that you have to even ASK that question. Yes, it's amazing that you did it for this long. But I bet there are lots of other things that make you a fantastic mom.

Moms come in every shape and size, and babies do too. Some moms can't breastfeed, because no matter how many $200 appointments they have with a home lactation consultant, their baby will not latch happily. Or because their baby had to spend a day, a week, 3 months in the NICU and were either given a bottle by the NICU nurses, or were never able to beat nipple confusion because they were too busy fighting to live. And pumping is an option, yes, but after months of it when there is an older toddler in the house (or not) and sitting down to pump brings on intense feelings of UGH...when is it "OK" with everyone that mom shut off the bs guilt valve of this society and just do what makes sense for her family?

To the "breastfeeding militants," as Angi C so perfectly called it, show me the ABSOLUTE proof that a child who is not breastfed will be inferior in health? I'm saying that you can't. There are too many confounding variables, and the extent to which our breastfeeding culture has morphed unattractively into something of an elitist attitude is just astounding. So we're failing our babies if we can't offer the boob? Pardon me, but screw you guys.

It's time that sane moms with minds of their own become the majority.

You are not failing your son. You have done a great job!

It bothers me that so much guilt surrounds breastfeeding. When a mother or baby is ready to stop that should be acceptable. Instead, as mothers we allow ourselves to feel guilty that we didn't do more. This feeling often extends past breastfeeding to many other parts of raising children. As mothers, we need to start accepting ourselves and our choices especially when they are made with our best intentions. More often than not, more is not better, it is just more.

13 months! Give yourself a pat on the back and go out and have a big cocktail. How long do you think you have to do it without feeling guilty?
I think you have done great! He can now drink regular milk and eat food. Give yourself a break.
PS I am currently BF my second child and I will be stopping guilt free around 12-13 months....

.

Don't feel guilty. Being a good parent is means taking care of your needs too. Many kids self wean before this age (mine did at 10 months), eliminating Mom from making the choice to continue or not.

Your little guy will be fine and you both can find other ways for comfort rather than nursing. Some may disagree but in my opinion at his age it's really not about him getting his nutrition from breastmilk.

Take care Mama!

For those that say 13 months is great...BUT you should still feel guilty because you are being disingenuous about the alcohol thing and have other selfish reasons for not breastfeeding longer--Get over yourselves! Shadaisy--please ignore that kind of ignorant response. Mothers beat themselves up enough over so many parenting issues. I began weaning a little over a year old and it was a really nice 4 month process--I was in no hurry--I drank in moderation and just made sure I did not nurse too close to when I drank. I subbed a sippy of milk for her daytime feedings and eventually dropped her a.m. and lastly her p.m. feeding. She did not have a bad reaction at all to it and we worked at it together. That four months was so nice compared to the 9-10 mth old period when she was too busy to nurse and kept freaking me out because I felt like she wasn't eating enough.

And you know what--it is okay to initiate the weaning process --for medical , work related, or some would call "selfish" reasons. It would be worse to keep nursing full time and resent it or your child because you want some more freedom. I felt the same way and I also felt like waiting to wean at 2 or 3 invites some degree of problems because there would be more resistance at this age too. Everyone is different and I am very glad I stuck with breastfeeding until 16 months but everyone has to make that decision for themselves. Good luck!

Shadaisy,

Oh, sweetheart, please, don't feel bad. It's good that you have enjoyed the experience. That is something you will always have. Have that glass of wine and toast to the next phase of mommyhood.

~K.

It's just mom-guilt. We can feel guilty about anything. It doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do, it's just one of our super-powers. Like Catholicism on steroids, or like my jewish friends say... they don't have an angel or a devil sitting on their shoulders... instead they have their jewish mothers sitting on their shoulders constantly saying "Whatareya' THEEENKING?!? How could you DO such a thing?!?"

No, you shouldn't feel guilty, either if you decide to wean, or if you decide to enjoy a small glass of wine. Lots of babies do lose interest on their own, though more commonly it is a process.....

No, dont feel bad. After 13 months, Mommy NEEDS a glass of wine!

I just stopped at 17 months & breastfed all 3 kiddos, I am DONE & don't feel guilty, a year is plenty and for others as myself my son is our last so I wanted that bonding time but recently it got annoying only because he wanted to eat & rub my other nipple, Ugh! NO sorry if it's TMI LOL You were blessed to do it this long, let go and enjoy that glass of wine that you so deserve. Best wishes.

No I don't think you should feel guilty at all about weaning away from breast feeding. My son I was only able to breast feed for 2 months and my daughter for 8. While everyone says that breastfeeding is best for the baby it also has to fit in to your life and lifestyle. You have to feel good about doing it along with your baby enjoying it. If one of you is not happy with it then it is time to quit. You have given your son a great start in life and he will benefit from that for the rest of his life...but now it is time to move on to the next step in both your lives:-) It will be a sad as well as a happy time. But not anything to feel guilty about.

guilty? why?, you could wean and not have to use any formula. It is great that you have made it this far!
However, you might want to hold out until after winter to wean 100%. Maybe just get down to only one or two feedings a day. For your own sake you should do it gradually or it is going to hurt.

You may be getting tired of breastfeeding because it is time to wean him. Not many moms last as long as you have so don't feel guilty. You have many other ways to show your son how much you love him and will provide for him. It's not like you are kicking him out on the street. :)

OMG Kudos for you making it that long. You should be very proud already that you made it that long. I say you should stop and not feel guilty, he should be starting whole milk and regular food anyways. I know you've seen other posts too and it gets harder and harder to get them off the longer you wait. So again Kudos to you again for all your hard work....now go get yourself your favorite bottle of wine and celebrate!!!

Why would you have guilt?
It's your choice what to do with your own body.
Good luck!

I haven't read the other answers so I may sound repetitive but I say....if you wanna quit, quit. You have already bf for a year and your baby appreciates it, some babies are formula from the get go and miss out on all the pros of bfing. But if you are tapped out don't feel bad. It isn't gonna be the same experience if you do it begrudgingly and it may sour your milk. Jk. I have a 7 month old and I barely bf. My milk supply is waning. I don't have time to pump at work so I only nurse her at night when she wakes up crying. And I don't feel bad. She actually prefers the bottle probably because more milk comes out with less effort. Anyway, do what you want and don't feel bad just give your baby healthy food and supplements and stay away from cows milk....good luck

Haha! You've done great and there will be MANY more mom things to feel guilty about down the road. I apologize to my oldest all the time-he's almost 19. So spread the wealth of guilt! After one year your breast milk isn't really giving him that many benefits and your true goal as a mommy is to help him grow up and be independent. So let him have his independence (not that he will like it at first!) and you can have yours.
Good luck!

How often are you nursing? After a year, we slowly decreased feedings and for a while I was just nursing in the morning and before bed and he was getting milk with meals. That way, he went to be at 7 and I could enjoy a glass of wine :)

You have indeed done your job! Great work Mom! He can be weaned to whole milk at this age, or whatever your pedi says. He is probably eating lots of solids well now, and nursing far less, so it should be easier to wean. I did it gradually (when the babies didn't take the initiative) by giving a sippy cup of milk with one meal at a time for a week or two instead of nursing. Start with lunch or dinner, then the other. I then went to breakfast, and the bedtime nursing was the last to go. It will take a while, but it will gradually get him used to drinking from the sippy cup and gradually reduce your supply. Most babies take to this easily. A few will cling to their last nursing time (usually bedtime or morning or for comfort) for a while. Do NOT feel guilty for this natural process. You've given him a great start in life with the best possible nutrition and comforting love.

There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty. Fact is, now that he is over one he can drink cows milk, and even if he was under one formula is just as good. Whether to breast feed, and for how long is a personal choice, and as long as your child is getting the nutrition from somewhere, there is no set time that one should or should not breast feed. I get so sick of people trying to make others feel bad! My boys where only breast fed for 3 months, and than I switched to formula. They are both very healthy, very bonded, active young boys now. We never had a single ear infection. All that stuff is just pure myth! Of course, since your child is over one this should really be a non issue since he is old enough to get his nutrition from regular foods and milk. Do what feels right for you and your family.

Nope - don't feel guilty! You don't need to justify your decision to anyone.

No need to feel guilty, but why would you withhold one glass of wine from yourself? The small amount of alcohol your child would get from that ONE glass is not enough to worry over. Yes, if you were drinking several, but not one. When you are pregnant with your baby they do in fact get the same amount as what you are, but the breasts aren't connected to your child the same way a placenta is. There is an awesome book out there by Dr. Jack Newman (an expert on breastfeeding and issues - way better than the LeLeche Leagues book). He also has a website...check it out! Oh, and if you do decide to go through with the weaning - do NOT give your child formula. Goats milk is closer than cow's milk in make up to breastmilk, and I know sometimes it is hard for that baby to switch, but start out with your breastmilk (yes pump) in a bottle, then slowly add/mix it with a little goats milk added to the bottle, and over time (with each bottle add another tablespoon or two of the goats milk) increase it to the point that they are only having the goats milk. Formula has 23 ingredients, breastmilk has over 200 nutrients - do not short-change your child!

You're not failing him! Breast feeding really only works as long as both parties are interested.
But, you should know that you can enjoy a glass of wine, or two, with out him having any side effects. Wait till he's down for the night (or whenever his longest stretch of sleep is) and enjoy! By the time he's ready to nurse again (especially if he sleeps through the night) the alcohol will be out of your system.
I feel sad that so many nursing mothers feel like they have to give up all the things they enjoy (alcohol, caffeine, the occasional fast food) to nurse their child. Rest easy that you are perfectly able to enjoy a glass of wine while nursing :)

hes old enough to wean, you have done great.....but breastfeeding doesnt mean you cant have wine, it just means you have to be very careful about having wine.

Usually only works with a baby that doesnt drink all day long.

ENGCOURS NOT its just an option

dont feel guilty, you've made it over a year! that's a great milestone!

I wouldnt feel guilty at all, you made it 13 months!!!! I'm just now aproaching month 5.

Feel no guilt. You did GREAT! He may start self weaning soon anyways. Big pat on the back for doing it for so long.

Don't beat yourself up. Really after a year he is not going to benefit from breastfeeding. Up to 12 months is what makes the difference. Just remember this is your choice and don't let anyone make you do anything.

Good luck,
DH

I know what you mean! I felt that way around 18 mo old, I just wanted to be a bit more 'free' but then I did stick it out, until I got very sick at 21 mo and had to wean her asap so I can take some meds to get better. even though I had to do it, and she was almost 2!!! I still felt awful. you did a great job, you stuck out for a long time good for you!!! (you actually can have a small glass of wine and nurse though, esp at his age as he might be nuring less: mine was not but that is another story). you might want to read Mothering your nursing toddler bc that will REALLY make you feel better about nursing someone over a year in the mean time while you figure out how you are going to wean him and what will work best for you both in weaning. xo

Don't feel so bad. Taking care of your self is part of being the best mom you can be for your son. You might get some suggestions about how to approach weaning. I would suggest starting with replacing one feeding a day for a hug and a cup or bottle. Good luck.

Another vote for: Don't feel guilty - good for you for going 13 months!

Politically correct answer: No, don't feel guilty. You DID breastfeed and gave your baby a good start. And I really do commend you for doing so, as so many other women just won't.

Answer from extended breastfeeder (and, yeah, breastfeeding was feeling pretty old at almost 3 years): I would feel guilty. To me, it's more about the baby's health than it is my own comfort or need for separation or alcohol (though a drink now and then doesn't hurt). Breastfeeding will eventually stop. My belief is that it's best to let the baby self-wean... siding with Mother Nature here.

That said, why seek approval? It doesn't matter so much what anyone here says, as you'll still feel whatever it is you're going to feel, because this involves just you and your baby and doesn't effect anyone on Mamapedia aside from maybe being a forum for a moral and political stance. I hope that you'll both be comfortable with whatever decision you make. Much health and happiness to you both.

i think thats just part of bf. when ever that time comes around its full of gulilt. you did an exellent job. the guilt goes away pretty quickly after you decide not to do this anymore. congrasts for doing it so long. you did your job. if you do it for a couple more years its gonna get creepy. after a year sounds like a excellent time to quit. i took a bfing class and was told that if you make it six months you can greatly reduce risks of cancer, learning dissabiltiies and other bennifets from bf for up to six months at least. i would say you reached that marker and went beyond. you really will feel better after a few days.

I wouldn't feel bad at all! Some women give up nursing at 6 months, so I'm surprised you stuck it out this long. Congrats! lol From what I've read, a year of breastfeeding should be adequate, so 13 months is even better. If I were you, I wouldn't feel guilty and you most certainly have done your part :) Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

13 months is a long time... congratulations!!! If there is a part of you that wants to continue longer, then I'd go a bit longer. You only breastfeed for a short time and it provides a life time of health!! To me it's worth it. But if you feel that the time has come to quit. Then go ahead and do it with confidence and don't feel guilty! Enjoy him while he's little because before you know it, their graduating from HS... LOL

Around 1 year I began a slow wean with all of mine until at 14 months they were down to 1 nursing a day. There is nothing to be guilty about. Also, if you want to have fun, but still get some bonding time you can slowly drop to 1 or 2 nursings a day. Choose the feeding he eats the shortest/least at and replace it with milk in a cup for 1 week, then the next week replace another. Also, there is nothing wrong with dropping all the feedings, but the staggered dropping of 1 feeding at a time is still easier on your breast. You have given your baby most of the health benefits breast milk provides already, the rest can be done with cuddles. Plus, isn't it daddy's turn to get some bonding cuddle time with baby? And, isn't it his turn to get up early on the weekend and let you sleep in and make up for a year of early mornings? So, no, don't feel guilty, instead congratulate yourself for giving your baby such a wonderful start to his life!

I wouldn't feel guilty, but then again I made the same decision that you did. By the time my son was a year old I decided I could not pump at work anymore and weaned him from his two remaining day time feedings. Those were hard and he was not happy about it, but it only took 2 days for him to get used to it. I'm not sure what your son's feeding is like currently, but for us subbing a snack for the feeding worked best. A cup of milk was too much like a bottle I think and he was having none of it. So I just gave him milk at meals and it was fine. We moved when he was 13 months old, so I felt like I couldn't completely wean him until we were settled. At 13 1/2 months he just decided he didn't need to nurse before his bath and dropped that feeding. (His bedtime routine was nurse, bath, books, song, bed). So at that point we were down to just the feeding in the morning when he woke up. One morning at about 15 months he just pushed me away and we were done, he never nursed again. Just getting rid of the day feedings was a huge relief for me and since my son goes to bed around 7 I would just wait until after he nursed to have wine and then know it was out of my system by the next morning when he nursed.

I know what you mean about being tired, though. It was a great bonding experience and I loved being able to give him those extra antibodies and stuff, but nutritionally he doesn't really need breast milk anymore and if you feel weighted down by it I think it will affect the relationship. A happy woman makes a better mommy, I think. Congrats on doing so much for him!

First of all I commend you for making it 13 months. That is amazing stuff for your baby. You have done your part. My mom breastfed for over 2 years and it was very hard for her to wean my sisters. Your son is making his own antibodies now and should be getting all he needs from baby food and whole milk or formula. Try not to feel guilty.

No way!! I did it for a year with my first and plan to stop after a year with my now eight month old. Longer is great too, but a year is fine!!! Congrats for making it through the year, if you are ready then go for it:)

No guilt-well done to you for lasting the year.
I felt very proud for lasting three months,I had to stop as my son got thrush in his month which spread to my nipples -painful

So again-Well done
Enjoy your wine-you deserve it
B.

Mmmm... well since you ASKED. Of course 13 months of breastfeeding is fabulous and EVERY Mom goes thru between 2-8 times of just wanting to quit (which if they suck it out and pull thru, it gets better).

But...

Yes, you should feel guilty for allowing yourself to quit because of false information. If you just wanted to quit because you were tired of giving yourself over to your child's needs and nutrition or for any other number of selfish reasons - you should have owned up to that.

But to outright lie or allow yourself to adhere to false information (can't drink alcohol because of breastfeeding) - that was just wrong. You can have 1-2 glasses of wine, as long as you aren't disoriented and drunk at 2 drinks... and your baby would be just fine. Europeans and Japanese drink a lot more than the average American woman... and guess what? Their children are more likely to be breastfed for over 1 year AND score better on scholastic testings than American children. So between the actual biology that is breastfeeding and the actuality that social drinking (not binging or drinking to excess) in every other country does NOT cause an issue - - you should have chosen a better myth/lie to state if you were not going to be honest with yourself and the other Moms on here you chose to ask for advice.

Breastfeeding for 13 months is a great accomplishment and you have done a great thing for you and your son by doing so. I think weaning at this time is very reasonable. If it feels right to you, go for it!