Should I Continue to Work on This Marriage?

You know, marriage is not what it's cracked up to be. They sell you on the concept with the romance and all, but the whole thing is a waste of time. If I were you, I'd dump him. I wouldn't care if my husband cheated, because as far as passion goes, he's lacking in that department.

But as far as your situation, I would get rid of him. If he's blaming you for cheating, how about going out and having a good time? Do it for yourself.

Cheating on you right before you guys were going to be married was really low, but blaming you for it is even worse. I don't know how I would react in a situation like that, but I would like to think that I could be strong enough to realize that I don't need to take that and neither do you. I've been married for almost five years (with my husband for almost 13). We have a beautiful 1 1/2 year old boy and I love both of them dearly, but I don't think that I would be able to stay with him if he were to do something like that. It is never your fault that the other cheated, unless you picked out the girl for him. In any other situation, you are not at fault for his unfaithful ways (or for anything else going wrong in his life). But in the end, it's up to you whether you think it's worth fighting for. Will he cheat again? Will he continue to blame you? What are you kids going to think? These are things to think about.

My story is identical to yours the only difference is that my husband was sexually frustrated b/c we hardly did anything during and after our daughter was born. That was only due to complications and me physically not being able to without extreme pain. And we were only married for a year. It was only once, so they said. But it happened when things were getting better. The fact that it happened at all doesn't make 1 time feel better. I decided to work things out. It's been 2 years now and I want out! I guess he feels that since it is out in the open now I can get over it but I can't. Especially when I'm under suspicion b/c he thinks it's payback time (men are so evil). I don't like checking his statements & cell phone. It's more work then its worth. I'm a very confident person and with him I'm insecure. I'm very outgoing and friendly but now, any girl who resembles anything of that slut, I am nasty to or really mean. And that's not me. It would have been so much easier to let go before. Now, I feel like I let too much time go by. Your husband only slept with her once b/c he felt guilty is BS. That's not an excuse. He should have said after the 1 time he realized it was wrong. Guilt is an emotion that can subside. Right or wrong never changes. I wish you so much luck with your situation and mine.

I was with my Husband before we got married for 5 yrs. Things were not good (I knew it then). He is just like your husband, didn't accept responsiblity for his own actions, etc. For some stupid reason, I married him ,anyway...It is 5 yrs later, and I have filed for a Divorce, couldn't take it anymore. In the meantime, I am off work on disablity because the everyday stress became too much. I have 2 children (1 by him, 1 from a previous relationship.) I filed for a Divorce in April, 2006, and it has been HELL trying to Divorce a man who won't let go...I can't tell you what to do, but I am 100% sure, he won't change, unless he admits there is something that needs to be changed; (what are those odds?)Think of Your Health, Your Mental Health, and Do what is best for yourself and those darling children that depend on you to protect them and do the right thing...

First of all if you been with him for 6 1/2 years and you was having problems, that was a clue that things were not going to get better once you married him. So now that you are married things are out of wack and you should try and give it a chance,because you've made a commitment and have to stick with it, if not for you for your children. I f you feel thin gs are generaly not going to work between you and your husband then I suggest you should both go your seperate ways. Good Luck and I hope for the best.

No. Absolutely not. Don't you think you ad those boys deserve more than that?

Hi D.

I just want to say one thing, i always here "leave him", "stay for the kids", and my favorite is "well you knew him before you got together". But to tell you the truth we don't what they are doing when they leave the house. My husband cheated on me and had a baby by this girl. It was very hard on me because I told him if you are going to cheat I rather you leave me then bring a child into this world and you cheated. Well I found out and I was crushed. I spoke to the other woman who was told all kinds of things. She is younger then me and has other children from different men. That showed me right there that she was very young and would believe anything a man says. But when i asked my husdand he could not look at me in the face so I knew it was true.(I found out on my own). He told me they were no longer together and that he was sorry and and would never do it again. I could not take it and could never believe him again. I packed all his clothes,everthing he ever gave me and put them in bags and told him to get out of my house and out of my life. Can you believe that he he didn't want to go. I told him no one will love more then I have loved you. I still love him but I will never be in love with him. I keep that door closed. We have 2 boys and a girl together and he has an older daughter and the love child son. I has been very hard because I was a single mom when we met so I knew I could do the single mom thing again which I never had a problem doing. He has to gain my trust again which to be real about it has taken now 3 years to gain. But my mom always says these words. To forgive is to forget which I have not done. And he know that. So if you still have doubt in the back of your head that he is still cheating or he says it only happened once, that is hard to swallow.(we never had a problem in the bedroom). But I think because of the line of work he does(works in a night club) it was very easy to get it because it was thrown in his face all the time he took it. But all this took a lot for me to take in. When I found out I took an AIDS test every 6 months for 3 years. Taking the test made me sick because the trust was gone and I never believed him that it was over because they have a child together which he is very involed in his life. And I've asked him to leave so many times and have told him why I want him out of our lives. So to end my story, you have to believe in your heart and soul that the realationship is over so you can have a happy life or stay and be miseable until the kids are 18 and have moved out. Don't stay because of the kids. (kids will know that you are unhappy or happy, they feel it). He has choosen to stay and work things out for us not the kids. Remember the kids will be fine don't let anyone tell you different. The kids will understand that you and him don't love each other but love the kids more. We are still together but it has been hard and it is still hard because he knows that I'm not in love with him but I do love him. Should he ever leave I and the kids will miss him. But he will never be out of my life because of the kids. So should you continue to stay and work on the marriage? That question yourn heart will help you not the kids. I've learned to listen to my kids when they were listening to me cry at night after all this happened. I hope this helps. Good luck :) Let me know how it goes. I hope I was a little help. So

its hard to say whether or not you should try to work it out.. no one on this website can really know how things are between you both..so i wouldnt want to tell you what to do , but you need to know what would make you content in the long run...we're only on this earth once so do whatever it is that will make YOU happy. He is probably blaming you because he cant put the blame on himself ..most men are like that unfortunately.. my husband who tends to go out and get drunk everytime we fight always blames me when something happens (like getting into a fight, losing money, bla bla bla) because he says if i never fought with him he would have never went out and got drunk...the bottom line is that it has nothing to do with you.. you didnt throw him into bed with this woman ..he needs to own up to his mistake and probably should get counseling if he REALLY feels its your fault. but hes probably just saying that even though he knows it was his fault.
If you yourself can get past the fact that he cheated even though its something you will carry with you forever, then try to work it out... but if you know deep down that you will always have a resentment towards him, which is totally normal then maybe you should seperate especially for the childrens sake because im sure it will affect them .
if my husband cheated there is no way i would forgive him and i would definately divorce him.. but everyone is different and there are millions of poeple who work through that so it all depends on you and how you feel. just dont waste your life being miserable ..im sure you know what the right thing to do is so just go with your instinct
good luck with everything..

Every adult is responsible for their own behavior.An adult takes responsability and owns their mistakes.You need to own your mistakes so others can forgive you.. It is your own call what you should do, you do what is best for you and your boys. Remember you desire to be in a healthy, trusting and loving relationship. Do what you feel is best for you and makes you happy. Best wishes..