Should I Be Concerned About These Behaviors?

I think the trigger is that he's 2 and gets attention from the tantrums. When my kids were 2, they often didn't like new things. A hayride would have been hit or miss in this house. In fact, I sat out of my family hayride this year with my 20 month old b/c he cried when he was lifted into the wagon. I'd treat most of them very matter of factly and not fight him on them (i.e. wearing his costume). Don't try to console him or talk him into going too much either; by the time they are throwing a tantrum, they can't even process what you're saying. Take him out of the situation and let him cool off on his own. Then tell him "if you don't like something tell Mommy, but you are not to act like that again - got it? You tell me 'Mom, I don't like it'" Give him the exact wording and have him repeat it. Or use a sign of some sort to communicate with you. He'll get it -- eventually!

He sounds like a typical 2 year old. Which means he has unusual fears? If only we knew what a 2 year old was thinking. Maybe just focus on consoling him and not forcing him into fearful (fearful for him) situations until he is old enough to understand.

Maybe sensory sensitive... ?
Or some kids are just REAL routine oriented...
at this age as well, they naturally and developmentally develop "fears." It is developmental based.
BECAUSE, This is the age/time in which their imagination also changes and their cognition. So while it may be something scary to them, it may not make literal sense, to an adult.
But to the child, it is tangible.

My son, and my daughter at that age... got like that too.
My daughter though, was more sensory sensitive. Not a lot... but enough.
My son, is a routine oriented child... adventurous... but not with certain things.
Children and "transitioning" is not something that is automatically easy, for some.
Both my kids... reacted the way your son does... at that age.
Both my kids... are very attuned to their surroundings and 'vibes' of things... and they KNOW themselves. So, I know what I know about them...and its fine. No biggie. Because my kids are themselves.. .and I teach them to trust their instincts....

Think of it this way: at this age and older and younger, at Christmas time... toddlers are known to get MEGA afraid of the Santa at the Mall and won't want to go near him or take pictures with him. Both my kids were like that at that age. My son, is now 4... and last year he was still 'scared' of the Santa at the Mall.

My son, last year at 3 years old, did NOT want to wear a Halloween costume either. It scared him. NO biggie. It is just him. He is like that. I KNOW that about him. It doesn't mean something is "wrong" with him.
This year, now, he is sort of 'excited' about wearing a costume. So we will see. I won't know until the actual time comes.

To me, your son is fine.

all the best,
Susan

My goodness, Shira P. is usually a rock steady source of common sense, but I think she's off in left field on this one. Let's take a deep breath and remember that stress is the most contagious disease you can spread to your child.

First: Is he an only child?
Before you start worrying about SPD, which you can have him tested for, remember that coping with transition is a learned behavior. Dealing with transition seems to come easier for kiddos in multiple child families because they have a direct role model to learn from.

Even if he does have a sensory disorder, you can help him learn to cope better if you understand where he is coming from. And you will have an easier time coping too. All that drama over every change must have you on pins and needles. SPD can be tough, my nephew has it, but most kids without SPD can give the same over the top reactions to situations they don't know how to deal with.

The book that helped me with my oldest way back when he was an only child 2 yr old, is called The Happiest Toddler on the Block.

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. Some kids are just fearful - at that age my son would freak out and shake on an elevator! He still won't go on a swing and he's almost three. Also, at this age they assert their independence and opinion - sometimes in the form of tantrums... Check w/ your ped to feel better, but don't worry (hard to do!).

A two year old that doesn't transition well and resists change?? Sounds like a normal two year old. Both of my kids went through periods where they did not want to do new things. My younger one is definitely the more vocal of the two. Even at ages 1 and 2, we could not get her into this little cow costume we had that her sister had worn. Both of my kids went through phases where vacations were a problem because they did not want to be away from home. The younger one developed a fear of balloons at a birthday party this past summer, and she won't go anywhere that there are balloons (they played a game where they popped the balloons, and the older kids just kept popping them. it didn't help that she had just been terrified by fireworks two days before.) She turned three at the end of August, so she is still pretty young. Point being, if he does well within his comfort zone and in his normal routine, he is probably just cautious. A lot of the things we do that we think will be fun for our kids is really just stressful. My youngest is happiest when she is just running around outside.

I think this can still be in the normal stage, he mat have been tired and not up to ab adventure or could have been overstimulated and not in for something so different..
We had a neighbor who had a little girls like this and she just needed to skip the first time at a new event.. Or sit out and watch others do these new activities.. Her mom would just sit on a bench with her daughter on her lap while the rest of us, went on the adventure.. It usually helped that our daughter was all over new things. Once our friends daughter saw that our daughter was having so much fun, she was willing to give it a try..

This girl is now VERY adventurous and very self assured, she is in college and travels alone out of the country 2 times a year.. In High school she was The Drum Major, Class President.. She was amazing.. no more shy and timid child anywhere to be seen..

I don't know much about it, but you might read up on Sensory Processing Disorder. My sister's son, is having some similar issues and the Dr. thinks he might have this.

No jumping involved here. Evalaution is a win win. You either find out for sure, from a trained professional that you have nothing to worry about, or you walk out knowing exactly what to do to help your son get the help he needs to flourish, based not on fear or specualtion, but data.

If I were you, take the speech delay, the other behaviors, and the recomendations of your teacher and call a Developmental Pediatrician and get an evaluation. It will take six months to get in more than likely, so if he just happens to have all this go away before then, you have your answer. In the mean time, if you see anything that you think could benefit from more speech or some occupational therapy, just get it while you wait. Does not matter much what the diagnosis is, therapy is all based on symptoms. He may have some issues with vestibular processing if rides are an issue, sometimes an OT can help with that, and an OT could see him and evaluate long before a Developmental Pediatrician could. You may also want to explore some private speech therapy in addition to EI, state services are not usually all kids need.

Last, don't try to diagnose him yourself. Keep a list of what concerns you, and let a DP do the diagnosing, and forget about thinking that something is wrong, there is far more right here, even if he can be helped with a diagnosis and some intervention.

M.

Isn't there something wrong?
These behaviors you have described here . .
are they right?
Getting some assistance with finding out
what triggers these behaviors isn't jumping to conclusions.
It's getting a handle on what kinds of things you can do
to help your son be less fearful, to be able to handle changing situations.
I don't understand why you aren't interested -- !! -- in finding out
what causes these reactions in your son.

Actually, Shira is on point, and so is the teacher. Many things can trigger a toddler's tantrum or unusual behavior. Transitions are a hard thing for toddlers to begin with. He might need more help with them. I would suggest keeping a journal of his daily schedule and activities and write down the times he has meltdowns. Have his teacher do this in school as well. Do it for 3 weeks. It will be really beneficial for his speech therapist or OC to have so that they can look for patterns in behavior. You might even be able to figure them out yourself by doing this. I have done this to pinpoint triggers in my toddler classroom and have been able to meet the needs of the children more effectively; by learning what their strengths are so I can build on those so that they can learn to better manage their fears. Sometimes it is exposure that can help prevent a meltdown; for example being able to play freely with the costume before putting it on him might help him. But to me it sounds like the costume might have been itchy or uncomfortable and he didn't have the words to describe that. We all have fears and preferences, and some of us adults even have irrational fears...and we learn to manage by pinpointing our triggers and then avoiding them. Good luck!

2 1/2 year olds can be pretty quirky. I would think this is a stage and it
will pass. If you will be doing something new, you might want to talk
to him about it before hand. Some kids just do not do change very well.

My daughter was always fearless. Loved to try anything new and was never afraid. Then came my DS and the first time I took him for a pony ride at age 18 months at a pumpkin patch, he freaked out and I stodd next to him. O.K. no big deal. That Christmas we all went to Disneyland and again wouldn’t go on anything except the stationery Dumbo but he had me sit in it first to make sure it was “safe”. He wouldn’t even get on the carousel!

My DH was worried because his DD was fearless from day 1 and here his son is afraid of everything! I told him we cannot push him that he would get on a ride or a pony when HE was ready. By the way, my son was speech delayed but with early intervention caught up quick.

We continued to expose him to things and we figured as he got a little older and he saw his sister going on rides, etc. he would eventually want to try it.

Well last Christmas he had just turned 4 and we all went to Disneyland again. OMG you would have thought I had a different kid because he wanted to go on anything and everything he could go on! It absolutely floored me and DH. The first ride he went on with his sister was the carousel and he LOVED it!

I believe in part it was the fact we didn’t push, keeping him exposed to stuff he was fearful of and his maturity level. We went by his timeline.

Did EI evaluate him for any other issues or just speech? If there were no other evaluations, and you have concerns, have him evaluated. No harm in it. If the speech therapist is able to get through to him and he is making progress it may be just normal 2 year old behavior. If I were you I would want to know for sure.

Good luck,
R.

I'm with the get him evaluated camp.

My daughter could not handle transitions at all when she was that age. She's now 6, and they still don't come easy to her.

BTW, she has Asperger's. I didn't get her evaluated until she was 4.5 because everyone told me her behavior was with normal range (teachers, pediatrician, etc). Finally, I listened to my inner voice and had her assessed. My only regret was that I didn't get her assess a year earlier when I first started thinking something was up.

She's responded to therapy REALLY well. I have a totally different child now. Yes, part of it is that she's matured, but MOST of it was the help she received!

Get her son assessed, then you'll know!

C.
www.littlebitquirky.blogspot.com

Try to think about getting him evaluated in a different mindset. Instead of fearing a label, see it as getting help for you to know how best to help him. Any therapy needs to be parent training - so you can work with him on a daily basis, not just 30 minutes twice a week. As well, he will be more at peace if he can be given tools to understand what is so hard for him.