I am divorced from my ex-husband since January.
He asked to reconcile and I was elated. We had a rough beginning but now everything seems to go ok.
End of last month (28th March) I had a dental procedure done and was put on antibiotics.
That messed up my cycle and bcp and I just took a test and it showed another line. I am pregnant :(.
I am shaking. I so did not want to have another baby. Maybe years down the road if we really work out, but not in the middle of our reconciliation :( process.
I don't know what to do. I am terrified of telling him because I'm worried he'll think I did it on purpose. Which I 100% did NOT do.
I can't think straight!
I have PCOS and have a very hard time getting pregnant when trying (I already have kids), and now, in such a unsure time it happens like this?!
I am totally lost :(! Anyone been in my shoes yet? Or similar?
What do I do?
Wow! Someone upstairs is maybe making a big statement?
Seriously, I haven't been there (I'll bet few have) but this apparently IS what you need when you need it!
Congratulations!
Well, you are reconciling, so apparently it was meant to be. Don't tell him yet if you dont feel comfortable with the way the relationship is going.... you have time to let him know when it's right.
Warning: I'm going to be blunt.
He told you he wants to reconcile. You were elated. You're pregnant so you've clearly had sex, which means you didn't "do this on purpose" all by yourself. Sex takes two people and even the best birth control fails sometimes when used properly.
So forgive me here, but considering the length of time that's elapsed and what all that's been said and, uh, done I think it's safe to say that you're past the "middle" part of your reconciliation and have been for a while. You're all out reconciled. The horse done left the barn.
Now, you have PCOS which we know makes it so close to impossible to get pregnant and here you are with a miracle pregnancy.
Maybe things are not perfect financially and you don't know with 100% certainty that things will work out or that he'll be happy about the pregnancy, but I believe everything will work out.
In the event that you keep the pregnancy, I believe that you ought to take as good care of yourself as possible and that includes reducing stress. And not telling your (ex)husband seems to be the source of your stress. Please don't wait to tell him. It will just give you more time to become more anxious, and that would be bad for you and the baby (high blood pressure).
Plus, the sooner you know his reaction the better and the sooner you can make a life decision for the family as well as discuss how to handle the pregnancy together. He has a right to know and to be given the chance to prove that he's really ready to step up and be a family again by being a support system for you one way or another.
Edited to add: I meant to include before that I would suggest marriage counseling. It can only help you both with communication and to work through your issues with a neutral third party.
I've found that some of my biggest blessings were ones I didn't even know I wanted.
Tell your DH basically what you told us. Tell him you're scared. Talk to him like you would talk to your best friend. Everything will be ok :)
Blessings
I am a product of this very same thing! :) My parents got divorced and afterwards decided to try to be friends again (very good friends apparently :)) and my mom found out shortly after, she was pregnant with me so they stayed married for another 18 years, 30 years total. I have two older brothers and one younger one. Congratulations...it will all be good in the long run! I know it seems screwed up right now, but this happened for a reason. Maybe this baby is what will keep you two together happily. :)
I also want to add that you should probably talk to your husband right away so you can have support. I wouldn't think it would be a good idea to keep something so important from him, especially when you two are trying to reconcile. What may seem scary right now, will turn into a wonderful blessing. Maybe this will be your child that you have a super strong bond with and grow up to be your very good friend. I also want to add that I am so glad my mother chose to have me and didn't abort or give me up for adoption. It takes a strong person to deal with what life hands you sometimes and you know, you wouldn;t be handed this, if you couldn't handle it!! :)
How ungrateful of you, to complain about an unplanned, poorly timed pregnancy!! How dare you! And yes, this is 100% sarcasm :-)
I'd say this is the true test of whether or not you two should be together. You have to tell him, and the sooner, the better. His response to your pregnancy will tell you a lot about his true character.
Take a deep breath and realize you are where you are at this moment for a reason..and everything happens for a reason..it may not be to keep you two together...but enjoy this gift regardless of the reason it is being given to you!
K.
You should do whatever YOU decide is the best thing for you. Not your ex and not those of us answering this question. If you don't want another baby, you do not need to have one. Both adoption and abortion are safe and legal options. If you decide you want to have a baby, you can do it by yourself or with your ex - whichever you decide will be best.
The suspense of what will happen will hurt you more then to just talk about it and get it out in the open. It will be okay.....it was no accident, something was meant to be to make this become a miracle in your life.
Stop complaining. There are so many people that would love to be in your shoes. Babies are ALWAYS a blessing. If the guy is worth it, he'll come around. It's okay to be shaken for like 5 seconds. But this is your child and it's already happening. Congrats!
No, haven't been in your shoes....
I can say CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Tell him - he deserves to know the truth - taking antibiotics while taking BCP makes it less effective.....if he can't handle the truth - then he's not the right one for you....you CAN do this.
I know I don't know you or your DH, but I do know God is the author of life and that he has a plan for this baby. So, my best advice to you is to thank him for this new life and ask him to fully restore your marriage. And just think, how awesome to have a "reconciliation" baby... you might want to name her Winifred which is Welsh for "reconciled." Take care and best of luck : )
I have not been in your shoes, but I have thought often about what I would do if I found out I was. Here is my honest opinion. It is completely your decision whether to have another baby now or not. You have a choice here, remember that. If you choose to have this baby, you need to think about the possible outcomes once your ex finds out, and how you would handle those possibilities. You need to think about if this man is the type of man that will believe you that this was not planned or on purpose. If you can't trust him enough to tell him this news and work through this situation together, is your relationship going to last, or was the divorce the best outcome? If you can trust him with this information, then you should be able to work through this together.
I would wait a few weeks to see what comes next, and not say a thing to him for now. I would keep in mind that abortion is legal. I would find out the closest place that performs that service and find out what the requirements are and make plans. And then, again, I would wait a few weeks before making any decision. This is a major decision, and that's hard, but you have choices, and that's good.
Take deep breaths and take things one day at a time. At least you are on the path to reconciliation. You will be fine, and I agree with Linda.
He can think what he wants to think and if he doesn't trust you or want to stay with you....he can leave. I hope this will not be the case. I have NOT been in your shoes, but suggest that you tell him and get it over with.
He's the one who wanted to reconcile....right?
Blessings.....
I agree 100% with K.R. that this is the ultimate test if he actually wants to reconcile or not.
But you do need to breath, try to stop shaking, go get a milkshake or something to help calm you. . . minus the alcohol ;)
YOUR A MOM AGAIN!!!! YAY!!! A baby! you get that wonderful bundle of joy!!!
Just breathe..... whatever you decide,,is your choice. But I do want to give you some warning of what might hurt you a lot. Be prepared for when you tell him, that he suggests it isnt his baby. I dont know your personal history or life so I certainly wont judge, but just be prepared for him to think it isnt his. I can imagine that would hurt my feelings a lot and make it hard to want to be with him, but I think its sorta a normal thought in a guys head when youve been "on a break" . My best to you.
A baby is a blessing but also a lot of work to care for. Take a few days and reflect on your options if he is supportive or if he isn't, maybe write in a journal. When you have a good idea what you want to do then talk to him and tell him how you feel. If you stay together I recommend marriage counseling so you can have a stronger relationship and resolve past problems.
If you plan to keep the baby then you just need to tell him the truth. But I say that everything happens for a reason and who knows-- your ex may be thrilled. Go to counseling if you need to, enjoy your new baby and let the chips fall where they may. Everything will work out for the best.
Congrats and be happy.
