My little brother was adopted from a very young age and he suffered development issues due to the lack of maternal bonding during his infancy and early childhood. I believe this is called the adoption attachment disorder. He ended up needing years of therapy (I believe he started when he was only 3) and he was even institutionalized a couple of times. He is now a well adjusted adult overcoming obstacles.
"I have heard on several occassions that children who missed even the earliest of maternal bonding will need to go back to that in order to move forward. So, while you have to love your children equally, you have to treat them individually, and right now, she may need the coddling and comfort in order to progress."
I 100% agree with this statement.
Now, my parents also got judged a lot by friends/family. They were never able to explain the situation to the point of anyone understanding. Even parents of non special needs children get judged for various reasons, You really just have to do lots of research to make sure you are doing what is best for her development, if you are then great, but if not, then make some changes.
In reality though, it is interesting that other people would try and comfort your child while you are there handling the situation. I think, if it was me, I would just say "Thanks, but we got it under control."
http://www.adoption.org/adopt/adoption-attachment-disorde...
I don't know what church you go to, but at our church, when someone is going through a situation, they have a little memo email that may explain the needs of that particular family. For instance, if someone just had a baby and needs meals that week, or someone is moving and needs help, someone's husband is away for a while and needs help with the kids during the services... if you have an option like that, you could maybe express that your child is having some hardships, but per her counselors/Dr recomendations, she is needing to not be babied by non family members at this time.