Sexual Orientation with Kids

First of all, the toys your son wants to play with and the color shirt he likes doesn't mean that he's gay.

Secondly, kudos to you for being open and accepting of your kid.

Thirdly, show your son that gay people are just a normal part of life. When he notices that there are different kinds of families, note that some people only have a mom, some live with their grandparents, some live with two moms or two dads. Make sure he knows that you love him no matter what, and that he can tell you anything and you won't reject him. I would let him know that you reject his father's beliefs about the roles of men and women (honestly, I would do that even if you weren't worried about him being gay).

Finally, kids are cruel to each other. If it's not about being gay, it's about something else. But I truly believe in my heart of hearts that if your son knows that you will accept him no matter what (gay, straight, really super into electric purple) it will give him a good grounding to deal with whatever comes his way.

Good luck.

All of my gay friends knew they were gay early on. However, it is also very common for kids to explore without anything to do with sexual orientation. Let's face it, girls have better accessories than boys, and purple is a pretty nifty bright color! These are not reasons to assume your son is gay, and neither is sensitivity (my brother is extremely sensitive and emotional and very straight - it's just who he is).

Instead of worrying about whether or not he is gay, which you probably won't know for sure until he is older anyway, take the time now to teach your son how to be confident in who he is. Don't let him see that you are worried about him - instead, teach him to be proud of himself. Build his self-esteem, encourage him to express himself, and let him know that you will always love him no matter what. This is not a talk you should have - it is an ongoing effort to make sure he grows up knowing that, no matter what, he is an awesome person and he can handle what life throws at him. Your goal is to raise a confident, happy, self-sufficient, good person. If you give him these skills, you will be giving him a blessing no matter who he loves when he grows up. Good luck.

Your son will know when it is right for him...I wouldn't even be questioning his orientation now...all little boys like dress up, having worked at a daycare if what you have described is an indicator then every boy in daycare was LOL!!! It will be ok...no matter if he is, as a momma you have to be his rock and biggest supporter. Also a sensitive child is no indication, you should never shame him about his emotions but you can have gentle talks about how to appropriately display his emotions. My son is very hetero and will be 15 this Dec...he has loved purple since he was 4 ish...not an indicator! My father wears pink ties...he is pretty hetero too = ) There is nothing wrong with worrying as a mom or even about thinking about the future...but we need to not stress over things beyond our control...take care!

How old is your son? While there are some people that know that they are gay from an early age, there are some that don't know it until adulthood. The things that you are saying actually don't make me think that he is gay. Purple isn't a bad color, and being sensitive isn't bad either. Does he cry in front of friends too, or just parents? Kids will always find something to tease about. Just make sure that he knows you love him no matter what, even if he is a straight sensitive guy, and make sure that the lines of communication are open. And whatever you do, don't let his dad compound the problem by focusing on anything that he is doing.

I dont know how old your son is, but I can tell you when I was young my brother and I use to play "girls" and he would dress up in a wig and a dress, and he is straight. So I don't think playing dress up has to do with sexual preferances, just like my 11mnth old son like the color pink, its his favorite color, it doesnt mean anything. Oh and I was 12 when I reliesed i was bi-sexual and 21 whenI told my parents if that helps.

Love your child as he is. He is still young. Purchase that purple shirt!

I have a cousin that has always been a sharp dresser, but not gay. He worked for a mens store in high school, so he could get a discount on the latest and greatest clothes.

He ended up in the Army and missed all of those great clothes, but now he is married with a grown son and still dresses to the nines..

Being gay now does not have the stigma it used to, thank goodness. There is zero tolerance for any bullying.. So if your son teases others or others tease him, make sure they are dealt with right away.

Let him know you love him the way he is. That as long as he is a good person always doing his best, that is what you are hoping he will grow up to be.

It all depends on his age, all children are curious about what society considers the social norm for the opposite sex. In other countries men hold hands openly where in the US this is unacceptable behavior. He may be extra sensitive but who wouldn’t want their man to be more in tuned with their feelings? Instead of focusing on the stereotype just continue to be the best parent you can and I am sure he will be fine

Well, first of all, we have to know his age. If he is 15 and doing some of those things....then "maybe" a reason to talk to him, but if he is still young...NOTHING to worry about.
I used to work retail, bleh, and during the holidays our store would always have all these glittery, fancy, shiny clothes. Children would come in with their mothers and be SO excited by the beautiful clothes! Boys and girls alike would finger the shirts and exclaim, Mom!! THIS is the most beautiful shirt EVER! It was very cute.
While I certainly understand your concern I don't think there is much you can do about it. You just let him know as he is growing up that he is in a safe place. If you see things on the news (gay marriages or gay pride parades ect) that you never speak opposed to them. Don't go on and on about it either, lol, but if asked about it always speak with an open mind. let him know that you are not judgemental about it. Also, know, that A LOT of people are gay, are in loving/wonderful relationships, have children, good jobs...ect. So, IF your child is....then he will be okay.
Yes, school I think would be a concern...but again, always reassure your child that his safe place is his home. If someone in his life can not accept it, or berrates him for it, than they don't belong in his life.
L.

Good for you for being open! Your son will be able to be who he really is regardless of what that may be, and that's perhaps the best gift we can give our kids. Given that, I still wouldn't think much of it at age 9. If you see him sporting your earrings or shoes or something again, you may just say, "Wow -that certainly gives you a whole new look!" -See what he says about it. Go buy the purple shirt! My husband loves purple and so do a lot of other heterosexual men. There's a chance he may not be gay at all, but transgendered. That one can be hard to wrap your mind around, but it basically means that he won't want sexual relationships with other men -he'll go after women, BUT he will feel like a woman in that he will want to wear women's clothes, etc. BUT again, I wouldn't think much of anything at this age. Even if he is identifying as gay right now, keep the lines of communication open, keep your open-mindedness, and things will be fine!

You didn't say how old he is. It is very typical for little boys to do this sort of stuff. I wouldn't ask him anything at a young age. IF he turns out to be gay, then he'll likely tell you when he's an older teenager.

Wow my son is 12 and likes pink and purple and cries sometimes. Being gay is the farthest thing from my mind!! I think your mind is working in overtime and you are being overly cautious. Just let him be a little boy, that is what he is. You will really make him uncomfortable if you start hovering over him because of your thoughts. Probably what his real problem is is he is trying to measure up. Just let him be a kid.

I wouldn't worry. What will be will be. There are plenty of creative people who like all sorts of colors and it has no bearing on their sexuality. With most animals, it's the males who have the brightest, most flamboyant coloring/feathers most of the time. Peacocks are gorgeous but it's the females who are a drab brown. Just love your son and let him know he can talk to you about anything.

My brother is very attracted to purple as well and he is deffinatly NOT gay.....it would be okay if he was but he is 20 and has had neumourus girlfriends throughout his life. I would watch for things like they way he looks at boys his age, if he preffers to hang out with girls, etc. It would be easier to answer your question if you told us what age he is but i remember when i was five i had a friend who lived in my apartment complex that would preffer to play with me and my girl friends than to play with boys.....and come to find out in high school he is gay. even my dad said he knew something wasnt right about the boy when he always asked to play at my house.......even if he is its okayyy. i would only ask if he is the appropriate age. good luck :)

Your son will be who he is and teach him that it's perfectly acceptable for him to be whomever he is all of the time. There is no need to be concerned with his sexuality. If you're curious if your son is likes boys or girls for that matter romantically why not just ask him if he's interested in either? 9 years old may seem too young but most of the time children know if they are interested in either the opposite sex, same sex, or both in a more than friends type of way. If you discover things either one way or the other the most important thing you can ever do is support and love your son for whomever he is and whatever interests be it people or hobbies, he has.

I would suggest looking online for websites about coming of age and discuss them with him. You could tell him about people you know of, whether famous or you know personally, who don't fit the mold and that each person has to look at their own heart to figure out what's right in their own lives. As with hetero relationships, it is always a good idea to stress that each person has to be willing and mature enough to date or flirt or any level of romantic activity. I am pretty sure my own kids will turn out straight, but I've got close friends who are not, and I want my kids to set an example of acceptance and behaving as if sexual orientation is something that is part of our nature (nothing to criticize). After all, could YOU switch teams? All of the gay people I've known would love the easy choice of going straight, but it's a lie to who they are and causes enormous internal turmoil. I hope your son is straight, for his own comfort trying to fit into this culture, but if he is not, he's got a great mom who loves him, and that's a HUGE benefit. If you are able to open the conversation at this age, even better! If there's a chance you can get counseling for him during the rough years, like 12-15, that might give him one more place where he can really talk to someone. (((Hugs!)))

my brother in law said he always knew he was gay, ever since he was very small and had a crush on Atreyu from the Neverending Story.

I mean, at 9 he might already know, but he might also just like things that are purple and experimenting with looks. I wouldnt worry about it, just keep showing him you love him no matter what.

crying at this age is normal for boys....hopefully it will come to an end before teen years! We saw this in both of our sons....& saw that it was "normal" when attending scouts, sports, etc. Nothing to worry about!

As for color choices, whoop-de-doo! My husband has shirts in all different colors. I remember when one of my sons' friends loooved pink - the other guys harassed him - but he truly loved the color! Wore it all the time, has had many girlfriends. Color does not determine or predict sexual orientation! In fact, all of the girls in our family have gone thru a "black" phase - clothing, shoes, underwear, bedroom furnishings....everything - & most of them have gone thru a "girlie" phase or a "tomboy" phase (or both). It had no effect on their orientation.

None of these preferences are indicators. Trying on earrings, scarves, etc are all just natural extensions of childhood's curiousity! Our older son was ??10?? when he got his ear pierced, 17 for his 1st tattoo. Thru his childhood years, he played dress-up by himself & with friends/family. Our younger son has no interest in body piercings or tattoos. He also has enjoyed playing dress-up ....like his older brother. In fact, he recently spent the week with friends & showed me pics of how all of them (2 boys & 2 girls) had makeovers! & now that I think about it, I also have photos of my older son in makeup....courtesy of his cousin!

These are all fun, innocent examples of childhood curiousity. If your son should make a life choice for homosexuality, it will not be based on fluff. It will come from his heart & soul. & I am thankful that in today's world, these choices are accepted & more mainstream than 20 years ago. I am 47, one of my best friends from childhood has "been gay" since he was ?about 20. He still is unable to publicly admit/acknowlege this fact. & he should be proud....he & his partner have been together for almost 30 years! What an achievement in today's world. They are both productive, active men.....& yet still feel a sense of taboo.

By contrast, 6 years ago, the daughter of one of our friends approached her parents & told them that there was a girl on her team that she would like to date. She said that she had felt an attraction to girls before & wanted to know "how" they felt about it. Her parents sat down with her, told her that she was making a life choice which only she could make, & that they would support her 100%. Prior to this discussion, their daughter had been withdrawn & very insecure. The difference before/after was amazing: after speaking with her parents, she blossomed! She was happy, carefree, & glowed! I applaud the entire family for having an open & prejuidice-free relationship!

When comparing my childhood friend to this family, I am amazed at the difference in attitude & opinions toward orientation.....just one generation later. Yes, there is still harassment in peer groups....there always will be. It's not always about sexual orientation....anybody who makes a life choice "out of the box" is open to harassment.

My older son has battled a degenerative hip disease since age 6, he is scheduled for a hip replacement next month - at age 23. His entire childhood was based on this disability....& how others responded to it. Fathers of other children were the worst! We live in a small town, heavy on sports involvement. The other fathers would actually slap my son on the shoulder & say, "so why aren't you out there on the field?" & every single one of these dads witnessed my son in a wheelchair, on crutches, in castings! But they still found time to harass him over not being on the field! OMG, I wanted to ......aargh! Anyway, my son is a very strong soul. He would look them straight in the eye, slap his hip, & say, "because of my hip, remember?" & then would walk away. I know I shouldn't say this, BUT I am still proud of how well he put them in place! Kudos to him!

As for your son, keep an open relationship. Talk about everything under the sun! Don't even bring up your thoughts & fears.....they're yours to keep. My older son's friends are shocked at how much he tells us/shares with us. The other night, I was going thru a box of keepsakes & I found his stash of notes from age 16....from his ex-girlfriend, no less. I took a pic of the stash & send it in a text. The group he was with was horrified!! Could not believe that he thought it was funny that I found them & was looking at them! & obviously, they were not private - because he was the one who put them in MY keepsake box 5 years ago! I had forgotten that he had saved them & had given them to me for safekeeping...... & that's the best part of sharing heart & soul with your children. They feel safe & comfortable, & hopefully, one day, they will instill that treasure in their own children! I sincerely wish you Peace!

WE would discover my son wearing my earings, makeup and little outfits, too. To my knowledge he is very not gay and he doesn't really dress like that anymore. (Almost twenty). I guess he was just being fun.His older brother would pick on him. What I know however is he is very masculine and goes out with lots of girls both as friends and romantic. Your uncle or whomever may have known at that young age, but not everyone is the same. I have met people that have effeminate qualities and they were not gay. But I would love him, too if he was. Sad that that should be an issue at such a young age because there really is no need to be concerned about his sexuality. What is, is. And if he were to evolve and father is 'homophobic' then the man would clearly miss the most important treasure on this earth. His wonderful loving son.