Yes/no to My 14 Yr Old Having Boy Friend Come to Our House Who Is Possibly Gay?

I had two gay guys as friends....in the 80's....this aint nothin' new...if you have a girl, and she has gay friends.....REJOICE!!!!! Gay guys make the BEST girlfriends EVER!! I can only wish that my DD can make such a friend. Gay men and lesbians are the BEST people EVER!!!

I do not understand what his sexuality has to do with anything unless you are talking about sleeping over. So, I do not understand the question.

And I think everyone needs a gay boyfriend/husband ... they are the best!

At 14, she should be friends with guys AND girls anyway, so gay or not, I'd allow it with a strict 'open door' policy. And hey, if he IS gay, added bonus, no need to worry about wandering hands ;)

Wait, I'm confused... Is the issue that it's a boy or that he's gay? Or both? Either way, I'm not seeing the problem... Why shouldn't she have a friend over? If you want to know my opinion about girls having friends that are boys, that's the way you want it to be - you want her well-rounded and able to fit in with all types of people. My very best friend, to this day, is my best friend from first grade. He is a boy and he is gay - he didn't know he was gay until high school. I'm a successful individual with a loving family, so it clearly didn't affect my well-being... So, again, I'm not seeing the issue. Maybe if you elaborated on your qualm our answers could be a bit more helpful to you...

Just to clarify - my best friend hung out at my house ALL the time. He calls MY mom "Mom" - still! We were just never allowed to be alone in a closed room - same rules applied with all friends when I was 14. :)

i can't figure out what the issue is. that she wants to have a boy over? or that the boy is gay?
of course she should have friends over. kids have friends who are of the opposite sex. that's healthy and should be fostered.
if he's gay you don't even have Teh Secks issue to worry about. are you afraid he's catching or something?
khairete
S.

I don't understand the problem. Why wouldn't he be allowed to come over? Because he might be gay? That is ridiculous. If you're talking sleep over, I'd be hesitant for any male but just to come over I can't see why there would be any problem.

These days there are a lot of opposite sex kids that hang out as friends. As long as your always home to monitor what is going on, everything will be fine. My daughter is 17 and she is a total "hag". That means that she has A LOT of gay male friends. Young kids today are very open about their sexuality and it seems to be more excepted. Times are changing.

Gay or not, it's actually good for girls to learn to just be friends with boys.

Good responses.

When my daughter was 14, her gay male friends were invited for sleepovers.

Is your problem that he's gay or a boy? If it didn't matter that to you that he's gay there was absolutely no reason to state he is. That's like asking my daughter wants to have a black friend over and then stating it has nothing to do with race!

Why on earth not? Wouldn't you WAY rather have her and ANY of her friends in your house than somewhere else?

Any friend of my 14 year old daughter, is a friend of MINE. And yeah, HERE with ME is where I want them to be.

(btw, your 'baby'....uh, yeah, not so much, sorry!)

:)

Everyone needs friends and to be loved. Gay - straight - white - black - rich - poor ---- none of that matters.

What do you mean by "come over?" Do you mean hang out for a while? If he's a good kid, why does it matter if he's gay? If she means stay the night, then no...don't allow that. Gay or not, boundaries are important. No boys overnight, is a really important one to establish.

Is this a ploy by your daughter, to get her crush in the house??

I'm not understanding the problem here...

Is it just to come hang out or is a sleep over? Just hanging out seems fine to me.

Yes, if they are in your house you can keep a better eye on them :) We had lots of guy friends over and nothing ever happened.

Every girl needs a "Stanny"! LOL.. Of course!! Quit worrying momma!! Give her a little room, I bet she'll surprise ya!! Good Luck, your doing a great job!!

Gay is not contagious. If your son is gay, then it doesn't matter if his friend is either.If your son is, he needs to know the rules of your house and make sure that any messing around isn't/is tolerated just like if a girl was over.
If your son isn't gay, and he's cool with a gay guy, then he is the coolest teen boy EVERY!!! Don't be like the mom's who won't let their child play with a black kid. In my eye it's the same thing. Discrimination. If your son is wanting to be friends with a gay guy, then more power to him for bringing more maturity to this world.
*****Sorry I didn't read it properly. What is wrong if her gay guy is over. Obviously they wont be doing something. Again, make sure the rules are known and trust her (if you feel like you can).

I am super confused.
However, I always allowed my children to have friends of the opposite gender. I have to say that many of my best and closest friends were boys. Zero hanky panky involved.
I have a daughter and a son and they both have friends of the opposite gender. My son is 15 and has girls who are friends who talk to him about their "boyfriend" issues all the time. "He hasn't asked me to the dance. Do you think he will?"
I mean, some of it is perfectly innocent and if we don't let our kids be friends with the opposite gender, how will they ever know how to relate when they begin romantic relationships? It's gonna happen sooner or later.
My son loves his friends who are girls but he's already noticed that girls are way more talkative about feelings and things than his guy friends are.
Hmmm. Is that a bad thing for him to figure out? He wouldn't be the first male on the planet to notice that.
I'm totally lost on the gay thing.
I mean, if a boy is gay and your daughter's friend, he's likely not much of a worry as far as them hooking up.
I have a wonderful friend who is gay. He is not obvious about it. I only know because I have joked about marrying him so many times. His sister was worried I didn't know. He is stop-traffic gorgeous and one of the most kind people I have ever known. My son has known him since he was little and yes, he knows that he's gay. My son only knows him as a genuine friend to us and he has said he would fight anyone who tried to hurt him or said anything bad about him.
The dude is pretty buff and can take care of himself, but my son knows there are people in this world who aren't very nice.
This is just my opinion and I hope I don't get any hate mail, but our kids have to be allowed to interact with other human beings. We don't have to agree with them or their choices. But, I think if you try to hard to keep your daughter away from male friends, in general, she will be after them like a magnet.
My son has a sister 10 years older so he has been around girls literally since he was born. Bras, panties, mini-pads, mood swings. Girls aren't some forbidden mystery to him.
That's why he's 15 and not girl crazy yet.
He has friends who at 9 were drooling over bra and panty ads in the Sunday newspaper. They didn't have a sister or ever see their mom in their underwear.
I think you should let your daughter have boys who are friends. You can supervise what they do. Let them have pizza. Watch a movie. Do homework together.

Like I said....just my opinion.
Sorry if I answered more than your question intended. It was kind of confusing.

My daughters had male friends over a lot of times. Frankly, I didn't even have the rule that the guys couldn't go in their bedrooms. They all went home before I went to bed, and they knew I would be aware of what was going on. I trusted my daughters, and didn't have problems with this. We left our oldest home alone for a week or so when she was 16 or 17, she asked if she could have friends over (yes), and she also asked if she could have guy friends over, we also said yes. At that point, we had to trust her. With us gone, she could have had guys over even if we said no, and we might not have known. She was just that trustworthy. We even had the "after prom" get-together, and they all sacked out in the living room... guys and girls! You have to know the kids, though.... they were ones we COULD trust, and we knew that.

It wouldn't bother me.
Being gay isn't contagious.
Same rules apply to him as any other boy (no boys in bedroom, etc).
He might be a very nice person and you might be glad to meet him and get to know him.

Your daughter likes him as a friend. Best thing you can do is have him over and then you'll know what it is about him that has your daughter interested.
I'd scratch out the gay part, it shouldnt be factored in.

To spend the night or just hang out? No to spending the night - yes to hanging out - I don't really see the problem.

Good luck

don't understand what the problem is , if you think he is gay so what? if you think he is "just a friend" so what? unless she gives you any reason to doubt her I wouldn't stress...

Of course! You should have ground rules for all friends over, such as no one over unless a parent is home, no closed doors, hang out in an area that's "public" and expect that you and other family members will be walking through and popping in. Other than that, it's good and healthy for girls and boys to be friends with each other, and his sexuality should have no bearing on the ability to be friends. My oldest son has several friends who are girls, and my step-daughter hangs out with my son's male friends all the time too.

Hanging out in a "public" room of the house, with you constantly popping in, is ok in my book (rooms such as the tv room, living room, family room, kitchen). I wouldn't allow the guy in her room, even with the door open. Let her know this is the "guy" rule and all guys follow it...gay or not.

I have teenage sons and this is the "girls" rule. Girls never make it past the guest bath to the bedrooms in our house. Period. And I pop in frequently to make sure all is on the up and up. This rule applies to family friends and neighbors who are girls, as well as girlfriends.

Good luck!

Why not???? As long you are there to supervise ANY friend coming over, thats better then not knowing whats going on. Gay or not, she should be allowed to have friends over in an adult controlled environment.

YES, let him come over! He is probably the best, most supportive friend she'll ever have. I have a gay cousin that is alot younger than myself, and he had/has a circle of girl friends. They were very good friends through grade/middle/high school and even as adults. Try not to look at him for being gay, but rather what a great friend he is to your daughter. My Uncle was NOT open-minded at all and destroyed his relationship with my cousin. Show your daughter that loving everyone regardless of sex, etc, etc. will be priceless! Lighten up :)

I would allow it at her age, but they must be in an area where I could see them, so no bedroom or anything.

One of my daughter's friends is possibly gay, they are 15/16. I at least know she 's safe when hes' around. :o) I love him just like my own. He is very protective of her but they are just friends.
I allow boys over, they stay in the public areas of the house. I also have an annoying 10 yo to keep tabs on them, boys and girls.

what do you anticipate the issues to be? If they are just going to hang out, why is it a big deal?

I preferred having my sons in the house with their friends rather than being elsewhere. It kind of was a way for me to know they were safe. And I guess I'm a little silly here, but is it really anyone's business if anyone is gay or heterosexual or likes rock music or waltzes or not? What does that have to do with being friends unless there is something in common or fosters security in a relationship? We are all different. If you are worried about a sexual issue with a male in the house then set up some rules (like no locking bedroom door or whatever) and leave it at that. Otherwise kids that age pretty much do all the same things as they have even when I was growing up. Listening to music, talking, eating, etc. etc. etc. and those things really don't have a lot to do with sexual orientation. She is probably exploring the wide variety of friendships out there and if you prohibit things they are more likely to want to be elsewhere. I'd go with the flow for awhile.

yes as long as they are in plain view at all times. she is 14 and its better then she bring them home and let you see who she is dealing with and who her friends are. because later if she starts sneaking around behind your back then you have a problem on your hands. be glad that she can talk to you and doesn't mind bringing her friends home to you. and so what if he is gay!

Yes, I would.
Rules would be the same gay or not gay, I have never had problem having my daughter's friends around, when they were little if the friend didn't behave they would just go home to cool down and come back another day, now that she is 13, I haven't have any problem other then loud music, lol.

I would have the same rules for all friends hanging out with my 14 year-old, suspected gay or not. I would allow them over, just have some understood house rules.

As far as not worrying about sex, because he is "possibly gay", I heard Dan Savage (gay advice columnist) warn that "the best way to "prove" that you aren't gay as a teenager is to get a girl knocked up". So...same rules apply with ALL boys.

Of course she should be able to have her friends over!!!! If this person treats her nicely and is kind and a good person, why does it matter what their sexual preference is??? What are you threatened by? Would you still say no if it was a boy who wasn't gay? I would look into your own feelings on this one and put it aside for your daughter. If she wants to have a friend over, male or female, let her. I think you would be teaching your child that its ok to hate if you don't allow her friends to come over. You are discriminating against the person without even knowing them on the sole basis that they are gay! Don't you think thats wrong? Please consider your motives on this one and do the right thing. Good luck!

M

Yes, he would be able to come over to my house with ground rules set & a contract signed. You must stay with in my eye sight range. You can not go in your bed room & close the door & you may not take a walk so I can't see you. Only when I mom am home can anyone boy or girl come over.

NO I wouldn't allow a 14 year-old boy to come over and "hang" alone with my daughter. Sorry I'm not that open minded, gay or not he might still be exploring his sexuality and 14 is way too young to have figured out yourself completely.

I would not think co-ed sleep overs are a good idea, but just to come over and hang out for a while would be fine in my book, gay or not.

Take gay out of the picture. If you would allow her to have a BOY over, then there is no reason why not. If you would not allow her to have a boy over, then no.

As long as the door is open - fine. NO CLOSED DOORS and an adult is home. Is this for a sleepover or movies or homework? If it's a sleep over - mmmmmmm...I'm NOT for mixed sleepovers as teenagers...because I remember was I was like as a teenager!! (YIKES!!!)

What's the problem with her having friends over - boy or girl - gay or not? do you not trust your daughter?

What does it matter if he's gay or not?
How does this factor into your decision?
To me - it's about trust. It sounds as if you do not trust your daughter.

We had boys over, the rule was though that they weren't allowed in our bedrooms, gay or not.

Same rules for straight boys and gay boys:

Visiting male friends can be in the livingroom, or kitchen or any common areas. Doors stay open. If you choose to let them in her bedroom (mistake!!!), door stays open. Stay within earshot, and just be cool. If they start necking on the couch, no, you don't have to be cool with it. :)

And for what it's worth, I think it's great that your daughter isn't deciding not to be friends with this boy because he might be gay. In high school, one of my best friends was a gay guy. Another friend came out years later (we kinda knew... most straight guys were NOT *that* interested in Madonna, Prince and the B52s. ) It's important not to assume that girls should only have 'girl' friends; otherwise, our daughters miss out on the chance to learn how to be 'just friends' with boys, and then with men. If girls are taught that boys are only for being romatically considered, then both the guys and girls are done a disservice in the long run. I know a lot of women who had a male best friend growing up who made a positive difference in their life. Just set house rules and stay present when he's there.

Over in what way? Sleep overs? To do homework? To watch movies? To hang out?

Both of my college roommates were gay guys. I had no issues with them at all. We were good friends before the rooming situations so it went smoothly. I would say at her age all opposite sex friends stay in the main living areas though. No matter what.

At 14 I was allowed to have friends come over who were boys, but they were not allowed in my room. We were allowed to hang out in the living room, computer room, and kitchen... or on the deck. NO ONE, male or female was allowed at my house unless one or both of my parents were home...

Even if he is "possibly gay"- he probably shouldn't be in her room. I don't think orientation would have mattered much to my mom.

Be clear about your expectations of your daughter... and explain to her that the older she gets, the more freedoms and more responsibilities she'll have. If you are going to let this boy come over, you must allow other boys over... but it can be at YOUR discretion, and what rules they must follow can be up to you. How about he must come over for dinner to meet your family, and you meet him "formally" - before he can come over... then tell her the same will go for other boys who are friends.

Good Luck!
-M.

Yes, allow her to have both male and female friends over but keep them all in the common areas of the house (kitchen, living room, family room, rec room). If they go into her bedroom insist that the door be kept open. If she asks why, tell her it's so that you can all get to know each other better.

I'm seriously blown away that a poster said she kissed her gay friend and luckily nothing was transmitted. WOW. Really? As a parent it would probably be a good thing to understand how diseases are transmitted. Anyway, it's up to you if you are not comfortable with your daughter having boy friends over at 14 then you just aren't gay or not. If you trust your daughter and honestly think the boy is gay then it would be a no brainer that they had supervised time together if they wanted it.. but it's ultimately up to you, I know my parents weren't exactly cool with boys over at that age and boys/sex was the farthest from my mind! Do what you feel comfy with because she can always play with boys when she turns 16.

Same rule for all 14 yr old boys Yes if you are home, No if you are not home. You don't know if he's gay or not (he may not be sure)

yes! My best gal friend growing up was the boy next door;)

When I was 14 I had so many male friends, more than female in fact. They came over all the time. Nothing happened that shouldn't. They were people I enjoyed spending time with that happened to be male. They were my friends, easy as that. My parents were never nosy bodies but would check on us every so often, did we want drinks or snacks or the music is too loud, turn it down LOL It is healthy to have friends of any sex. As for the possibly gay. I have had and still do have many gay friends as well as family members. Sexual orientation makes no difference to me and didn't to my parents. They were simply my friends that I hung out with and enjoyed their company.
I do not care what sex my children's friends are or what their sexual orientation is or anything else. If they're good kids and my children enjoy their company, the more the merrier!

As long as you are home, I do not see it as a problem. Male friends tend to
be fantastic. My best friend growing up was a guy. My daughter had 98%
male friends. If you are not home, I would not allow it. Hanging out together
at the library, at a coffee shop type of place, is also not a problem.