4 Year Old Boy Likes to Wear Dresses

C., please, this does not mean he is going to be gay. He is 4 years old and sexual preferences are a long way away.

Many young children do this and it is completely normal. Just love him and support him. And remember, when you try to stifle a child's propensity towards something it typically backfires.

Don't worry about it. At that age, a lot of boys don't see things like adults do as in "boy" versus "girl". They don't get that boys are "supposed to" like certain toys and not wear dresses etc...
My twin boys always dress up in princess stuff or in my daughter's dance stuff. They see her wearing it and they want to wear it too. They are 3 years old now and still like to do dress up.
Only recently have they started saying things like "necklaces are for girls". I think it's something they eventually learn so don't stress...

At the same age, my now 11 year old was interested in nail polish (as I am) and called himself a tomgirl because he wondered what it was like to be a girl. In kindergarten he peeked into the girls bathroom a few times. He said he wondered what was going on in there. Kids are more into experiencing things at that age than intellectualizing and the girl world was such a mystery, i think.

I'm more than a little disgusted at all this "gay is a choice" and "homosexuality is a learned behavior" talk. Haven't we as a society learned better yet? People "choose" to be beaten up and ostracized? They "choose" to be disowned by their families and shunned by friends? They "choose" to go without basic civil liberties that are afforded to heterosexuals simply because they fall in love with and prefer sex with someone of their own gender?

At any rate, the fact is that children at that age are oblivious to the gender rules of our culture. The following link is a great story from Wondertime called Boys and Boas, and its about young boys who prefer plastic high heels to Match Box cars and Barbie to Power Rangers.

http://wondertime.go.com/parent-to-parent/article/boys-an...

I hope it helps reassure you that what your son is doing is normal. And I hope time helps your husband realize that homosexuality is not learned, but prejudice and intolerance is.

Homosexuality is inborn. Having lived in San Francisco for 8 years, I have heard far too many horror stories of how young gay men and women are treated when they come out. Anyone who honestly believes it is a choice or a learned behavior have no idea the lengths so many usnsupported gay teenagers and young adults go to in order to hide who they really are from their friends and families. I know people whose parents have kicked them out of the house at 15 when they came out. I know people who have attempted suicide because their parents tried to "pray away the gay" or would try telling them that they really aren't, it's a stage, they can't make that life choice, etc. And I know people whose family could care less who they love. Guess which group is happiest in life, most well-adjusted, and spent the least on therapy?

Having said all that, we as parents and as a society teach "gender roles". Your son doesn't know or care about these stereotypes at his age. He went to Disney, saw firsthand how hard Disney is pushing the whole Princess thing and he bought it. My son did dress up all the time at daycare. He had fun. He is 6 and he still likes to look at the girl toys, but prefers his legos. By making dolls and dress up the forbidden fruit, so to speak, it might make them more exciting.

But a deeper issue for me, is I hear in your request that your husband might not be willing to support your son's true nature if he were to come out as being gay, or even just be an effeminate hetrosexual. I would talk to your husband and ask him if he would love his son any less, be any less a part of his life if he were gay. This is his son. Same person regardless of who he loves.

Does your son seem to be girly in other ways? Little kids can be fascinated by all kinds of things. They dont understand genders either. I dont believe kids are born 'knowing' they are gay, but some children are born into the wrong gender. Girls always wanting to be boys and vice verse. These people have sex change operations and are NOT gay. Then there are cross dressers, men who enjoy wearing womans clothes. Many women wear only pants and nothing is said (Hilary Clinton)but its awful if a man wants to wear a dress. Cross dressers are NOT gay or desire a sex change.

Personally I think the more you talk about his liking dolls and princesses the more he will want to do it. Lets face it, princesses are pretty with sparkly clothes. Boy clothes are boring.
During the Sexual revolution of the 60's new moms said they werent going to buy their babies gender specific toys. Oh and NO GUNS!! They soon discovered that the girls would try to nurture the truck and the boys would make the dolls fight. And boys would make guns out of sticks or bananas or whatever. LOL Which is why the toy companies still make dolls and trucks and guns. You can't stop kids from doing what comes naturally.
Dont worry about your son and try to get hubby to lighten up. And ask HIS mom what he played with as a kid. I bet at some point he played with dolls. They are fun.

DON'T PANIC!!!

This is just something little boys go through - it's like the tom-boy stage for girls.

When my son was 3 he started showing an interest in dresses, make-up, dolls etc. The fascination with dresses and make-up lasted around 9 months, and the doll stage until he was about 7.
My son is now 10. He plays soccer (loves sports), gets muddy, and generally does all the things you expect boys to do.

I'm fairly certain that boys go through this stage when they feel comfortable enough in their surroundings to explore who they are, and usually comes around the time they realise that boys and girls are different.

I would allow it (and did!). Don't encourage the dresses and make-up, but the dolls will help your son to learn about caring for others (you should see my son helping to look after the new starters at school - almost like a dad! - and then he's off playing soccer again once they are settled!).

So, the answers to your questions:

1. Nope. Don't be concerned.

2. Nope. Your son is experimenting... and it's better he does it now. Just set some rules - no dresses outside the house etc.

Best wishes,

D..

No one chooses to be Gay. Playing with dolls doesn't make a boy gay...anymore then playing with trucks makes a girl a Lesbian. It isn't something learned and it doesn't rub off on straight people making them gay...Gays and Lesbans don't develope the art of being so....Being gay just is...being straight...just is and their is no cure or changing it either.

I played with everyone's hair as a child...I grew up being a great hair dresser. Maybe your sons fascination with dresses will one day mean he'll be a great clothes designer. Who knows...

My guess is your husbands thoughts about his son being gay is a reflection on his own manly hood...he's ego. Small minded, Lack of education about it...and fear his son will be anything different then him. I tend to think maybe it's best at this time for you and your husband to go for couples therapy and come to terms with his own inner stuff about sexuality.

Your husband needs to get educated...learn about the lives of gays and lesbians....they love, live, breathe, bleed and pay taxes the same as straight people.
He needs to learn that excepting is part of LOVE. That being judgmental causes harm.

My guess is, half the people he knows are gay but he's just not aware of it...At his job, gym, doctors office, bank, players on his favorite sports game, a neighbor, a cousin, the cop who gave him his last parking ticket, the judge he stood before to deal with that ticket, the waitress, the waiter who severed him...the army, the airforce, etc. etc. etc. There is a huge population of gay people and they are everywhere in every country, in every community..

Your son probably at this point is feeling, yet not fully understanding your husbands attitudes towards him. Kids hear parents talk...kids pick up on things, they aren't stupid, they just don't fully understand what it all means...what they have done wrong...etc..

Your son if he is Gay, will need a great deal of love and support if and when HE discovers this himself...and is strong enough to come out of the closet to let it be known....
It's not easy for one to realize they are gay and to come to terms with it themselves...since most of them are raised by straight parents in a straight world. Many stay in the closet in fear of their families rejecting them while others live that rejection and hate that comes across to them for who they are...Children for the most part have it the hardest as they understand less, have less choices and are very dependent on their parents....
Did you know many children who realize they are gay commit suicide because of the lack of love and support of their families...Yes, it's true and very sad..

Your husband needs to wake up...love his son now and always...no matter what.

My youngest son had many atypical likes as a youngster. He was very neat and particular about his clothes and toys. Pink was his favorite color from ages 4 to 7. He had a big collection of My Little Pony and spent hours combing their manes and playing with them. He loved to dress up as Cinderella and even did it as a Halloween costume in the fourth grade. He had 2 Cabbage Patch dolls, all the CareBears and was the only boy invited to many girls birthday parties. He's 27 now. Played football and Lacrosse in high school. Has a serious girl friend, is a very successful salesman, and we're expecting him to give us grandchildren someday! And it was a bit uncomfortable to live through an extended feminine side phase but he is a better man for it. We let him be the best guy he could be...without trying to change him, just lots of supportfor whoever he was.

I have numerous gay friends. I know three gay guys who appear to be typical "men's men" into hunting, cars, etc. Neither are the least bit feminine! All those stereotypes are just silly. Some gay guys are super effiminate others are not. Some played with dolls but others did not! Your husband should try to get over his silly discriminatory ideas.

Your son is the poster child of the beautiful innocence of a child. It is so nice that young kids can play with whatever they like and not have to worry or know that it is the "wrong thing to play with" (I don't believe that there is a "wrong" thing to play with in this matter by the way). You son saw something fun and beautiful and wants to copy it and enjoy it, that is all there is to it. He is too young to know that certain things are supposed to be gender specific and, I hope it stays that way. We raise our daughter to play with whatever toys she likes, she wants to play with a digger truck, go for it, she wants to play with a My Little Pony, go nuts! Whatever she enjoys that isn't dangerous and makes her smile that is all that matters. If you push your son into something he doesn't want to do, there is a chance that you will just instill something that makes him sneak around at a young age and you don't want that either.
As far as being gay because he plays dress up etc, that is just silly. You and your husband should just be thrilled that he is a happy kid and that you're doing a great job raising a happy kid.

Hi C.,
You know this is a tough question. Your son could just be exploring or he could have a tendenancy to be gay. My cousin was my children's ages and he was always a very gentle boy. He loved playing with my girls. At that time Cabbage Patch Dolls were popular and he loved them and had a ton of them. Boys did collect them then too. He always enjoyed putting on plays, art and crafts and wasn't really interested in boys things. I always thought that his tendenancys were more on the gay side. His father was not a happy camper with things he did. He is now, 31, and is gay and has a life partner. When he was about 15 were were out to dinner with our family and all the kids were sitting at a table. He announced to they all that he is gay. Their attitudes were okay. They all had a great dinner and that was the end of any real discussion on it. I think the kids response to him was something amazing. We did say to our children and I know my sister and brother did to theirs that we thought he could be gay. When he told his sister, several years later, she was shocked. She had no clue. I don't get that but it was very hard for her to accept it and she was worried about all the kids and guys in the family not accepting him. I told her they already knew and all love and accept him. My thought is this, I would rather find out my child, or relative is gay then to find out they have some terminal disease. If your son is gay, you need to be there for him. It could be just a faze he's going through but if not you don't want to damage his self esteem and his personality. I do think it's something you are either born with or not. I do think there are people who choose it but I feel the majority a born with it. Give him love, understanding and maybe talk to a therapist for yourself or his Dr and see what they think. I wish you much luck with him and your husband. He's a blessing from above and he's a healthy littl boy. What more could a parent ask for. xox D.

First of all, this is not a big deal at all! Sometimes boys just go through this phase and then it's over with. I think the more you and your husband make a fuss over it, the more he will feel self-conscious and feel that there is something wrong with him. It does not mean he will turn out to be gay, but if he does, you and your husband have to support him. It is wrong to try to repress who he is, especially when he can't help it. I hope that your husband is able to accept his son, no matter what happens in the future. If his father can't love and accept him for who he is, he will be more likely to be depressed and look for love and acceptance elsewhere.

Being gay is also NOT a learned behavior. Researchers have found that there are differences in the way the brain works in gay men compared to straight men.
It is not quite as clear cut in women, but in men, the research is stacking up in favor of genetics.
Here are a few articles about it. You can do the research yourself too and maybe present it to your husband and see if you can get him to understand.

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,###-###-##...

http://www.fed.cuhk.edu.hk/~lchang/material/Evolutionary/...

Wow, I'm shocked to hear some of these responses. I too am appalled that some people just don't get it .... and think that playing with girl stuff means you can turn out gay. ALL boys and girls go through this stage when they are little. It has nothing to do with them "turning out gay". If it happens, it happens, but it isn't going to be because he plays with little dresses as a child....and never think otherwise. Its not something that people choose to be...they just "are". And there is nothing wrong with that. Would it really matter to you if he was gay? I'm saddened by your husband's reaction....and by some other posters. There is no reason to ostracize people if they are gay.

Appalled...

Your husband is just being ignorant. Does growing up a tom-boy make a girl gay as an adult. If this was a daughter who liked to play with cars and go fishing, upset him. Then why should this. It's just a phase that he will outgrow. And forbidding it will only confuse him more. Maybe he likes to pretend he's mommy or like another female roll model he looks up to. My daughter likes to play with cars and guns (she's 19 mos) but she has an older brother who only has boy friends over to play. So she is just mimicing what she sees. To your son this has nothing to do with sexuality. Your husband needs stop being so paranoid. Besides this only means your son has a good imagination.

With an older sister and a lot of girl cousins, my son (almost 4) also wanted to dress up with the girls and get his nails polished, etc. My husband certainly wasn't too keen on that, so we redirected him towards other costumes. He went through a pretty heavy superhero phase this winter wearing his costumes or superhero pajamas almost all the time. We even let him wear them when we went out. He actually got a lot of fun, positive interaction from a lot of people! He is back to wearing regular clothes now thankfully.
There was a great article in the Nov-Dec '08 issue of Mothering magazine entitled "real boys play with dolls". The subtitle reads,"His son's new toy made him cringe. But then he realized it was teaching his child how to be a dad." Maybe he's going to turn out to be a wonderful nurturer!

You didn't teach him this behavior so its not learned. He is just naturally into princess for whatever reason. I would not worry about it. It's probably just a phase that he will grow out of.
As for homosexuality I believe that sometimes it can be learned especially if you were abused or molested as a child. But I also believe that some people are just born that way.
I would not worry about your son being gay just because of this. He most likely will grow out of this phase.
In the event that your son is gay I hope you and your husband love and support him.
Good luck and don't worry.

Don't be embarrassed C..
I am sure your son is just being an innocent child.
There have been studies done where babies were dressed in opposite gender clothing and people were put in the room with them and asked to play with them. The little girl dressed like a boy was automatically given trucks and guns to play with, The little boy dressed as a girl was given baby dolls and make up sets to play with, It is all about what society says we should be doing.
Don't get too angry at your husband. Women are more willing to allow these behaviors than are men.
My nephew used to want to wear nail polish all the time. B/c he saw his Mom and his older sister wearing it. My sister felt terrible for him b/c he felt left out. My brother-in-law had a fit! Shortly after that, my nephew came across a Fredrick's of Holywood catalog and pointed to the blonde with the big boobs and said he liked her! That was all my brother-in-law had to hear....LOL
Please do not worry. My nephew used to come home from grammar school with make up n his face. That was b/c he let all the girls put it on him. He just felt real comfortable with who he was. Now he is a 19 year old with a new girlfriend every time I see him. Hang in there. It is just an innocent phase. If it turns out to be anything more, you will certainly still love him....he is your son.
Some people here have posted some angry stuff.
Just chill out people. This was not a forum for gays (or those who seem to understand the gay lifestyle so well), to start bashing on this woman's husband!
C....all will be fine!
Hugs,
P.

While my boys never dressed up in girls dresses, they did have dolls.
My nephew always wanted his nail painted (like his sister) and he played dress up with her.

None of them are gay.

My sister-in-law (mother to this nephew and niece) however, is gay. She wore dresses (still does), wears make-up and does her hair.... she always did "girl" stuff...and yep...gay.
I also have a friend who is very girly, she wears make-up, wears dresses/pretty women's clothes, and does her hair nice... also gay.

My daughters like to go hiking, fishing, are into cars, and get dirty helping work on cars.... none of them are gay.

I do not for one second believe that a kid can be 'taught' to be gay. They either are or they are not. I highly doubt that your son playing dress up will make him 'turn' gay. Prohibiting him from doing so will also not keep him from being gay if he truly is.

What is your husband going to do if when you son gets older, he comes and tells you he is gay? Will your husband love him less? Will he turn away from your son?
He needs to get over his phobia and realize your son will be his child for life, whether he is gay or not, and whether you approve of it or not.

I'm not saying to encourage your son to play dress up, but if thats what he wants to play, big deal. Especially if he has a sister and they are playing together.

If you have a daughter will your husband prevent her from playing with matchbox cars?

Most scientists agree (and most gay people will tell you) homosexuality is an inborn trait, like being left handed.

Its a tricky thing, you want to support your child but you also don't want him harassed by his peers. It's likely a stage, I liked girly stuff but also loved toy tools and things and I'm a straight woman. I think your approach however is best and your husband is simply going to have to deal with it and his beliefs about things.

Best of luck.

C., the truth is no one knows for sure.
It could be harmonal or it could be learned as when someone is abused and don't want to go near the person of the sex that abused them.

This stuff is so difficult to truly understand.
One thing is for sure if you watch Oprah majority of people knew they were gay from four years up.

Oprah always asked, "When did you first know you were gay?" Now, a person may know and not act on it until their twenties, thirties or fourties. I think letting your son play with the dolls and dresses will aggriavate your husband and possible put a wedge between father and son.

Your son may or may not be gay, but they are father and son - will always be father and son. Why not put that issue aside for now - since he is only four. And have father and son work on their relationship. They need activities together. And it is ok to tell a child no, on certain issues - they can pick it up again when they are older. My daugther never wanted to leave the park when she was little and she had to leave. He wants to play dress up all the time, but there are limits- set them. Also, many people are not comfortable with it and may embrass your child.

The focus should be on relationships between father and son.
Even if you're son is gay - he's not going to do anthing and he still needs love.

you say that you are a mother to two is your other child a girl???my nephew is 2 almost 3 and he does the same thing i mean he does play with boy toys too.hes in foster care and they have 2 girls and 1 boy so he does everything.maybe when your husband gets home from work he can start playing with the "boy" toys but dont push it the more you push the more they dont want to do it.good luck
A.

oh he's playing with that because it is there,they have dress up for boys in toys r us(police,doctor,fireman) and as far as the dolls go i dont see anything wrong with that. I've known people that got a baby doll for their son to play with, why not, especially when there's a baby on the way or around.
i wouldn't act in anyway. so what he "admires women" things.

i am gay and can say it is not a learned behavior. i think your son is just interested in princesses and their clothes because they're fun and pretty and flashier and just more interesting than boys clothing. i don't believe its anything to worry about. its great he's having a good time. telling him he can't pretend to be a princess or play with those clothes or dolls may make him want to do it more. i think its better to just leave him be and let his interests develop on their own. chances are more than likely that this is just a phase. why would your husband believe playing with dolls would make a boy be gay. aren't dolls just "babies" that kids take care of as they mimic their own family life? straight dads take care of their children, giving them bottles and dressing them, etc. i think your husband is worrying too much and you have the right ideas.

I wouldn't worry about it. He is young and probably doesn't know the difference between boy stuff and girl stuff anyway. I'm sure in due time he will be a typical little boy and all anti girly stuff anyway. He just knows what he finds interesting right now and his interest should never be supressed at any age. Being gay isn't learned, but teaching respect toward everyone is, so don't get to hung up on homosexuality and projecting your husbands (or your)fears. He has no clue whats going on right now - and if he turned out to be gay later on in life, would you love him any less? Don't supress him that will just cause confusion and may make him feel embarrassed or withold other emotions and interests b/c "its not cool" Growing up is hard enough. It may also lead to him one day being further confused and not treating others - of all sexual ortientation, race, religion, color etc with respect just because they are different or aren't "acceptable" in society. Let him enjoy his innocent interests while he still can.

I agree with your hubby that it might be a learned behavior...

However, he is only 4 years old, and he does not have a real good graps of girls and boys differences...

He is still going to change...

Look at the other side of this, he likes girls, right?

I don't think your sexuality is fully developed at 4 years of age, and that society places to much importance on things of duality, boy things, girl things...

Just because boys like pink, doesn't mean 10 years down the road, they may like men? I don't see the analogy...

I like my masculine boys, and men, but there are some men, that are not that masculine, but are still men...

also, if you are worried about the hormone stuff, becareful with the chicken, milk, and all that beef, that gets injected with tons of hormones, estrogen, to make them fat, and grow faster, than in turn affects the preferences and development of men,boys...

Tell your husband not to be so homophobic -- maybe he has issues himself? Your son is too young for it to definitely indicate homosexuality, he is just playing, sexual differentiation with regards to what's definitively male versus female hasn't really occurred yet. And if he is gay, the worst thing to do is to deny it and force your son to be someone he's not -- talk about years of therapy and f--king someone up for life! Not fair to him. In the meanwhile, if you think it's going to be a possibliity and you or your husband are not ok with it, then you or he need therapy NOW to get over your own issues and learn to support your son if and when it comes time. He is your son no matter what! Unconditional love! In the meanwhile, let your 2-year-old, who is not yet aware of social norms, nor should he be, play with princesses! One more thing -- when my son was younger, not even 2 yet, around 18 months, he was into Teletubbies -- well, you know the whole Tinky Winky debate -- gay? Carries a red purse? Well, my son saw a red purse in my closet and wanted to carry it, so I let him! It was funny, I took pictures, and that was the end of it. He hasn't asked since, he loves his cars, trucks, baseball, etc. All in all, don't worry about it, try to deal with your own issues about it, because he's going to be whoever he is and that's that. Good luck.

Edit -- whoops, sorry, I re-read and realize your son is 4, not 2. But still, everything I said still applies. Just wanted to let you know I saw my error.

Oh -- another thing! My son, who is now 3, wants to put on "lips" like Mommy does when I put on my lipstick! Guess what -- he has his own tube of chapstick, and every time I put on my lipstick he puts on his chapstick -- am I scared? Absolutely not, I think he's adorable. And he's protecting his lips from the sun with spf 15! LOL!

Hi,
I do believe that homosexuality is in your genes. Have you can tried distracting him from playing with princess dolls and dressing up in dresses? What other toys does he play with? It is possible that this is a one off thing. However if your son does turn out to be gay when he gets older, I really feel that there is nothing you can do to "prevent" it. Good luck to you.

You have already received great responses but I thought I would add mine as well. You are born gay you do not become gay because of role play as a child. Kids see things and become entertained, something will hold their interest for a period of time. Your son just happens to like dresses and dressing up. My two year old gets into my make up because mommy uses it and it looks fun. My husband and I just laugh about it. These are things kids do. Your son is only going to be hurt by you getting upset at him wearing dresses and he may want to do it more because it is something he is not suppose to do. Instead let him play with them he will eventually move on to something else. If it is really bothering your husband let your son continue to play with dresses and don't get upset about it but try to get him interested in something else. Truly it is nothing to worry about. And yes... any child could be gay and your allowing him to wear dresses or not allowing him to wear dresses will not make a difference.

Hey C.,

I do not believe homosexuality is a learned behavior. I believe although it has never been proven that we are born who we are. In defense of your husband most men want nothing more then to see their little boys play with trucks and it is very difficult for them to even think of their son as being gay. That being said our children are who they are and we must love and accept them. I do not think that boys playing with girl toys or girls playing with boy toys is a true determination of weather or not they will be gay. I think if you make an issue out of this with your son it will only damage his self esteem and hinder him from becoming who is meant to be (no matter what he plays with) As I said your husband is not alone in having these feelings I think a majority of men do. Just try to explain to your husband that you need to allow our son to continue playing with what he his happy with and whatever he will be he will be. Also, remind him that the suicide rate for children who must hide who they are or are made to become ashamed of who they are is extremely high. I know I would much rather have my child then loose him because he felt unaccepted by his mom or dad. Good luck!!!

I'm sorry this is causing grief for your husband, but he's definitely wrong in this case. It is not a learned behavior - your little guy can't control who is is any more than any one of us can. Perhaps going to a counselor specializing in these types of issues will help your husband deal with what's going on.

You're a great mom - way to look out for your son. He is who he is and you love him for it.

Being gay has NOTHING to do with anything you or your husband will do. (So yes, you're right!) Your son will be who he is, and all you can do is love love love him no matter what.

If he likes to dress up and make believe, then don't make a fuss about it. It is very unlikely that this has anything to do with his sexuality. It's more likely that he's following an older sister or a friend at day care, and wants to be just like her! He's being creative and using his imagination. And he'll probably grow out of it, as long as your husband doesn't get in the way.

But reacting strongly and forbidding something so minor and harmless...that can seriously create a hangup! There are plenty of straight men who wear women's clothing secretly as adults- I personally believe it's the forbidden that makes something exciting. Tell your husband he needs to back off, or this could become an actual problem! Especially if your son is doing this during "pretend time" at daycare or home. He wears shirts and pants when he's out and about, right?

You sound so open minded, and like such a great mama. :) Please don't allow your husband to encourage that kind of bias or homophobia in your kids! The last thing any of us want is a child who feels judged, or repressed, or god forbid- unloved.

He's probably going to be straight as an arrow, but would you really love him any less if he wasn't?

Hi C.- please don't confuse being gay with playing with dolls/girls clothes. Children go through many stages as they grow and explore the world around them. At this age the predominant way of learning is through "play". "Play helps them understand, adjust and figure out the world around them. As adults we have many preconceived ideas about masculinity and femininity. How we express those ideas to children may confuse them because they are not seeing the situation in the same light as the adult is. If you are really concerned, maybe you could set up an appointment to see your son's health care provider. Perhaps the MD or NP can help you through this stage.

No, being gay is not a learned behaviour, nor is it something that can be changed. But your son's behaviour does not necessarily mean he is gay, though it might mean he has gender issues. It could also mean nothing more than that he enjoys pretty things right now. I can understand your husband: Every man has dreams of having a son, what that relationship will be like, and that does not include his "little chip off the old block" wearing dresses.

But no matter what it turns out to mean, it sounds like this is creating a rift between your husband and son, so I think you need help. Start now: Talk to a professional child therapist and get some idea of what this all could mean. The worst thing that could come out of this would be a terrible relationship between your husband and his son, so start some preventative measures early!

My son did that stuff when he was a preschooler too. It's just a stage. Did have to tell hubby to stop wearing my frilly bathrobe though....Any how, my son loved the barbie phones and liked to put on my blush and beads. He looked like a little Indian. He said he did it, because girls have "cooler toys and they are more fun, than boy toys." He hated cars, so I got him legos. Maybe your son just needs more fun toys. He may not be the car/truck type. He might be more artsey or more of a thinker type. It has nothing to do with being gay.

No one really knows for sure if being gay is learned or if you are born gay. I myself believe that you are born with your sexuality, and that it can't be changed. I don't feel that wearing dresses will make your son gay. However, I do think you should gently tell him that dresses are for girls, and keep reminding him of that. Don't make him feel bad about wanting to wear them though. They are pretty, and he likes pretty things. Maybe one day he'll be a famous designer! They aren't all gay. :) Let him keep playing with dolls though. You and your husband could probably go shopping together and find your son a boy doll that is also acceptable to daddy. Good luck with this. The gay issue is so hard for men to deal with.

I'm siting here with my gay brother in law and were discussing this. Basically, gender identity isn't linked to early role play. He as a kid, was never interested in anything feminine and in fact was a star trek fiend. But it was innate an he ended up knowing he is gay. And finally, any suppression of imaginative play is harmful, though your husband definitely has good intentions, let your son play freely and he will move on soon. Just like my son moving from elmo to Thomas he tank engine to power rangers and currently to India jones. It will be fine!

Dear C.,

You've gotten lots of great advice already, I just want to reiterate: there is NOT ONE scientific study that supports the idea you can "learn" to be gay. There a countless scientific studies that confirm that gay people are born gay, straight people are born straight. (Whether it's genetic is a whole different question, but that's not relevant here.)

I also believe strongly that a strong negative reaction to your son's interest in dolls and princesses will only be hurtful. If he does wind up being straight (and chances are he will -- this is a very common phase), then your husband's negative reaction may teach him that it's okay (and perhaps even necessary) to treat gay people very badly. On the chance he winds up being gay, this may be the source of lifelong pain. Either way, nothing good will come of it.

Please stand your ground on this; you're 100% right.

Best wishes,

Mira

P.S. Just a little more background, in case you're interested: Gender identity and sexuality are actually pretty different. There are plenty of gay men who take pride in their manly identity; there are plenty of super-feminine lesbian women. There are also plenty of sensitive, clothing-conscious "metrosexual" straight men and plenty of straight, happily married, lifelong tomboys (like me, LOL). The way you choose to present *yourself* doesn't have a very strong correlation with what you find attractive in other people.

I edit an academic journal of gender studies, so I read about this stuff all the time. If you like, contact me; I can recommend further reading.

Hi C.,
Let him wear the dresses.
And if he IS gay... is that really the end of the world?!?

Hi C., Sorry I didn't respond sooner. My aunt is a well known gender therapist and I asked her about your situation. She recommended a new book called The Transgendered Child by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Peppers. I don't know if it will help but you can give it a try : )

I dont want to reiterate what everyone else said, but in short, gay isnt learned. Period. I am straight, and I have an 11 year old who is straight, but as he puts it, "is in touch with his feminine side", as is my husband. Gay is born gay and if you try to squelch it, trust me, it will come out in some other way and you will have a very troubled child.
BUT, chances are that this is a phase, my son went through it too. He is most likely just attracted to things that look and feel nice. No offense, but I think your husband needs some education. For a soft approach, try getting him the song "William Wants a Doll" from Free to Be You and Me. It is ALL about a hetero boy who just wants a doll. I hope this is helpful, it sounds to me like YOU are on the right track and a terrific mom!

Hi C., I can understand you concern. First I think you are right about the genes. I guess you can ask your son why he likes dresses and does he think they should be for girls.
I have a cousin that always wanted to wheel a doll carriage and his dad had a tough time with it. He turned out to be a fine man and is now a father and grandfather. I hope it is only a phase. I too remember only wanting to play with boys and be a soldier, I went on to have 5 children. My best, Grandma Mary

does he like boy stuff too? like playing ball, and running outside, does he like cars and trucks? Make sure he is playing with both type of things. girl stuff and boy stuff. Tell your husband to play catch with him outside, or fly a kite or go to the park and run around with a soccer ball. hopefully he will like playing boy stuff too. maybe buy him some dinosaurs or watch a real boy type video. good luck.