Serious Behavior Problems

It's very simple J.. People, especially teenagers are always looking to blame some one other than themselves for their own bad choices and bad behavior. It all goes back to them not being taught responsibility or consequences for their actions (probably learned from their "winner" of a mother).

I don't know the whole situation but I hope you are not planning on having any children with this guy. He sounds as though he is a very lazy dad as far as setting limits for his kids. The kids' mother isn't the only one to blame for their behavior, he holds half the blame himself.

Call child protection services and report the mother. You can do this anonymously. Then find your own place and leave this whole situation. It will only get worse and who needs it?

Do you have a child with this guy? If not - why stay with such a mess? If you do, then those girls not living with you is probably for the best.

They blame you because their mom sounds like a mess and they see your rules as being too strict. When in reality, rules are the best thing for them. Don't blame yourself. And where is dad in all of this?

Pack your bags and walk away.

This is not your problem. You may love your boyfriend, but you have to love yourself more. If he is condoning this behavior, what is he going to agree to if you two have kids together.

Just walk away. This is not your fight.

Nanc

Sorry but having a mom like theirs is bad enough but no offense it doesn't sound like daddy does much to help the situation. Move on this mess will never go away. It doesn't really matter if they blame you or not get out while you can why put yourself through this nonsense if you don't have to. Good luck!!!

Sorry Jenna but I agree with JC. If you don't have kids with this guy move on with your life. Why doesn't he set rules and try to do something to get his kids life in order? Don't waste your time with this guy.

it's always easier to blame others than to take responsibility for themselves.

It is not you. Trust me, I used to teach 8th grade and often got the worst treatment from students who really wanted a reaction from their parents. They don't know how to get the response they want so they lash out at the nearest sympathetic ear. So don't take it personally, but also don't stand for it. Try the "total transformation system" videos, it will help empower you. If their mother is an unfit parent, then their father needs to fight for custody. Their school counselors should be notified too. That's what their there for.

J., these kids have all these problems and you wonder about yourself? Maybe it is not about you at all, but about the issues they are going thru. Also, you seem to blame the mother alot, but the father is the one who had primary care of the girls and you do not blame him at all.

They are under his roof and he did not set a good example by moving you his girlfriend (unmarried) into the home having three girls. It set a bad example for the girls. Also it doesn't sound like you took on the mother role, but you blamed their mother alot and judged the girls. And I could be wrong and you atempted to take on the mother role how could you defend your position when you are just living in their home sleeping with their father?

Also what ever happened outside the home can not be control their father could have set limits in his home.

J.,

Whats done is done, and can no longer be Undone.

These are not your children,
they do not want to be your children.

They have a mother.
( she may suck at it but she is still their mother)

DO not get involved in their business,
keep your relationship with their father between you and him.

and let him do all the parenting.
Even if he sucks at it aswell.
Do not make any suggestions, comments, or judgements.

They blame you because there is NO one else to blame.
Who even would bother taking responsibility.

They Blame YOU
Because you take responsibility for them and their actions.

Because you care enough to try and help them.

Because in their eyes you stole their father from them.

Because if you weren't involved with Daddy they would be able to walk all over him and do as they pleased.

Because they are 13, 15 and 18 years old
and have no responsible parents, no one cared enough to teach them to take personal responsibility,
no one stuck around long enough to meet any need they might require, they weren't taught the skills that any decent parent would lovingly teach their children.

Your feelings are hurt. Nothing more and nothing less.

Any adult would realize these kids are pushing you away.
so they can have daddy all to themselves.

This is the behavior of any normal child having been put thru a horrible situation such as this.

M

Sounds to me like these kids have been through some serious traumatic experiences. First they needed and need to deal with the abandonment issue by their mother. Then, they have their dad to themselves and you come into the picture. While you might be the best person to enter their lives, they might not perceive it this way. Raising teens under "typical" circumstances is very challenging. Even in intact, traditional family units they throw you curve balls you could you never expect. I would seek professional intervention for the whole family. The adults have to lead by example and sometimes we need help. Seems like you got involved in a problematic situation. Don't take anything personal. They are using you to lash out on. Parents seem to be the punching bag for everything that is wrong in a teen's life. Get professional help to try and save these girls, your relationship and most of all your own sanity!

J. you have had lots of good advice all of which I agree with.

These girls have no boundaries and if you are the only one setting them in your boyfriend’s household you will be the target of their anger. Your boyfriend sounds ineffectual and lazy. You are not the parent and should not be the one setting the rules for his kids. If you are just filling a void - DON'T. Get the heck out of there -if he is this kind of parent to his existing children he will be the same or worse with yours. You would be a single parent with another child (him) to take care of.

I know it is difficult, but make a break now before you get deeper involved and have children with him.

Wishing you the best

They blame you because they think their mother is "cool" and you aren't because you have rules and didn't let them loose at age 14. Also their "mother" lets them do whatever because she wasn't around for so long. So she needs her daughters acceptance by letting them do what they want.
And no matter how cool you are, their mother is their mother no matter how messed up she is.

They blame you because they can, because you are a woman different from their mother. If they were living in their father's home and you are not their mother or even his wife, the rules are his, not yours. It is up to their father to set them straight. If he has not done this, then he isn't really committed to you. This situation sounds like a huge mess, and even if you really love him, is this the life that you want? It is not likely to get better.
Their mother may be a terrible mother, but she has custody and makes the decisions - you are the father's girlfriend and do not have any say, or any authority in this situation.
Good luck to you