Seperation Anxiety!

Bless your hearts!
I looked at an old post of yours, and if my math is right, you may have been talking about the same child. (The baby with the piercing cry.)

If that's so, my ears prick up a little, wondering if it's not a problem that may be caused by anxiety, which can be caused by many physical things that aren't readily apparent. If the ideas you get here don't help, you may have to play "detective" to see if you can figure out what's going on with her. Things like......Did the problem just start? Could it be related to changes in her life (other than normal developmental stages)? Has her diet changed? Does she have other "symptoms"? Does she talk to adults outside your home? Does she have a fit about things like seams in socks, food textures, swinging/spinning/being upside down? Is she basically a happy child? Has she met developmental milestones? Is your pediatrician concerned?

She is still very young, so it's normal for her to want the adult she's bonded to (you). (And normal to give her much attention and comfort.) It's just when it doesn't get better, or gets so out of hand it affects her development (and maybe, your sanity?)that it's cause for concern.

Good luck with your search for things that help. Here's a hug from me to both of you. :-)

Dear A.,
It is normal for separation anxiety to increase when a child is two years old. Your daughter's anxiety might be additionally increased because of her medical history and her sensory issues. She has experienced situations where medical personnel have caused her pain and discomfort when you were out of the room. (As a medical person, I apologize profusely.)

So, what to do about it now!

Play into her clinginess. Overdo it. Cling to her for a couple of weeks. She should go everywhere with you. If she isn't allowed, then for this couple of weeks, avoid going or go after she is asleep at night. Maintain a smile. Maybe you can bring toys with her to entertain herself while she sits at your side in church or in bible study. Go to her classroom and sit in the back for a couple of days. You mention the babysitter and aunt. I'm not clear if she cries with them or not. If she doesn't, then ask for their assistance and strong presence during this time.
My idea is to break her habit of fear and crying when you leave.
Use her intelligence to help you with this. "By the way, the toys in this building are kept downstairs".
Does she have a piece of blanket, a toy, or a stuffed animal that she can keep in her hand everywhere?

Eventually, give her choices. At first, she will always want to be with you. Two year olds do "parallel play", so she may not care where the other kids are.

I have a memory of my also very clingy daughter coming up to me in her preschool classroom after I had worked nightshift and couldn't keep my eyes open, saying "OK Mommy. Go home to sleep now". That was a turning point. It was her choice and her timing.
Good luck!!

I know how you feel, sort of. I'll explain. I have 3 girls, ages 11, 8, and 3. I was a working mom when my first 2 were little, so I can not relate to this being your first. That being said I am now a SAHM and have been since my littlest one was born. My oldest went thru a stage where she would just bawl because her dad was gone. She was about 3 or 4 at the time. He worked out of town alot. I don't know if this will work on a young child, but I think it will. He made a "Kissing Hand". It was based on a book that she had read in preschool. He took a small wooden hand (bought at Michael's) and glued a small heart in the middle, then they decorated it together. When he would go away she had her "Kissing Hand" and she would keep it in her pocket all the time that way she had him with her all of the time.
My 3 year old is a different story. she cries anytime she can't see me. I am talking even when I put her to bed. She tells me that she is afraid that I will go away. I have no idea where this came from. I have taken to telling her exactly where I will be the entire time that I will be away from her. She does really well with that considering how young she is.
My 8 year old has never had a problem. Hard to believe they all are in the same family. Ahhh parenting. Gook luck;)

Hi A., my grandson also had terrible seperation anxiety. His paternal grandmother had custody of him for a year and when his Mom got her act together and regained custody he didn't want his Mom out of his sight. The parenting class my daughter attended had these suggestions to help him trust her and to realize that she would come back at the end of the day.
1. She gave him a timer and set it for the length of time she would be gone and made sure she always got back before the timer went off.
2. She gave him a picture to keep in his pocket of him and her so that when he missed her he could look at the picture.
3. She also reasured him that she loved him very much and she'd always pick him up.
He's much better about going to preschool but it took several weeks for him to be ok with it.
Now he tell's me Nanny I love you and I'll always pick you up...lol

Not all children are ready to be dropped off at daycare, childrens church, etc. Some need the parent to come in with them for a few weeks. Stay w/them for a while...than progess each day being a little farther from them until you can be on the otherside of the room, then out of the room, then not there at all. It helps youm and it helps them!

Note: This will not work if when they get upset that you aren't right next to them you come and sit with them and never move, instead it will reinforce clinginess. You have to reassure and walk away.

.

Hi A.,
Here are my three cents and what I would do if I was in the situation you describe: First, I would not try to put her in any more classes, rec center group or any of the like. She wants to be with you, she feels secure, safe with you...

Second, she is only two. I would take advantage of the time with her and stay with her as much as possible and try classes and such next year IF she will be ok with it. It is wonderful that you have family members with whom she feels its ok to stay... it might be because it is at her home that they keep her company? that's another safe place for her, so that makes it ok.

Third, I would not listen (As I never did listen with my two daughters) to the trend of "letting them cry". I just don't think it is natural to let your child cry.

She is just not ready, but she will be and most likely she'll let you know. Now, this comes to you from someone who keeps in mind (every day) that pretty soon our kids will be teenagers and they will probably prefer to be with their friends than with mom or dad. So right now, if my kids prefer to be with me than anywhere else, and I am able to stay with them, I do it gladly. (I know of mom's who can't so I treasure very much the fact that I can stay with them :)

ok, I could keep going and going but gotta go :)

good luck! hugs!
M.

Bless your heart! I know that's the hardest thing in the world. I would talk to her doctor next time just to make sure it's normal and see what kind of advice they can give you. Other than that, I can only tell you that she won't be that way forever. =0) I'm sure it'll get better. In the meantime, just try to stay really positive when it's time for her to go in someone else's care. Tell her all the fun she'll have and the things she'll do. Maybe ask her if she could please draw mommy a picture while she's there so she'll feel like she has a big girl job to do for you. Tell her what a "big" girl she is and how much fun she'll have with all the other kids. You can even start giving her a special "prize" when you come to pick her up. That's what we did when we transitioned my daughter to daycare when she turned two. It worked well b/c it got her excited. We would always just lay on the praise....how proud we were of her, etc. etc. Even if she was fussing at the time. They can feed off your emotions and they can feel when you're stressed. Maybe discuss things with the daycare providers about things they can do to ease her fears when you leave..........like, does she LOVE to color, or paint, or do blocks, or read..........they can immediately take her to those favorites when you say your goodbyes. Let her take her favorite toy or blankie. I even had a friend who took a picture of her and her daughter and laminated it and cut it into a heart and put it on a piece of yarn. Her daughter wore "mommy" around her neck for a long time. Then, it moved to her pocket and then to her backpack. There are many things you can try. But, just stay positive to her about it. Good luck to you!