Seperation Anxiety? - San Jose,CA

It'll get better, and it's a phase.
I've been through it with both of my kids at that age. So much so with my son that we actually sought help from a child psychologist. It was horrible. And it lasted for 6-9 mos with each kid. Screaming, shaking, hiding in the corner from new people...having to pry kiddo off of me...

In short, what we found from the therapist, is that sticking to a routine and being consistent in your response is the only thing you can do.
That's it.
She'll come around eventually.

Good thoughts below. I'd try to find out what in particular, if anything, gets her to stop crying at the 10 minute mark, or does she just get tired of it? Does she seem to transition better with the teacher, the assistant, or someone else? Is there an activity that piques her interest more than others? If so, maybe you can highlight those or have that individual take over at the drop-off. That doesn't mean she doesn't like the teacher, of course - but maybe the assistant or a volunteer or the director has a better style at that moment.

Try to revisit what it is that you say and do at drop-off that makes it better (shorter) or worse (longer). Sometimes kids have crazy triggers that make no sense to us adults. I would not say "Oh I missed you while you were at school" or tell her anything fun that you did during the morning she was gone.

That said, kids just do this sometimes. They do grow out of it. If she has to finish off the year this way, it's frustrating for you, but she does actually seem to be managing, because it only lasts 10 minutes and pretty much ends like clockwork. It may not happen at all in kindergarten - new setting, and she may just turn the corner from a maturity standpoint.

That said, if you feel she's not mature enough, there's no reason she truly has to go to kindergarten next fall. Starting school almost never has anything to do with intellectual ability, but more with maturity or size or other factors. My kid was a 3-hour napper and would have had afternoon kindergarten the year he turned 5. There was no way he would have made it. So we held him a year, started him at age 6, and the rotation put him in morning kindergarten. We never thought twice about it and never regretted our decision. Talk to the preschool teachers (all who work with her) and ask the director to sit in a few times when you drop her off, and talk to the public school staff who do the screening for kindergarten. Just because you have her screened doesn't mean you're committed to starting in September. You can alway wait a year and give her another year in preschool or pre-K to get her bearings.

Some kids do this right up through 2nd grade.
It's nothing to worry about.
It's just how they deal with transitions - and they really ARE fine 10 min later.

Just drop her off and leave, if at all possible have someone else take her. If she sees you at all showing empathy or sympathy or anything at all she will know she has won and it will continue.

Hmm... 4 months is a while. I feel for you.

Is she like this at other times? In other situations?

I agree it could be the environment. Sometimes kids don't like walking into busy or chaotic rooms full of kids. Some kids like to be recognized by the teacher. Some kids do just fine if another child comes over and takes their hand.

I had one who would run into his classroom (couldn't wait to play with the toys) and another one who would hang on to my leg.

Sometime dropping and leaving (if the teacher can distract the child and get them involved in a classroom activity) is the way to go - but I had one that was ok if I stayed and talked to moms, and they wandered in in their old good time. They didn't like feeling rushed.

What have you tried so far? What part is it that she doesn't like?

If they sense that YOU are stressed (which is hard, I know) it makes it worse.

I have done the little thing in pocket trick with one of mine. Didn't want to get on the bus without siblings - so I tucked a little note/toy/something small into their coat pocket and they felt they had a part of me. Worked like a charm.

Maybe talk to the teacher and see if they have any suggestions? you probably have done that, but they see this all the time. And just for the record, it's not totally abnormal - there was always one (different days different kids) doing this throughout preschool when we went. My clinger was ok by school - first day was tricky but within a couple of minutes, was fine. It's worse when parent is there :)

Good luck :)

What does your dropoff routine look like?

In my experience, the more you drag it out, the more drama the child has time to build up. The quicker you can do it, the better. Walk in, give child a hug, hand her over to the teacher, and walk out, no hesitation.

That said, does your child 'click' with this teacher and does she have separation anxiety in other situations? My child has gone to daycare since he was 12 weeks old. He never cried at drop off. Then, when he got to the preschool room (age 4) he started crying every day. After a few weeks, I asked to move him to a different room. He stopped being clingy immediately, and starting running happily into the classroom.

I was able to make this judgement call, because I had been doing the quick dropoff routine for years, and I knew that he was not a clingy kid. He just didn't like that teacher. For the record, my older child had her and liked her, I like her, and she's well respected at the center. But she's kind-of loud and I think he didn't like that. They just didn't click. So, if your child normally separates from you easily you might consider that her anxiety has something to do with this teacher (it's not a personal reflection on the teacher, sometimes 2 people just don't mesh).

Some kids just don't want to go to school. I know of a few cases where kids asked every day for years to stay home. My one friend told her oldest during 1st grade that if at the end of the year she still didn't want to go, they'd try homeschooling.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but there are a lot of kids that would rather be home with mom. I know tons of cases of kids crying everyday for months. My one friend said, I should have taken the hint after a week. Kids have 18 years to grow up. I know when I was little I didn't want to go to school. I wish someone would have listen to my needs. Instead, I had no choice but to suck it up and get over it.