Seperation Anxiety?

when I babysat my grandson he got really upset everytime I was out of his eyesight. I had laundry and cleaning to do so I had him help me. When i carried the laundry basket, he carried a shirt or pants. When i cleaned he had his own dust towel. He helped clean,(he dusted his toys) it helped some. Don't stress it will get better good luck.

Honestly, I know it's hard, but enjoy it! Soon he won't be so clingy, and you will miss those days. Just spend lots of time cuddling with him and he will be independent soon enough. Also, he could be getting his first molars, which means he probably doesn't feel very good and probably does want you more. You are his favorite person in the world right now :). It will get better, I promise!!

From my experience with four kiddos...all of whom could not bear to have me out of their sight (it is sometimes suffocating to get that kind of love) I feel your pain.

I gave up trying and just used to "wear them". I had things to do and they just got strapped on my body with a Maya wrap and I wore them until they were begging to get down and be on their own. They did eventually, especially when they started wanting to walk.

They didn't seem to know where I ended and they began, but that kind of love is precious and something you'll never have with anyone else. Enjoy it. Really! It can be suffocating and annoying (trust me I know!) but it will end at some point and you'll miss it. I know it doesn't seem that way now.

I would give anything to have a baby again that NEEDS me that way now...I miss it. Teenagers, 10 year olds and 7 year old boys don't like to ride in Maya wraps anymore (can't imagine why). Although I could probably convince my 4 year old daughter if I really needed to baby someone that bad.

My 12 month old daughter is extremely clingy also, and much moreso than my son ever was, even though he also went through this stage. I have never been able to work out at the gym since she's been born without the caretakers coming and getting me because she screams the whole time I'm gone exercising. I calm her down and then leave and they come get me a while later. I keep doing it because a little exercise and break from the kids is better than none. It sounds like you could use some more breaks because he is so clingy. So if you can hire a sitter on a regular basis or trade watching the kids with a friend (to save $ I often trade with my brother or neighbor for both date nights and errands, or just to sit at home and read). Us parents need to take care of ourselves so we can take better care of our kids. I snap less and am more calm when I take a break. We just revamped our budget to allow for more money to go to relaxing activities for me and DH due to my OB/GYN's recommendation. My kids will do better off to have a little less in their college fund and have a lot more functional mom now and have their parents dating and in love. I'm a saver by nature, but I realize I need to enjoy the journey. Of course, I am not advocating going into debt for this because the goal here is peace and less stress, and debt does the opposite.

Something else that has been AWESOME for me during both of my children's clingy stages--a sling. Just today I was trying to clean and my daughter kept crying and whining, so I slipped her in the sling and she was immediately calm and content and I got to work without her feeling neglected. I also took the opportunity to narrate what I was doing to help her vocabulary grow and just to bond. I can work as long as I need to without complaint from her if I'm wearing her. My son absolutely loved it too, and I still wore him often at the store even when he was 2 just to keep him close and happy instead of running around (I still wear him if he's acting needy, but very rarely--he's almost 3 and is so independent now. I wish he wanted me to hold him more!) Plus it's bonding and human touch is so healthy. I bought an Over-the-Shoulder Baby Holder on Ebay for $10. Make sure it's the right size for your body (my first was a medium and it was too big on me to hold the baby close, defeating the purpose.) Check out www.kangarookorner.com for other good brands and tons of info on slings, from what kind to buy to how to wear them--which you'll most likely need some instruction on. I'm a pro at wearing my kids in a sling now, but it took a little effort at first to get used to it and know what I was doing. Some slings and carriers don't work well, so be careful and read reviews. And before you know it he'll be so independent that you'll be wishing he'd sit on your lap and cuddle more.

One thing that you can do with him is play peek-a-boo type games with him when you are together. Often babies think that if they cannot see you that you are leaving and never coming back. His memory is too short at this point to remember that when you leave, he will see you again.

The peek-a-boo games shows him now he sees you, now he doesn't, and allows him to grasp in shorter time spans of less than a minute that you will re-appear. Start with just hiding your face in your hands, and then saying happily "Peek-a-boo!" when you reveal your face. Then when he laughs at this (perhaps after a couple of days to a week), move to hiding under a sheet or towel, and then repeating "Peek-a-boo". Do this on a regular basis with him, so he gets to see you reappearing quickly and always. Finally, move to hiding behind furniture and walls so that you really look "gone" and then come back. Make sure that you play this game with lightness and joy.

Eventually, he will learn that when mommy goes away, she is coming back.

J. L.

Hi L.,
I don't really have much new to add! I just want to say, that my 1-year-old son is the same. I take him everywhere around the house with me and he also "helps" me to shut doors, switch on and off lights, load the dryer... At this very moment he is moaning, pulling at my arm and trying to reach the keyboard. He's always worse close to nap-time or sleep-time and when he's getting hungry (unsurprisingly). When I leave him with his grandparents or his dad, he's fine once I'm out of sight but often starts crying when he sees me again, especially after I've been away a while. I've got my own theory about this: during play time, tension builds up in small children due to the frustration of constantly not being able to do stuff they're trying to do. (this isn't my theory, child psychologists acknowledge this generally) They get even more tense when the person they love and trust most is absent. When that person reappears, the child experiences a release of tension and starts to cry, because they know that the person they love and trust most will respond in the right way (holding the child, comforting him or her while she cries). So the crying when you arrive is a good thing, not a bad thing! That's my theory (with a bit of real acknowledged psychology in there), and it might be a good one to tell your mom about (don't tell her that I'm no expert). From what I've read, separation anxiety is still totally normal at 12 months and even over. But it won't last forever! My inexpert advice is to keep your littlie as close as possible as much as possible, and when he's ready to leave your arms, he will. Oh, and keep handing him over to others you trust whenever you can, both to teach him that it's OK to leave you for a while because you will come back, and for the sake of your sanity!

I am having the same problem with my 10 month old son. I don't have any advice, but I'm curious to see what other moms say. Thanks for bringing this question to the forum.

Hi L..

Ugh!...

"Before *you* came home, he was an angel..."

I hate that comment the most! My husband loves to pull that one on me, and I tell him every time, "Thanks a lot for the encouragement, buck-o!"

Now, it's kind of a joke with us, because he did it with our first son, too. But then I decided I was luckier because I got to spend so much time with my babies, and be such a big part of their lives.

I admit, it sounds like you have it worse, and I sure do feel for you. I don't have any suggestions, but I do feel your pain. Good luck!
T

Hello! My daughter is 8 months old and doing the same thing. I can't leave the room without her screaming and crying. It is very frustrating. I have to take her with me wherever I go. I want to thank you for sharing this. I am going crazy and it's nice to know that I am not the only mom going through this. I am just taking it one day at a time. If I find a magical solution, I will let you know.

Have you had a chance to read about different attachment patterns (avoidant/ambivalent, secure etc) kids have?...esp with their mothers...lots of research on this...some older research...some newer, but informative to say the least.
I would look at that research first (or your choice source of knowledge/wisdom)to decide if there is anything really amiss.
Peace of mind is worth a lot.
Does you son prefer actual physical contact with you...or just have you in view? If he likes the contact...maybe babywearing would help? Does he have a transitional object??? Blanky, toy, pacifier...or even something that represents you? That might help.

Ahh, I remember that phase! I couldn't even go around the island countertop in my kitchen without my kids freaking out. I thought I would lose my mind :O

Here's what helped us:

-play peek-a-book
-play hide and seek (in obvious places for only a few seconds)

Make a game of not being there, then appearing. This builds confidence about your return. Eventually, do it using a door - letting him see you leave, then immediately coming back through. Lengthen the time you're out, and build on being positive and rewarding him with hugs when he's doing well with it.

Over time, you can make your away-time longer and longer, and viola, he'll be leaving for college - JK!

Another idea: put some new toys or objects in a pillow case. Switch them up every couple of days so it'll be fun and a surprise for him. This can be a really valuable way to help keep him occupied, and encourage him to self-soothe. Also, Baby Einstein and sign-language videos are wonderful for keeping their attention.

...this too shall pass. Hang in there :)

Best,
C.

It is something babies/children go through. Some have a harder time than others. His need is to "be attached" to you. It is hard for you, but it will pass. Is it possible for you to "hang in there" until it does? When my kids were in that phase, I would cope by thinking of them as still being inside me. I was with them then constantly, and I would go through this as though they were physically attached to me, too. It wont take long and he will be off running and you will wish he would stick close by! It is never easy when we are in the midst of it. Coping for him and you is easier when we just accept that this is what is. It is his need right now, and meeting his need will shorten his dependence on you.

Hi. I had this exact problem with my son at about the same age. Every time I would leave the room he would cry hysterically!! When I talked to a behavioral therapist regarding this she said this is normal. She told us to tell him "Mommy is going to start the laundry and I'll be right back" and then we I would come back into the room, make it a big production we I would return--"Mommy's back, I told you I would be back real soon!!!!". This took about 1 week of doing, and now my son is much better when I leave. Hope this helps a little. I know this can be extremely frustrating. Hang in there.

Hi L.,
I am also a mother to a 13 month old, and he is also clingy. What I have had to do is just be reassuring that I'm not very far from him. And if he doesn't stop then it's time out for a little bit. Usually i just put him in his crib to cry it out for awhile. His father usually helps when he gets home, but of course if I'm in the room he'll prefer me. Hopefully he grow out of it, but he does venture out on his own without me there. It's hard to not want to soothe them all the time, but they have to learn to figure it out for themselves too. Well I hope this helps. Good Luck.

yeah, I hear you. the truth as I know it was..my daughter had my number! Sure, he probably does experience separation anxiety, but he knows how to get you all the time every time he wants you, which is all the time. You can try a few things like,
letting him know when you will be leaving the room
preparing him ahead of time for transitions and time apart
and...sadly..letting him learn to deal on his own, - he'll have to cry or follow you. if you goto the bathroom tell him, "mommy is going the bathroom, I will be back in two mintues" you dont have to close the door but give him the choice to follow you or not. He may cry but he will live and probably learn he can survive on his own for a couple of minutes because you always come back.
Good luck, I have been there, it is crazy making!!!

My first was like this and especially at this age. In order to get things done, he did everything with me. I sat him on the floor while I loaded the laundry and he usually would end up 'helping' me put the clothes in the dryer. He 'cooked' with his pots and pans when I did and he even showered with me! I envied those moms that could stick their children in a swing and busy themselves around the house, but my son was just not like that. If I stuck him in the bouncer to take a shower he screamed unless the shower door was open! I decided that it was just a phase and that I should be grateful that I didn't have the child that could care less about me (my daughter) My daughter has been independent from day one and it breaks my heart. She loves to snuggle and cuddle with me, but she can go off and play in the other room for hours. My son, at this moment, is by my side while I type:) He is now 4.5 and we started him in preschool at three. He cried at first, but soon adjusted to being left. I couldn't even leave him in the church nursery, so you are one step ahead of me. I honestly just learned to appreciate it and found creative solutions for having him help me when I was doing my chores. He is a very helpful child and thinks of others often. I love that he is sensitive to others needs and that he is not the child off beating someone else up:) He doesn't play the games like crying when I show up at the door anymore and I just always told myself that I knew he was okay without me and that he couldn't possibly cry the whole time. You could tell your family that it hurts your feelings when they make comments and that you are thankful that you are LOVED:)

My son is the same way. He started at about 9 months and is almost 11 months now. My husband gets mad at me when I come into the room that they are playing in because my son will all of a sudden become fussy and not want to play. You are definitely not alone in your fustration.I've learned to put some of his toys in every room (even the bathroom) so that he can stay occupied and close to me wherever I might need to be.