My child is my only child (3YRS OLD). She has a screeming fit if she goes anywhere or with anyone without me. She acts like the world is going to end. I am a stay at home mom now. I use to work all the time and due to weather spent several nights without her. I feel bad when she has these fits. What can I do?
THANK YOU everyone this will be helpful
My son used to do this too. I would try to help him transition but it was of no help. The best bet was to leave and cut it off and he was always fine! NOW, he is like "SEE YA!" when we go anywhere. He is 4 now- so there is hope.
J., First of all, know that this is perfectly normal. Especially since you are a stay at home Mom ( Isn't it great!!!),she doesn't know anything BUT being with you!!! You didn't say how old your daughter is, so I don't know how much you are able to reason with her and assure her. If she fusses when you simply leave her sight at home, just talk to her, so she can hear your voice while you are in the other room. Don't come running back to her each time because that simply reinforces that action on her part. Now I am NOT saying go off and leave her alone until she is hysterical, that is not it at all, just short periods of time.
If you are leaving her with a babysitter or a friend while you go to do something that is taking a longer amount of time, talk to her before hand about "Mommy is going to run to the store and you are going to play with your friend, I will be right back!!" Don't expect this to have an immediate effect, it won't...but it is laying the groundwork for her to accept your absences more easily. Be very matter of fact when you leave, don't hesitate or fret in front of her, just kiss her goodbye, tell her you love her and will be back and walk out the door. If my daughters are anything like yours, they settled down and were fine within a minute of you walking out the door!!
Most of all, don't deny her feelings. If she is old enough to talk to and reason with, discuss the fact that you understand that she doesn't like it when you are gone, but she knows you will always be right back and she can have fun with whomever you are leaving her with. Help her deal with her feelings and emotions...don't deny them.
Good luck and just remember, one of these days she will be racing off down the street without you to play with her friends...this phase WILL pass!!
Leave a "piece" of you with her. Something that smells like you. She can cuddle with it and smell it while your gone.
As a now stay at home mother of six (1,4,7,8,9, and15) I have the following advice for you. Give your 3 year old a quick hug and kiss and tell them when you,ll be back (like when doraks on tv or right after snack time) and leave quickly without making a big fuss. 1hen you get back give them a big hug and a reminder that you returned when you said you would. Before you know it you will be lucky if you gey a goodbye when you leave. Second enlist the help of close friends or family that your child sees a lot and leave your child with them for short time frames while you run to. The store. (Hen graduate to them taking your child for short trips to the park or a walk or something. Your child will learn that they can trust others for some fun and that you will always be there for them or return with a big hug.
You didn't really say her age so it is kind of difficult to give suggestions that are age appropriate. Separation is normal and happens at some time or another with all children. I say give her the extra attention she needs and she will become more confident as this phase passes. The more you fight it or push her away the worse it will get in my opinion. Try to just set aside a time that you can spend just with her and then when you need to do things around the house let her help you. My kids used to pull up a chair when I cooked and did playdough so they could pretend they were cooking with me. When I was cleaning the bathroom I would give them a water bottle and let them help. I know how difficult it is. I couldn't even use the bathroom without someone in there with me or shower for that matter LOL!!! If she is really little. You can try playing peek a boo with her and when she sees that you always return it may help her realize that mommy disappears and always comes back. When you leave the room even if she is crying talk to her loudly so she can hear your voice without picking her up. Trust me it is a phase that will pass. Good luck!! When hubby comes home go take a nice quiet bath ALONE and enjoy mommy time.
Remember you are the one in control not her. If you are going to give in its only going to get worse.
Have someone else watch her...for one hour. Yes she will probably scream as you walk away but it will stop very soon. Hopefully the person watching her knows how to distract.
She is using this to control the situtation.Be strong.
I am also a stay at home mom to three kids, 10 yr, 5 1/2yr, and a 3 1/2yr. My middle child was the shy one and would prefer to stay with me. I knew he had to come out of his shell. I made tons of play dates and made him stay in the babysiting at the gym and shoprite. Its not easy. Hang in there. Denise
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Just to piggyback on Heather's answer - ALWAYS say goodbye when you leave to go somewhere. It can be tempting to sneak out when you know it's going to cause a fit, but it's important to let them know you're leaving, tell them you'll be back, and then go - don't keep coming back for a second or third goodbye when she cries.
